white_magic
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 20, 2008
- Messages
- 228
5-MeO-DMT - Inexperienced - "What are we trying to find, again?"
I recently received 250 mg of 5-meo-dmt freebase from an online vendor. I've been toking on it here and there until I figured out the right way to smoke it and since then I've had 2 of the most intense experiences of my life thanks to it.
While both trips felt pretty similar, that is, the most intense and frightening experiences of my life, I know for a fact that the first one had to be significantly more intense because I eyeballed the amount and I inhaled a LOT of smoke. Other than that, I cannot differentiate between the trips because, once again, they were so intense, far beyond words, beyond anything I could ever prepare for, so much so that I couldn't even begin to compare them. However, the major differences were these: during the first trip I was a little on the edge for much of the day, consumed a large quantity of the substance, had a tripsitter, and was indoors, while the second trip was caused by consuming a sub 20mg dosage (since I'd been toking on it) on a relatively clear mind, and took place outdoors with no tripsitter.
*****************************************************
Both went as such: after I inhaled the rather pleasant-smelling smoke and held it in, a mere 10 seconds later, an all-encompassing feeling took over (and during the second trip I made sure to run outside at this point to make the trip more tolerable and less frightening). In seconds, I felt like I'd been dropped underwater or banged over the head with a hammer and I immediately started experiencing an out-of-body feeling. I could easily imagine flying out from and beyond my current self and see the world shrinking. A bit like being in a dream, but that would be more in the LSD territory. An all-encompassing feeling of everything. No. Just a different dimension. A different time, a different place.. Nah. Just plain terror and NOTHINGNESS.
The following thoughts start racing through my head: "I shouldn't have done it. What have I done? This is it. Pandora's box has been opened. I've always been here. Or have I? One thing's for sure. I'M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO LEAVE THIS PLACE! Whether it coexists with the dimension I'm familiar with is irrelevant. I'm here, I don't like it, it doesn't like me. What do I do here? Oh wait. NOTHING. Because there is nothing. Also, this insane cosmic nothingness is accompanied by a feeling/sound (synaesthesia?) that is metallic and overpowering. I’m not sure if that was the part of the trip that would make me definitively label it as unpleasant or if it was the general lack of control and values. Also, my heart was beating faster than ever.
And did I mentioned that there is no time anymore? It's nonexistent, along with everything else. 'All research told me that this trip is only supposed to last a few minutes.. what I a fool I was. That was a trick. I opened the forbidden door and it just shut behind me. I'm done. I'm done for. I'll be in agony forever.. unless...."
Thankfully I remained calm enough to not do anything stupid. Strangely enough, the fact that the trip would only last a short time didn't cross my mind in either trip. The DMT dimension was more real than any little laws or facts that existed in our dimension.
However, despite all this, through a little haze and past minor visual distortions, I could still clearly see what's around me in the physical world. I could see the objects around me, whether they're my room, its contents and my tripsitter during the first trip, or my backyard, the trees, the fence, greenery, etc. during my second trip. Yet I had never been further away from all of it. I had never mattered less. I had never understood less. I had never been more lost. Also, I had been told by my tripsitter that during my first trip I had my eyes closed for many seconds at a time, a piece of trivia that really surprised me. I guess the image of the room was burned in my mind as the last thing it could comprehend. However, I do recall being able to speak and move around. And wonder around is all I did during my second trip. I didn’t black out. I lost all control and relevance, I didn’t matter, but I didn’t collapse?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Also, I feel I should mention that exactly a week after my first trip I had flashbacks or panic attacks of sorts. I had drank quite a bit, but this started happening after I sobered up. I went to sleep, lay down.. and my pillow was intimidating me. I was afraid that it was about to project warm, negative energy into me. Same with my cell phone. They were about to shoot their evil pulse waves. Every time they did it, I would try to interrupt them as best as I could, but a wave of terror always followed through my whole body. And this wave was a conduit to the DMT dimension.
I turned my PC on again to distract myself, but it didn't work too well. I was afraid of entering the DMT dimension again and I was shaking in fear. I somehow managed to get into my bed after a few hours, at which point I had to keep combating the terror waves. It's was like a mental battle and the only weapons I had were to try to either imagine doing something concrete or to clear my head of thoughts as much as possible. I kept fighting for at least 2-3 hours and barely slept. In the morning I felt a lot better but I did get a scare by looking at my towel through the bathroom’s mirror.
For a few days after that I was fearing a possible return of the waves and kept my guard up. I also felt claustrophobic. Those walls could cave in at any time..
Then, after all this, why did I do it again? I think it was thrill-seeking behavior. Every time I do it, I regret it with all of my mind and body. And the 'terror waves' that follow are very, very undesirable. I hope I don't get them again.
I’m about to dump the remainder of my 5-meo-dmt. Afterall, I know that this substance and its potential is way beyond me. Whether it’s because I have ADD and cannot relax easily, I don’t know. For example, I don’t feel that I should need to know how to meditate in order to enjoy a psychoactive substance. I certainly didn’t need anything special for acid, just the right mind and setting. I also don’t think I’ve learned much from this substance, though I also can’t say that that was my goal to begin with. Similarly, I don’t feel like this substance has given me a chance either. It simply hit me, full force.
Also, fellow psychonauts, where was I? Which dimension is real? Did I skip past the commonly sought 'divine entities' part and enter 'the void'? Or would I have to have passed out in order to truly break through? Should I have been fighting to retain my identity as I did during my first trip? Do I fight the ego? Do I let it go and instead go with the flow (surrender to nothingness)? Let it take me wherever, let it kidnap my mind and soul?
