9/16/05
11:00pm
The first time i smoked 5-MeO-DMT, almost 4 years ago, i was quite shaken. My total annihilation and subsequent reaction of shock and horror ended up scaring me off from all psychedelics for a couple years. Recently however, i came across some of the magic powder and i suspected that today, in a more prepared self, i might react to the intensity of the experience more with love rather than with fear. So one alone Friday night at my apartment, i smoked 30mg split between 20mg vaporized in a DMT pipe and then, when this only got me halfway through, the remaining 10mg sprinkled on top of some cannabis.
As I was breaking through i became increasingly more aware of my breath. It seemed like such a large part of me; my life force. In fact, now that i thought of it i was my breath, and existed as nothing else. My sphere of my consciousness had contracted to encompass only what was occurring in my lungs. Then, without warning, my awareness expanded, no - e x p l o d e d - to encompass all there is. I was the chaotic, probabilistic quantum mechanical gurglings that underlie all of reality. I was the vast enormous galactic meta-dimensional everything. There was no fundamental difference between myself and anything in the universe. In a kind of harmonic resonance, I vibrated in peace with all the forces playing out around me. This time there was no hint of fear, because, if fear is an evolutionary product of self-preservation then what was there to be afraid of if you were everything? The experience was, by far, the most beautiful thing i have ever felt.
The feeling of everything stayed with me for a while. Even 60 minutes later i was still basking in the temporal reflection of the awe felt at that moment of cosmic union. As i wrote down some reactions to the experience on paper, it felt like the pen was writing me; the words that were coming out being outside of conscious control and rather a direct manifestation of the galactic forces I am was part of. Dancing to some music on the stereo feels like the music was dancing me. Causation was thrown out the window and everything that existed at that exact moment existed as everything forever.
I wish i could remember more details during the flash, but alas even if i could remember them words would be far too narrow a vehicle to convey such thoughts. Visuals were either absent or unimportant compared to the overarching feeling of divine connectivity. I was god for a moment; i experienced what hyper-dimension living felt like.
The next day feels like a glistening sheen of love and acceptance is thrown over all people, objects, and events in the new world. This is what i’ve been looking for, the universe is now seen as utterly complete.
11:00pm
The first time i smoked 5-MeO-DMT, almost 4 years ago, i was quite shaken. My total annihilation and subsequent reaction of shock and horror ended up scaring me off from all psychedelics for a couple years. Recently however, i came across some of the magic powder and i suspected that today, in a more prepared self, i might react to the intensity of the experience more with love rather than with fear. So one alone Friday night at my apartment, i smoked 30mg split between 20mg vaporized in a DMT pipe and then, when this only got me halfway through, the remaining 10mg sprinkled on top of some cannabis.
As I was breaking through i became increasingly more aware of my breath. It seemed like such a large part of me; my life force. In fact, now that i thought of it i was my breath, and existed as nothing else. My sphere of my consciousness had contracted to encompass only what was occurring in my lungs. Then, without warning, my awareness expanded, no - e x p l o d e d - to encompass all there is. I was the chaotic, probabilistic quantum mechanical gurglings that underlie all of reality. I was the vast enormous galactic meta-dimensional everything. There was no fundamental difference between myself and anything in the universe. In a kind of harmonic resonance, I vibrated in peace with all the forces playing out around me. This time there was no hint of fear, because, if fear is an evolutionary product of self-preservation then what was there to be afraid of if you were everything? The experience was, by far, the most beautiful thing i have ever felt.
The feeling of everything stayed with me for a while. Even 60 minutes later i was still basking in the temporal reflection of the awe felt at that moment of cosmic union. As i wrote down some reactions to the experience on paper, it felt like the pen was writing me; the words that were coming out being outside of conscious control and rather a direct manifestation of the galactic forces I am was part of. Dancing to some music on the stereo feels like the music was dancing me. Causation was thrown out the window and everything that existed at that exact moment existed as everything forever.
I wish i could remember more details during the flash, but alas even if i could remember them words would be far too narrow a vehicle to convey such thoughts. Visuals were either absent or unimportant compared to the overarching feeling of divine connectivity. I was god for a moment; i experienced what hyper-dimension living felt like.
The next day feels like a glistening sheen of love and acceptance is thrown over all people, objects, and events in the new world. This is what i’ve been looking for, the universe is now seen as utterly complete.
. ![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
