140 mg 4-HO-MET + Nitrous Oxide (Repeated) + Cannabis (Repeated)
Preface
I understand this report Is quite long but would really like some feedback as I am somewhat scared and need reassurance of some kind.
This was probably one of the most beautiful and paradoxically traumatic psychedelic experiences of my life, much more than my freak-out on 30 HBWR, in which I was receiving a constant and hugely intense sensory bombardment. I did not have any cannabis or nitrous on hand to provide some sense of calm and quiet. I freaked out from pretty much no relief from the sensory overload while paradoxically receiving no visual hallucinations (Or at least that I can remember). I would close my eyes and the horrible barrage was neither slowed nor mitigated. I spend the 6 hours of the 8 hour trip in a sense of intense behavioural Babel. I wanted to kill myself, and had my friend A not been there I seriously might have. I realised that psychedelics could very much be used for torture or more so interrogation. I would have seriously done ANYTHING (And I can?€™t stress the ANYTHING enough) if offered an escape. I also wailed gibberish and nonsensical sentences throughout the experience.
The time dilation made the experience seem to drag on for an eternity. Insanity at its finest. My friend also said once I had fallen asleep (How I did this is beyond me) I was jerking and thrashing around randomly and intensely. Needless to say I awoke from the experience that morning with what I refer to as a shattered reconstruction. I saw a plethora of shimmers in my visual field, like my vision was a haphazard reconstruction.
And also worse than my DPT 100mg IM freak out, in which the visuals got so strong that they gained gravity, I felt like I had ghostly bodies climbing on top of me. Like demons from the abyss threatening to pull me down with them. If you have seen the movie Constantine it was not dissimilar to the hands and bodies in the crevice of the ?€œhell?€ world. Regardless to say I freaked out and my friend A came over and stayed with me again?€?good old A.
From Euphoria to temporary Schizophrenia
Set/Setting: Dark bedroom, soft colour-shifting mood light.
- No food had been ingested since 8hrs prior. 20mg Methocin consumed the previous night.
- Pre-rolled 3 small joints to be consumed in ascending order of size.
T+20min: Noticing first alerts, slight warping and colour saturation .Slight headache noted. Have 1 very small joint to offset any nausea and 500mg Paracetamol for the headache. Visualizations on Winamp (Milkdrop 2.0) are accentuated.
T+ 40min: Effects increasing, +2 on the Shulgin Scale. Words on the computer screen are bending, and shifting, almost in a marquee horizontal scrolling manner. Feeling warm and euphoric, slight tryptamine buzz noted. 1 Nos charger was inhaled from a balloon. The nitrous balloon was incredibly strong, perhaps 4-5x stronger than if experienced sober. Music sounds very nice and immersive. Visual field has sharpened. Walls are covered in a leopard skin pattern and are breathing slightly. CEV noted: A dodecahedral ball spinning filled with beautifully coloured geometric objects, aren?€™t too noticeable. Cognitive effects are fairly minimal.
T+ 1hr: Effects are slightly stronger still +2, euphoria and buzz hasn?€™t changed much. A 60mg ingested in a gelatine capsule. Having a small joint. Headache gone. A slight sparkle noticed over my whole visual field. CEV: Floating coloured Escher-esque structure spinning. Typing not as fluent as usual. Slight time dilation noticed. Slight ghostly trail noted when my hand passes my vision.
T+ 1hr 20min: At a weak +3. There is strong buzz in the diaphragm. Word articulation enhanced although fairly inhibited typing ability makes for an interesting novella. Slight lower back soreness its rearing its head. Slight nystagmus noted. Feels nice to stretch and am feeling very balanced and flexible. Warm light in the head noticed. Like your head is being filled with warm lights softly illumination my vision and CEVs. Jaw tension noticed, my jaw keeps moving from side to side in a jerking swinging manner. Psychedelic mind state noted. Enhanced mental function also noticed although counterattacked by forgetful haze, almost confusing internal dialogue and rhythmic singing and dancing. Decide to have another Nos balloon still at 4-5x strength. Music sounds louder and more immersive Musical rhythm enhanced, air drumming competency increased, Milkdrop Visualizations cause immersion. Moving visualisation cause a sense of internal vestibular motion.
