Material541
Bluelighter
This is a trip report I wrote for a 4-AcO-DET + JWH-018 trip I took back in late March. This report was written the same day of the trip, but I have just gotten around to editing it and posting it here.
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Substances: 4-AcO-DET & JWH-018
Dosage: 4-AcO-DET – 12mg oral, 10mg insufflated. JWH-018 – relatively large bowl of a strong smoking blend
I started my day off at 8:45AM. My alarm was set up at 7:00AM. I start spring quarter tomorrow, and I like to gradually wake up earlier each day if my sleep schedule is all messed up. But come 7:00AM, it was so hard to get up. I ignored the alarm and woke up at 8:45AM.
Being my last day of spring break, I decided to take 20mg of MDAI. One hour later I doubled the previous dose and took that. As the hours passed, it didn’t seem to have much of an effect. I wasn’t too disappointed though. MDAI is pretty much a dud for me, and I didn’t feel like taking anymore because that wouldn’t leave me with enough for another session. [I did not mention this in the title because I believe it had no influence on the main trip]
It was around 1:00PM now and boredom was creeping in. Having taken 4-AcO-DET last night, I knew my tolerance would be high so a larger dose would be required and mental/side effects would probably be overwhelming. So that wasn’t an option. I had other 2c’s, but those either last too long or make me vomit.
But eventually everyone left the house and I was left completely alone. This is pretty rare so I immediately took out the 4-AcO-DET without hesitation.
My plan was to IV 12mg. Last night I had IV’ed about 5mg. It ended up being a pretty good trip. But not quite where I wanted to be, so 8mg seemed like a good choice. I factored in tolerance and ended up with 12mg. Once I loaded up the syringe I began to have second thoughts. I didn’t want to cause another mark on my arm. I already had two from last night and adding one in the same area would probably make it look like shit. I want to look presentable tomorrow.
So I took out the solution from the syringe and took it orally with orange juice instead. But orally you would need perhaps 22mg to reach 12mg IV’ed. Also, a ~22mg oral dose would probably last around 5 or 6 hours, which was too long. With IV the effects hit you immediately, and the duration is cut in half. However, insufflating it also provides a shorter duration with the dosage being similar to oral. Within 10 minutes of the orange juice I insufflated 10mg.
It was 2:20PM at this point. While I still could, I gathered the last crumbs of marijuana I could find. It was not very much at all, so the remaining bowl was filled with a JWH-018 infused smoking blend.
I hadn’t eaten all day, so the effects were already coming strong. I went outside to get some fresh air. A cool breeze came over me. The wind blowing through the trees was beautiful. The sun seemed to be gently radiating its heat onto me. I walked back to my room and began listening to the Beatles. The first few songs were very fantastic. This was one of the peaks of my psychedelic drug life. I felt this completely euphoria running throughout my body. Feeling the need to propel myself into oblivion, I took two large hits from the waterpipe.
This is when things begin to get seriously fucked up.
I put on Beatles – Love (in 5.1) and listened away. As soon as it starts I take a seat on my bed and notice some dark specks on the covers. It looked like crumbs, which was strange as I hadn’t eaten all day. I touch these dark spots and see that I smeared them all over the covers. Shit. I look closer to see what the hell it is. As I run my fingers over the covers, I notice I am smearing this crap all over the bed! I look at my index finger and see a pool of dark matter, as if someone stuck it with a needle and slowly let the blood flow. I could have sworn I put the needle away. And I did. When I couldn’t find it, I looked closer at the sheets and saw that there wasn’t anything on them at all. The smears were just the scarves on the penguins from my covers. I smile and then sigh, realizing that I just experienced a pretty scary hallucination.
The next few minutes were spent staring the covers. The music was pushed into the background. Suddenly I realize I don’t know what I’m doing. I begin getting very anxious and scared for no reason. Like I am being pulled into this dark void.
To help combat this, I petted my cat to help bring me back into reality. My pets serve as good “anchors” for me. Whenever I feel surreal and depersonalized on psychedelics they always remind me where I am and what I am doing.
Just minutes later I felt anxious again. Next thing I know, everything around me is slowing down. It begins with the ceiling and then the walls. Soon my desk and chair join in. Now it is reaching for me. But I snap out of it, scared as hell. I don’t know what the hell just happened. For the next 10 minutes, I was trying to figure out what I felt. Why I felt so “anxious.” I thought back to the scarves and figured I was going insane. That’s impossible, I thought. This is just a drug. It’ll wear off. Just let yourself go.
