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5-meo-dmt - junkie - dancing with the devil in the pale moon light...

apollo

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2001
Messages
2,422
Location
sydney
Here's a retrospective account of the most powerful experience I've had with 5-methoxy-n,n-dimethyltryptamine... It was one of my first experiences with tryptamines, and also a defining few hours of my life. The times are approximate as my memory is far from adequate even when sober...
It's taken me a very long time to put piece this night back together, and it's still far from complete. Further experimentation with 5-meo-dmt has helped bring back the memories.
For those who are interested, I was 18 at the time, fairly unstable mentally, tried & frustrated. I don't wonder why the night unfolded as it did.
1.30am - X and I make the irrational and fairly risky decision to rail roughly 25mg of crushed 5-meo-dmt crystal. Staring down the barell of a pen which looks like an alien attachment to my nose I glare at the off white crystals one last time, noting how innocuous they look...
The pen barrel falls to the floor as I look up at the wall from the desk I just railed off... The pain has already set in, but I haven't reacted. My vision fogs as tears stream down my face like a waterfall. In a pathetic attempt to distract myself from the void rapidly being burnt into my nose, I tense every muscle in my body without any significant movement. X tells me I look constipated and I give up on my passive approach to dealing with the pain and impliment plan B - I throw myself onto the bed and writhe about madly like a dieing animal. A river runs to the bottom of my nose, suspecting blood I wipe a little off with my finger... It's mucus, so I sniff hard like any junkie would, hoping I might get a little more of that fucked up goodness. After 30 seconds of looking like a lunatic on the bed I wipe my face with tissues and decide there's no point in struggling. Lying back on the bed and staring at the roof, I check with my mate, X who is on the same roller coaster as I...
1.35am - While I was reassuring X that we were safe and nothing could happen to us, I felt my heart beating faster and harder... Stopping mid-sentence, I fell onto my back, breathing deeply and inconsistently. In an instant, I became a stranger in a strange land...
I felt like I was expanding, like some kind of spiritual presence was being sucked out of my surroundings and into my body. I felt in touch with everything around me, but it was nothing short of absolutely fucking frightening. I imagined the souls of the dead filling my body, ghostly presences seemed to fill the room, and my mind... Subtly, patterns emerged on the fan I was staring at. The textures on the concrete walls took shape, namely lizards and other reptiles... They took shape completely out of the blue and so very smoothly I had to concentrate to notice them... While appearing in such an awesome manner, the force of the drug, the pain thoughout my body and what I associate with their shape (which was generally long, thin & predatory) lead me believe they are here to do something worse to me than I had ever imagined possible. What that was, I can only allude to... All I can remember is that death was a far favourable option.
My body took a turn toward the awkward side of things... It was as if my mass was growing denser by the second, but the strength of my muscles was only one or two seconds behind it... Thus allowing me to maintain relatively normal control of my body, but with the most intense uncomfort I've ever experienced at the same time.
I look at my watch. Time does not exist - watching the seconds tick by on my watch was incomprehensible, and completely and utterly meaningless. I start to think I've finally gone insane... Thinking back to this point, I had forgotten all reference points with reality... Everything I could see, and everything I could think of meant absolutely nothing to me.
1.50am - I stand up. I remember it as if I stood up, and in my vision the world stayed as it was when I was lying down. Then it moved up to correct its self in my eyes... Leaving huge, glowing tracers everywhere. I felt like I was going to vomit, so into the fucking bathroom I went. As I walked, I felt detached... As if I was controlling my body from the 3rd person. I didn't vomit, but I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. My eyes were frightening, like smooth black stones with a disturbing, alien origin. Inside them I could see the same reptiles moving about slowly, trying to tell me the same thing. My hair looked like a violent ocean, my skin looked smooth and almost metallic... I managed to look away.
2.00am - I am scared. I realise it's completely possible for me to shit my dacks, but manage to control myself. I returned to the room, insisting to the now calm X that we go down to the park. As we made our way out the door I begun to feel increasinly dissociated and overwhelmed. As I walked down the stairs, I totally lost control of my body for a moment, and saw things from an external point of view. The next few minutes were an out of body experience which I will never forget... I remember imagining myself as some kind of short, four legged creature resembling a mutated wolf from the x-files, tearing at the doorhandle, and scampering into the corner near the garage door. The next thing I remember is looking down at my phone in my hand. I knew where I was, I knew what was going on, but I did not know anything more. X begun to worry, and to this day I thank him for the care he took of me over the next hour...
I made my way over to the park and sat down, trying to comprehend the new ways in which I was feeling fear... It's as if fear had become more than a feeling, but a complete, livable state of mind, body and the now so important soul...
I felt like I was going to vomit... Oh boy did I vomit. No drug other than alcohol has ever brought my guts up, but 5-meo-dmt did the trick. I vomited till there was noting left in my stomach to vomit, then I vomited some more. I vomited till I thought I could see blood coming out of my mouth. It wasn't, but it took a close inspection of what I'd hurled up for X to determine I hadn't. Vomiting as violently as I did while as altered as I was is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy... I sat with my legs apart, and my upper body slumped between my legs. I sat limply, rarely having to realign myself after heaving. During this time the main thought on my mind was how I was going to be found the next day. Lying in a pool of my own vomit with a bleeding nose & signs of a struggle with an invisible attacker...
Once the retching had ended, I rested my head on the wall behind me and closed my eyes. At this point I relaxed significantly, and even begun to enjoy the effects (to some extent). I noticed that the effects were tailing off... Till I closed my eyes. When they were closed,the only way I could measure time at all was through my breathing, and when I concentrated on my breathing, I noticed how slowly I seemed to be breathing. Each breath took an eternity to complete. More significantly, when I closed my eyes, the universe was pulled infront of me, instead of my eye lids. I saw geometric patterns which were simply astronomical in size and colour. Colours I never thought possible, patterns & shapes I never thought possible... All sweeping around infront of me, as I stood on a lonesome platform in the middle of the galaxy... I opened my eyes, and I was in the park. I closed my eyes, and my body felt as if it was alone in space, watching these impossible colours, shapes & movement patterns do their thing in front of me...
At this stage (about 3am) Y arrived. We'd requested her presence when we realised we'd over done it. I was ok by this point, but so astonished I found it hard to function coherently... I was busy futilely trying to comprehend what I had just done to myself.
I fell asleep at roughly 3.20.
This experience was beyond anything I had previously imagined possible. In trying to explain this experience, I have done an injustice to the profoundity, spirituality & strength of it... Do not expect anything like what I have detailed above. It's just so much more...
I know I over did it... I know I had the wrong mindset. That was the night I learnt my lesson, and I'm glad it happened, otherwise I might have thought, or told someone else that 5-meo-dmt is a safe chemical to be experimenting with.
:)
[ 10 July 2002: Message edited by: apollo ]
 
