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5 months and sex is slowing down, what to do?

A

alcoholic333

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 26, 2006
Messages
268
Location
Los angeles
So Im with a great girl 5 months in our mid to late 20s. I pretty much have
Lived with her since after a month.

In the beginning we would go at it at least 2-3 times a day up to 5-7 on a few special days.

Now there has only been maybe 2-3 days we didn't have sex at all but I'm used to her wanting it all the time, usually just a little massage got her going but now at night alot of the time she brushes it off and just wants to sleep.

Don't get me wrong we still make it a point to do it once a day most times but I can't help but feel unwanted when I am horny all the time and she isn't anymore.

Is this just normal for it to
Slowly decline or is there anything to do to spice things up, or do women just get bored and lose interest/get too comfy in relationships ???
 
Yes, I would definitely say it's normal for this to happen eventually in most relationships - and it really isn't necessarily something to take personally. Have you tried actually voicing your concerns to her? My best advice would be to try and be spontaneous, 'spice things up', come up with new ideas, fulfill any particular fantasies, that kinda stuff. But talking to her about it would probably be your best initial course of action if you haven't already, just to check that there's no particular reason for her not wanting sex as much. Good luck :)
 
alcoholic333 said:
In the beginning we would go at it at least 2-3 times a day up to 5-7 on a few special days.
Click to expand...
You seriously think you can maintain those numbers over time? I mean, yeah ... would be nice!!! But, IMO it's beyond unrealistic. Be thankful for once a day. That's far above average when you look at it from a population perspective.
 
Hehe , 2 times a day every single day for the rest of your lifes ? Well , once a day it's not so bad either ? :D
 
alcoholic333 said:
So Im with a great girl 5 months in our mid to late 20s. I pretty much have
Lived with her since after a month.

In the beginning we would go at it at least 2-3 times a day up to 5-7 on a few special days.

Now there has only been maybe 2-3 days we didn't have sex at all but I'm used to her wanting it all the time, usually just a little massage got her going but now at night alot of the time she brushes it off and just wants to sleep.

Don't get me wrong we still make it a point to do it once a day most times but I can't help but feel unwanted when I am horny all the time and she isn't anymore.

Is this just normal for it to
Slowly decline or is there anything to do to spice things up, or do women just get bored and lose interest/get too comfy in relationships ???
Click to expand...

It's the good ol days syndrome people describe as nostalgia. You think about how it was in the past and you have a mixed feeling of pleasure and regret, pleasure because you relive the moment in a way, and regret because you regret not being able to feel like that anymore. The reason for it is that your dopamine reward system was more efficient at that time and it got lazy with the passing of time, so the time you spend now feels less rewarding then the time before.

This dopamine downshift can be easily corrected but they don't allow drug talk lol.
 
Ksa said:
This dopamine downshift can be easily corrected but they don't allow drug talk lol.
Click to expand...

if you want to discuss dopamine then there is a neuroscience and pharmacology discussion forum. its not that neurotransmitters are not relevant (because they are in every aspect of our behaviour) but there are a lot of oversimplified ideas that often begin in drug companies about neurotransmitters that are just nonsense. serotonin and happiness being one.

drugs are not going to solve all our problems. its best to look for alternative solutions first, the op is looking for help with a social relationship problem so thats more the sort of input that is needed.


people dont keep up high sex drives forever if they were just making a compromise in the first place by having more sex than they would usually do. its better to keep having quality sex than to have loads but have the quality decline and the interest wane
 
sex is a very small part of life

recreational sex is more a drug/addiction than anything else in my opinion
 
Noodle said:
sex is a very small part of life

recreational sex is more a drug/addiction than anything else in my opinion
Click to expand...

Wilma Rudolph. You can ask, is running in the Olympics a small part of a physically handicapped girl in a wheelchair? Surely small, but when you focus on it and it alone, and NOTHING else, it becomes 100% of your life. You imagine, a crippled kid, doctors say will never walk, turns out to get first place in women Olympics :D

Sex is a small part of life if you give it a small part of your time. Of course, if you focus on sex alone, you become less productive to society, Obama will afford less war ships to send to Syria and the Rockefeller will have to downgrade their ride from a Bugatti to a Bentley and print more paper at the Federal Reserve to pay for your inactivity. So showing addictive behavior is incompatible with a progress driven society, but it's not that bad for the individual itself the way you make it sound like.
 
sex is still a small part of life

it is a drive sure, but it becomes smaller over time as you study it through the rearview mirror

:)
 
material progress?

to be honest: I think humanity is a disease that the earth will shake, as soon as we overfill this petri dish of an orb
 
Noodle said:
material progress?

to be honest: I think humanity is a disease that the earth will shake, as soon as we overfill this petri dish of an orb
Click to expand...

