Blue Footed Booby
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2005
- Messages
- 739
800mg DXM - Semi. Exp - "Things You Can Do"
10:20pm May Saturday
800mg Dextromethorphan HBR Powder
J- 106.5 lbs
D-170 lbs
During the trip this was all that was written down:
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10.37 listening to Canibus. just switched out tv's. my stomach is already feeling sunken in, we both drank a 16oz smirnoff around 8.00pm, that could be affecting it all.
1058 J is already feeling hers strong... threw up a little bit ago.. D is not..
700am feeling good and tired..
---next day----
3.55pm I just woke up, in happy happy spirits. Vision still a bit wobbly. Yawns inexplicably large still. It's as though I am not walking but pouncing around...as you can see I hardly wrote down anything, I usually am able to go back to the computer or notebook every hour or so and write down what’s going on, but this trip I didn’t even think about logging the events, very unlike me! But still memory prevails! I will attempt to manically write down the things I remember from last night...for I truly had an experience like none yet before on this, the dxm...
So much of this is hard to remember, it all seemed to happen so fast, one big blur, but WHILE it was happening, time seemed to stretch out ever so slow, D makes a good analogy, “If someone opened the door to our room in the Hypercube , we would have been moving in the extremely sloo...o....ooo..o..ow motion.”
10.20pm We each take our 3 dex pills , 2 are 300mg, and 1 is 200mg, marked by a couple red sprinkles dropped inside.
10.45pm I began to feel very strange, a burning sensation on the back of my neck, scalp, and inside my hands. As if someone inserted a burning hot sliver of metal through my hand or one of gambits fire charged playing cards. It came on suddenly, I was rolling around on the bed wondering what the fuck was going on. My face felt flushed, my scalp was on fire. I thought perhaps I just got like an attack of the itchies from my dermatitis but nothing like this has ever happened before. It began to dawn on me what it felt like, in fact I had just bleached my hair the same day around 6.00 pm. While I was doing the bleaching I wore gloves, but I had put tape in my hair because I wanted to make stripes in my dreads, so before I could rinse out my hair and take a shower I had to take all the tape out, and this I did with my bare hands. Very dumb mistake. That feeling of when you get bleach on your hands and they turn all white and you can't just scratch it off it's stuck there for a while, that biting stinging feeling. Well that's how it felt all in my hands, my back, the nape of my neck, my scalp especially even though I hardly had gotten any bleach on my scalp. It's like I could feel a rash or an infection spreading over me. I was roiling around in the discomfort, D asked me what was wrong, I said I felt like I was burning, I said something very weird is happening, something I’ve never felt before. I was on the verge of freaking out but somehow maintained control.
D was really worried but was excellent at calming me down. But when I turned over on my back D was alarmed, he said "Oh man your entire face is freaking RED!"
I knew he was right because that's exactly how it felt. My head was spinning, he asked me if I wanted anything, I said just cold cold water. He told me try to take a Tums, I took one, thinking how I always seem to have placebo effect that my tummies feeling better when I take Tums, even as I’m crunching it my tummy starts to feel better. How can this be? He came back with the water. I took a drink, it was refreshing and cooled my insides, but my head was spinning faster and my stomach started hurting. I put my fingers in the cup and touched the cold water to the back of my neck and my face, it was fleeting relief. I managed to say “Do you think if I throw up, I’ll throw it all up?" (meaning will I lose my trip throwing up the dex) -that was more important to me than alleviating the pain! He said “If you gotta throw up, just do it babe, don't try to hold it in, it's obvious something strange is going on with you.” Which was exactly what I was doing, I was gulping and trying to ignore the increasing salivation, and controlling my breathing in long inhales and exhales slowly. Wobbly I went to the bathroom and immediately threw up. Evidently my face was still all flushed red after I was done. When I had finished throwing up, I felt it, the onset of the trip. It was not gradual at all... it just hit me like BAM! It hadn't even been an hour yet! How could it be acting so fast? I saw through mild shutter vision and walking was like skipping almost just not as bouncy.
10.53p I lay down on the bed, I remember exclaiming “Damn I’m tripping already!” D was not, he was evidently a bit disappointed that I was already so fast and far along. He just sat at the computer. Many times after an interval of perhaps every 10 minutes I’d say "Baby..." and then I’d call him by his first name, which is something I never ever do. I’d say ("first name?") he'd go "Yes honey?" and I would just respond breathlessly in my churning visuals opened and closed..."I love you!" Laying on the bed I felt like I was laying on the floor, the depth perception was so off.
