miss_goody2shoes
Bluelighter
Well where to begin? I even found it hard to summarise this experience with one word for the title hehe.
First, about my background- I've been doing drugs for about 15 months, that of which mainly being pills, speed and ice (or meth you could say, some people don’t differentiate really). Never done any dissociativea/psychedelics, well up until last night, and I’ve always had a strong interest in them. Acid is at the top of my "to try" list I’d say (ketamine is up there too), haven’t yet had it as I have not come across it. The warped perception, change in what you see etc whilst on them intrigues and appeals to me, and always felt would be something I would enjoy experiencing rather than feel uncomfortable from. Alas I can only speculate as from what I’ve heard and read you can’t predict how you’d react to such drugs, or be guranteed a good trip as opposed to a bad one. I had once gotten visuals off some weird pills I had consumed and really enjoyed sitting there seeing them.
Anyways, I’m not sure how long ago it was that I first read about DXM, maybe nearly a year ago. That huge FAQ on Erowid. While it interested me I also thought it sounded absurd- getting high off cough syrup! But once in a while, I’d read more into it so I had more knowledge, looked on Erowid, Bluelight, Dextroverse etc.
Several months ago woulda been when the idea to actually try it myself came about. I had mentioned my idea to my best friend T (and partner in crime when it comes to drug-taking) while we were having a drunken D & M at a pub one night and was relieved to hear she was interested and would like to do it too. I hadn’t confessed it previously (sober) because it was worried about what her reaction would be.
Suprisingly, she said when she was young she actually used to drink cough medicine when it was around the house and her mother would always wonder how it kept running out. She must of occasionally enjoyed a mild 1st plateau without even realising. So we penciled it in (well in our heads) as something for us to do together these holidays- a time when we both had a few days (at last the next day) off work.
But this trip I had last night was alone (so why did I mention all that hehe). That friend and I …an incident happened, guess you’d say we had a falling out, and as much as I miss her I’m sticking to my guns and still not talking to her due to my beliefs of what a good friend does (and doesn’t) do to their mates.
So yeah….the fact that if I was to take DXM, it’d be alone, put me off. That and also the worry about how I’d handle it, even though I was pretty sure I’d be ok. I had recognised this time period as the ideal time to finally try it because I was on holidays (completed my uni dgree last yr) and wasn’t getting much work from my casual jobs either so I’d be able to set aside the time for it quite easily.
A few weeks ago the parentals went away for the weekend (unfortunately still live with them, and my brother) and leading up to this I toyed with the idea of doing it then but I still had strong reservations and pussy'd out. Plus I worried about my brother being around, though he usually uses time when our folks are absent to go round to his mates and toke/drink on there. I ended up just drinking and finishing the pot my interstate friend had long left behind (even though I dislike pot) that night, just for something to do.
Fast-forward to earlier this week- my folks said they were going away for 3 days during the long weekend. And it was turning out that I would not be working the weekend (though I did take a 3hr shift for someone for Saturday/tonight coz I knew I was having a quiet weekend). So the idea to try it then was very much in my mind.
When it was indeed confirmed I’d be having a quiet weekend and not going out (for I didn’t have much cash, all my mates had other plans, and I’d had a massive weekend the one before anyway) I sort of decided to do it. Second half of this week I read up a lot more about DXM, read (both good and bad) trip reports and also about the Agent Lemon extraction method. Initiallty I decided I’d do this extraction- to make an already rather unsafe/risky venture a tad more safe. But then I decided against it- more effort required, would have had to buy the necessary reagents/utensils and I was worried if my brother caught me cooking it up on the stove- what was I to say I was doing? I get quite paranoid about my family being onto me, even though they never am because they have no idea I do drugs. It’s only been in the last year I’ve even drank in front of them and the mere fact I “occasionally” drink displeases them a fair bit.
I decided I’d just drink the cough syrup regardless of the many stories saying it’s disgusting, and the strong chance I’d be nauseous as a result. I felt I had a strong stomach and that there was a good chance I wouldn’t feel sick, plus tasting it wasn’t going to really bother me. I never minded much the taste of pills when I (often) chewed them, or the taste of the drip from whizz.
