herbavore
Bluelight Crew
When my mother turned 85 in September she went to the Chocolate store and bought 85 pieces of chocolate. She started out by passing them out at 7:45 am at the bus stop on her way to her job and continued throughout the day. She said it was the best birthday she ever had seeing groups of strangers avoiding eye contact suddenly transform into smiles and conversation, not to mention that she was wished Happy Birthday 85 times.
Since I cannot pass out 62 pieces of chocolate to my community here at Bluelight I thought I would pass out 62 things off my ever-growing list that I will miss when this incarnation ends. I'm not putting them in any order, just as they pop up, so there is no hierarchy here.
1) Playing in the dirt.I loved it as a kid and still do. The scent and feel of soil, whether you are making mud pies or planting a garden or just re-potting an indoor plant, is the essence of connection to the earth.
2) Music. When I went to hear Judy Collins perform the other night (she is now 75) I remembered so viscerally how she and Joni Mitchell and Joan Baez got me through some of the most difficult years of early adolescence. Singers and good lyrics still do that for me but so do instrumentals from Bill Evans to Joe Satriani to Jose Santaolalla.
3) Making things with my hands. Whether it is a painting or bread dough or a new garden wall, creating something is an amazing pleasure.
4) clouds. I have always liked the landscapes I painted better when they included clouds. But it was when I went to South America and hiked in the Andes that I really saw them as living beings rather than vapor in the air. Hard to believe I wasn't on psychedelics at the time, but true.
5) family. Embarrassing, funny, weird, maddening, claustrophobic, intimate, loyal, loving and most of all the most unique relationships I will ever navigate in this life. I am thankful for every one of my crazy relatives that has put up with my crazy self for all these years.
6) friends. To be blessed with good friends, I had to learn how to be one. Turns out it is pretty simple: reserve judgment, be honest and listen fully. I could never have survived my son's death without my friends.
7)the internet. How else would I have made a friend halfway around the world that I speak to and share a laugh with every single day,? How else would I have known about the existence of male money slaves or any of the other truly comedic aspects of human sexual variation? How would I have tracked down people I went to school with in other countries 40 years ago? Not to mention Wikipedia (hope you have all made a donation!).
8) growing up without the internet. I feel lucky to be a straddler of both paradigms. There was an innocence lost but it is always a fine line between innocence and ignorance. Still, when I watched the challenges of what my sons faced in terms of early exposure and what my grandchildren face in terms of loss of personal privacy, I am thankful for having grown up in a world without google or facebook or the NSA.
9) Camping. Whether it is car camping or weekend backpacking or trekking, there is nothing like the pared down essentials and living one step closer to our animal selves.
10) rivers I have never sat by a river and not been deeply calmed.
11) oceans. The energy of oceans, from the quiet, clear Carribean to the raging Pacific, the oceans put me in touch with what is eternally changing and eternally the same.
12) mountains. Mostly climbing and hiking but even seeing them from afar.
13) human variation. I love faces. I love faces of every color, every age, every possible variation but my favorite faces are the open ones. Meeting a person who looks you in the eye, who is as interested in your surprise as you are in theirs is a miraculous moment.
14 making love and fucking. Yes, there is a difference but who can deny that they are both great.
15) coffee. I am sure that I love the ritual as much as I love the taste. One cup a day keeps it special.
16) stones. Everywhere I go I pick up stones to bring back to my little patch of earth. I have no idea what they are or anything about the geology--I just love them for their shape and color and weight.
17) heart-shaped rocks. Start looking and you see them everywhere.
18) birds.
19) bird's nests. If you are lucky in this life you will get to see a hummingbird nest.
20) cookies. I'm pretty sure mine are the best.
21) soups. Everything from making one to eating one.
22) fire The bigger the better but even a small one will do. Best conversations are had by two people staring at coals but talking to each other under a night sky.
23) elephants Once you start reading about about them you will never see them the same.
24) cats.Supreme beings.
25) Dogs. Not supreme beings but definitely masters of unconditional love so in a category all their own.
26) Being pregnant and giving birth. No way to even describe it except to say life-changing.
27) Parenting. Most intense and exciting relationship in the world.
28) laughing and crying. best things about being human.
29) speaking another's language. No matter how bad you are at it, the attempt is what creates the bond.
30) young people. I love their energy. I love their passion and their willingness to take risks. I love their vulnerability and their sense of fun.
31) babies. Their expressions and little mental leaps forward, their scent and their hilarious lack of coordination, their total presence in their immediate environment and the present moments--little zen masters one and all.
32) Gutsy old people. especially the ones that want to leave change in their wake. My favorite thing in Occupy NY was when the old people with walkers got between the young protesters and the police.