"stranger in a strange land" <-- The most perfect phrase description of 5-MeO-DMT that I have heard in my life.
This is one fucking well written trip report my friend. Its kinda giving me that urge again, to face that cliff and jump off it.
-plaz out-
 
Excellent report Apollo!!! I was at this moment leisurely considering to snort some 5-meo-dmt and your report made me rethink my strategy...a healthy respect for the power of this substance...
great report.
[ 10 July 2002: Message edited by: NSU ]
 
The next few minutes were an out of body experience which I will never forget... I remember imagining myself as some kind of short, four legged creature resembling a mutated wolf from the x-files, tearing at the doorhandle, and scampering into the corner near the garage door.
Jesus Christ.
Did you snort 25 mg each, or split between you and your friend?
Would you do this again? What dose (snorted) would you recommend to a new user? And how does the burn compare to other things, say meth, e, or 2ct-7?
 
I'd recommend you submit this to erowid, if you have not already. I'll personally make sure it gets posted. Nice report.
My experience with insufflated 5-MeO-DMT was much less dramatic than yours, but then my dosage was only 16 mg. The burn was horrendous though and I will just stick with smoking the stuff.
Fairnymph, compared to 2C-T-7 it's a toss-up which is worse. I actually think snorting 2C-T-7 may be a bit worse, because after 5-MeO-DMT my nose didn't feel swollen and damaged. Like I had inhaled sulfuric acid or something. It was just very painful and detracted from the overall experience. Hard to leave your body when your in such pain.
 
fairnymph: 25mg each. Yes, I would do it again. I'd recommend 10mg for a new user, but... I don't recommend taking drugs to people ;)
The burn is beyond any other burn I've ever experienced... Pure MDMA was nothing compared to 5-meo-dmt. Meth was also pale in comparison. I'm yet to rail 2-ct-7.
For anyone who is interested, I feel I should mention I weighed about 55kg (121lb) at the time, and was about as experienced as 18 year olds get with drugs...
 
