Posted this to another forum a couple days ago. Rereading it, I just wish words were sufficient to even begin to describe what actually happened. It was like all the laws of physics and reality had been straight up fucking shattered. I remember everything tilting and spinning all over the place, and gravity just didn't apply. I was right on the verge of melding with the universe and all consciousness. But here goes.
Preface
I was having a rather fucked up bad day yesterday. I've been doing heroin off and on for the last 3 or 4 months, mostly on. For the last 3-4 weeks of this I've been IVing it every day.
I was unable to score for various reasons yesterday and had to go into work to cook for a large-ish event. Decided to do 1.5-2mg klonopin before going in. Turned out not to be a great idea...the moodiness from the lack of heroin, combined with lowered inhibitions from the klonopin, ended up with me getting into a rather loud, emotional arguement with my boss over basically nothing.
Came very close to quitting on the spot, but stuck around, went somewhere private to cool down and have a couple cigarettes, and at the same time have a small emotional breakdown over the state of my life. Tried to go back to working for a bit but it just wasn't happening. I felt like shit and my mind just wasn't there. Got permission from my supervisor to take the rest of the night off.
Upon leaving work I managed to scrape together some cash for a nice little shot of down. Just wanted to get high and forget everything until another day. Dope Dealer was dry but was gonna sell me a bit of his personal stash until his girl started flipping out and crying over it. He swore he'd have more within the hour, but you know how that goes...never ended up getting anything that night.
The Trip
I was even more pissed off than before now and was on a mission to get high on something, anything. Went home and started the night off with a couple smallish shots of IM MXE. Got to thinking about how pathetic it is that I depend on a drug for my happiness and wanted to seize the opportunity of a forced sober day to try and kick this shit.
I decided getting my ass kicked by a psychedelic would be a good idea. What I did next wasn't safe and I certainly don't recommend it to anyone. I eyeballed a sizeable pile of MXE, eyeballed a pile of 4-AcO-DMT, mixed it all up into one shot and stuck that shit in my thigh.
I was laying in bed when it all hit me full force. It was as if I had broken reality. I started thinking that this couldn't possibly be the effect of drugs. I was convinced that something huge had happened.
Maybe our universe/reality was reaching the next stage of its evolution, and our collective consciousness was merging with space/time.
Maybe our universe had collided with another parallel universe.
Maybe some sort of entity had decided to have some fun with us. (if you ever read Animorphs books as a kid, I was thinking something along the lines of an Ellimist.)
I didn't know what to think, but this was beyond my wildest dreams of what I thought drugs were capable of, and I was convinced that these things were happening not just to me, but on a globa;/universal scale.
As for what was going on...well, the rules of gravity and space seemed to stop functioning normally. I was laying in bed, trying to tear through these "layers of reality" that were constricting me.These layers were of a fluffy, marshmallow-like consistency. Everytime I managed to get through a "layer" I think I would stand up and stagger around briefly, only to "loop back" and find myself back in bed struggling with another layer. Each time I made it through one, reality seemed to morph and shift somehow.
Not to mention the absolutely ridiculous visuals that were constantly flying around everywhere. I remember I kept uttering phrases such as "what's happening..." "i don't understand?!" "what....??"
When I began to come back to reality I realized that nothing had changed. No interdimensional beings, no major shifts in our universe or reality. The "reality layers" I had been fighting with turned out to be my sheets and blankets. My bed was completely stripped to the bare mattress.
----
As fucked up as this experience was, when I came down I actually wanted to go back for more. I prepped and IMed another shot of MXE/4-AcO. I'd forgotten about the fact of psychedelic tolerance though, so this time the 4-AcO did nothing but give me a headache and keep me up for another 4 or 5 hours. Even the MXE had little to no effect this time.
I popped a few klonopin, smoked a bowl, and laid down to watch the Fountain. My alltime favorite movie for coming down off drugs. Finally passed out for a few hours at around 10am.
For what it's worth, I woke with a greatly diminished desire for heroin. I'm still trying to process what happened last night and am only left with a profound sense of LOLWAT.
Psychedelics+Dissociatives is something more powerful than I could have imagined. Thnaks for listening.
---
(from a reply later in the original thread)
Yes! Couldn't put this into words myself but I think I know exactly what you mean.
Like, I didn't want the escape of death as a means to end the experience. But once I started to come down a little bit I started looking at death in a new light, and began to kind of look forward to it to escape this reality and become one with everything again. Not in a suicidal way, but in a positive way.
Preface
I was having a rather fucked up bad day yesterday. I've been doing heroin off and on for the last 3 or 4 months, mostly on. For the last 3-4 weeks of this I've been IVing it every day.
I was unable to score for various reasons yesterday and had to go into work to cook for a large-ish event. Decided to do 1.5-2mg klonopin before going in. Turned out not to be a great idea...the moodiness from the lack of heroin, combined with lowered inhibitions from the klonopin, ended up with me getting into a rather loud, emotional arguement with my boss over basically nothing.
Came very close to quitting on the spot, but stuck around, went somewhere private to cool down and have a couple cigarettes, and at the same time have a small emotional breakdown over the state of my life. Tried to go back to working for a bit but it just wasn't happening. I felt like shit and my mind just wasn't there. Got permission from my supervisor to take the rest of the night off.
Upon leaving work I managed to scrape together some cash for a nice little shot of down. Just wanted to get high and forget everything until another day. Dope Dealer was dry but was gonna sell me a bit of his personal stash until his girl started flipping out and crying over it. He swore he'd have more within the hour, but you know how that goes...never ended up getting anything that night.
The Trip
I was even more pissed off than before now and was on a mission to get high on something, anything. Went home and started the night off with a couple smallish shots of IM MXE. Got to thinking about how pathetic it is that I depend on a drug for my happiness and wanted to seize the opportunity of a forced sober day to try and kick this shit.
I decided getting my ass kicked by a psychedelic would be a good idea. What I did next wasn't safe and I certainly don't recommend it to anyone. I eyeballed a sizeable pile of MXE, eyeballed a pile of 4-AcO-DMT, mixed it all up into one shot and stuck that shit in my thigh.
I was laying in bed when it all hit me full force. It was as if I had broken reality. I started thinking that this couldn't possibly be the effect of drugs. I was convinced that something huge had happened.
Maybe our universe/reality was reaching the next stage of its evolution, and our collective consciousness was merging with space/time.
Maybe our universe had collided with another parallel universe.
Maybe some sort of entity had decided to have some fun with us. (if you ever read Animorphs books as a kid, I was thinking something along the lines of an Ellimist.)
I didn't know what to think, but this was beyond my wildest dreams of what I thought drugs were capable of, and I was convinced that these things were happening not just to me, but on a globa;/universal scale.
As for what was going on...well, the rules of gravity and space seemed to stop functioning normally. I was laying in bed, trying to tear through these "layers of reality" that were constricting me.These layers were of a fluffy, marshmallow-like consistency. Everytime I managed to get through a "layer" I think I would stand up and stagger around briefly, only to "loop back" and find myself back in bed struggling with another layer. Each time I made it through one, reality seemed to morph and shift somehow.
Not to mention the absolutely ridiculous visuals that were constantly flying around everywhere. I remember I kept uttering phrases such as "what's happening..." "i don't understand?!" "what....??"
When I began to come back to reality I realized that nothing had changed. No interdimensional beings, no major shifts in our universe or reality. The "reality layers" I had been fighting with turned out to be my sheets and blankets. My bed was completely stripped to the bare mattress.
----
As fucked up as this experience was, when I came down I actually wanted to go back for more. I prepped and IMed another shot of MXE/4-AcO. I'd forgotten about the fact of psychedelic tolerance though, so this time the 4-AcO did nothing but give me a headache and keep me up for another 4 or 5 hours. Even the MXE had little to no effect this time.
I popped a few klonopin, smoked a bowl, and laid down to watch the Fountain. My alltime favorite movie for coming down off drugs. Finally passed out for a few hours at around 10am.
For what it's worth, I woke with a greatly diminished desire for heroin. I'm still trying to process what happened last night and am only left with a profound sense of LOLWAT.
Psychedelics+Dissociatives is something more powerful than I could have imagined. Thnaks for listening.
---
(from a reply later in the original thread)
Yes! Couldn't put this into words myself but I think I know exactly what you mean.
Like, I didn't want the escape of death as a means to end the experience. But once I started to come down a little bit I started looking at death in a new light, and began to kind of look forward to it to escape this reality and become one with everything again. Not in a suicidal way, but in a positive way.
