:(

I HATE being ignored. ANYWHERE, ANYWAY that I feel ignored. When I'm hurting I want a kind word or a hug...is that so hard. I know I'm not the most important person on earth but whatever happened to some compassion? It just makes it all worse. I happens wherever I go it seems, my family, my bfs, BL...I'd perhaps people get sick of me being "EMO" I HATE that word. I ACTUALLY hurt, damn it! I think I feel too damn much. I wish I could just turn it off and then it wouldn't matter anymore. God I'm so pathetic that I make myself sick. thank god I don't get like this all the time like I used to. I had a bad day, I didn't sleep at all so it hasn't ended. I doubt the bf will want to see me tomorrow considering so I'll sleep and work on my major to do list...

 

No you don't. Speaking as someone who essentially did turn his emotions off for a good decade, I can tell you that it is FAR better to be overemotional than underemotional. It may be annoying when people don't give you the support that you feel that you need, but in general people relate far better to other people than robots.

Also, . I hope you feel better soon. TGIF and all that. Big plans for the weekend?

 

I'm tired of crying all the damn time. Idk, boyfriend said maybe we spend too much time together so I'm just gonna lay low until I'm wanted I guess. (Thats not really how he treats me, that just the "vocab" of someone that has been emotionally abused...)

 

Being able to feel happy outweighs having to feel sad. It's much simpler feeling nothing, but you don't feel human after a while.

I have to run now, but if you want to talk/vent/debate the pros and cons of emotionality just send me a PM.

Oh, and you are wanted. Even if you don't mean it, you shouldn't use that kind of language to describe yourself. Negative self-talk is self-reinforcing, and not in any kind of good way.

 

Dave's right darlin, trust me I have SO been there!!! I've read some of your entries about you and your bf and it reminded me of my own checkered past. Every time except once, I've always loved my partner more than he loved me. It hurts and it's frustrating, but I've also been on the other side. I found a man once, the very first I became engaged to, that gave me as much, later way more love than I gave him. It got to the point where he was showing up at my work, my home, he'd show up at Mom's or my girlfriends....I had to let him go, I felt so smothered.

Most other times I've felt like you though and have been more into him than he was into me. When I was looking over some of your journal, you reminded me that a bf can be just as addicting agonizing as suffering from drug W'D's. A man can be a drug and I don't know, it's easier not to be addicted.

Thanks so much for the lovely comments you put in my journal. I'm having a hell of a time. I dumped the tramadol and decided to kick using my Rx drug. That sounds insane, but 14 years ago I swear kicking fiorinal #3's only lasted 2 wks for the wd's but the tramadol has gone on for months, so I said fuck it. I'm here fore you too, hugs, I'd give you one for real if I could, love Tanya