I changed the music to Explosions in the Sky and lied down in hopes that it would take this trip in a positive direction. The bumpy, jagged ceiling shape-shifted endlessly in tune with the music. Soon I began forming words in these patterns. I was fascinated by the power of my mind. How is it that a drug could cause such specific alterations to my perception?
But then again I felt anxious. From now on I will be referring to the dark vortex of the trip that would try to suck me in as the Fear. Looking up at the ceiling, each shadow cast by the jagged white bumps was emitting a high pitched sound. If I stared at them for too long, they would start to give off this red wavelength. At this exact moment, everything I was doing was predetermined. The way I was lying on my bed, the music that was playing, the rhythmic pounding of my heart. All of it was supposed to be as it is.
This scared the shit out of me. One thing to note is that I really wasn’t aware of this as it was happening. Only now in retrospect can I say how that felt. The Fear was making it hard to realize what was going on. Everytime I felt anxious, I had no idea why. Then I would spend the next few minutes wondering what made me anxious. It was an endless loop of thoughts. At one point I came to the conclusion that I was on the verge of experiencing ego death. I felt like I was on the verge of being merged with everything around me. At times it’s like I couldn’t tell the difference between me and my bed. It was terrifying.
I estimated that perhaps 30minutes had passed from when I walked into my room. In reality, 2 hours had passed. This also scared me to death. There is no way that was 2 hours. So my thought loop shifted to what I was doing that whole time. The conclusion I came to is that the Fear consumed me at various times throughout the trip and it annihilated my sense of time while I was merged with the Fear.
Various other thoughts popped into my head during the main part of the trip. Like the fabric of time was tearing itself if I let it…as if everything was becoming unsynchronized from each other. At time, the music would glitch and pause. That was probably the most frightening part. I felt like I was being dislodged from this reality and would be lost in another dimension.
Again I tried to reinsert myself back into reality. This time by playing Team Fortress 2, a multiplayer first person shooter. It did work, but I still felt kinda surreal. It didn’t help when one of the players started talking in this very creepy voice. I thought I was imagining it and got scared and left the game. I then took in a big hit of Nitrous Oxide while listening to Isis. This always kicks the trip into another level. As the music warped, I immediately felt relaxed. Doing this earlier might have been a better option.
The visual side of the trip was dying down about now (3 hours in). I noticed the ceiling didn’t morph and there were no more trails behind moving objects. I also felt less and less of the Fear. The waves it would come in and the thought loops were getting weaker. In an hour I was closer to baseline.
That pretty much brings me to this point. Why did I react so badly? It wasn’t even anxiety at first. I think I was just being pulled into the trip, and I fiercely resisted it and became anxious as a result.
By far, the most important factor in deciding where the trip leads you (IME) is your mental state beforehand. Having too many stressors, worries, or insecurities can turn a trip into crap. So that was the first culprit. I have indeed been feeling down, restless, and insecure over the last couple of days. But that is due to a specific issue (which is easier to control sometimes) as opposed to my usual cyclical patterns. I was feeling pretty good beforehand, now that I think about it. In fact, I didn’t even think about the issue at hand at all during the trip. As for the set, I was alone in my house. My parents coming home and catching me, or something to that effect, didn’t cross my mind at all.
A more likely culprit is the freak out over the covers. I was feeling amazing beforehand. But once that happened, everything just tumbled downhill. I would constantly think I was hearing/seeing things that weren’t really there. I don’t know if I actually heard/saw things or just thought I did.
In the end I think it was the JWH-018 that caused this. It just made the trip so much more intense. I have had one previous “bad” trip like this (not as nearly bad) and it also was the day after another trip. This is a lesson I truly learned. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would have been like if I had IV’ed the original 12mg. And I am still not sure if I regret having this experience. I like to say that every bad experience only makes me stronger, but I had several moments of terror I don’t wish to repeat.
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Months later, I can safely say this trip has changed me forever. I became a derealized/depersonalized/anxious mess after this for months afterward. Thought I had mild PTSD because of this incident. I am just barely recovering still. There is no question in my mind that the JWH-018 caused this bad experience – smoking marijuana since then has caused immediate panic. I really really want to try psychedelics again, but I am not entirely sure I am mentally healthy to do so. It was quite the experience, that’s for sure.