33) whistling. I got it from my Dad and I seem to be losing some of my ability with age but I love to hear it as well.
34) singing. Doing it , hearing it.
35) Donkeys. If I get my way, I will go on a trek with only a donkey for company before I die.
36) dressing up.Not often, not all the time, but every now and then, I love it.
37) paper snowflakes. free art anywhere.
38) good writing. When I read something and think, "yes, that is exactly how it is." The recognition but also the surprise of some new way of looking at something.
39) science. For all it has given us and continues to give us.
40) art. Sometimes I think there is nothing better than being on this earth seeing beauty and responding to it.
41) middle age. When most of the bullshit side of being young drops away like a cumbersome old coat and you can get down to business.
42) trees.
43) hopefulness. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere without any reason for existing at all.
44) despair. the loneliness that is despair is a place I have come to be on intimate terms with. It does not scare me anymore because I know its limits, I know what lies just alongside it, and I know I can learn from it.
45) grandparents. They watch you from your earliest days, more quietly and without expectation than parents often can. I learned so much about loving the earth and loving the world from my grandparents.
46) body surfing. metaphor for how to live with strong emotions.
47) arguments. Good, passionate, fair arguments--not fights but with more passion than debates.
48) eye contact. with any species.
49) cowboy boots. even if you've never ridden a horse, you just walk differently in them.
50) watching someone draw or paint. best job I ever had was modeling for art classes. Just to be in the center of all these people concentrating and translating my being to the best of their abilities was amazing.
51) driving by yourself across the U.S. music, the landscape, your own thoughts.
52) deserts. magic, powerful, alive.
53) cities. I don't think I could ever live in one for too long again but I love being in them--anywhere in the world. The energy is exhilarating.
54) rain. The sound, the smell, the way everything is brighter afterwards.
55) sun on skin. I'm paying for it now but following it around the world my whole life is something I would never trade--dermatologists be damned!
56) psychedelics. I have to say that back when I was disconnected from every single aspect of my life as a young girl, the doors that peyote and mescaline opened for me gave me the ultimate connection and brought me back into being.
57) failure. It's become a cliché but it is true that failure is your only real teacher.
58) teaching and being a student. No matter which side of this relationship I am on I can't get enough of it.
59) wind. I've always had a pretty mystical relationship with it even though it drives me crazy.
60) long relationships. again, teachers of so much.
61) new relationships.
62) the process of living. what an adventure and how fast it goes.
If you read all 62 two things are probably happening: you are probably wishing I were only turning 10 so you would have only had 10 to read and also you might have something to add to the list. Go right ahead.
Since I cannot pass out 62 pieces of chocolate to my community here at Bluelight I thought I would pass out 62 things off my ever-growing list that I will miss when this incarnation ends. I'm not putting them in any order, just as they pop up, so there is no hierarchy here.
1) Playing in the dirt.I loved it as a kid and still do. The scent and feel of soil, whether you are making mud pies or planting a garden or just re-potting an indoor plant, is the essence of connection to the earth.
2) Music. When I went to hear Judy Collins perform the other night (she is now 75) I remembered so viscerally how she and Joni Mitchell and Joan Baez got me through some of the most difficult years of early adolescence. Singers and good lyrics still do that for me but so do instrumentals from Bill Evans to Joe Satriani to Jose Santaolalla.
3) Making things with my hands. Whether it is a painting or bread dough or a new garden wall, creating something is an amazing pleasure.
4) clouds. I have always liked the landscapes I painted better when they included clouds. But it was when I went to South America and hiked in the Andes that I really saw them as living beings rather than vapor in the air. Hard to believe I wasn't on psychedelics at the time, but true.
5) family. Embarrassing, funny, weird, maddening, claustrophobic, intimate, loyal, loving and most of all the most unique relationships I will ever navigate in this life. I am thankful for every one of my crazy relatives that has put up with my crazy self for all these years.
6) friends. To be blessed with good friends, I had to learn how to be one. Turns out it is pretty simple: reserve judgment, be honest and listen fully. I could never have survived my son's death without my friends.
7)the internet. How else would I have made a friend halfway around the world that I speak to and share a laugh with every single day,? How else would I have known about the existence of male money slaves or any of the other truly comedic aspects of human sexual variation? How would I have tracked down people I went to school with in other countries 40 years ago? Not to mention Wikipedia (hope you have all made a donation!).
8) growing up without the internet. I feel lucky to be a straddler of both paradigms. There was an innocence lost but it is always a fine line between innocence and ignorance. Still, when I watched the challenges of what my sons faced in terms of early exposure and what my grandchildren face in terms of loss of personal privacy, I am thankful for having grown up in a world without google or facebook or the NSA.
