dilated_pupils
Bluelighter
The other day I acquired some 5-aco-dmt. I had been waiting for a sample of etizolam to come (and was told I would get three of the pellets). Well low and behold there is 3 caps in the mail and I suspect them to be the etizolam.
I'd have been up for about 2-3 days using a-php and wanted to go to bed, and thought this is good I got the etizolam and it will help relax me.
I pop two of them and then within 15 minutes I'm feeling really weird. I'm seriously thinking I've been poisoned and such.
The (unknowningly) trip I was beginning to feel had me talking to myself saying things like I hurt the universe and I should not be around. I started feeling madly depressed like I am taking more than I give and that is putting it lightly. I am so against not giving back in this world to even receive what some feel is due, so I felt so sick to my stomach about this.
At this time my hands/arms were flying around I kept grasping myself and I honestly never felt so insecure about anything. I then came to some conclusion that I had been poisoned and will be dying. I literally thought I was dead and yet refused to go to the hospital thinking it was pointless.
I believed someone somehow had bioengineered a drug that was made for my brain chemistry and it literally would take any and all emotion from me and transfer it to them. As in my life now was in the hands of another 'being' or person or whomever. Like I was their emotional food. This was the most disgusting feeling I could have ever felt. Now while feeling like this I did notice cool things that would remind me I may be tripping but I was scared out of my mind, way to much to try to work my way out of this trip.
I ended up getting a message and I realized that I indeed (after checking the tracking) had consumed 40mgs of 4-aco-dmt. From other reports I've read this is a huge dose. Not just a huge dose but a very very large dose. To take this unknowingly is just insane. I was literally playing out hospital visits part visually part mentally as to see what they could do for me - the odd thing is that I was not just hallucinating answers I was hearing conversations that actually could have been real. I started remembering certain things I know made me feel better and realized even if this were true no one could do this to me.
I ended up taking a klonopin which helped a little and I was able to fall asleep, but let me tell you this 'trip' almost felt like it's happened before (which is really the most scary part about it). Although who would have to do such a thing twice? Sadly I see I'm still worried about this but I think I'll be OK.
I kept hearing things like I'm the pest and it's time to get rid of you, and this is what we do to things that ruin us. At one point that voice was trying to help me though, as if they realized they had possibly made a mistake. I love mushrooms and I never had tried 4-aco-dmt before, I completely respect mother nature and all the creatures on this planet so I felt so bewildered of how I could have such a terrible experience let alone why such a thing would happen to me. I know I've made mistakes in my life but that experience wouldn't be right for anything.
Anyway, I think for now on I will be even more careful than I usually am with dosing chems, but wow I can't believe I took what I thought was etizolam expecting anxiety relief and low and behold I had taken an extremely potent psych in a large amount (40mgs!).
I think lately I've read some things that attributed to how I felt, about there being entities that feed off our emotions and such, and I usually try to help people that feel like this, rather than subscribe to such things. However this time around it was almost like it all came to haunt me.
In fact the only answers that really came to me at first were "suicide, jail, and there was one other I forget". I was like "Fuck this, I will not submit to any!"
I guess always remember to stand up for yourself. Big or small, we all matter. We all have a key part to play in the cosmo's and albeit this is a bunch of trippy crap that made me feel terrible, I wish no one to ever feel this way. If you ever have felt this way please don't, it's basically a state of confusion and we all know we need help sometimes. I feel lucky I worked this one out alone, and I'm just happy to be sharing the positive side (that I've worked out this is a fabrication of my mind while not only depressed and exhausted, but also dosed on a potent pysch).
Any comments are welcome, I could definitely still use some positive light to help me feel a bit better. Thanks.
*I wanted to add now looking back and removing what neg. feelings and thoughts occurred I can tell you what visuals were happening that I'd usually have enjoyed. Letters and numbers seemed embossed, almost with the definition/more meaning behind them, the more you looked at them, the more information I'd get from them. This happens from time to time even on stimulants for me.
I also sort of felt out of place, as if I was in a play of a version of my life, one that I knew, but one that was only a piece of me. Almost like playing a very biased view of my life through and through, with regards to everything (although I am aware of this which seems to make it all the more not real, meaning I'm aware of much more than what I'm seeing - how can this be all there is!).
I definitely noticed physically a skin reaction, but this was more than likely due to the a-php use the prior few days, and was obviously not meant to have occurred as I dare say I would ever mix those chemicals together, although maybe knowingly I'd have been OK. I think the lights/lighting in my home were very neat, colorful and spectacular, but it was hard to enjoy when I felt like death. Although something inside me knew not to give up. I also noticed in the mirror my face changing and morphing with my gestures of how I was feeling, very very quickly. It was almost as if I could talk/think inside my head, and it wouldn't add up in the mirror reflection (which is also a very scary feeling when you were not expecting such a thing). However, I've been able to deal with such things before, and I think knowing now what I took I feel like a better. I don't want to allow this experience to ruin future ones with a recreational dose, so I will not allow it to.