The body trip was taking me somewhere, I felt it writhe through my legs, oh how pleasurable. Rolling over my legs like waves and spreading them apart in the process, an oddly sexual/comfortable feeling. I stretched out pleasurably all over the bed. At one point I told D as I was laying on my side, “It feels like I’m rolling” but I knew I was laying still. Not rolling as in ecstasy, but physically rolling. Like my torso was turning, barrel-rolling. It was odd, I have never felt anything like it. My head was not rolling, only my body. And there was a point for D where he felt like he was bent in half “I can’t really explain why,” he said “I just was”
I remember D saying something about how he wanted to go outside to smoke, I said 'There's no way I can get up now. Of course I’ll want to smoke later, hun...you knooooww how it is.." Of course he does. He didn't go to smoke though. Opening my eyes was too much, too intense. I must have my eyes closed. I played a game with my eyes opened and closed. Sometimes it seemed as though my eyes were half open, I could tell they were sometimes and others I couldn't. The visuals seep in and out, little neon wrinkles hold their shape, float in a direct destination, I follow them, they expand. I had to follow them, and deeper and deeper they took me...someone/thing was guiding me along.
11.30p When it started to hit D, he went through quite an ordeal, and that's an understatement! He just walked in and said “Ok now I’m going to throw up” and knelt downto the trash can and began his retching. I did not mind, we are used to hearing/seeing each other throw up. It is never uncomfortable. His retching was very difficult and prolonged. I heard him struggling to catch his breath, and the croaking that jolted out of him providing very brief relief to continue the cycle of the purge. In total he threw up 4 times this night. I could almost feel his pain sometimes, I felt as though I was absorbing some of it, I was trying. Sometimes I even gurgled and had to keep it down. It seemed to me like this was natural for me to be kind of gurgling/burping with him but I had it under control and it was no pain involved.
11.37 We lay down together for a while and just chill and listen to the music. D ...we were both in our very own worlds but still connected. It’s beautiful how music can guide the trip...we listen to Ott, Delerium, Deltron 3030, Shakatura, many kinds that significantly alter where we go.
12.05 I start with the cam flash in my . The tracers linger long and long, and become visuals of their own. We were laying on the bed. Later on he asked me what time it was. I told him "Guess." he guessed- "I’ll sayyyy...12.43.." with my constricted effort I pulled my watch up and pressed the button for the light to come on it... "12:44" I had already almost forgotten what he had guessed...then we realized he was 1 minute away from being exact! Amazing!
It probably was 12.43 when he had asked but it took me a while fiddling with my arms to finally bring the watch to my view, so by that time the min had passed.
I puked again at some point. I barely made it from the bedroom door to the bathroom door, how wobbly I was. 8( I kind of just while standing up rolled around doing 360's clinging to the walls for bearing. I already had this almost sneaky suspicion someone else was there...an entity.... but it was not scary, rather it was comfortable. I felt this safeness in the enclosed space. In the bathroom I was behind someone, watching another person kneeling before the toilet. They were throwing up. I couldn't see any of it in the toilet bowl, just the back of the person...a shadowy figure that I did not even consider was me... then a voice said “It's ok now you can finish and wash up.” -All of a sudden I was there, it was me kneeling before the toilet. Almost surprised but I couldn't figure out why. It seemed unnatural for me to be in there in the bathroom kneeling before the toilet. I said out loud “ok... I’m done time to wash up...” it was so matter-of-fact. I knew there was something weird about saying that out loud but, if felt natural. I felt out of place, and time distortion prevailed, I thought perhaps I had been in there for hours. I had switched perspectives from the watcher to the one who was being watched.
There was this time while D kept throwing up, oh I felt so bad for him but knew, this is what he must do, he is strong. If he needs help I can provide only if he asks...the room became an entire different place. So dark, so dark our chamber. Sometimes I felt as though I was falling down a hole, and the falling would turn to floating. There was this continuing ‘seeing visions inside the visions' but I could not focus, only specialized focusing could do it. I strove my hardest to achieve this, yet I continually would forget my train of thought. Fighting the loops. The whole time someone was with me...sometimes it felt like more than one. It was the most comfortable sense of un-loneliness. An image or an actuality, who can know? The last time I threw up it was outside, it sat on the driveway leaning up against the house and threw up on the ground. It felt so comfortable sitting on the ground....
