# 64

[onetwothreefour]

as usual, please feel free to critique this. i'd love some feedback

'clever dick, clever dick,'
space!!she said,
'you've figured me out'

then she walked away
glancing back
space!!just once

lips pursed; an eyebrow floating
towards me
space!!she said,
'but this isn't anything
.that you can win,'
space!!then turned
space!!and ran.

 

[zag0r]

interesting. feels like there's something more to be told tho.

 

[ButrosButros_Grantos]

Die

 

[onetwothreefour]

that's awfully mean, grant. anything in particular bothering you?

and zagor, cheers. but think of it as an epilogue (to an untold story).

 

[RareForm]

^yea that's kind of the feeling i got from this, like an epilogue, 'then turned and ran' seems kind of awkward to me though.. for some reason... either way doesn't really subtract from it i suppose... nice one dude.

 

[onetwothreefour]

ah, but 'turned and ran' was particularly important!

this is an imagined situation, but it's still a bit autobiographical. turning and running is just the kind of effect i seem to have on people :D

thanks for the comment though, of course.

 

[up all night]

I really like this one.