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6 days Clean - Still mentally Craving!

L

lithium46

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 4, 2013
Messages
12
Location
KS
Hi Everyone!

I am new to this forum, I just wanted to share my story, and also, hear what others have gone through.

I quit a (about 1 year) habit of oxycodone using sometimes 180-210 MG per day. It of course, started out with 7.5 MG's on an occasional, purely recreational basis (both me and my Husband). I guess I should say that I am also Bi-polar, and have Social Anxiety Disorder, Which I think is what drew me to the pills in the first place. They made me feel so good, better than I could have imagined! I could take on the world! Before I knew it I was having to take more and more to even get a buzz. And all the while, I was hiding it from my husband, cutting holes in my purse to hide them in, beg, borrow and steal. I would do whatever it took to get more pills, and I realized I couldn't even start my day without 45-60 MGs in me.

I'm still not quite sure what made me decide to fess up, I guess I felt like I had hit my 'rock bottom', I wasn't in as bad as a place as some people, but It seemed like my marriage, career and social life were all fading away quickly.

I was out of pills, but that wasn't a problem, I could easily get more. I needed to get my life back. It wasn't easy telling my family, especially my husband. There were tears, anger, blame, sorrow and so many other emotions coming from both of us, lucky for me, he is a wonderful man, and has been my rock and support through this.

About 11pm that night, the withdrawals started, I couldn't sleep, I was shaking, I was sweating and freezing, I couldn't eat or drink anything, and all I wanted to do, all I could think about, was getting more medication to make this all stop. Finally after 3 days of Hell, I decided to go to my Doctor because I knew I couldn't do it alone. He was very supportive and understanding, he didn't make me feel bad for getting addicted, he actually gave me a lot of comfort, telling me stories of other people he has helped, and encouraging me to want to do better. He gave me buspar (which I've heard mixed reviews about) to help with the anxiety, shakes and sweats. The Buspar seemed to help a little bit, he had me at 5mg twice a day, but I took WAY more than that. I used a 10 day RX in 3 days. But now, I'm not sure that it really helped, or if it satisfied my craving to just take a pill. He would have given me Valium, but I asked him not to because I knew I would just take it all, until it was gone.

Anyway, today is my 6th day off of Oxycodone, and I am really surprised at how good I feel! I'm still having trouble sleeping, I am restless, and seem to be getting my energy back little by little. I am not out of the woods yet, I still have a very strong craving for a pill, I can't seem to relax and stop thinking about it. I thought maybe some of you might be able to relate, or have suggestions, ideas, or just share your story.
 
First of all, congratulations on taking that awfully hard first step in admitting you had a problem-- im sure it was very tough! You're doing great so far just keep it up! Getting your sleep back to normal will take some time. Problems with sleep after quitting is the physical withdrawals symptom that lasts the longest (at least for me). You should be pretty good in another week though. Your other physical withdrawal symptoms should be pretty much gone now though. You made it through the hard part! Unfortunately, once you've been using that long you will pretty much never be 100% free of mental cravings. After a long period of sobriety you won't crave as much-- eventually, hardly ever-- but you will still have random times when you will think about it or crave it and you will find certain things will trigger your hunger for opiates. Especially in dreams-- sometimes you will have a dream about using and wake up with ridiculously strong cravings. The important thing is not to give in to those temptations. You're on the right path and made a large stride already. Keep it up!!!!!
 
If you can change your thought process so that the idea of opiate use immediately reminds you of the horrific WD's (Instead of the high) this will make coping much easier..
Retrain - Your - Brain
Besides, there's plenty of ways to get 'high' without the use of a foreign substance.

Oh and try some asprin at night for the restless legs, loosen you up a bit.
 
Also if you are taking or thinking of taking any OTC sleep aids I would highly recommend you stay away from diphenhydramine (benedryl) containing products because during withdrawals it tends to really exacerbate restless legs. Since you are past the worst part of withdrawals it may not have this adverse effect on you so it may be useful but take a small dose the first time if you are going to use it.
 
You gotta be stronger than the cravings. I'm 7 months off heroin and still literally having nagging ridiculous thoughts every day trying to justify it.

"Just once while in Newark when you fly out of the country, cold cop and do it before the flight so you can't get any more! It'll all work!" And even more dumb shit. The cravings are the the easiest and the hardest part. Just try to dismiss them and tell yourself that its bad, like a dog who pissed on the carpet. No! Bad thoughts! You're being dumb!
 
I had to learn the hard way. I contracted sepsis pneumonia and diabetic ketoacidos. I ended up on a ventilator for 3 weeks. So I withdrew mostly in a coma this time but I have permanent lung damage and the docs wont perscribe me anything to relax. Today was the worst. I want dope so bad. I keep telling myself once more. But I know what will happen. Now I am suffering from this shit post sepsis syndrome. I got the shit from reusing needles..I know stupid but I really wasn't using the best judgement. Im fighting not to gobscore but fuck. Im closevto breaking .I want to feel good.
 