But this is one of the things I saw: the shoulder, connected to an arm, the shoulder was whole but I could see inside it, as if it were translucent, encased in glass like a robot...instead of bones there were tubes, similar to florescent light tubes in size. But they were filled with different colors of thick paint (It looked like paint, I never knew what it really was) each. There was a lady very small, like the size of my hand, with surgical supplies, as I asked her about them. She said that she must inject one color carefully into the other colored tube, that's just how everything works. There were bubbles, she told me to be careful about the bubble injection, too much could be suffocation, "We all need to breath" she said. Of course this is common sense, but the way and context she said it seemed to be revelation...sadly I can't remember the prime significance it really had in her saying this... I could see these color tubes in my own arm, and in D's too. I dare not try to tell him at this time what I saw. It seemed so fleeting though, I know there was much more detail. But the image of the tubes, and the injecting with a syringe, like the tubes were IV'ed together somehow, almost tiny wiry tubes, and she would just stick the needle in the IV and the blue was injected into the red and the color would swirl inside, she administered just the right amount. A stunning violet that was pure. She said something about the balance, it must all be balance. I remember seeing also, a lot of little people almost like elves! I waved to them and said hello, they all were standing in a row almost at attention, they all say hello to me and waved at me like they were doing the wave at a sporting game. They were standing at attention, like guardians.
The thing about this trip, this 800 mgs administered all at once...during the time it happened, time moved ever so slow. I remember looking at my watch and in utter disbelief that it was only 1am. and I did the same thing at 2am. It felt like it should be morning, that we had been tripping all night. In fact it had only been a couple hours.
Around 1.00am I began to draw. I did not have to find the effort nor will to do it. It simply was what I had to do right then at that very moment. I had all my markers and supplies dumped on the floor. I had taken a previous excursion to the dextroverse the previous Tuesday by myself, only 500mg. I had never dexed by myself, and that was only the 2nd time tripping alone at my house. This trip I made a point, a goal to focus on my artwork. I always try to draw during tripping but for one reason or another it never continues. Of course many distractions going on right. But the dex trip Tues, I really focused, and let loose drawing. So I told myself, next time I wanted to take pics of the progression the artwork took, in hopes to thoroughly analyze my mind set and the course it took through my artwork, as of now I have changed my whole usual perspective in being an artist. I want to fully discover abstract art, get inside it. I hate the feeling of looking at abstract art and thinking 'shit any fuckin kid could do that'...and what am I when I dex, not more than a kid? When I'm sober!? I have been in an artistic rut, it seems abstraction is exactly the total drastic change, I think it's the pure freedom about it....it really makes me think....and so far dex is facilitating this in leaps and bounds. D watched the art progression in fascination. I told him he was to be apart of it. We must discover together! He is not an artist but rather an art appreciator
I told him all he must do is make marks on the paper, don’t ‘try’ to do anything specific. 'seal the deal'. Drawing is free and it is wonderment. I discovered that it's not so much the end result but the act of doing the abstraction...full expression raw and unfettered. And then looking upon the final piece I see, where the mind was and that secret land you can't have a season pass to enter whenever, but you need more of an invitation...
We also had whippetsduring this trip, oh man they were lovely, they were fuckin great...! Most of the time whenever D passed me the balloon I always had the feeling it would slip and fly from my grip. Once I did let some of the air out, I heard it but didn't see it or feel it. In the whippet visuals it didn’t matter if my eyes were open or closed , the red and black polygon tunnels became solarized and changed colors like the chameleon paint on cars...sometimes everything went completely white and, sometimes it seemed as though I was staring into multiple mirrors, but I was scared they were staring back at me. Then whoever else was there (the entity) assured me it was ok, they were just checking on me, everything is OK. Their reassurance was all I needed.
While I worked on the drawing it was a world of its own. "Everything in it's right place" just like the Radiohead song . There are 2, 3, 4, every color in my head!
I finished my drawing around 2.30, in the midst of this I would stop and just stare at the mark-making and the colors on the paper. Trying to translate what they were saying. I lay on the beanbag on the floor and contemplate , it seemed a billion things at once. I reveled in how comfortable everything was. He was having his own adventureson the bed, taking whippets and every now and again poke his head out[/URL] over the edge of the bed and check out where I was. We were neighbors!