9) Camping. Whether it is car camping or weekend backpacking or trekking, there is nothing like the pared down essentials and living one step closer to our animal selves.
10) rivers I have never sat by a river and not been deeply calmed.
11) oceans. The energy of oceans, from the quiet, clear Carribean to the raging Pacific, the oceans put me in touch with what is eternally changing and eternally the same.
12) mountains. Mostly climbing and hiking but even seeing them from afar.
13) human variation. I love faces. I love faces of every color, every age, every possible variation but my favorite faces are the open ones. Meeting a person who looks you in the eye, who is as interested in your surprise as you are in theirs is a miraculous moment.
14 making love and fucking. Yes, there is a difference but who can deny that they are both great.
15) coffee. I am sure that I love the ritual as much as I love the taste. One cup a day keeps it special.
16) stones. Everywhere I go I pick up stones to bring back to my little patch of earth. I have no idea what they are or anything about the geology--I just love them for their shape and color and weight.
17) heart-shaped rocks. Start looking and you see them everywhere.
18) birds.
19) bird's nests. If you are lucky in this life you will get to see a hummingbird nest.
20) cookies. I'm pretty sure mine are the best.
21) soups. Everything from making one to eating one.
22) fire The bigger the better but even a small one will do. Best conversations are had by two people staring at coals but talking to each other under a night sky.
23) elephants Once you start reading about about them you will never see them the same.
24) cats.Supreme beings.
25) Dogs. Not supreme beings but definitely masters of unconditional love so in a category all their own.
26) Being pregnant and giving birth. No way to even describe it except to say life-changing.
27) Parenting. Most intense and exciting relationship in the world.
28) laughing and crying. best things about being human.
29) speaking another's language. No matter how bad you are at it, the attempt is what creates the bond.
30) young people. I love their energy. I love their passion and their willingness to take risks. I love their vulnerability and their sense of fun.
31) babies. Their expressions and little mental leaps forward, their scent and their hilarious lack of coordination, their total presence in their immediate environment and the present moments--little zen masters one and all.
32) Gutsy old people. especially the ones that want to leave change in their wake. My favorite thing in Occupy NY was when the old people with walkers got between the young protesters and the police.
33) whistling. I got it from my Dad and I seem to be losing some of my ability with age but I love to hear it as well.
34) singing. Doing it , hearing it.
35) Donkeys. If I get my way, I will go on a trek with only a donkey for company before I die.
36) dressing up.Not often, not all the time, but every now and then, I love it.
37) paper snowflakes. free art anywhere.
38) good writing. When I read something and think, "yes, that is exactly how it is." The recognition but also the surprise of some new way of looking at something.
39) science. For all it has given us and continues to give us.
40) art. Sometimes I think there is nothing better than being on this earth seeing beauty and responding to it.
41) middle age. When most of the bullshit side of being young drops away like a cumbersome old coat and you can get down to business.
42) trees.
43) hopefulness. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere without any reason for existing at all.
44) despair. the loneliness that is despair is a place I have come to be on intimate terms with. It does not scare me anymore because I know its limits, I know what lies just alongside it, and I know I can learn from it.
45) grandparents. They watch you from your earliest days, more quietly and without expectation than parents often can. I learned so much about loving the earth and loving the world from my grandparents.
46) body surfing. metaphor for how to live with strong emotions.
47) arguments. Good, passionate, fair arguments--not fights but with more passion than debates.
48) eye contact. with any species.
49) cowboy boots. even if you've never ridden a horse, you just walk differently in them.
50) watching someone draw or paint. best job I ever had was modeling for art classes. Just to be in the center of all these people concentrating and translating my being to the best of their abilities was amazing.
51) driving by yourself across the U.S. music, the landscape, your own thoughts.
52) deserts. magic, powerful, alive.
53) cities. I don't think I could ever live in one for too long again but I love being in them--anywhere in the world. The energy is exhilarating.
54) rain. The sound, the smell, the way everything is brighter afterwards.
55) sun on skin. I'm paying for it now but following it around the world my whole life is something I would never trade--dermatologists be damned!
56) psychedelics. I have to say that back when I was disconnected from every single aspect of my life as a young girl, the doors that peyote and mescaline opened for me gave me the ultimate connection and brought me back into being.
57) failure. It's become a cliché but it is true that failure is your only real teacher.
58) teaching and being a student. No matter which side of this relationship I am on I can't get enough of it.
59) wind. I've always had a pretty mystical relationship with it even though it drives me crazy.
60) long relationships. again, teachers of so much.
61) new relationships.
62) the process of living. what an adventure and how fast it goes.
If you read all 62 two things are probably happening: you are probably wishing I were only turning 10 so you would have only had 10 to read and also you might have something to add to the list. Go right ahead.
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