Now 7 months 9 days clean (totally abstinent):
The last 2 months a lot of stuff has happened!! I have been going through a little rough patch recently actually, but just this week turned a corner and feeling better. I hadn’t been sleeping properly. I would get to sleep fine, but wake up 2 or 3 times a night and either have trouble getting back to sleep or not get back to sleep at all. I am not sure what was causing it, but it was really doing my head in and I was quite stressed and depressed for a few weeks. I think it may still be p.a.w.s symptoms, but not sure. I am sleeping OK now though and have felt better for it this week.
I have recently rediscovered my passion for music, collecting, organising, and learning to mix and create it on Ableton. I was always into this, but my addiction just took over. For example I would spend months and months and months cataloguing MP3s, renaming them and ID3 tagging them in a very OCD way, then install something like Pro Tools or Ableton, just about be ready to start learning and getting into it, then one morning pawn my computer off to get a few bags of heroin. Now I can actually pursue this interest and not have to worry that at some point its all gonna end. I mean it is quite strange actually, not having to worry that something is gonna go wrong, I’m not used to everything going so right! I keep doing the next right thing and so far it’s working out pretty damn well!!
We got this sort of recovery club called Artheads in our town, which is great. It is open to anyone who has or has had problems with drugs and they run art classes, music classes, etc.. On a Friday night they have a DJ workshop, which I’ve been going to, there is someone who goes who is really good with Ableton so he’s been teaching me some tricks. It’s great getting into a hobby again!
Sent off to get my driving licence back, I was banned for 18 months, again because of drink and drugs. And I have bought a car! A little Peugeot 106, 1.1, R Reg for £320. Just need my license to arrive in the post and to sort out insurance and I’m on the road again. I really can’t wait. Wanna start doing something out of town at weekends with my friends, and also wanna get to some different NA meetings out of town during the week.
The hostel I live in are moving me onto a 1 bed flat! It’s not a council place, still managed by the hostel, but still having my own place is gonna be so good. This hostel is doing my head in a bit to be honest, can’t eat properly here, as the cutlery,plates etc always go missing, the other residents are all a nice bunch but when some of them drink they get all annoying and loud and messy. I don’t really see them that often, far healthier for me to not hang around with them. I need to hang around my clean friends, I think this is a vital part of my recovery, and through na I have some really close friends now who are in recovery too.
I got the job at the substance misuse agency! I had the interview and she would like to take me on as a mentor, after CRB check has gone through. I have a criminal record, but have explained it to her and they are ok to take me on. She is hoping to set up a recovery community in the town, similar to Artheads in my town (bury st. Edmunds). And I am gonna be running IT lessons, helping service users learn basic it skills like setting up email, word processing, etc and more if they want. Then hopefully have someone doing art, someone doing music, etc. Feels good to part of something that could potentially help people turn their lives around.
Gonna be doing a talk at a school next month with a friend in recovery. We’re talking about alcohol awareness, to a group of about 25 kids (age 14-16), very nervous, but I’m sure it will be fine and rewarding.
Been doing lots of NA meetings, and really enjoying them and getting a lot out of working a 12 step program. I did the main chair at 2 meetings recently, and it is really insane how far I’ve come, I mean me sitting in front of 30 people telling my story, I can’t quite believe I’ve done that. I mean I couldn’t look anyone in the eye 7 months ago!! Felt very good after doing the shares, feels good to think that my story may help someone else, give them some hope or inspiration, or look at something in a different way, yeah, very rewarding doing that, and it still blows me away how far I’ve come in terms of confidence, etc. I mean I still get nervous, heart pounding, etc, but im making an effort to not let fear control me anymore. I;m working steps with sponsor. Currently doin 1,2,3. Which in simple terms is: 1. Don’t pick up and understand why you can’t. 2. Go to meetings 3. Don’t make decisions on your own. I can feel this process having such a positive impact on my life, it’s really great!!
Yeah so even though I have been going through a little rough patch, I have achieved loads in the last 2 months. Just after typing this up I feel so much better as I can really see that I don’t need to let feelings control me anymore, but (sometimes begrudgingly) maintaining a program and doing the next right thing, regardless of how I’ve felt, its all gone well. By focusing on the positives I feel a lot better, I am really starting to think that positive thinking is a very powerful thing!