4.00 am we both suddenly felt the drop off. The peak was over. We both realized this together, in wonderment, the intense peak almost seemed as a dream. Like it never happened. If only I could take screen shots of what was going on in my head and what I saw...we finishedthe whippets rapidly. 4.20 we went outside to smoke and chill out, still reeling and feeling awesome though sad the intensity had passed. When we got outside I said ‘Hey look! A big worm! ’ it was wriggling all around and looked so fuckin cool. But D was like “That ain’t a worm, it’s a little snake !” All the same I felt is was a special thing to see it at that very moment, for it wriggled quickly away goodbye. D was being silly with the camera, whenever he gets a hold of it he takes pictures of odd shit. He always does that when he’s dexin. The sky looked awesome at night, I wanted to lay in the grass and look at it. At first I wanted to lay in the middle of the cul-de-sac but D said no no no don’t do that. He wouldn’t lay in the grass with me because he was afraid of bugs.. He said “Drugs and Bugs don’t mix!” I thought about that piece of rhyming wisdom...such a true statement, and after thinking about that I heartily agreed. I reminisced about back in the days being a kid, we never thought about bugs in the grass, I used to run around barefoot and roll in the grass all the dang time. So instead of laying in the grass I decided to wobble over to the tree in the middle of his yard and stand-meditate. I got a head rush and let my upper body go slack, oh it felt so good. It was like my head was on a mini merry-go-round and I could control the speed, and the colors seemed to slice in and out peripherally.
Around 5 I started playing UmJammer Lammy . Amazing to me that I could actually play it while I had the crazy dex double cross-eyed vision. If you’ve played it before you know that you have to press the correct button combinations as the icon passes over it. I hadn’t played this game in years yet I still remembered the songs. As I watched the little in-between-stage movies, I was like what the fuck is up with this game it makes no sense at all?! I realized how ridiculous it was. In a jolly kinda silly way. But it’s still kinda trippy indeed! I managed to get to the 5th level before giving up. Then played pokemon snap and beat the entire game. In pokemon snap (yes I know it’s an easy game) but I was exact and on point with precision on everything. Confidence!
6.30am We went outside to smoke again. Man were we out of it! Enjoying the sounds of the Sunday morning. Smoking always helps give the dexing feeling more zing zing! I still couldn’t focus on anything. Walking was so difficult. I had to consciously think “ok one foot in front of the other there.” I would be shuffling my feet about, and forced myself, it seemed to take as long strides as possible, when actually it looked pretty normal if you were watching me.
Throughout this trip there was an intriguing auditory repetition, sounded like robotic bells, it was never actually discernable...but it was definitely spiritual. Every time I heard it, it was like a reminder of spirit, body, mind and motivation...as me and D were smoking outside before finally zonking out, I told him about this. That I had this song or voice or something stuck in my head the entire time, just a very simple melody like 3 or 4 notes. I paused, then sang it for him. He startled me abruptly, saying, “I KNEW you were going to say that!!” (sing that) he had been having the same thing too! Then I figured out what it was, it was the chorus from a Deltron 3030 song called “Things You Can Do” only when I looked up the lyrics did I discover that’s what the voice was actually saying...I didn’t even realize it was saying anything at all. I got pretty tripped out over the
lyrics....things I had been consciously and unconsciously thinking about the entire time. There’s a line in it that goes “Your 3rd EYE is hit with psoriasis” which freaked me out, I dunno, should it? Because my 3rd eye seemed to open up and see with clarity never before. And I also have a pretty extreme case of psoriasis (dermatitis) that has really been causing me much stress and kinda depressing...maybe I think this thought might be random but still it applies to me cause I perceive it this way...but it was like my 3rd eye had been covered with unnecessary toxic layers clouding my real vision...and through this trip seemed to heal, soften, become cured, clean, cleansed, reborn...an analogy I like, and the way Del put it, it just works. Ok I know this is kinda rambly, but it’s important, I just wish I could better explain it. But now this song means so much to me, it's my new dex anthem...I've been listening to it over and over all day ever day now, and it gives me all kinds of great flashbacks of the trip....
I 
Del!
At the end of the trip we were sooo wiped out. So much energy expended. We each took one xanax bar to help us go to sleep. And after the bar, we fell right asleep. I’m convinced I had a state-specific experience, (how would I really know that? Guess I’ll find out) I am eager to go there again now that I’m a bit more prepared...but I also have the menacing feeling that I haven’t seen nothin’ yet.