So I bought a bottle of Robitussin DX from the chemist yesterday afternoon, was really nervous about doing so- I even went to the unnecessary trouble of writing its name down on a piece of paper and showing it to the chemist girl saying it’s what my mum had last time and wanted again. But still hadn’t fully decided if I was going to consume it that night or the next (tonight). If that night I’d have to work the next day, but only for 3hrs and at night which I could struggle through if necessary. But if taken Saturday night it’d be after work/9pm and too late- I’d probably want to go to bed by the time if fully came on. And I’d have to face my parents sometime the next day when they arrived back from their trip away.
The other (big) appeal of having it that night was that when I got home from work at 4pm- my brother wasn’t home and I knew it was likely he’d stay at his mates till very late. If he was there I would just stay in my room but I’d much prefer having the whole house to myself.
So I decided I’d have it that night- but I’d also said to a friend I’d drive her to work at 7:30pm (as she doesn’t have a car, public transport had finished due to it being Australia Day, and coz I’m a good friend
). We’d talked about me picking her up after work too, but that was going to be late and if so thwart my plans to have something (whether it be a quiet drink, or the DXM).
Thankfully when driving her to work she said she’d find a lift home, that she’d be ok and would not call on me to come get her. I’d deliberately eaten a little for dinner before I went to get her at 7:15pm so that once I got back I’d take the medicine. I must admit right up until taking it, I wasn’t sure if I was going to go through with it- I was worried I might be in that 1% that has that enzyme deficiency (or whatever it is-can't fully recall or find that bit I had read atm![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
), or that I’d trip bad etc etc. But I pushed those thoughts into the back of my mind and calculated the dose for me to take.
Initially I had decided on 300mg DXM after seing it as a common first-time dose in the tirp reports, but then I changed it to 360mg- which was at about 4.8mg/kg for me and should get me to second plateau (even though in theory I should really only try for a mild 1st plateau for my first time). On one hand I thought 360mg was too much and foolish, but on the other hand I knew my personal capacity and limitations and felt I’d be ok with that amount. I’ve always been one to have a natural high tolerance to things, (I think coz I used to be super fit, however now I’d only be considered just a bit fitter than the average person, and also coz I’m a big [=tall, strong/athletic] girl). But I was also fully aware that such couldn't be applied to a drug (and class of drugs) I’ve never done! It was crazy and I still had ambivalent feelings towards the dose, but I had decided on it.
I took the cough syrup in three 40ml (120mg DMX HBr /shot) medicine measuring cup shots at 7:50pm, and it didn’t taste all that bad. Of course it wasn’t pleasant but in my opinion didn’t substantiate all those terrible reports (but maybe the US version is worse or something). It seemed like such a small amount, it was hard to believe the mind-altering potential it had, but I knew from my readings that it did indeed have such potential. Following consumption, already had predicted it was unlikely this stuff was going to make me feel sick- it was also such a small amount volume-wise, but also knew I couldn’t realistically speculate.
Tidied up the kitchen, brought in the washing and took our dogs for a walk to kill some of the hour+ time expected until come-on. While walking, all my concerns started creeping back- "what if I had a really bad reaction? No one is home to help me! …Worst case scenario I could ring up T and she come help me out…" but I forced them away and focused on staying positive. For I was in good spirits, it was a beautiful night to be out walking, I felt good, and revelled in the fact that I had the house to myself (and rarity) and was excited about what was in store. I felt ever-so-slightly a bit heady and my stomach had this feeling- like something was sititng in the bottom of it, but I still didn’t think I’d be sick. I could still taste a hint of the syrup, its numbness, on my lips, and in my mouth.
Once I got back I chucked on the DVD I had been watching the day before- Shameless Series 1 that’s on SBS, and got comfortable on the lounge in the downstairs loungeroom. I had watched the second episode at my mates before she let me borrow it, then 1st and 2nd eps with my brother the day before, then caught some of eps 4 & 5 I think when I got home from work last night and he was watching it again (all this then mixed up what was happening/the timeline in the show a little for me, as it’s an outrageous series it is- and this was set to really confuse me later on in the night….).