T+ 1hr 50min: at a weak +3 Decent time dilation present. Tend to stop thinking and stare off into the distance for extended periods. Although while actual thinking occurs it is enhanced, moving my head in my friend?€™s dubbed ?€œfigure-eight?€ motion feels nice. Decided to watch some comedic YouTube videos particularly Derrick Comedy, am finding things quite a bit funnier than usual. Their video Memory Loss made me want to watch Momento. Also note actor Guy Pierce?€™s particular attractiveness in the movie. While I am Male and perfectly heterosexual I can definitely appreciate male attractiveness and it makes for a fun time with groups of girls in the ?€œWould-you-hit-that? Game?€. Just realise I haven?€™t really been listening to music so decide to put some on. No stimulation noticed, now feeling very relaxed. Contemplate having a nap.
?€?..I don?€™t know how to start. Well, at the point of being really sleepy I lay down on my bed in my blankets. What ensued was probably one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. It has caused me to want to cease ALL my drug use. I am unsure what caused this truly weird experience.
I was lying in bed and I started to experience body depersonalisation in the sense. My body began moving involuntarily, in jerks and ?€œSomething?€ like motion. If I were to stretch I would feel the limbs disappear from the body upwards, like I was dipping them into a portal in which I lost all feeling. I almost began merging into everything I came in contact with. If I placed my hand on my body I would feel it sink in. Now don?€™t get me wrong, initially It was great, and euphoric. Any genital pressure felt ecstatic and I had plans to further explore that after. I imagine sex would have been beyond intense. Tears also seemed to form with no thought to provoke them.
My mind state at the time was fairly alien. It seriously felt like the ultimate orgy of mis-firing neurons and mixed signals. I was go to do a action and something else would happen. This was highly euphoric for a time, my toes and fingers would rub against their counterparts and seemingly fuse and well teleport to different regions. I at this point really wanted to attempt to get up and walk, imagining it would feel like I was flying or floating or some other surreal feeling but regret to have failed to do so. I believe had I done this I may have avoided the ensuing terror.
Then slowly came what I would dub as ?€˜The silent terror?€. And I began to feel somewhat out of control.
And then it happened. I slowly began to lose motor control. To the point where I was literally paralysed. Or at least first a mental paralysis. I wanted to move but for some reason I felt that I couldn?€™t, my mind was utterly convinced that if I made any sort of motor command my body would fail to do it. And for a long time I did not even make an attempt to move. Then I decided I would and I couldn?€™t. My fear was perhaps self-fulfilled; I could not even twitch my fingers.
My mind raced in a plethora of universal epiphanies, and I don?€™t mean like the ephemeral cannabis epiphanies and realisations which are written down and when later read are found to be nonsensical. The vague memory of some make me sure of this. I also, at the time while experiencing a very internal sense of intense fear. The fear I would never regain control of my body that every action would result in further depersonalisation. I was self-beating in this state, cursing my reckless-ness. The day after? I couldn?€™t or more so, didn?€™t want to wait a meagre 4-5 days for tolerance to go down. And the dose was uncharacteristically high while the experience was paradoxically mild, despite the latter ?€œbad?€ trip.
I realise that an intensely superseded consciousness has a price attached to it, or perhaps this is just my retarded view of it. I could at the point of this epiphany. Advanced beings or humans while transcendence into a higher form of thinking and consciousness, experience what I believe to be a retraction to the shell. In other words when one experiences ascension to a higher plane of thinking and experiencing reality they in fact lose touch. In other words it?€™s almost like the body or primitive shell is unable to comprehend the higher mind state. I gathered this now seemingly "not-so-ephiphanotic-realisation" from my mobile phone sms tone.
For those who have played World of Warcraft and are familiar with the magical, shamanic and extremely comedic race of Murlocs. They speak in garbled cries ha-ha, YouTube Murloc to see what I mean.
Once I had heard the sms tone I realised that I had not tried talking in the involuntary movement stage and tried to mumble a couple words or sentences. These came out in the form of Glosslalia.
Glossolalia or speaking in tongues is the vocalizing of fluent speech-like syllables, often as part of religious practice. Some consider these utterances to be meaningless; others consider them to be a holy language.
Anyway I could speak fluent gibberish but when I wanted to speak English words. I at this point wanted to not only attempt free writing but also to read some form of roman characters to see if they had (Like my DXM/2C-E experience were completely alien characters, which moved around the screen like an advanced alien computer.) But my sleepy laziness and eventual paralysis prevented me from doing so. I also became fearful later, just before the paralysis that I would never be able to speak english again, that I might be reduced to nonsensical Glosslalia for the rest of my life, unable to explain afterward to my family and friend how I had fractured my mind. And they would look upon me with worry, confusion and disappointment.
I also found the only real thing I could do in the paralysis stage was talk, and for some reason it was English.
I also at the time wanted to and semi-decided to cease ALL my drug use. I was scared to alter my state of consciousness in any way, in fear of experiencing ?€œthe silent terror?€ again. I considered in the body depersonalisation state. What made the whole thing worse during the experience, while paradoxically (I really got to stop using that word haha) saving me in the end was the music.
I now realise that I had stopped my playlist before retreating to the bed, why I did this was beyond me. And now thinking back kind of scares me even more. I realised that I heard several songs early on during the involuntary movement stage that were NOT in the playlist. But these songs were intensely real to the point where I deemed it a different playlist playing (I have one set for each type of drug or current song infatuations.) However during the paralysis stage I heard nothing but completely alien music. (Possibly my father hip hop playing outside my room downstairs), but suffice to say there was no familiarity, I felt further out of touch with reality. And how it saved me in the end? Or so I feel.
But before the end, I experienced another alarming phenomena, I either gained the ability of precognition or a sick, twisted from of omnipotence. I had believed myself to have transcended normal limitations. I began hearing loud sounds and voices. I heard knocking that seemed to come from right next to me, weird knocking, not like wood or glass but like metal or some form of ceramic. And if I would think about the knocking it would happen again, but differently. I also heard people outside (my little brother and friends) and I thought ?€˜Please don?€™t let them come in?€™, even though my door was locked they managed to get in, but left shortly thereafter. It was as though whatever I wanted to happen, the opposite did, like a form of punishment.
Then I was saved.
My slow reintegration into bodily control and normality was triggered by a familiar song. My mobile ringtone, I received 2 missed calls throughout the night. I also heard another song of great familiarity which further brought me back to reality. I noticed after the first song I had regained some motor control, albeit very slightly, I was then able to twitch various parts of my body. After the second song I regained more control.
I must have fallen asleep at this point, because I woke at 8am, the trip stating at 11:40 from T+ 0 Minutes.
I?€™m now fine, having regained all motor control and cognitive functions. Although I am fearful of altering my state of consciousness again, even cannabis my love scares me somewhat, I have yet to try though. I wonder what triggered the bad trip. Was it the Nitrous fucking with my head, the high dose of 4-HO-MET, or perhaps more so punishment for abusing it by using it again a day after my last use. If the latter then it definitely worked. I doubt it was the cannabis but it may have contributed. I don?€™t think I even managed to get through the third small joint, which were about ½ the size I would normally make.
And so now I am shaken and somewhat traumatized. I think perhaps I will take a very long break from drugs, and am unsure if I will ever jump back on the psychedelic band wagon. Although the psychonaut and scientist in my want to try again just to figure out what happened or see if it was a one-off thing.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_4homet
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_inexperienced
exptype_negative
exptype_spiritual
exptype_lifechanging
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
Preface
I understand this report Is quite long but would really like some feedback as I am somewhat scared and need reassurance of some kind.
This was probably one of the most beautiful and paradoxically traumatic psychedelic experiences of my life, much more than my freak-out on 30 HBWR, in which I was receiving a constant and hugely intense sensory bombardment. I did not have any cannabis or nitrous on hand to provide some sense of calm and quiet. I freaked out from pretty much no relief from the sensory overload while paradoxically receiving no visual hallucinations (Or at least that I can remember). I would close my eyes and the horrible barrage was neither slowed nor mitigated. I spend the 6 hours of the 8 hour trip in a sense of intense behavioural Babel. I wanted to kill myself, and had my friend A not been there I seriously might have. I realised that psychedelics could very much be used for torture or more so interrogation. I would have seriously done ANYTHING (And I can?€™t stress the ANYTHING enough) if offered an escape. I also wailed gibberish and nonsensical sentences throughout the experience.
The time dilation made the experience seem to drag on for an eternity. Insanity at its finest. My friend also said once I had fallen asleep (How I did this is beyond me) I was jerking and thrashing around randomly and intensely. Needless to say I awoke from the experience that morning with what I refer to as a shattered reconstruction. I saw a plethora of shimmers in my visual field, like my vision was a haphazard reconstruction.
And also worse than my DPT 100mg IM freak out, in which the visuals got so strong that they gained gravity, I felt like I had ghostly bodies climbing on top of me. Like demons from the abyss threatening to pull me down with them. If you have seen the movie Constantine it was not dissimilar to the hands and bodies in the crevice of the ?€œhell?€ world. Regardless to say I freaked out and my friend A came over and stayed with me again?€?good old A.
From Euphoria to temporary Schizophrenia
Set/Setting: Dark bedroom, soft colour-shifting mood light.
- No food had been ingested since 8hrs prior. 20mg Methocin consumed the previous night.
- Pre-rolled 3 small joints to be consumed in ascending order of size.
T+20min: Noticing first alerts, slight warping and colour saturation .Slight headache noted. Have 1 very small joint to offset any nausea and 500mg Paracetamol for the headache. Visualizations on Winamp (Milkdrop 2.0) are accentuated.
T+ 40min: Effects increasing, +2 on the Shulgin Scale. Words on the computer screen are bending, and shifting, almost in a marquee horizontal scrolling manner. Feeling warm and euphoric, slight tryptamine buzz noted. 1 Nos charger was inhaled from a balloon. The nitrous balloon was incredibly strong, perhaps 4-5x stronger than if experienced sober. Music sounds very nice and immersive. Visual field has sharpened. Walls are covered in a leopard skin pattern and are breathing slightly. CEV noted: A dodecahedral ball spinning filled with beautifully coloured geometric objects, aren?€™t too noticeable. Cognitive effects are fairly minimal.
T+ 1hr: Effects are slightly stronger still +2, euphoria and buzz hasn?€™t changed much. A 60mg ingested in a gelatine capsule. Having a small joint. Headache gone. A slight sparkle noticed over my whole visual field. CEV: Floating coloured Escher-esque structure spinning. Typing not as fluent as usual. Slight time dilation noticed. Slight ghostly trail noted when my hand passes my vision.
T+ 1hr 20min: At a weak +3. There is strong buzz in the diaphragm. Word articulation enhanced although fairly inhibited typing ability makes for an interesting novella. Slight lower back soreness its rearing its head. Slight nystagmus noted. Feels nice to stretch and am feeling very balanced and flexible. Warm light in the head noticed. Like your head is being filled with warm lights softly illumination my vision and CEVs. Jaw tension noticed, my jaw keeps moving from side to side in a jerking swinging manner. Psychedelic mind state noted. Enhanced mental function also noticed although counterattacked by forgetful haze, almost confusing internal dialogue and rhythmic singing and dancing. Decide to have another Nos balloon still at 4-5x strength. Music sounds louder and more immersive Musical rhythm enhanced, air drumming competency increased, Milkdrop Visualizations cause immersion. Moving visualisation cause a sense of internal vestibular motion.
T+ 1hr 50min: at a weak +3 Decent time dilation present. Tend to stop thinking and stare off into the distance for extended periods. Although while actual thinking occurs it is enhanced, moving my head in my friend?€™s dubbed ?€œfigure-eight?€ motion feels nice. Decided to watch some comedic YouTube videos particularly Derrick Comedy, am finding things quite a bit funnier than usual. Their video Memory Loss made me want to watch Momento. Also note actor Guy Pierce?€™s particular attractiveness in the movie. While I am Male and perfectly heterosexual I can definitely appreciate male attractiveness and it makes for a fun time with groups of girls in the ?€œWould-you-hit-that? Game?€. Just realise I haven?€™t really been listening to music so decide to put some on. No stimulation noticed, now feeling very relaxed. Contemplate having a nap.
?€?..I don?€™t know how to start. Well, at the point of being really sleepy I lay down on my bed in my blankets. What ensued was probably one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. It has caused me to want to cease ALL my drug use. I am unsure what caused this truly weird experience.
I was lying in bed and I started to experience body depersonalisation in the sense. My body began moving involuntarily, in jerks and ?€œSomething?€ like motion. If I were to stretch I would feel the limbs disappear from the body upwards, like I was dipping them into a portal in which I lost all feeling. I almost began merging into everything I came in contact with. If I placed my hand on my body I would feel it sink in. Now don?€™t get me wrong, initially It was great, and euphoric. Any genital pressure felt ecstatic and I had plans to further explore that after. I imagine sex would have been beyond intense. Tears also seemed to form with no thought to provoke them.
My mind state at the time was fairly alien. It seriously felt like the ultimate orgy of mis-firing neurons and mixed signals. I was go to do a action and something else would happen. This was highly euphoric for a time, my toes and fingers would rub against their counterparts and seemingly fuse and well teleport to different regions. I at this point really wanted to attempt to get up and walk, imagining it would feel like I was flying or floating or some other surreal feeling but regret to have failed to do so. I believe had I done this I may have avoided the ensuing terror.
Then slowly came what I would dub as ?€˜The silent terror?€. And I began to feel somewhat out of control.
And then it happened. I slowly began to lose motor control. To the point where I was literally paralysed. Or at least first a mental paralysis. I wanted to move but for some reason I felt that I couldn?€™t, my mind was utterly convinced that if I made any sort of motor command my body would fail to do it. And for a long time I did not even make an attempt to move. Then I decided I would and I couldn?€™t. My fear was perhaps self-fulfilled; I could not even twitch my fingers.
My mind raced in a plethora of universal epiphanies, and I don?€™t mean like the ephemeral cannabis epiphanies and realisations which are written down and when later read are found to be nonsensical. The vague memory of some make me sure of this. I also, at the time while experiencing a very internal sense of intense fear. The fear I would never regain control of my body that every action would result in further depersonalisation. I was self-beating in this state, cursing my reckless-ness. The day after? I couldn?€™t or more so, didn?€™t want to wait a meagre 4-5 days for tolerance to go down. And the dose was uncharacteristically high while the experience was paradoxically mild, despite the latter ?€œbad?€ trip.
I realise that an intensely superseded consciousness has a price attached to it, or perhaps this is just my retarded view of it. I could at the point of this epiphany. Advanced beings or humans while transcendence into a higher form of thinking and consciousness, experience what I believe to be a retraction to the shell. In other words when one experiences ascension to a higher plane of thinking and experiencing reality they in fact lose touch. In other words it?€™s almost like the body or primitive shell is unable to comprehend the higher mind state. I gathered this now seemingly "not-so-ephiphanotic-realisation" from my mobile phone sms tone.
