8:24 a.m. at my kitchen table

[E-girl]

If i were following my normal routine today,
I'd be washing dishes right now, or feeding my cats
But it's on mornings like these
That i find myself sitting at my kitchen table,
Thinking.
Basking in the quietness of my house at this hour
And thinking of all those things
I have no time to dwell on once i step out of this house
This kitchen holds so many memories for us
Sometimes I just feel it all slipping away...
How many dinners did we cook in this kitchen
For the men who came and went in our lives
How many fights did we have over things we can't remember,
Throwing dishes in frustration
And slamming down the phone and bursting into tears
Kicking the nearest chair
Falling to this hardwood floor and sobbing
How many times did we decorate the walls
And forget to take them down when the holidays were over...
Why, in this house,
It's Christmas, Easter, Spring, and Valentines Day
all year round
according to our decor
So many times I felt like getting out of here
And I dont know where I'd go
But the thought is so prevelant in my mind
I dont think of who i'd leave behind
Just knowing I'd leave behind a past that breaks me would be enough
It seems like everyone in my life these days
Has their own agenda
What's important to them
And i don't feel like i am on it anymore
I'm just the girlfriend, the roommate, the co-worker, the aquaintance
But i dont really know myself, who that is
Sitting at this kitchen table
I see so many faces dance like shadows in my mind
Where have they all gone
The Corona-bottle salt shaker that we stole from Red Lobster
Becomes this icon in the kitchen
That suddenly symbolizes all the things in my life
That are so trivial, so meaningless
Yet they are here, and all those things we fought for,
Love, security, success
They are just figments... shattered hopes
Sometimes I'm just so mad at everyone --
Mad at the way people do things
Mad at how they talk, mad at their carelessness
ANGRY and bitter
And maybe all along its just at myself
But getting away seems so much better
Than watching it, day after day
But sitting at this kitchen table
Will just drive me to tears
If I don't get up and do those damn dishes
And clean this, and do that
Because I've apparently set my own agenda...
And pathetic as it is,
It's just as predictable as the snowflakes
that have been on our windows for 2 years...
And predictability is the only thing i have in my life
That i can count my stars on.

 

[Dagny]

Oh sweetie. Sometimes I wish so hard that I could figure out a way to make myself completely happy so that I could spend my time on those that I care about instead of myself. There are so many days that I think I'd rather come sit at your kitchen table with you than just about anything in the world. Maybe together we could finally stick to our resolve to say screw the world and only focus on our own lives. No matter how much its talked about, we never do it, do we? Maybe problems are just that much easier when they're someone else's.
What is it with the kitchen? Seems like every big decision Aly and I have made, every fight we've had, tear we've shed, laughter we've known, have all been in our kitchen. They say that's the room that makes the family and keeps it together. I believe it.
Anger I can understand. Frustration, a dash of hopelessness, and stir it all up with a sprinkle of irony. And it still won't be as important as one second of true love. At least at the end of the day, we can still know that and make it be enough. (I love you, girl.)