I knew it was true, but then again it's not. First off thanks Dave & Montseven for comms last post. This is a bit late, but thanks. Dave you're right. Mum isn't malicious, I know I have a part in this mess, though I wish I could be honest & say yeah I'm an addict, stay on maintainance meth, if necessary, or even do what Dave suggested, somehow manage to keep the weight off (keep VERY low food intake.) Exercise is obvious, but even now can only handle in small amounts.
I take calcium, magnisium supplements, & my ankles are no longer puffy like when I was fat. I've kept up the medication, the water pills. I did all this research online, even consulting with online doc, & from my history of drug use, the hep c, (although lab work confirmed the hep c not causing this chronic fatigue) I finally have an answer as to WHY all this time I'm always so fucking TIRED unless I do speed. The chronic fatigue I think started around June of 2008.
I'll have to look back & read, but I remember doing all the "right" things NA suggested, find out what's wrong. After $600 worth of tests, even with insurance, all she could tell me was my liver was ok, that wasn't the cause. Paying another $1000 & paying Mom &700/mo was not an option, so I stopped pursuring it, kept up the no dope/alcohol except my water pills doc wrote me to control the swelling, & getting more & more frustrated with the constant chronic fatigue that really was a huge piss stain on my life.
I tried exercise, weight watchers, then I thought it was the tramadol pills I tried to stop. I now think what might of happened is that the tramadol was merely masking the symptoms of chronic fatigue so I was actually dealing with that on top of just stopping those pills. I don't have diabetes, though came close, drink water, sleep, eat daily, lots of rest, but no matter how much or how little I sleep, eat, abstain from drugs, doing all the "right things" both as a non user and a "user" save for taking speed of course I'm tired unless without the aid of speed to feel normal or high.
According to my research, the symptoms I have, plus what I've ruled out from factual test/information from lab work, I've had kidney disease, something that started probably 15 years ago, the 1st noticable symptoms of puffy ankles in my late 30's. When that happened, I stayed off my feet, drank lots of water, and reduced speed intake, & it went away. The other lesser symptoms were attributed to "you're getting older" by doc who to be fair can't investigate furthur w/o more tests & I (clean then) ran out of money.
Chronic fatiuge is a symptom that could be due to many things, but I did ask MD on line bout this damned fatigue. Am I going to have to live with this forever as I did sober? It's still here as a user, but I do get some relief from meth. Perhaps online doc best answer as I don't want to get completely dissed & balked at, then permanently fucked by not being able to be insured in the future for having "a pre existing" condition, as I already am cause any insurance company in the future will not pay for liver tx, cause hep c is documented "pre existing."
I'm relieved as hell knowing that all the times I stopped speed 4 days, the longest since restarting speed, 12 days off of it....feeling exactly like crap. Still, even though I had in the past managed to ditch the horrific "come downs" the worst of them after 3 days, but was back to normal pretty much after a week. NA said sometimes we must accept a certain unpleasant reality, in my case chronic fatigue, but that's almost impossible when I know that although the temporary treatment, albeit toxic poison, gives me relief!
Ironically if it weren't for the speed, I doubt I'd have found out the real cause of this & I wouldn't of been able to lose weight to get to a reasonable (not sucked up) 160-170 lb fluctuation at 5'7" size 10. I've still got 5-7 extra lbs padding, stayed there & I'm good with that. I LOVE being able to move! I can walk a mile w/o stopping at a brisk pace as long as it's not uphill. The lady has told me repeatedly at work how I was fat b4, couldn't get up, walk far w/o considerable strain. "You so pretty now. Now you body is pretty. You move alot easier."
Apparently everyone else shares that opinion, they've commented, even the local loadies last night at the cop magnet party pad. It's not in my head, as is sadly the case for many young girls, like me at 15+ sported the fem curvy figure instead of flat washboard or Kate Moss look & we hated it. I wish I knew then that curves are hot, malnourished flatboard look is not. Fuck Hollywood.
