I primarily use psychedelics for therapeutic purposes, but I also realize that using them in conjunction with regular activities is part of that process. It doesn't have to be lying on the couch with eyeshades and listening to music for six hours.
I had the afternoon free and I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do, but it was gorgeous outside so I knew I wanted to get out of the house. I checked online and there was a band playing at a winery near my house, one that I hadn't visited but I figured I'd check it out. I figured that music coupled with being around people would "exercise" my emotional consciousness, but I also didn't want a full on trip given that I was going to be around strangers in an environment where others wouldn't be aware that I was tripping, so I took 6mg of 2C-B rectally. I'd only tried it rectally once in the past, and I took 11mg that time, but I definitely didn't want that level of intensity today given the environment I was going to be in.
Immediately after dosing I hopped on my bike, and I felt pretty out of my body during the ride over to the winery. I got there and it wasn't what I had anticipated, a bit too docile and just a small group of older folks listening to a very chilled out rock cover band. The hostess handed me a menu which I had no interest in. I knew I needed to relocate. So I sat down for a minute and then I got up and walked around the corner away from the crowd. I was hoping to find a shady spot to lie down but the winery was in a business-y district so I knew I had to leave. The body load made we want to lie down but I also didn't want to stay there since it was a shitty place to experience the trip, so I got on my bike again and pedaled over to a nearby park.
Beautiful. It's a nature preserve and there's a small pond/lake there with lots of birds and a nice hiking trail. There's also an airport nearby and so the planes were continuously flying over which I really enjoy. I got to a picnic bench overlooking the water and sat down and took in the view. It couldn't have been a nicer day. 75 degrees, sunny, and a mild breeze. There were a couple kids fishing and people were strolling by occasionally on the walking path. I was kind of worked up but I found a place in myself that told me to relax. So I did. I just appreciated the day for what it was. Beautiful. What a joy to be alive. With all of the suffering in the world, including my own, to experience the gift of sitting there in the beaming sunshine and looking across the water at the birds and the kids fishing and the dogs walking by was just amazing. How special is that to be given the gift of human consciousness?
The water looked exquisitely blue. I started doing some breathing exercises, and the Voo sound that Peter Levine recommends to activate the vagus nerve. I do that every day anyway, but on psychedelics it has a more profound impact, and I'm able to feel into my experience at a deeper level. I remember thinking about death, and how there really isn't a beginning and end, since life is all energy, that's all it is, and how marvelous that is, but with that nothing can ever really die because energy is always a NOW thing, it's always present. It's our own self-awareness that makes a story out of our energetic experience. I felt a lot of heart in this experience, I had no agenda and nothing to do or gain, just to be with this. There were parts of me that certainly did want to get something out of it, for some trauma to come through, and I was able to experience those parts and then also experience the other present part that wasn't wanting for anything. Basically IFS, except I find that on psychedelics I can be more fully present in the different parts and from that a somatic conversation can arise, rather than kind of analyzing my parts from the perspective of my ego. Typically I'm very sensitive on a physical level to sensations like the wind and any minor temperature aberrations, but that was of no bother. The bench I was sitting on was also nothing special, but I didn't notice much discomfort. I find for myself that when the heart is open, the rest falls into place. And for me it's about experiencing trust in resting in the space of open-heartedness, feeling safe in that space.
I just sat there for a little more than an hour, taking in the sun and scenery. I didn't get anything specific out of that journey, in the sense that I didn't process any unconscious material, but what I did get was the experience of being present. It's a feeling of course, not a mental thing, but if I can try to describe it, I think I found a place in my body that was pretty equanimous and open, and my ego was kind of struggling to make sense of that because I think it hasn't been aware of the existence of that within me for much of my life. It was confusing to my ego but that was ok.
All in all it was a rich and beautiful experience. On the ride home I got sidetracked and stopped by a goat/chicken farm near the park and felt a beautiful ease in watching them, there was a baby goat that was so sweet and docile and the chickens were incredibly fun to interact with. One of them had a gorgeous iridescent hue to its feathers that I kept marveling at.
I try not to do anything specific with an experience like that. I trust that my consciousness benefits from it, and I don't have to seek it out or recreate it, though I do feel that writing it out in this way serves to access it again and nurture its benefits, and I hope it serves to inspire and open the hearts of others.
