7

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

And like, I'm so sad........ and I really don't know why. And I've been this way for soooo fucking long..... for so long... it's just that there's always something that can pacify me for a short while. ...something to make me forget about what is really affecting me. And I feel most sorry for the fact that usually it's the person that is trying to make things better is the one who i end up hurting. And it's not intentional. It's me... it's completely me.
It always is.
And someone tried to beat me to it.
And everyday I try to do it more and more.
Because I stopped caring.... i stopped caring along time ago, and i realized that it's a very terrible thing.... and it's terrible that I stopped thinking so much of myself. And I am intelligent..... but i don't even want to live with that. I want to be secluded, sedated, anything I could, so I just don't have to deal.
And there's so many things that I want people to notice, but they just can't. So why should I bother even trying. Why?
And no matter what you have, there's always something that rips you away from the fake fucking life you lead and makes you realize you are alone.
And I'm so smart that I can talk myself out of anything, at anytime.....
But I always end up being back in the same shoes.
And I have a raspy voice. I don't want to talk anymore.

 

[E-girl]

And I feel most sorry for the fact that usually it's the person that is trying to make things better is the one who i end up hurting.
i know this feeling, because i do it too.
it seems that when we are at our lowest points, we want to drag someone down with us -- not really to make them feel that pain, but to have someone to cling to while we're down there. and we subconsciously pull them down with us by taking out on them all the things that are going wrong in our lives... it just so happens that they are there, because they care, and we just go taking out every last thing on them. then as soon as they slam the door and walk out in frustration, you kinda sit back on your bed, put your head in hands and think to yourself "why did i just do that?"
i did that so many times. and then hated myself afterwards. but i always made sure that in the following days, i sat down and told that person "that's just how i get sometimes, and i dont mean anything i said, i was just mad... please dont listen to me when i get that way." sometimes i think maybe that's not enough... like it doesnt do justice to all the names i threw at him, or all the stinging words. but we're only human, and we dont want to go through bad times alone. your real friends are the ones who understand these times, without getting offended... and come back the next day with no hard feelings.