I will remain single til I die, this I know, but for a laugh I had to post this article from eharmony of the 5 types of women that men avoid. I, according to them am #4 lmao. I see & understand the truth in this, however lots of drug addicts have partners too, or serial partners at least. I for the most part have been solo because I think mainly because I was so afraid of losing whoever, I did backflips to keep him interested. Of course the guys always sensed this, & hindsight I know guys like a challenge, & once I gave my entire devotion (too much too soon) they kept me a while, but looked elsewhere for a more challenging sort.
I got dumped, they'd eventually end up with someone else. I also went the opposite extreme, although not dreaming I'd end up with the obsessive, very jealous type. I encouraged the attention he gave, & was romantic, sweet, fun, & exciting in the beginning. Obessive love left me feeling suffocated soon, though & more like a prison, & an obligation, no longer exciting or intense in a good way. Then the drama followed. Another story 4 another time. Curiously enough in my proud post middle age, I'm confident & happy with my looks, I like men, but at 45, don't want to
make the change to living together/partnered one for the single life I've come to become VERY accostumed to in terms of freedom so to speak. It's not that I've ever been unfaithful, didn't want to be, but once I left my dad's home at 24 yrs, having my own freedom, come & go w/o having 2 tell anyone, buy what I want...or not, have friends over...or not, & never wanted to have to answer 2 anyone again long term. It cramps my style, in fact it's pissed me off that I have to go thru 10 million questions when I want to go somewhere from Mom even paying $700/mo rent. If I made objections, there was less peace...
Anyway....the article:
5 types of women that men avoid:
(no time 2 post the others but link at end if u wanna read)
4) The Party Girl
When men meet this ball of fun, they think she is the life of the party. She’s carefree, maybe a little wild, and from the outside looks like a person they may be interested in. Once they get a closer look, however, they realize that her entire life is a party. While a guaranteed good time may seem like a good idea, what will she be like in the sobering light of day?
Her hilarious antics, outgoing personality and righteous dance moves are good in small doses, but the Party Girl doesn’t know the meaning of “closing time.” It’s hard to have a healthy relationship with a person who is masking major problems underneath his or her party hat. Plus, we all know that people who can't amuse themselves without mind-altering substances just aren’t any fun when the party is over
Read more: http://advice.eharmony.com/article/5-types-of-women-that-men-avoid.html#ixzz0edkFnmed
Funny how I've observed on several sites I posted pics of how I look now---and the being an addict part....don't immediately turn and run. Beauty somehow grants alot more leway in some cases, but sucks when thats all people care about.
I take calcium, magnisium supplements, & my ankles are no longer puffy like when I was fat. I've kept up the medication, the water pills. I did all this research online, even consulting with online doc, & from my history of drug use, the hep c, (although lab work confirmed the hep c not causing this chronic fatigue) I finally have an answer as to WHY all this time I'm always so fucking TIRED unless I do speed. The chronic fatigue I think started around June of 2008.
I'll have to look back & read, but I remember doing all the "right" things NA suggested, find out what's wrong. After $600 worth of tests, even with insurance, all she could tell me was my liver was ok, that wasn't the cause. Paying another $1000 & paying Mom &700/mo was not an option, so I stopped pursuring it, kept up the no dope/alcohol except my water pills doc wrote me to control the swelling, & getting more & more frustrated with the constant chronic fatigue that really was a huge piss stain on my life.
I tried exercise, weight watchers, then I thought it was the tramadol pills I tried to stop. I now think what might of happened is that the tramadol was merely masking the symptoms of chronic fatigue so I was actually dealing with that on top of just stopping those pills. I don't have diabetes, though came close, drink water, sleep, eat daily, lots of rest, but no matter how much or how little I sleep, eat, abstain from drugs, doing all the "right things" both as a non user and a "user" save for taking speed of course I'm tired unless without the aid of speed to feel normal or high.
According to my research, the symptoms I have, plus what I've ruled out from factual test/information from lab work, I've had kidney disease, something that started probably 15 years ago, the 1st noticable symptoms of puffy ankles in my late 30's. When that happened, I stayed off my feet, drank lots of water, and reduced speed intake, & it went away. The other lesser symptoms were attributed to "you're getting older" by doc who to be fair can't investigate furthur w/o more tests & I (clean then) ran out of money.