I had the afternoon free and I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do, but it was gorgeous outside so I knew I wanted to get out of the house. I checked online and there was a band playing at a winery near my house, one that I hadn't visited but I figured I'd check it out. I figured that music coupled with being around people would "exercise" my emotional consciousness, but I also didn't want a full on trip given that I was going to be around strangers in an environment where others wouldn't be aware that I was tripping, so I took 6mg of 2C-B rectally. I'd only tried it rectally once in the past, and I took 11mg that time, but I definitely didn't want that level of intensity today given the environment I was going to be in.
Immediately after dosing I hopped on my bike, and I felt pretty out of my body during the ride over to the winery. I got there and it wasn't what I had anticipated, a bit too docile and just a small group of older folks listening to a very chilled out rock cover band. The hostess handed me a menu which I had no interest in. I knew I needed to relocate. So I sat down for a minute and then I got up and walked around the corner away from the crowd. I was hoping to find a shady spot to lie down but the winery was in a business-y district so I knew I had to leave. The body load made we want to lie down but I also didn't want to stay there since it was a shitty place to experience the trip, so I got on my bike again and pedaled over to a nearby park.
Beautiful. It's a nature preserve and there's a small pond/lake there with lots of birds and a nice hiking trail. There's also an airport nearby and so the planes were continuously flying over which I really enjoy. I got to a picnic bench overlooking the water and sat down and took in the view. It couldn't have been a nicer day. 75 degrees, sunny, and a mild breeze. There were a couple kids fishing and people were strolling by occasionally on the walking path. I was kind of worked up but I found a place in myself that told me to relax. So I did. I just appreciated the day for what it was. Beautiful. What a joy to be alive. With all of the suffering in the world, including my own, to experience the gift of sitting there in the beaming sunshine and looking across the water at the birds and the kids fishing and the dogs walking by was just amazing. How special is that to be given the gift of human consciousness?
The water looked exquisitely blue. I started doing some breathing exercises, and the Voo sound that Peter Levine recommends to activate the vagus nerve. I do that every day anyway, but on psychedelics it has a more profound impact, and I'm able to feel into my experience at a deeper level. I remember thinking about death, and how there really isn't a beginning and end, since life is all energy, that's all it is, and how marvelous that is, but with that nothing can ever really die because energy is always a NOW thing, it's always present. It's our own self-awareness that makes a story out of our energetic experience. I felt a lot of heart in this experience, I had no agenda and nothing to do or gain, just to be with this. There were parts of me that certainly did want to get something out of it, for some trauma to come through, and I was able to experience those parts and then also experience the other present part that wasn't wanting for anything. Basically IFS, except I find that on psychedelics I can be more fully present in the different parts and from that a somatic conversation can arise, rather than kind of analyzing my parts from the perspective of my ego. Typically I'm very sensitive on a physical level to sensations like the wind and any minor temperature aberrations, but that was of no bother. The bench I was sitting on was also nothing special, but I didn't notice much discomfort. I find for myself that when the heart is open, the rest falls into place. And for me it's about experiencing trust in resting in the space of open-heartedness, feeling safe in that space.
I just sat there for a little more than an hour, taking in the sun and scenery. I didn't get anything specific out of that journey, in the sense that I didn't process any unconscious material, but what I did get was the experience of being present. It's a feeling of course, not a mental thing, but if I can try to describe it, I think I found a place in my body that was pretty equanimous and open, and my ego was kind of struggling to make sense of that because I think it hasn't been aware of the existence of that within me for much of my life. It was confusing to my ego but that was ok.
All in all it was a rich and beautiful experience. On the ride home I got sidetracked and stopped by a goat/chicken farm near the park and felt a beautiful ease in watching them, there was a baby goat that was so sweet and docile and the chickens were incredibly fun to interact with. One of them had a gorgeous iridescent hue to its feathers that I kept marveling at.
I try not to do anything specific with an experience like that. I trust that my consciousness benefits from it, and I don't have to seek it out or recreate it, though I do feel that writing it out in this way serves to access it again and nurture its benefits, and I hope it serves to inspire and open the hearts of others.
Last edited:
