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Addiction 45 years of stim addiction, at 64 it's dark ahead.

JustMeInMT

JustMeInMT

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 19, 2023
Messages
17
When I thoroughly look back on those 45 years, the fact that I am still alive is astounding. My nurse friend refers to me as an outlier. Somebody that defies the odds and survives a usually deadly event or, in my case, a lifetime of accidents and self destruction. My super power has always been my ability to find something to look forward to and see the beauty that makes life worth living. Well, here I am at 64, my legs are deteriorating and my body is reminding me how hard I was on it.. I can no longer hike, walk on the river rocks or walk 10 blocks to meet a friend for coffee. Walking is peace of mind for me. Experiencing the amazing out of doors in the mountains where I live has always lifted me up and often healed my mind. p Twos years ago I skied around 80 days. Now, I couldn't make the walk to the lodge. I've had over 14 surgeries on my joints and bones. That 14th surgery was the first to not go well, infact my ankle is worse. My financial position isn't great either. For the first time in my life I can't find anything to look forward to and the beauty escapes me. I have felt depression for a month or two in the past but, it has been 8 months of opening my eyes in the morning and being bummed out. I spent the last 45 years not worrying about the future and now that's all I do. That future looks empty unless I somehow reinvent myself. Change is not my strong suit. I would like to say thank you if you took the time to read all of that. I think it helped to write it. Always happy to hear from the other, long in the tooth, addicts. Cheers
 
JustMeInMT said:
When I thoroughly look back on those 45 years, the fact that I am still alive is astounding. My nurse friend refers to me as an outlier. Somebody that defies the odds and survives a usually deadly event or, in my case, a lifetime of accidents and self destruction. My super power has always been my ability to find something to look forward to and see the beauty that makes life worth living. Well, here I am at 64, my legs are deteriorating and my body is reminding me how hard I was on it.. I can no longer hike, walk on the river rocks or walk 10 blocks to meet a friend for coffee. Walking is peace of mind for me. Experiencing the amazing out of doors in the mountains where I live has always lifted me up and often healed my mind. p Twos years ago I skied around 80 days. Now, I couldn't make the walk to the lodge. I've had over 14 surgeries on my joints and bones. That 14th surgery was the first to not go well, infact my ankle is worse. My financial position isn't great either. For the first time in my life I can't find anything to look forward to and the beauty escapes me. I have felt depression for a month or two in the past but, it has been 8 months of opening my eyes in the morning and being bummed out. I spent the last 45 years not worrying about the future and now that's all I do. That future looks empty unless I somehow reinvent myself. Change is not my strong suit. I would like to say thank you if you took the time to read all of that. I think it helped to write it. Always happy to hear from the other, long in the tooth, addicts. Cheers
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Sorry to hear that and I can relate. At the heart, exercise in the outdoors has always been the ultimate mood stabilizing high for me. A day spent hopping talus under the big open sky of the mountains puts all drugs to shame ime.
I'm not as physically impaired as you but some problems have developed with my knees and feet, and I'm feeling like I need to alter my expectations and reinvent myself. I'm honestly not sure how I'm going to do that, but perhaps it helps to remember how wondrous nature is and how much there is to explore even sitting still. It also helps to reach out more to people you know and nurture those connections.
 
chippermonk said:
Sorry to hear that and I can relate. At the heart, exercise in the outdoors has always been the ultimate mood stabilizing high for me. A day spent hopping talus under the big open sky of the mountains puts all drugs to shame ime.
I'm not as physically impaired as you but some problems have developed with my knees and feet, and I'm feeling like I need to alter my expectations and reinvent myself. I'm honestly not sure how I'm going to do that, but perhaps it helps to remember how wondrous nature is and how much there is to explore even sitting still. It also helps to reach out more to people you know and nurture those connections.
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Thank you very much. Good to get reminders and hear new ideas.
 
64 that is 12 ahead, i am 52. Did 4 Australian Pull ups. Kid s and their dad 40.
All did 20, i am feeling it still. Training since 3 week s so not know my limit s yet.
But this was embarrassing to myself, but tomorrow another day !

Being deprived of mobility sound s, well you know. I feel it too could bike,
120 km in one go. Now maybe 10 if the wind is light.
They have expensive thing s that strengthen movement,
but you have a cash issue, but no idea but here those kinda thing s,
fall under insurance. Does your country has these kinda care.

Here insurance is not free will, but a obligation. Eating up 280 of my mone.
But i get a part back from the state as i have low income. System s :ar69:
 
JustMeInMT said:
My financial position isn't great either. For the first time in my life I can't find anything to look forward to and the beauty escapes me
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+!+!, me too :) at 60 now with years of Heroin addiction behind me, today I'm here on bluelight trying to find the courage to quit now and not go out to score. Time is running out, if I make it to retirement age I won't be able to afford the addiction anymore. And right now I want to enjoy life. To travel, experience the good things. Not spend all available funds on H. I'm not working for the next 2 weeks, my only responsibility is looking after my partner who needs knee replacement surgery so can't walk. Right now I feel ok, in 12 hours I won't. If I make it through the night I will be unlikely to be able to go out to score. How do I get determined enough - I just know I will weaken when the time comes...
 
One of my friends is 63

Been on Meth since early 20s. Daily use IV

His health is declining now

He aint ever stopping
 
That sucks, but we all ultimately pay the piper. I have all kinds of health issues from drug use.
Try to find something else to focus on. I once herniated a disc and couldn’t walk at all for 2. Oaths, then with a cane for 6. I like to exercise and walk, and the immobility was torture. I feel for you, and can only say. Don’t give up, and try to find something to be interested in. It’s not a replacement for the outdoors, but you need to work with what you have.
 
72 here, had my share of setbacks and disappointments. I get depressed from to time and I find myself thinking about the same old triggers over again. I’ve learned how to flip my moods from negative to positive by changing my perspective on things.
Childhood trauma, mental illness, abandonment issues, daddy issues, and who knows what else contributed to the mess I call my life today.
My point is we humans are resilient by nature. We are born to survive whatever life throws at us but it may take time figure out the best way to address situations we find ourselves in.
You will figure it out, I know you will.
 
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