Chronic fatiuge is a symptom that could be due to many things, but I did ask MD on line bout this damned fatigue. Am I going to have to live with this forever as I did sober? It's still here as a user, but I do get some relief from meth. Perhaps online doc best answer as I don't want to get completely dissed & balked at, then permanently fucked by not being able to be insured in the future for having "a pre existing" condition, as I already am cause any insurance company in the future will not pay for liver tx, cause hep c is documented "pre existing."
I'm relieved as hell knowing that all the times I stopped speed 4 days, the longest since restarting speed, 12 days off of it....feeling exactly like crap. Still, even though I had in the past managed to ditch the horrific "come downs" the worst of them after 3 days, but was back to normal pretty much after a week. NA said sometimes we must accept a certain unpleasant reality, in my case chronic fatigue, but that's almost impossible when I know that although the temporary treatment, albeit toxic poison, gives me relief!
Ironically if it weren't for the speed, I doubt I'd have found out the real cause of this & I wouldn't of been able to lose weight to get to a reasonable (not sucked up) 160-170 lb fluctuation at 5'7" size 10. I've still got 5-7 extra lbs padding, stayed there & I'm good with that. I LOVE being able to move! I can walk a mile w/o stopping at a brisk pace as long as it's not uphill. The lady has told me repeatedly at work how I was fat b4, couldn't get up, walk far w/o considerable strain. "You so pretty now. Now you body is pretty. You move alot easier."
Apparently everyone else shares that opinion, they've commented, even the local loadies last night at the cop magnet party pad. It's not in my head, as is sadly the case for many young girls, like me at 15+ sported the fem curvy figure instead of flat washboard or Kate Moss look & we hated it. I wish I knew then that curves are hot, malnourished flatboard look is not. Fuck Hollywood.
I will remain single til I die, this I know, but for a laugh I had to post this article from eharmony of the 5 types of women that men avoid. I, according to them am #4 lmao. I see & understand the truth in this, however lots of drug addicts have partners too, or serial partners at least. I for the most part have been solo because I think mainly because I was so afraid of losing whoever, I did backflips to keep him interested. Of course the guys always sensed this, & hindsight I know guys like a challenge, & once I gave my entire devotion (too much too soon) they kept me a while, but looked elsewhere for a more challenging sort.
I got dumped, they'd eventually end up with someone else. I also went the opposite extreme, although not dreaming I'd end up with the obsessive, very jealous type. I encouraged the attention he gave, & was romantic, sweet, fun, & exciting in the beginning. Obessive love left me feeling suffocated soon, though & more like a prison, & an obligation, no longer exciting or intense in a good way. Then the drama followed. Another story 4 another time. Curiously enough in my proud post middle age, I'm confident & happy with my looks, I like men, but at 45, don't want to
make the change to living together/partnered one for the single life I've come to become VERY accostumed to in terms of freedom so to speak. It's not that I've ever been unfaithful, didn't want to be, but once I left my dad's home at 24 yrs, having my own freedom, come & go w/o having 2 tell anyone, buy what I want...or not, have friends over...or not, & never wanted to have to answer 2 anyone again long term. It cramps my style, in fact it's pissed me off that I have to go thru 10 million questions when I want to go somewhere from Mom even paying $700/mo rent. If I made objections, there was less peace...
Anyway....the article:
5 types of women that men avoid:
(no time 2 post the others but link at end if u wanna read)
4) The Party Girl
When men meet this ball of fun, they think she is the life of the party. She’s carefree, maybe a little wild, and from the outside looks like a person they may be interested in. Once they get a closer look, however, they realize that her entire life is a party. While a guaranteed good time may seem like a good idea, what will she be like in the sobering light of day?
Her hilarious antics, outgoing personality and righteous dance moves are good in small doses, but the Party Girl doesn’t know the meaning of “closing time.” It’s hard to have a healthy relationship with a person who is masking major problems underneath his or her party hat. Plus, we all know that people who can't amuse themselves without mind-altering substances just aren’t any fun when the party is over
Read more: http://advice.eharmony.com/article/5-types-of-women-that-men-avoid.html#ixzz0edkFnmed
Funny how I've observed on several sites I posted pics of how I look now---and the being an addict part....don't immediately turn and run. Beauty somehow grants alot more leway in some cases, but sucks when thats all people care about.
