5 Days Clean Heroin / Bupe / Nicotine ... Now What ?

[b4rd]

So I have been off of all opiates and nicotine successfully for 5 days now .

I must not forget to mention though: if not without the aid of Valarian Root, Diphenhydramine, kava kava (FANTASTIC for sleeping though opiate W.D. calms down the GABA similar to benzos LEGAL !), moderate exercise ranging from walking (days 1-2) to cycling (days 3-5), and as much pot as I could consume, my attempt probably would have been unsuccessful so far.

Now it is day 5 , and the worst of the physical seems to be over, still have the "hebegebies" every once in a while, but other than that , pain is over. Slept 5 hours last night, awoke at 5 AM , but have a lot of energy (manic from nicotine cessation?)

My question is , now that the physical is over with, the PAW symptoms are gonna start and continue (depression, shit sleep, emptiness, random annoying crying spells), what the fuck do am I gonna do ? Every time I quit opiates in the past (however I was quitting for parents, or reasons that were not for my true "well being".), I have been unable to get over the depressed feelings .

So I guess the best thing I have going for me is this: I want sobriety so bad I can taste it. I just don't know how to be sober. And don't tell me to go to NA / AA ... I'll be using by 3 days. Not hating on AA/NA , I know it works and has worked for tons of people, it just ain't my type of gig.

I guess my biggest problem is I don't know what the fuck I should do with my time. Should I just get a shit job and work for a while and get sober? Or continue school? I am just feeling lost and empty inside. Currently I am only using Marijuana . I am scared to quit weed. It is the only thing keeping me sane currently . That and company .

I saw a book in my fathers house today that added insult to injury titled, "Will Power Is Not Enough". This is a whole other topic I do not wish to talk about, but I pretty much believe that "Will Power Can Be Enough".

Maybe Marijuana is my higher power? I guess I will see if willpower's enough when i quit the green herb. Maybe then Exercise will be my higher power who knows.

Sorry turning to rant, just need some advice is all . Feeling lost at the crossroads

 

[suessmayr]

Hey man. I'm between 70 and 80 days clean from bupe and it's been the most difficult period of my life without fucking exception.

It's good you've got the diphenhydramine and valerian. Another good OTC anti-histamine is doxylamine, and you may consider switching from diphenhydramine to doxylamine occasionally so as not to become dependent on either. Also, and depending on how prone to anxiety/panic you are, (and also on whether you trust yourself) you may want to consider getting a small supply of some benzo to get you through the really tough times. I used to eat benzos like fucking biscuits but since stopping bupe I have only used them a handful of times despite having a reasonable supply. This is because I'm committed - like it sounds you are - to being generally sober, so whether or not benzos would help you is something you'd need to ask yourself honestly.

For what it's worth, weed makes me intensely scared and panicky - if this were not the case I probably would have had no need for benzos, and would have just smoked hectic jozzas all day. I have a new affinity for alcohol, though, which I never had when I was on bupe.

Lastly, you may consider seeing a psychologist or shrink during this difficult time. Whether to get anti-depressants/benzos or simply to talk through your shit, it would be very good to have that sort of support. And it's good you're exercising. Exercise is key.

 

[b4rd]

How about the random bouts of depression? These to me seem the worst. I used to be on an anti-depressant, but am finally off of it (SSRI, Celexa) discontinued because i didn't like the side effects they gave me. And now that you are off opiates for 70-80 days, do you still have random bouts of depression throughout the day? do you still get crying spells ? These to me seem the worst. I feel like a fucking roller coaster of emotions =/ .

And i don't want to take benzos because I know I would be hooked , as i have anxiety/depression/addictive tendencies .

And that fucking sucks that weed give you anxiety man; it seems to be one of the few things going for me ...that and mending the relationship between my father and myself every day slowly getting better... But , I am not looking forward to quitting smoking weed man; i have a viced grip around that crutch =/ .

And maybe a shrink would be good man . I may look into that =/.. I am feeling the urge to vent throughout the day a lot for some reason ...

 

[Legerity]

Good job man Can't be easy doing the opiates and nicotine at the same time.

Do you enjoy school or work better? It can be helpful to find something that isn't TOO stressful but that is somewhat stimulating too so that you're not bored all the time.

Maybe the weed smoking will be dealt with on its own time. If that stresses you out it seems like you already have a lot on your plate that you're focusing on

 

[b4rd]

Thank you Leng. And ya it was tough doing both at once, i never cried so much from a opiate detox before (must be the nicotine withdrawal as well?)

And with the school work thing . School i certainly enjoy more . But money is a necessity . I think I just have to find a balance between the two, as I cannot picture either 2 out of my life. I normally have a job, (shit minimum paying normally as well) but i never seem to be able to hold it due to boredom .

Wishes one could be paid for being a full time student =).