Progression of the Artwork:
1. Blank, Ready & Willing
2. A green corner & a big red sqwiggle
3. A purple cursive 'L' kinda?
4. Bursting on the scene
5. Jumble Bumbles Stumbles
6. Yellow infinity looping, Teal puncturing, Black splattering
7. Compressed Charcoal Black Hole pathways traveling through chaos
8. The End. Still contemplating a title. Any Ideas?
10:20pm May Saturday
800mg Dextromethorphan HBR Powder
J- 106.5 lbs
D-170 lbs
During the trip this was all that was written down:
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10.37 listening to Canibus. just switched out tv's. my stomach is already feeling sunken in, we both drank a 16oz smirnoff around 8.00pm, that could be affecting it all.
1058 J is already feeling hers strong... threw up a little bit ago.. D is not..
700am feeling good and tired..
---next day----
3.55pm I just woke up, in happy happy spirits. Vision still a bit wobbly. Yawns inexplicably large still. It's as though I am not walking but pouncing around...as you can see I hardly wrote down anything, I usually am able to go back to the computer or notebook every hour or so and write down what’s going on, but this trip I didn’t even think about logging the events, very unlike me! But still memory prevails! I will attempt to manically write down the things I remember from last night...for I truly had an experience like none yet before on this, the dxm...
So much of this is hard to remember, it all seemed to happen so fast, one big blur, but WHILE it was happening, time seemed to stretch out ever so slow, D makes a good analogy, “If someone opened the door to our room in the Hypercube , we would have been moving in the extremely sloo...o....ooo..o..ow motion.”
10.20pm We each take our 3 dex pills , 2 are 300mg, and 1 is 200mg, marked by a couple red sprinkles dropped inside.
10.45pm I began to feel very strange, a burning sensation on the back of my neck, scalp, and inside my hands. As if someone inserted a burning hot sliver of metal through my hand or one of gambits fire charged playing cards. It came on suddenly, I was rolling around on the bed wondering what the fuck was going on. My face felt flushed, my scalp was on fire. I thought perhaps I just got like an attack of the itchies from my dermatitis but nothing like this has ever happened before. It began to dawn on me what it felt like, in fact I had just bleached my hair the same day around 6.00 pm. While I was doing the bleaching I wore gloves, but I had put tape in my hair because I wanted to make stripes in my dreads, so before I could rinse out my hair and take a shower I had to take all the tape out, and this I did with my bare hands. Very dumb mistake. That feeling of when you get bleach on your hands and they turn all white and you can't just scratch it off it's stuck there for a while, that biting stinging feeling. Well that's how it felt all in my hands, my back, the nape of my neck, my scalp especially even though I hardly had gotten any bleach on my scalp. It's like I could feel a rash or an infection spreading over me. I was roiling around in the discomfort, D asked me what was wrong, I said I felt like I was burning, I said something very weird is happening, something I’ve never felt before. I was on the verge of freaking out but somehow maintained control.
D was really worried but was excellent at calming me down. But when I turned over on my back D was alarmed, he said "Oh man your entire face is freaking RED!"
I knew he was right because that's exactly how it felt. My head was spinning, he asked me if I wanted anything, I said just cold cold water. He told me try to take a Tums, I took one, thinking how I always seem to have placebo effect that my tummies feeling better when I take Tums, even as I’m crunching it my tummy starts to feel better. How can this be? He came back with the water. I took a drink, it was refreshing and cooled my insides, but my head was spinning faster and my stomach started hurting. I put my fingers in the cup and touched the cold water to the back of my neck and my face, it was fleeting relief. I managed to say “Do you think if I throw up, I’ll throw it all up?" (meaning will I lose my trip throwing up the dex) -that was more important to me than alleviating the pain! He said “If you gotta throw up, just do it babe, don't try to hold it in, it's obvious something strange is going on with you.” Which was exactly what I was doing, I was gulping and trying to ignore the increasing salivation, and controlling my breathing in long inhales and exhales slowly. Wobbly I went to the bathroom and immediately threw up. Evidently my face was still all flushed red after I was done. When I had finished throwing up, I felt it, the onset of the trip. It was not gradual at all... it just hit me like BAM! It hadn't even been an hour yet! How could it be acting so fast? I saw through mild shutter vision and walking was like skipping almost just not as bouncy.10.53p I lay down on the bed, I remember exclaiming “Damn I’m tripping already!” D was not, he was evidently a bit disappointed that I was already so fast and far along. He just sat at the computer. Many times after an interval of perhaps every 10 minutes I’d say "Baby..." and then I’d call him by his first name, which is something I never ever do. I’d say ("first name?") he'd go "Yes honey?" and I would just respond breathlessly in my churning visuals opened and closed..."I love you!" Laying on the bed I felt like I was laying on the floor, the depth perception was so off.