Thanks for the report Apollo.
I've had a curious interest in 5-meo-dmt for a while, and after reading this, i've relaxed my attitude towards it should the opportunity present itself.
However, physical ailments aside, it's trips like this that sometimes encourage my curiosity rather than ease it.
Your visuals reminded of some experiences i've shared with friends who are practitioners of shamanic magick. I've only recently been actively participating with them (about 8 months now), and the spiritual themes and hallucinations that can eventuate from intense guided meditation always come back to me when I read DMT trip reports.
Of course, having never taken it, my personal interpretation may be way, way off the track.
I bring this up as the similar themes (from what i've read of your report) of spiritual and radiating energies, dissociation, OBE, and in some cases, finding yourself in some very twisted and strange landscapes... are often associated with facing ones self, fears, spirits and guardians from a 'Shamanic' perspective.
Does DMT have such a 'personal "i'm facing my daemons"' orientation and feel to it?
 
Originally posted by Vaile*:
Thanks for the report Apollo.
Does DMT have such a 'personal "i'm facing my daemons"' orientation and feel to it?

Are you talking about DMT, or 5-MeO-DMT? For me, 5-MeO-DMT was almost like judgement day. I was faced with a choice, accept myself (good and bad) or reject myself. It was as if my entire life flashed before my eyes and I had to review it all and basically decide if I was happy with it all. Of course I did, but that is all in my trip report at Erowid.
I never got anything all that profound with regular DMT myself, but then I never went over 30 mg. Hopefully with future trials, and a higher dosage, this will change.
 
Everyone reacts to this drug wildly differently, so don't expect to be "faced by your own daemons"... However, judgement of ones own worth (through varied means) seems to be a common factor across 5-meo-dmt experiences.
 
Excellent report Apol|o, I remember your hearty warnings when myself and plazma had our experiances.
However, I would say, that based on my non-proven theory, this drug is effected by bodyweight.
When myself & Plazma (Read his trip report Here )each insnufulated our 20mgs, he oviously felt the effects more than myself. He ,(and Apollo) being *signigicantly*
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thinner than myself seemed to make a difference to both the effects, and the come-on time. After having dosed another 10mgs, I started to feel very , very alone and rather strange. Still, I didn't "Become the Drum" or get reptiles that were here to do nasty things to me. More like I had been put in a compleatly unique and incredibly strange alien environment.
The feeling of undescribible strangeness that accompanies 5-meO-DMT is unique. Some people ask me "Whats it like?", and then get ansy when I can't tell them, because there is no way that it can be put into words...
 
^^^^^^^
Concurring with the cheesy one. Its impossible to explain how it feels, and people DO get pissy about it. Also if they're the type of people who'd get pissy about not being able to explain a drug, they probably shouldn't be doing it.
Vaile : I'd venture to say its not so much a facing your demons thing as an oh my fucking god I'm about to die in the next 10 seconds kinda thing.
Subtle difference, but it's quite important to distinguish. Its very very confronting, believe me, however, its also very comforting to know that when death really DOES rock around, you have a good idea of how you'll handle it. Or not.
-plaz out-
 
^^ Very true
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't DMT (N,N-Dmt anyway)
1) naturally occuring
2) realeased by the brain when you die/near death.
I thought thats why most people claim to have seen "they're life flash before their eyes" when they have near death experiances...
 
DMT is naturally occuring in the brain.. I have also heard about higher releases of DMT at birth and death, but I do not know how true that is...
 
Some info for you nick :)
DMT has been found to occur naturally in mammalian brains (Barker[4] and Christian [17]). "Indolealkylamines ... are the only known hallucinogenic agents whose endogenous occurrence in mammals, including man, has been confirmed" (McKenna [67]). Szara [114] says that it "seems that the whole enzymatic apparatus exists in mammals which can produce tryptamine from tryptophane, DMT from tryptamine and 6-HDMT [the probably hallucinogenic 6-hydroxy-DMT] from DMT."
The presence of DMT in the human brain is confirmed... Making us all guilty of posession :)
As for it being released around the time of death... This isn't confirmed, and unfortunately I don't know of any studies looking into it...
However, many people who have had near-death experiences have described very similar things to those who have smoked large doses of DMT. Also, it's believed that some people who claim to have been abducted by aliens actually scared themselves to the point where their body released DMT in preperation for death...
But that's all theory/speculation. Rest assured if anything concrete comes out on it, I'll be spamming it all over bluelight :)
[ 02 August 2002: Message edited by: apollo ]
 
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