Relapse 6 Month Long Heroin Relapse. Need Some Words of Wisdom and Encouragement to CT

[Sertürner]

Hey everybody,

So I had been clean from opiates for about 5 or 6 years and over the summer I thought it would be nice to indulge in a gram or 2 of tar. I ended up becoming hooked again and am sick and tired of doing it.

I have been IV'ing anywhere from 1g to 3g a day for approximately the last 3 months of this binge. My access to ridiculously cheap and good quality heroin is one of the major factors that has influenced the severity of this relapse. I am doing 0.3g-0.5g shots several times a day and it has begun to affect my life very negatively.

I need to quit CT in order to keep my xanax and adderall scripts that I use as directed for some issues of mine. I also do not ever want to deal with bupe again. I have a few gabapentin at my disposal as well as xanax, kratom (which hasn't helped much when I have tried to use it for WD symptoms this time around unfortunately, I usually LOVE kratom but it is not putting a single dent in my current addiction to heroin), and the usual OTC meds.

I want to quit, have this stuff out of my system, and be past the worst of the WD symptoms by the 11th. I'll take any advice and support I can get. Is a rapid taper going to help at all or should I just do the rest of what I have in a couple good shots and then stick it out? I'm scared.

Many Thanks,
Mr. Deeds

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

Xanax and adderall will be your friend for detoxing. They'll keep you comfortable enough for the first week or two if you're not down to use bupe treatment.

Relapsing is just to be expected. Not too sound creepy or anything, but I have kept my eye on everyone who quit opiates over the years. They all relapse. Everyone I know who overcame opiate addiction relapsed at random without any warning sounds. It's just part of the process in my opinion. I don't know if anyone could quit opiates without relapsing.. unless they were completely cut off of their source.

In my opinion achieving sobriety from opiates for as long as possible is a much more achievable goal than no opiates forever.

 

[Sertürner]

Xanax and adderall will be your friend for detoxing. They'll keep you comfortable enough for the first week or two if you're not down to use bupe treatment.

Relapsing is just to be expected. Not too sound creepy or anything, but I have kept my eye on everyone who quit opiates over the years. They all relapse. Everyone I know who overcame opiate addiction relapsed at random without any warning sounds. It's just part of the process in my opinion. I don't know if anyone could quit opiates without relapsing.. unless they were completely cut off of their source.

In my opinion achieving sobriety from opiates for as long as possible is a much more achievable goal than no opiates forever.

I've never been one to tell myself that I am done with a given drug for the rest of my life, but I am very disappointed in myself that I allowed this to continue for so long after the hell I went through getting clean the first time around.

I keep telling myself that I'm going to do a rapid taper then just get the 72hrs of hell over with but I always seem to find something that conflicts with my CT plan. Whether its family I have to see or an event that I cant miss while being sick, it's always something.

Do you think it's possible to still go to work during the CT or is it likely going to be too exhausting to do my regular daily activities?

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

It's just how opiates are. We can only fight it off for so long. If every addict across the board relapses for a certain substance then we know what's up. This isn't alprazolam addiction or cocaine--you can't just walk away and use diligence to escape. It's opiates. Some days the cravings will be the only thing you want in life, and others you won't even think about them.

I would not expect much from myself the first two days. Adderall will give you energy and help you with fatigue during the withdrawal. but you're going to need a bit of it the first few days not going to lie. By at least day 3/4 I'd consider myself lucky if I was working again. However, I do not know the gravity of your relapse/withdrawal.

There's no point in beating yourself up over a heroin relapse. It's not like anyone blames you for trying to experience something that feels really good all over again. My mother had 10 years of heroin-free clean time only to relapse out of absolutely nowhere when I was in 7th grade. She's the only one I've known to resist using for that long and still succumbed to the same fate. That just leads me to believe that relapsing has to be part of the quitting process... because I've never met a single person out of like 10/20 opiate addicts who did not relapse. Every single person. I've never known a drug of choice that has such a strong grip over its users like that.

Not to say you will relapse again--but it would really help you a lot if you could stash away some emergency suboxone strips for this kind of thing

 

[Jabberwocky]

i don't think there is any way you will be able to work coming off a habit like that. i don't know how the different types of heroin compare but i have tried multiple times to CT off a 1g a day IV habit of what we get in england, decent purity connect and i was only able to even take a walk on like day 5, after the shits have mostly cleared up, and was still feeling drained, lethargic and a bit sweaty until about day 9. my absolute worst day was always day 3 and i've heard a lot of people on here say that's when they would relapse too.

tapering can be very effective. i would be able to significantly reduce symptoms by reducing my intake dramatically for even like 2 days before jumping off. but it doesn't completely take it away.

and comfort meds, especially things to help you sleep, will be a massive help.

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

i don't think there is any way you will be able to work coming off a habit like that. i don't know how the different types of heroin compare but i have tried multiple times to CT off a 1g a day IV habit of what we get in england, decent purity connect and i was only able to even take a walk on like day 5, after the shits have mostly cleared up, and was still feeling drained, lethargic and a bit sweaty until about day 9. my absolute worst day was always day 3 and i've heard a lot of people on here say that's when they would relapse too.

tapering can be very effective. i would be able to significantly reduce symptoms by reducing my intake dramatically for even like 2 days before jumping off. but it doesn't completely take it away.

and comfort meds, especially things to help you sleep, will be a massive help.