Anyway, sorry this isn't the best report, but I felt the need to share, and any comments are definitely (once again) welcome. Thank you.
-dp
I'd have been up for about 2-3 days using a-php and wanted to go to bed, and thought this is good I got the etizolam and it will help relax me.
I pop two of them and then within 15 minutes I'm feeling really weird. I'm seriously thinking I've been poisoned and such.
The (unknowningly) trip I was beginning to feel had me talking to myself saying things like I hurt the universe and I should not be around. I started feeling madly depressed like I am taking more than I give and that is putting it lightly. I am so against not giving back in this world to even receive what some feel is due, so I felt so sick to my stomach about this.
At this time my hands/arms were flying around I kept grasping myself and I honestly never felt so insecure about anything. I then came to some conclusion that I had been poisoned and will be dying. I literally thought I was dead and yet refused to go to the hospital thinking it was pointless.
I believed someone somehow had bioengineered a drug that was made for my brain chemistry and it literally would take any and all emotion from me and transfer it to them. As in my life now was in the hands of another 'being' or person or whomever. Like I was their emotional food. This was the most disgusting feeling I could have ever felt. Now while feeling like this I did notice cool things that would remind me I may be tripping but I was scared out of my mind, way to much to try to work my way out of this trip.
I ended up getting a message and I realized that I indeed (after checking the tracking) had consumed 40mgs of 4-aco-dmt. From other reports I've read this is a huge dose. Not just a huge dose but a very very large dose. To take this unknowingly is just insane. I was literally playing out hospital visits part visually part mentally as to see what they could do for me - the odd thing is that I was not just hallucinating answers I was hearing conversations that actually could have been real. I started remembering certain things I know made me feel better and realized even if this were true no one could do this to me.
I ended up taking a klonopin which helped a little and I was able to fall asleep, but let me tell you this 'trip' almost felt like it's happened before (which is really the most scary part about it). Although who would have to do such a thing twice? Sadly I see I'm still worried about this but I think I'll be OK.
I kept hearing things like I'm the pest and it's time to get rid of you, and this is what we do to things that ruin us. At one point that voice was trying to help me though, as if they realized they had possibly made a mistake. I love mushrooms and I never had tried 4-aco-dmt before, I completely respect mother nature and all the creatures on this planet so I felt so bewildered of how I could have such a terrible experience let alone why such a thing would happen to me. I know I've made mistakes in my life but that experience wouldn't be right for anything.
Anyway, I think for now on I will be even more careful than I usually am with dosing chems, but wow I can't believe I took what I thought was etizolam expecting anxiety relief and low and behold I had taken an extremely potent psych in a large amount (40mgs!).
I think lately I've read some things that attributed to how I felt, about there being entities that feed off our emotions and such, and I usually try to help people that feel like this, rather than subscribe to such things. However this time around it was almost like it all came to haunt me.
In fact the only answers that really came to me at first were "suicide, jail, and there was one other I forget". I was like "Fuck this, I will not submit to any!"
I guess always remember to stand up for yourself. Big or small, we all matter. We all have a key part to play in the cosmo's and albeit this is a bunch of trippy crap that made me feel terrible, I wish no one to ever feel this way. If you ever have felt this way please don't, it's basically a state of confusion and we all know we need help sometimes. I feel lucky I worked this one out alone, and I'm just happy to be sharing the positive side (that I've worked out this is a fabrication of my mind while not only depressed and exhausted, but also dosed on a potent pysch).
Any comments are welcome, I could definitely still use some positive light to help me feel a bit better. Thanks.
*I wanted to add now looking back and removing what neg. feelings and thoughts occurred I can tell you what visuals were happening that I'd usually have enjoyed. Letters and numbers seemed embossed, almost with the definition/more meaning behind them, the more you looked at them, the more information I'd get from them. This happens from time to time even on stimulants for me.
I also sort of felt out of place, as if I was in a play of a version of my life, one that I knew, but one that was only a piece of me. Almost like playing a very biased view of my life through and through, with regards to everything (although I am aware of this which seems to make it all the more not real, meaning I'm aware of much more than what I'm seeing - how can this be all there is!).
I definitely noticed physically a skin reaction, but this was more than likely due to the a-php use the prior few days, and was obviously not meant to have occurred as I dare say I would ever mix those chemicals together, although maybe knowingly I'd have been OK. I think the lights/lighting in my home were very neat, colorful and spectacular, but it was hard to enjoy when I felt like death. Although something inside me knew not to give up. I also noticed in the mirror my face changing and morphing with my gestures of how I was feeling, very very quickly. It was almost as if I could talk/think inside my head, and it wouldn't add up in the mirror reflection (which is also a very scary feeling when you were not expecting such a thing). However, I've been able to deal with such things before, and I think knowing now what I took I feel like a better. I don't want to allow this experience to ruin future ones with a recreational dose, so I will not allow it to.
Anyway, sorry this isn't the best report, but I felt the need to share, and any comments are definitely (once again) welcome. Thank you.
-dp