“And a man sat alone
drenched in deep sadness.
And all the animals drew near to him and said:
We do not like to see you so sad…
Ask us for whatever you wish and you shall have it.
The man said:
I want to have good sight.
The vulture replied:
You shall have mine.
The man said:
I want to be strong.
The jaguar replied:
You shall be strong like me.
The man said:
I long to learn the secrets of the earth.
The serpent replied:
I will show them to you.
And so it went with all of the animals.
And when the man had all the gifts that they could give…..he left.
Then the owl said to the other animals:
Now the man knows much and is able to do many things….Suddenly I am scared.
The deer said:
The man has all that he needs now his sadness will stop..
But the owl replied :
No….I saw a hole in the man…deep like a hunger he will never fill.
It is what makes him sad and what makes him want.
He will go on taking and taking….
Until one day the world will say: I am no more and I have nothing left to give.”
 
hmmm....


you digress and seem to be engaging me directly

that might be better done via PM or the SLR social thread

...your choice kicks some ass
 
It happens. End of the honeymoon period. When you have sex just make it last longer. That way, it's be like having sex for the same amount of time as before, but clumped into longer sessions. :)
 
alcoholic333 said:
Is this just normal for it to
Slowly decline or is there anything to do to spice things up, or do women just get bored and lose interest/get too comfy in relationships ???
Click to expand...

Yeah, it's normal for the sex to decrease after the "honeymoon" phase.
When I started dating my bf, we only saw each other on weekends, and we'd have sex like 5-7 times a weekend.
3+ years later, we live together, we have sex about 1-2 times a week. I actually don't know when we'd have time to have sex every day lol. I know we have sex less often than what may be "average" but I'm just saying you can expect a decline.
 
Ksa said:
Of course, if you focus on sex alone, you become less productive to society, Obama will afford less war ships to send to Syria and the Rockefeller will have to downgrade their ride from a Bugatti to a Bentley and print more paper at the Federal Reserve to pay for your inactivity. So showing addictive behavior is incompatible with a progress driven society, but it's not that bad for the individual itself the way you make it sound like.
Click to expand...

haha this really made me crack, especially the Bentley part lol
 
I just had this conversation the other day with my friend.

sometimes health issues come into play as well as emotional, she may be more into the emotional aspects of the relationship than the physical ones. You might want to kind of talk to her without putting her on the defensive just to make sure everything is okay.

most mature relationships eventually slow down in sexual terms once more of a personal basis has been established and you begin to feel comfortable with and enjoy just spending time instead of fucking the day away (which there's nothing wrong with either as long as it doesn't cause unmanageability or interfere with your pre-relationship means of carrying on.)

where my friend and I got with our conversation was this- would you rather have more sex the way you maybe used to? Or enjoy the emotional and spiritual stuff the way you maybe never have? Typically there's at least some sort of a tradeoff and a lot of the times you can't have two.
 
llama112 said:
Yeah, it's normal for the sex to decrease after the "honeymoon" phase.
When I started dating my bf, we only saw each other on weekends, and we'd have sex like 5-7 times a weekend.
3+ years later, we live together, we have sex about 1-2 times a week. I actually don't know when we'd have time to have sex every day lol. I know we have sex less often than what may be "average" but I'm just saying you can expect a decline.
Click to expand...

Thanks for some reassurance. I've been with my gf for 17 months and for the first year+ we didn't live together so if we saw each other we usually had sex at some point. Now that we've moved in together it's different, not every day anymore, and I wasn't necessarily worried, I think we're just finding the equilibrium that works for us (and fortunately I'm finding she's just as horny as me, especially when I take pain meds, after 48 hours she's fiendin' for it and feeling bad for me ;) )

And I totally agree with pastel, it just evolves to the point we don't need to always be in bed, though it's always an option..
 
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