The body trip was taking me somewhere, I felt it writhe through my legs, oh how pleasurable. Rolling over my legs like waves and spreading them apart in the process, an oddly sexual/comfortable feeling. I stretched out pleasurably all over the bed. At one point I told D as I was laying on my side, “It feels like I’m rolling” but I knew I was laying still. Not rolling as in ecstasy, but physically rolling. Like my torso was turning, barrel-rolling. It was odd, I have never felt anything like it. My head was not rolling, only my body. And there was a point for D where he felt like he was bent in half “I can’t really explain why,” he said “I just was”
I remember D saying something about how he wanted to go outside to smoke, I said 'There's no way I can get up now. Of course I’ll want to smoke later, hun...you knooooww how it is.." Of course he does. He didn't go to smoke though. Opening my eyes was too much, too intense. I must have my eyes closed. I played a game with my eyes opened and closed. Sometimes it seemed as though my eyes were half open, I could tell they were sometimes and others I couldn't. The visuals seep in and out, little neon wrinkles hold their shape, float in a direct destination, I follow them, they expand. I had to follow them, and deeper and deeper they took me...someone/thing was guiding me along.
11.30p When it started to hit D, he went through quite an ordeal, and that's an understatement! He just walked in and said “Ok now I’m going to throw up” and knelt downto the trash can and began his retching. I did not mind, we are used to hearing/seeing each other throw up. It is never uncomfortable. His retching was very difficult and prolonged. I heard him struggling to catch his breath, and the croaking that jolted out of him providing very brief relief to continue the cycle of the purge. In total he threw up 4 times this night. I could almost feel his pain sometimes, I felt as though I was absorbing some of it, I was trying. Sometimes I even gurgled and had to keep it down. It seemed to me like this was natural for me to be kind of gurgling/burping with him but I had it under control and it was no pain involved.
11.37 We lay down together for a while and just chill and listen to the music. D ...we were both in our very own worlds but still connected. It’s beautiful how music can guide the trip...we listen to Ott, Delerium, Deltron 3030, Shakatura, many kinds that significantly alter where we go.
12.05 I start with the cam flash in my . The tracers linger long and long, and become visuals of their own. We were laying on the bed. Later on he asked me what time it was. I told him "Guess." he guessed- "I’ll sayyyy...12.43.." with my constricted effort I pulled my watch up and pressed the button for the light to come on it... "12:44" I had already almost forgotten what he had guessed...then we realized he was 1 minute away from being exact! Amazing!
It probably was 12.43 when he had asked but it took me a while fiddling with my arms to finally bring the watch to my view, so by that time the min had passed. I puked again at some point. I barely made it from the bedroom door to the bathroom door, how wobbly I was. 8( I kind of just while standing up rolled around doing 360's clinging to the walls for bearing. I already had this almost sneaky suspicion someone else was there...an entity.... but it was not scary, rather it was comfortable. I felt this safeness in the enclosed space. In the bathroom I was behind someone, watching another person kneeling before the toilet. They were throwing up. I couldn't see any of it in the toilet bowl, just the back of the person...a shadowy figure that I did not even consider was me... then a voice said “It's ok now you can finish and wash up.” -All of a sudden I was there, it was me kneeling before the toilet. Almost surprised but I couldn't figure out why. It seemed unnatural for me to be in there in the bathroom kneeling before the toilet. I said out loud “ok... I’m done time to wash up...” it was so matter-of-fact. I knew there was something weird about saying that out loud but, if felt natural. I felt out of place, and time distortion prevailed, I thought perhaps I had been in there for hours. I had switched perspectives from the watcher to the one who was being watched.
There was this time while D kept throwing up, oh I felt so bad for him but knew, this is what he must do, he is strong. If he needs help I can provide only if he asks...the room became an entire different place. So dark, so dark our chamber. Sometimes I felt as though I was falling down a hole, and the falling would turn to floating. There was this continuing ‘seeing visions inside the visions' but I could not focus, only specialized focusing could do it. I strove my hardest to achieve this, yet I continually would forget my train of thought. Fighting the loops. The whole time someone was with me...sometimes it felt like more than one. It was the most comfortable sense of un-loneliness. An image or an actuality, who can know? The last time I threw up it was outside, it sat on the driveway leaning up against the house and threw up on the ground. It felt so comfortable sitting on the ground....