----
Substances: 4-AcO-DET & JWH-018
Dosage: 4-AcO-DET – 12mg oral, 10mg insufflated. JWH-018 – relatively large bowl of a strong smoking blend
I started my day off at 8:45AM. My alarm was set up at 7:00AM. I start spring quarter tomorrow, and I like to gradually wake up earlier each day if my sleep schedule is all messed up. But come 7:00AM, it was so hard to get up. I ignored the alarm and woke up at 8:45AM.
Being my last day of spring break, I decided to take 20mg of MDAI. One hour later I doubled the previous dose and took that. As the hours passed, it didn’t seem to have much of an effect. I wasn’t too disappointed though. MDAI is pretty much a dud for me, and I didn’t feel like taking anymore because that wouldn’t leave me with enough for another session. [I did not mention this in the title because I believe it had no influence on the main trip]
It was around 1:00PM now and boredom was creeping in. Having taken 4-AcO-DET last night, I knew my tolerance would be high so a larger dose would be required and mental/side effects would probably be overwhelming. So that wasn’t an option. I had other 2c’s, but those either last too long or make me vomit.
But eventually everyone left the house and I was left completely alone. This is pretty rare so I immediately took out the 4-AcO-DET without hesitation.
My plan was to IV 12mg. Last night I had IV’ed about 5mg. It ended up being a pretty good trip. But not quite where I wanted to be, so 8mg seemed like a good choice. I factored in tolerance and ended up with 12mg. Once I loaded up the syringe I began to have second thoughts. I didn’t want to cause another mark on my arm. I already had two from last night and adding one in the same area would probably make it look like shit. I want to look presentable tomorrow.
So I took out the solution from the syringe and took it orally with orange juice instead. But orally you would need perhaps 22mg to reach 12mg IV’ed. Also, a ~22mg oral dose would probably last around 5 or 6 hours, which was too long. With IV the effects hit you immediately, and the duration is cut in half. However, insufflating it also provides a shorter duration with the dosage being similar to oral. Within 10 minutes of the orange juice I insufflated 10mg.
It was 2:20PM at this point. While I still could, I gathered the last crumbs of marijuana I could find. It was not very much at all, so the remaining bowl was filled with a JWH-018 infused smoking blend.
I hadn’t eaten all day, so the effects were already coming strong. I went outside to get some fresh air. A cool breeze came over me. The wind blowing through the trees was beautiful. The sun seemed to be gently radiating its heat onto me. I walked back to my room and began listening to the Beatles. The first few songs were very fantastic. This was one of the peaks of my psychedelic drug life. I felt this completely euphoria running throughout my body. Feeling the need to propel myself into oblivion, I took two large hits from the waterpipe.
This is when things begin to get seriously fucked up.
I put on Beatles – Love (in 5.1) and listened away. As soon as it starts I take a seat on my bed and notice some dark specks on the covers. It looked like crumbs, which was strange as I hadn’t eaten all day. I touch these dark spots and see that I smeared them all over the covers. Shit. I look closer to see what the hell it is. As I run my fingers over the covers, I notice I am smearing this crap all over the bed! I look at my index finger and see a pool of dark matter, as if someone stuck it with a needle and slowly let the blood flow. I could have sworn I put the needle away. And I did. When I couldn’t find it, I looked closer at the sheets and saw that there wasn’t anything on them at all. The smears were just the scarves on the penguins from my covers. I smile and then sigh, realizing that I just experienced a pretty scary hallucination.
The next few minutes were spent staring the covers. The music was pushed into the background. Suddenly I realize I don’t know what I’m doing. I begin getting very anxious and scared for no reason. Like I am being pulled into this dark void.
To help combat this, I petted my cat to help bring me back into reality. My pets serve as good “anchors” for me. Whenever I feel surreal and depersonalized on psychedelics they always remind me where I am and what I am doing.
Just minutes later I felt anxious again. Next thing I know, everything around me is slowing down. It begins with the ceiling and then the walls. Soon my desk and chair join in. Now it is reaching for me. But I snap out of it, scared as hell. I don’t know what the hell just happened. For the next 10 minutes, I was trying to figure out what I felt. Why I felt so “anxious.” I thought back to the scarves and figured I was going insane. That’s impossible, I thought. This is just a drug. It’ll wear off. Just let yourself go.