I agree. I've done important things in my life while withdrawing from high-dose oxy. Even if you can get work done.. do you really want to do that to yourself? lol.

At least try to take 3 days off if you can! Opiate withdrawal is quite strange. Sometimes it will be far worse than you expected, and other times mild. It's not just about using patterns/habits. I think in risk of the withdrawal being bad enough to make you not want to work, it's best to play on the side of caution and take some off days if you're allowed.

 

[Sertürner]

Well I will go a but more in depth of my situation. I am taking a phlebotomy certification course because I was laid off from my job as a Phlebotomist due to the pandemic. I thought it would be a good time to finally get the certification for phlebotomy because not having one has significantly limited my career options as a Phlebotomist.

Right now I am just doing Zoom meetings for the course, but on the 11th I need to go and do these "labs" where I perform phlebotomy in front of instructors. I also have to pass an annual drug test this month for my doctor in order to keep getting my xanax and adderall scripts (I wont bring that part up again due to the BLUA).

If I quit on the night of the 8th, will I be decent enough to go to the lab for that day? I can most likely put off the doc appt until the 20th at the latest.
So tomorrow I might do a rapid taper where I do decreasing amounts in every shot I do that day. I cannot miss the lab, I will be dropped from the program if I miss a single zoom meeting or lab session. What can I do to make sure I can quit and still attend these things?

The absolute last day I have he option of using is the 11th. After that I need to quit so I can visit my doctor. I dont know the beat plan of action here =/

 

[Jabberwocky]

that all makes sense.

serious question, and i'm not being snide by asking this but basing it on my own experience- can you actually taper? the only times i managed to do it were when i would run out and not be able to get any more. if you have the self control to taper then i would suggest tapering as much as you physically can between now and 11th then jumping off then. doing phlebotomy while CTing is just asking to give someone one of those horrible massive bruises!! i don't think your hand will be steady enough to do a good job.

just wait until you're getting serious symptoms and then take a dose that gives you proper relief but not significantly more than is needed. i found those doses dropped surprisingly far pretty fast.

i guess if you genuinely don't know if you can taper- and its not a self control or willpower thing its having the very drug you're addicted to right in your face! - i would try today and if you end up taking way more than you need then CT ASAP, take enough to get well on 11th, which will be way less than you think by then, then ditch any stash of opiates except maybe lope as a last resort if you're really suffering. delete and block your contacts ASAP.

if anyone else has any better (less painful?) ideas that would be great.

good luck to you, i was thoroughly unable to get clean on my own but i know it can be done and it seems like you know the score and have a good motivation.

 

[Sertürner]

@chinup yes I can taper. I have actually done it before when I tried to quit a few weeks ago before the new year. I got down to .05g shots, sometimes .04g would work to take the edge off. But when I jumped off I made it almost 3 days then I did a cotton shot and from there I just went back to the dope.

This time around I will be throwing away all of my rings and cottons before I go into WD so I have no option to do dope even if I wanted to. Today I started off with a .3g shot instead of .5g and I am doing fine. I'm going to wait for as long as possible and then try a .2g shot and see if that will hold me over for a while. I hope it works. I have to visit my mom either tomorrow or the next day so I cant be too sick during my visit with her but I hope I can at least continue my taper, even if its dropping my shots by just 10mg at a time.

This whole thing is just so stressful and nerve-racking. I'm terrified that I wont be able to quit in time for my doctors appt.

 

[RedRum OG]

@chinup yes I can taper. I have actually done it before when I tried to quit a few weeks ago before the new year. I got down to .05g shots, sometimes .04g would work to take the edge off. But when I jumped off I made it almost 3 days then I did a cotton shot and from there I just went back to the dope.

This time around I will be throwing away all of my rings and cottons before I go into WD so I have no option to do dope even if I wanted to. Today I started off with a .3g shot instead of .5g and I am doing fine. I'm going to wait for as long as possible and then try a .2g shot and see if that will hold me over for a while. I hope it works. I have to visit my mom either tomorrow or the next day so I cant be too sick during my visit with her but I hope I can at least continue my taper, even if its dropping my shots by just 10mg at a time.

This whole thing is just so stressful and nerve-racking. I'm terrified that I wont be able to quit in time for my doctors appt.

You said you were against bupe; why? What about methadone? Maintenance can suck, but not half as bad as in and out of active heroin use. If they're cool with you having xanax in your system, would they not be cool with MMT?

 

[Sertürner]

I'm quitting today. In a few hours I will have my last shot.

I am prescribed xanax and adderall and if my doctor finds out that I have opiates in my system he will take me off of the meds. My suboxone doctor was a different guy I went to years ago. That is part of the reason I'm not okay with subs or MMT. Also, I want to be able to be free of any physical dependence to opiates.

Maintenance worked for me for a long time but I was much happier when I was off of everything than I was when I was in bupe maintenance.