But this is one of the things I saw: the shoulder, connected to an arm, the shoulder was whole but I could see inside it, as if it were translucent, encased in glass like a robot...instead of bones there were tubes, similar to florescent light tubes in size. But they were filled with different colors of thick paint (It looked like paint, I never knew what it really was) each. There was a lady very small, like the size of my hand, with surgical supplies, as I asked her about them. She said that she must inject one color carefully into the other colored tube, that's just how everything works. There were bubbles, she told me to be careful about the bubble injection, too much could be suffocation, "We all need to breath" she said. Of course this is common sense, but the way and context she said it seemed to be revelation...sadly I can't remember the prime significance it really had in her saying this... I could see these color tubes in my own arm, and in D's too. I dare not try to tell him at this time what I saw. It seemed so fleeting though, I know there was much more detail. But the image of the tubes, and the injecting with a syringe, like the tubes were IV'ed together somehow, almost tiny wiry tubes, and she would just stick the needle in the IV and the blue was injected into the red and the color would swirl inside, she administered just the right amount. A stunning violet that was pure. She said something about the balance, it must all be balance. I remember seeing also, a lot of little people almost like elves! I waved to them and said hello, they all were standing in a row almost at attention, they all say hello to me and waved at me like they were doing the wave at a sporting game. They were standing at attention, like guardians.
The thing about this trip, this 800 mgs administered all at once...during the time it happened, time moved ever so slow. I remember looking at my watch and in utter disbelief that it was only 1am. and I did the same thing at 2am. It felt like it should be morning, that we had been tripping all night. In fact it had only been a couple hours.
Around 1.00am I began to draw. I did not have to find the effort nor will to do it. It simply was what I had to do right then at that very moment. I had all my markers and supplies dumped on the floor. I had taken a previous excursion to the dextroverse the previous Tuesday by myself, only 500mg. I had never dexed by myself, and that was only the 2nd time tripping alone at my house. This trip I made a point, a goal to focus on my artwork. I always try to draw during tripping but for one reason or another it never continues. Of course many distractions going on right. But the dex trip Tues, I really focused, and let loose drawing. So I told myself, next time I wanted to take pics of the progression the artwork took, in hopes to thoroughly analyze my mind set and the course it took through my artwork, as of now I have changed my whole usual perspective in being an artist. I want to fully discover abstract art, get inside it. I hate the feeling of looking at abstract art and thinking 'shit any fuckin kid could do that'...and what am I when I dex, not more than a kid? When I'm sober!? I have been in an artistic rut, it seems abstraction is exactly the total drastic change, I think it's the pure freedom about it....it really makes me think....and so far dex is facilitating this in leaps and bounds. D watched the art progression in fascination. I told him he was to be apart of it. We must discover together! He is not an artist but rather an art appreciator
I told him all he must do is make marks on the paper, don’t ‘try’ to do anything specific. 'seal the deal'. Drawing is free and it is wonderment. I discovered that it's not so much the end result but the act of doing the abstraction...full expression raw and unfettered. And then looking upon the final piece I see, where the mind was and that secret land you can't have a season pass to enter whenever, but you need more of an invitation...We also had whippetsduring this trip, oh man they were lovely, they were fuckin great...! Most of the time whenever D passed me the balloon I always had the feeling it would slip and fly from my grip. Once I did let some of the air out, I heard it but didn't see it or feel it. In the whippet visuals it didn’t matter if my eyes were open or closed , the red and black polygon tunnels became solarized and changed colors like the chameleon paint on cars...sometimes everything went completely white and, sometimes it seemed as though I was staring into multiple mirrors, but I was scared they were staring back at me. Then whoever else was there (the entity) assured me it was ok, they were just checking on me, everything is OK. Their reassurance was all I needed.
While I worked on the drawing it was a world of its own. "Everything in it's right place" just like the Radiohead song . There are 2, 3, 4, every color in my head!
I finished my drawing around 2.30, in the midst of this I would stop and just stare at the mark-making and the colors on the paper. Trying to translate what they were saying. I lay on the beanbag on the floor and contemplate , it seemed a billion things at once. I reveled in how comfortable everything was. He was having his own adventureson the bed, taking whippets and every now and again poke his head out[/URL] over the edge of the bed and check out where I was. We were neighbors!