Back again soon!
The last 2 months a lot of stuff has happened!! I have been going through a little rough patch recently actually, but just this week turned a corner and feeling better. I hadn’t been sleeping properly. I would get to sleep fine, but wake up 2 or 3 times a night and either have trouble getting back to sleep or not get back to sleep at all. I am not sure what was causing it, but it was really doing my head in and I was quite stressed and depressed for a few weeks. I think it may still be p.a.w.s symptoms, but not sure. I am sleeping OK now though and have felt better for it this week.
I have recently rediscovered my passion for music, collecting, organising, and learning to mix and create it on Ableton. I was always into this, but my addiction just took over. For example I would spend months and months and months cataloguing MP3s, renaming them and ID3 tagging them in a very OCD way, then install something like Pro Tools or Ableton, just about be ready to start learning and getting into it, then one morning pawn my computer off to get a few bags of heroin. Now I can actually pursue this interest and not have to worry that at some point its all gonna end. I mean it is quite strange actually, not having to worry that something is gonna go wrong, I’m not used to everything going so right! I keep doing the next right thing and so far it’s working out pretty damn well!!
We got this sort of recovery club called Artheads in our town, which is great. It is open to anyone who has or has had problems with drugs and they run art classes, music classes, etc.. On a Friday night they have a DJ workshop, which I’ve been going to, there is someone who goes who is really good with Ableton so he’s been teaching me some tricks. It’s great getting into a hobby again!
Sent off to get my driving licence back, I was banned for 18 months, again because of drink and drugs. And I have bought a car! A little Peugeot 106, 1.1, R Reg for £320. Just need my license to arrive in the post and to sort out insurance and I’m on the road again. I really can’t wait. Wanna start doing something out of town at weekends with my friends, and also wanna get to some different NA meetings out of town during the week.
The hostel I live in are moving me onto a 1 bed flat! It’s not a council place, still managed by the hostel, but still having my own place is gonna be so good. This hostel is doing my head in a bit to be honest, can’t eat properly here, as the cutlery,plates etc always go missing, the other residents are all a nice bunch but when some of them drink they get all annoying and loud and messy. I don’t really see them that often, far healthier for me to not hang around with them. I need to hang around my clean friends, I think this is a vital part of my recovery, and through na I have some really close friends now who are in recovery too.
I got the job at the substance misuse agency! I had the interview and she would like to take me on as a mentor, after CRB check has gone through. I have a criminal record, but have explained it to her and they are ok to take me on. She is hoping to set up a recovery community in the town, similar to Artheads in my town (bury st. Edmunds). And I am gonna be running IT lessons, helping service users learn basic it skills like setting up email, word processing, etc and more if they want. Then hopefully have someone doing art, someone doing music, etc. Feels good to part of something that could potentially help people turn their lives around.
Gonna be doing a talk at a school next month with a friend in recovery. We’re talking about alcohol awareness, to a group of about 25 kids (age 14-16), very nervous, but I’m sure it will be fine and rewarding.
Been doing lots of NA meetings, and really enjoying them and getting a lot out of working a 12 step program. I did the main chair at 2 meetings recently, and it is really insane how far I’ve come, I mean me sitting in front of 30 people telling my story, I can’t quite believe I’ve done that. I mean I couldn’t look anyone in the eye 7 months ago!! Felt very good after doing the shares, feels good to think that my story may help someone else, give them some hope or inspiration, or look at something in a different way, yeah, very rewarding doing that, and it still blows me away how far I’ve come in terms of confidence, etc. I mean I still get nervous, heart pounding, etc, but im making an effort to not let fear control me anymore. I;m working steps with sponsor. Currently doin 1,2,3. Which in simple terms is: 1. Don’t pick up and understand why you can’t. 2. Go to meetings 3. Don’t make decisions on your own. I can feel this process having such a positive impact on my life, it’s really great!!
Yeah so even though I have been going through a little rough patch, I have achieved loads in the last 2 months. Just after typing this up I feel so much better as I can really see that I don’t need to let feelings control me anymore, but (sometimes begrudgingly) maintaining a program and doing the next right thing, regardless of how I’ve felt, its all gone well. By focusing on the positives I feel a lot better, I am really starting to think that positive thinking is a very powerful thing!
Back again soon!