Try to be around good people and laugh. Youll feel better really soon. Also exercising can be key, it feels makes you feel good 24/7 if you can start a good habit. Do you work? If so try to have some fun at work with your friends, or with your husband. I like being around my gf when were both sober because we always laugh our asses off.
 
cg9256 said:
Try to be around good people and laugh. Youll feel better really soon. Also exercising can be key, it feels makes you feel good 24/7 if you can start a good habit. Do you work? If so try to have some fun at work with your friends, or with your husband. I like being around my gf when were both sober because we always laugh our asses off.
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thiss
go for a run and get them endorphins flowing! i swear after a 1 hour run and a shower I feel like I'm on a low dose of opioids.
 
ComfortablyNumb95 said:
thiss
go for a run and get them endorphins flowing! i swear after a 1 hour run and a shower I feel like I'm on a low dose of opioids.
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Haha... I don't run... 8) I'm one of those people, if I'm running, you'd better run too because it's not for fun....

Anyway, I just wanted to update everyone, I had a slip up, but I think it was the best thing that could have happened to me! I managed to get a hold of a 30mg oxy. I broke it in half, and took 15mg, and realized that it was not what I expected. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be, and instead I was angry at myself! So, of course, I took the other 15mg half the next day, and the same thing happened. The joy the pills is gone, and luckily I didn't have the w/d's again! I'm not saying that everyone who is going through w/d's or addiction should use one last time, but for me it seemed to do the trick for my brain!
 
lithium46 said:
Haha... I don't run... 8) I'm one of those people, if I'm running, you'd better run too because it's not for fun....

Anyway, I just wanted to update everyone, I had a slip up, but I think it was the best thing that could have happened to me! I managed to get a hold of a 30mg oxy. I broke it in half, and took 15mg, and realized that it was not what I expected. It wasn't as fun as I thought it would be, and instead I was angry at myself! So, of course, I took the other 15mg half the next day, and the same thing happened. The joy the pills is gone, and luckily I didn't have the w/d's again! I'm not saying that everyone who is going through w/d's or addiction should use one last time, but for me it seemed to do the trick for my brain!
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what do you mean the oxy 30 was not what you expected? I wouldve thought since you had been clean for so long, that 15mg would have hit you fairly strong...?
 
You might want to have this moved to the sober recovery section of bluelight . You will probably get better responses.


Stick it out man, there is MUCH more to life than opiates. I have been doing opiates for 6 years and I wish I stopped a long time ago because being homeless and pan handling for dope money sucks.

Today I don't do opiates really anymore. Maybe once in a while, but I have more important things in life than heroin . Heroin is really nothing special , neither are opiates.
 
Well congrats on making it as far as you did. You are doing well and being honest with yourself is the best thing you can do. There were things that could have helped you through physical withdrawals easier... but it doesn't matter at this point because you should be through the worst now anyway.

As far as redosing with that 30 mg roxy you were talking about... normally I would say it's a bad idea. Except the weird thing is, I've done the same thing in the past, and the same thing happened. I didn't like it. But it wasn't every time, that's the thing. And it was weird because I was still withdrawing a bit, but when I redosed with one or 2 doses of oxy, and when I came down and another day or 2 passed, my withdrawals were still just completely gone. It was as if my body still kept detoxing even through the one or two doses I took. Very weird, and like I said it didn't happen every time, but more than once, it did. Just be careful, and I wouldn't recommend doing it again.

Congrats again on getting clean, I hope you do well in staying away. Psychedelic therapy can work to take care of PAWS, but only if you are experienced and know exactly how to use it for that purpose, so I wouldn't recommend it to just anyone by default.

The cravings WILL stop. After a couple of weeks you will notice it is so much easier. SO much easier. Don't give in. Eat well and exercise. Whatever kind of exercise you enjoy. Do other things. Kratom can help, but don't do that all the time either, and definitely stay away from the extracts. Check out the 12 steps of AA and network with people who don't use. All of these things combined will work no doubt. Message me for extra advice.
 
You're six days clean, I would be absolutely shocked and probably think you were in denial if you weren't still mentally craving.

Put the right action in and things will get easier, don't be expecting anything to change too soon though!
 
omen_owen mk2 said:
You're six days clean, I would be absolutely shocked and probably think you were in denial if you weren't still mentally craving.

Put the right action in and things will get easier, don't be expecting anything to change too soon though!
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^It's true. When you said 6 days I was like ehh.... yeah, it'll take awhile lol. But everyday gets easier. As long as you take the advice we've all given so far.
 
omen_owen mk2 said:
You're six days clean, I would be absolutely shocked and probably think you were in denial if you weren't still mentally craving.

Put the right action in and things will get easier, don't be expecting anything to change too soon though!
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Exactly. If this was, "one year clean, still mentally craving" that'd be one thing (and still, that would be expected).. but 6 days? That's not even enough time to get out of acute-withdrawal, let alone have your cravings calm down.

You need to be patient with your recovery. You didn't get addicted overnight and you wont get sober overnight.
 
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