For those who have played World of Warcraft and are familiar with the magical, shamanic and extremely comedic race of Murlocs. They speak in garbled cries ha-ha, YouTube Murloc to see what I mean.
Once I had heard the sms tone I realised that I had not tried talking in the involuntary movement stage and tried to mumble a couple words or sentences. These came out in the form of Glosslalia.
Glossolalia or speaking in tongues is the vocalizing of fluent speech-like syllables, often as part of religious practice. Some consider these utterances to be meaningless; others consider them to be a holy language.
Anyway I could speak fluent gibberish but when I wanted to speak English words. I at this point wanted to not only attempt free writing but also to read some form of roman characters to see if they had (Like my DXM/2C-E experience were completely alien characters, which moved around the screen like an advanced alien computer.) But my sleepy laziness and eventual paralysis prevented me from doing so. I also became fearful later, just before the paralysis that I would never be able to speak english again, that I might be reduced to nonsensical Glosslalia for the rest of my life, unable to explain afterward to my family and friend how I had fractured my mind. And they would look upon me with worry, confusion and disappointment.
I also found the only real thing I could do in the paralysis stage was talk, and for some reason it was English.
I also at the time wanted to and semi-decided to cease ALL my drug use. I was scared to alter my state of consciousness in any way, in fear of experiencing ?€œthe silent terror?€ again. I considered in the body depersonalisation state. What made the whole thing worse during the experience, while paradoxically (I really got to stop using that word haha) saving me in the end was the music.
I now realise that I had stopped my playlist before retreating to the bed, why I did this was beyond me. And now thinking back kind of scares me even more. I realised that I heard several songs early on during the involuntary movement stage that were NOT in the playlist. But these songs were intensely real to the point where I deemed it a different playlist playing (I have one set for each type of drug or current song infatuations.) However during the paralysis stage I heard nothing but completely alien music. (Possibly my father hip hop playing outside my room downstairs), but suffice to say there was no familiarity, I felt further out of touch with reality. And how it saved me in the end? Or so I feel.
But before the end, I experienced another alarming phenomena, I either gained the ability of precognition or a sick, twisted from of omnipotence. I had believed myself to have transcended normal limitations. I began hearing loud sounds and voices. I heard knocking that seemed to come from right next to me, weird knocking, not like wood or glass but like metal or some form of ceramic. And if I would think about the knocking it would happen again, but differently. I also heard people outside (my little brother and friends) and I thought ?€˜Please don?€™t let them come in?€™, even though my door was locked they managed to get in, but left shortly thereafter. It was as though whatever I wanted to happen, the opposite did, like a form of punishment.
Then I was saved.
My slow reintegration into bodily control and normality was triggered by a familiar song. My mobile ringtone, I received 2 missed calls throughout the night. I also heard another song of great familiarity which further brought me back to reality. I noticed after the first song I had regained some motor control, albeit very slightly, I was then able to twitch various parts of my body. After the second song I regained more control.
I must have fallen asleep at this point, because I woke at 8am, the trip stating at 11:40 from T+ 0 Minutes.
I?€™m now fine, having regained all motor control and cognitive functions. Although I am fearful of altering my state of consciousness again, even cannabis my love scares me somewhat, I have yet to try though. I wonder what triggered the bad trip. Was it the Nitrous fucking with my head, the high dose of 4-HO-MET, or perhaps more so punishment for abusing it by using it again a day after my last use. If the latter then it definitely worked. I doubt it was the cannabis but it may have contributed. I don?€™t think I even managed to get through the third small joint, which were about ½ the size I would normally make.
And so now I am shaken and somewhat traumatized. I think perhaps I will take a very long break from drugs, and am unsure if I will ever jump back on the psychedelic band wagon. Although the psychonaut and scientist in my want to try again just to figure out what happened or see if it was a one-off thing.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_4homet
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_inexperienced
exptype_negative
exptype_spiritual
exptype_lifechanging
exptype_difficult
roacode_oral
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