4.00 am we both suddenly felt the drop off. The peak was over. We both realized this together, in wonderment, the intense peak almost seemed as a dream. Like it never happened. If only I could take screen shots of what was going on in my head and what I saw...we finishedthe whippets rapidly. 4.20 we went outside to smoke and chill out, still reeling and feeling awesome though sad the intensity had passed. When we got outside I said ‘Hey look! A big worm! ’ it was wriggling all around and looked so fuckin cool. But D was like “That ain’t a worm, it’s a little snake !” All the same I felt is was a special thing to see it at that very moment, for it wriggled quickly away goodbye. D was being silly with the camera, whenever he gets a hold of it he takes pictures of odd shit. He always does that when he’s dexin. The sky looked awesome at night, I wanted to lay in the grass and look at it. At first I wanted to lay in the middle of the cul-de-sac but D said no no no don’t do that. He wouldn’t lay in the grass with me because he was afraid of bugs.. He said “Drugs and Bugs don’t mix!” I thought about that piece of rhyming wisdom...such a true statement, and after thinking about that I heartily agreed. I reminisced about back in the days being a kid, we never thought about bugs in the grass, I used to run around barefoot and roll in the grass all the dang time. So instead of laying in the grass I decided to wobble over to the tree in the middle of his yard and stand-meditate. I got a head rush and let my upper body go slack, oh it felt so good. It was like my head was on a mini merry-go-round and I could control the speed, and the colors seemed to slice in and out peripherally.
Around 5 I started playing UmJammer Lammy . Amazing to me that I could actually play it while I had the crazy dex double cross-eyed vision. If you’ve played it before you know that you have to press the correct button combinations as the icon passes over it. I hadn’t played this game in years yet I still remembered the songs. As I watched the little in-between-stage movies, I was like what the fuck is up with this game it makes no sense at all?! I realized how ridiculous it was. In a jolly kinda silly way. But it’s still kinda trippy indeed! I managed to get to the 5th level before giving up. Then played pokemon snap and beat the entire game. In pokemon snap (yes I know it’s an easy game) but I was exact and on point with precision on everything. Confidence!
6.30am We went outside to smoke again. Man were we out of it! Enjoying the sounds of the Sunday morning. Smoking always helps give the dexing feeling more zing zing! I still couldn’t focus on anything. Walking was so difficult. I had to consciously think “ok one foot in front of the other there.” I would be shuffling my feet about, and forced myself, it seemed to take as long strides as possible, when actually it looked pretty normal if you were watching me.
Throughout this trip there was an intriguing auditory repetition, sounded like robotic bells, it was never actually discernable...but it was definitely spiritual. Every time I heard it, it was like a reminder of spirit, body, mind and motivation...as me and D were smoking outside before finally zonking out, I told him about this. That I had this song or voice or something stuck in my head the entire time, just a very simple melody like 3 or 4 notes. I paused, then sang it for him. He startled me abruptly, saying, “I KNEW you were going to say that!!” (sing that) he had been having the same thing too! Then I figured out what it was, it was the chorus from a Deltron 3030 song called “Things You Can Do” only when I looked up the lyrics did I discover that’s what the voice was actually saying...I didn’t even realize it was saying anything at all. I got pretty tripped out over the
lyrics....things I had been consciously and unconsciously thinking about the entire time. There’s a line in it that goes “Your 3rd EYE is hit with psoriasis” which freaked me out, I dunno, should it? Because my 3rd eye seemed to open up and see with clarity never before. And I also have a pretty extreme case of psoriasis (dermatitis) that has really been causing me much stress and kinda depressing...maybe I think this thought might be random but still it applies to me cause I perceive it this way...but it was like my 3rd eye had been covered with unnecessary toxic layers clouding my real vision...and through this trip seemed to heal, soften, become cured, clean, cleansed, reborn...an analogy I like, and the way Del put it, it just works. Ok I know this is kinda rambly, but it’s important, I just wish I could better explain it. But now this song means so much to me, it's my new dex anthem...I've been listening to it over and over all day ever day now, and it gives me all kinds of great flashbacks of the trip....
I Del!At the end of the trip we were sooo wiped out. So much energy expended. We each took one xanax bar to help us go to sleep. And after the bar, we fell right asleep. I’m convinced I had a state-specific experience, (how would I really know that? Guess I’ll find out) I am eager to go there again now that I’m a bit more prepared...but I also have the menacing feeling that I haven’t seen nothin’ yet.
Progression of the Artwork:
1. Blank, Ready & Willing
2. A green corner & a big red sqwiggle
3. A purple cursive 'L' kinda?
4. Bursting on the scene
5. Jumble Bumbles Stumbles
6. Yellow infinity looping, Teal puncturing, Black splattering
7. Compressed Charcoal Black Hole pathways traveling through chaos
8. The End. Still contemplating a title. Any Ideas?
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![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