I changed the music to Explosions in the Sky and lied down in hopes that it would take this trip in a positive direction. The bumpy, jagged ceiling shape-shifted endlessly in tune with the music. Soon I began forming words in these patterns. I was fascinated by the power of my mind. How is it that a drug could cause such specific alterations to my perception?
But then again I felt anxious. From now on I will be referring to the dark vortex of the trip that would try to suck me in as the Fear. Looking up at the ceiling, each shadow cast by the jagged white bumps was emitting a high pitched sound. If I stared at them for too long, they would start to give off this red wavelength. At this exact moment, everything I was doing was predetermined. The way I was lying on my bed, the music that was playing, the rhythmic pounding of my heart. All of it was supposed to be as it is.
This scared the shit out of me. One thing to note is that I really wasn’t aware of this as it was happening. Only now in retrospect can I say how that felt. The Fear was making it hard to realize what was going on. Everytime I felt anxious, I had no idea why. Then I would spend the next few minutes wondering what made me anxious. It was an endless loop of thoughts. At one point I came to the conclusion that I was on the verge of experiencing ego death. I felt like I was on the verge of being merged with everything around me. At times it’s like I couldn’t tell the difference between me and my bed. It was terrifying.
I estimated that perhaps 30minutes had passed from when I walked into my room. In reality, 2 hours had passed. This also scared me to death. There is no way that was 2 hours. So my thought loop shifted to what I was doing that whole time. The conclusion I came to is that the Fear consumed me at various times throughout the trip and it annihilated my sense of time while I was merged with the Fear.
Various other thoughts popped into my head during the main part of the trip. Like the fabric of time was tearing itself if I let it…as if everything was becoming unsynchronized from each other. At time, the music would glitch and pause. That was probably the most frightening part. I felt like I was being dislodged from this reality and would be lost in another dimension.
Again I tried to reinsert myself back into reality. This time by playing Team Fortress 2, a multiplayer first person shooter. It did work, but I still felt kinda surreal. It didn’t help when one of the players started talking in this very creepy voice. I thought I was imagining it and got scared and left the game. I then took in a big hit of Nitrous Oxide while listening to Isis. This always kicks the trip into another level. As the music warped, I immediately felt relaxed. Doing this earlier might have been a better option.
The visual side of the trip was dying down about now (3 hours in). I noticed the ceiling didn’t morph and there were no more trails behind moving objects. I also felt less and less of the Fear. The waves it would come in and the thought loops were getting weaker. In an hour I was closer to baseline.
That pretty much brings me to this point. Why did I react so badly? It wasn’t even anxiety at first. I think I was just being pulled into the trip, and I fiercely resisted it and became anxious as a result.
By far, the most important factor in deciding where the trip leads you (IME) is your mental state beforehand. Having too many stressors, worries, or insecurities can turn a trip into crap. So that was the first culprit. I have indeed been feeling down, restless, and insecure over the last couple of days. But that is due to a specific issue (which is easier to control sometimes) as opposed to my usual cyclical patterns. I was feeling pretty good beforehand, now that I think about it. In fact, I didn’t even think about the issue at hand at all during the trip. As for the set, I was alone in my house. My parents coming home and catching me, or something to that effect, didn’t cross my mind at all.
A more likely culprit is the freak out over the covers. I was feeling amazing beforehand. But once that happened, everything just tumbled downhill. I would constantly think I was hearing/seeing things that weren’t really there. I don’t know if I actually heard/saw things or just thought I did.
In the end I think it was the JWH-018 that caused this. It just made the trip so much more intense. I have had one previous “bad” trip like this (not as nearly bad) and it also was the day after another trip. This is a lesson I truly learned. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would have been like if I had IV’ed the original 12mg. And I am still not sure if I regret having this experience. I like to say that every bad experience only makes me stronger, but I had several moments of terror I don’t wish to repeat.
---
Months later, I can safely say this trip has changed me forever. I became a derealized/depersonalized/anxious mess after this for months afterward. Thought I had mild PTSD because of this incident. I am just barely recovering still. There is no question in my mind that the JWH-018 caused this bad experience – smoking marijuana since then has caused immediate panic. I really really want to try psychedelics again, but I am not entirely sure I am mentally healthy to do so. It was quite the experience, that’s for sure.