##############################
EDIT: After the 2nd trip, I've been experiencing slight motion sickness for 5 days straight (so far)..
substancecode_5meodmt
I recently received 250 mg of 5-meo-dmt freebase from an online vendor. I've been toking on it here and there until I figured out the right way to smoke it and since then I've had 2 of the most intense experiences of my life thanks to it.
While both trips felt pretty similar, that is, the most intense and frightening experiences of my life, I know for a fact that the first one had to be significantly more intense because I eyeballed the amount and I inhaled a LOT of smoke. Other than that, I cannot differentiate between the trips because, once again, they were so intense, far beyond words, beyond anything I could ever prepare for, so much so that I couldn't even begin to compare them. However, the major differences were these: during the first trip I was a little on the edge for much of the day, consumed a large quantity of the substance, had a tripsitter, and was indoors, while the second trip was caused by consuming a sub 20mg dosage (since I'd been toking on it) on a relatively clear mind, and took place outdoors with no tripsitter.
*****************************************************
Both went as such: after I inhaled the rather pleasant-smelling smoke and held it in, a mere 10 seconds later, an all-encompassing feeling took over (and during the second trip I made sure to run outside at this point to make the trip more tolerable and less frightening). In seconds, I felt like I'd been dropped underwater or banged over the head with a hammer and I immediately started experiencing an out-of-body feeling. I could easily imagine flying out from and beyond my current self and see the world shrinking. A bit like being in a dream, but that would be more in the LSD territory. An all-encompassing feeling of everything. No. Just a different dimension. A different time, a different place.. Nah. Just plain terror and NOTHINGNESS.
The following thoughts start racing through my head: "I shouldn't have done it. What have I done? This is it. Pandora's box has been opened. I've always been here. Or have I? One thing's for sure. I'M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO LEAVE THIS PLACE! Whether it coexists with the dimension I'm familiar with is irrelevant. I'm here, I don't like it, it doesn't like me. What do I do here? Oh wait. NOTHING. Because there is nothing. Also, this insane cosmic nothingness is accompanied by a feeling/sound (synaesthesia?) that is metallic and overpowering. I’m not sure if that was the part of the trip that would make me definitively label it as unpleasant or if it was the general lack of control and values. Also, my heart was beating faster than ever.
And did I mentioned that there is no time anymore? It's nonexistent, along with everything else. 'All research told me that this trip is only supposed to last a few minutes.. what I a fool I was. That was a trick. I opened the forbidden door and it just shut behind me. I'm done. I'm done for. I'll be in agony forever.. unless...."
Thankfully I remained calm enough to not do anything stupid. Strangely enough, the fact that the trip would only last a short time didn't cross my mind in either trip. The DMT dimension was more real than any little laws or facts that existed in our dimension.
However, despite all this, through a little haze and past minor visual distortions, I could still clearly see what's around me in the physical world. I could see the objects around me, whether they're my room, its contents and my tripsitter during the first trip, or my backyard, the trees, the fence, greenery, etc. during my second trip. Yet I had never been further away from all of it. I had never mattered less. I had never understood less. I had never been more lost. Also, I had been told by my tripsitter that during my first trip I had my eyes closed for many seconds at a time, a piece of trivia that really surprised me. I guess the image of the room was burned in my mind as the last thing it could comprehend. However, I do recall being able to speak and move around. And wonder around is all I did during my second trip. I didn’t black out. I lost all control and relevance, I didn’t matter, but I didn’t collapse?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Also, I feel I should mention that exactly a week after my first trip I had flashbacks or panic attacks of sorts. I had drank quite a bit, but this started happening after I sobered up. I went to sleep, lay down.. and my pillow was intimidating me. I was afraid that it was about to project warm, negative energy into me. Same with my cell phone. They were about to shoot their evil pulse waves. Every time they did it, I would try to interrupt them as best as I could, but a wave of terror always followed through my whole body. And this wave was a conduit to the DMT dimension.
I turned my PC on again to distract myself, but it didn't work too well. I was afraid of entering the DMT dimension again and I was shaking in fear. I somehow managed to get into my bed after a few hours, at which point I had to keep combating the terror waves. It's was like a mental battle and the only weapons I had were to try to either imagine doing something concrete or to clear my head of thoughts as much as possible. I kept fighting for at least 2-3 hours and barely slept. In the morning I felt a lot better but I did get a scare by looking at my towel through the bathroom’s mirror.
For a few days after that I was fearing a possible return of the waves and kept my guard up. I also felt claustrophobic. Those walls could cave in at any time..
Then, after all this, why did I do it again? I think it was thrill-seeking behavior. Every time I do it, I regret it with all of my mind and body. And the 'terror waves' that follow are very, very undesirable. I hope I don't get them again.
I’m about to dump the remainder of my 5-meo-dmt. Afterall, I know that this substance and its potential is way beyond me. Whether it’s because I have ADD and cannot relax easily, I don’t know. For example, I don’t feel that I should need to know how to meditate in order to enjoy a psychoactive substance. I certainly didn’t need anything special for acid, just the right mind and setting. I also don’t think I’ve learned much from this substance, though I also can’t say that that was my goal to begin with. Similarly, I don’t feel like this substance has given me a chance either. It simply hit me, full force.
Also, fellow psychonauts, where was I? Which dimension is real? Did I skip past the commonly sought 'divine entities' part and enter 'the void'? Or would I have to have passed out in order to truly break through? Should I have been fighting to retain my identity as I did during my first trip? Do I fight the ego? Do I let it go and instead go with the flow (surrender to nothingness)? Let it take me wherever, let it kidnap my mind and soul?
##############################
EDIT: After the 2nd trip, I've been experiencing slight motion sickness for 5 days straight (so far)..
substancecode_5meodmt
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