Watched episode 3, or nearly all of it, then had to get up to go to the bathroom coz of all the water I downed (~ 9:10pm, T+ just over an hr). Once I got up- wow! It was like I was really drunk! My balance and coordination was really affected- I staggered to the bathroom . The whole feeling mimicked a drunken valium haze I had experienced several weeks before (first time on valium – only 4 x2mg tabs but with a fair amount of this potent homemade wine given by our neighbours. It had done the job). But it also felt like an ecstasy come-on. It was weird and intriguing.
Sat back down watch a bit more of the DVD, I was still following it ok but I was noticing how I was feeling more then. My head/brain periphery felt sort of like pins-and-needles and I had this feeling from the back on my neck going up into it. I had maybe a few minutes of “the roboitch” on the side of my head but it quickly subsided- I just felt so odd all over. My legs (which were propped up on a cushion on the coffee table) felt all heavy and like they were continually sinking but they weren’t moving. Mild waves of…this feeling, and partial numbness went throughout my body.
Things I’ve felt around this time-hard to say exactly when such occurred, and difficult to verbalize. I had actually scribbled down things on a notepad during the whole thing so I had more of an idea of the occurance and order of events afterwards. I had noted at 9:40pm (T+ 1hr 50mins) I got up again from the couch to go to the bathroom/get more water and once again was flabbergasted I felt like this and hadn't drank any alcohol. My movements were very jerky/choppy, almost mechanical. I was walking like a demented dinosaur or robot (I guess this is the “robowalk” which I’ve heard mentioned but not read a description of as yet). It was really hard effort to make it to the bathroom, but I did also manage to go upstrairs to get some more gum. The stairs were very hard to navigate. My neck still felt weird. When sitting again (or maybe earlier when sitting) I felt like my limbs were trying to detatch- move away from my body, but of course they weren’t moving. I was lifting my arms and legs to confirm them were still there. I licked my lips again and again- they felt bigger than what was there. My whole body kept feeling a lot bigger than what was all really there. I was aware of their true size, but at the same time I felt like a big robot or Transformer or something. For example like my arm had invisible extra mass around it that I knew wasn’t there but could also feel and sort of envision at the same time if you know what I mean. I will point out now though that I didn’t have any (OE or CE) visuals during the whole trip, much to my disappointment. I really wanted visuals
I had jotted down for 9:50 (T+ 2hrs) that I felt drunk and stoned. The movie was getting a bit harder to follow and comprehend (I think also coz I was starting to view bits I’d seen privously- however it was very difficult for me to try and confirm this in my mind)- even at times I felt like I was actually apart of it, standing in the same room as the characters. And that I really related to them. I felt pretty spaced out, but it wasn’t unpleasant- all of it thus far wasn’t. It was all new and interesting, enjoyable.
Looking back this must of happened at 10:30pm but I’m not sure: The dogs barked and I thought I saw a shadow outside the front window near the front door but I also wasn’t sure if I had just imagined it. I got up and opened the front door, had a peek out and saw a figure leaning up againt the car. Still wasn’t sure of if what I saw was real when then it spoke- it was my brother!! His mate had dropped him off. I said how he had surprised me and inside my head I was starting to panic about him seeing me in this state (he doesn’t know I do drugs either, and he never can).
He came in and sat down on the couch at a right angle to me (it’s an L-shaped couch). He had a drink in his hand and was visibly very stoned and drunk. He was mumbling about his time there, saying he’s gone overboard and that I can’t tell mum etc etc (he’s meant to be trying to quit the pot. Pffft…..) I was having trouble getting my words out- I was really scat and I remember sitting there staring at him and how my perception of how far he was positioned away from me kept changing. It was like how in movies they zoom in on all the surroundings around the person being focused on, but the person is stationary (sorry I am describing everything very poorly, I usually write things pretty well). One second he seemed so far away from me, and then the other I’d realise he’s close. It was really trippy. I mentioned how mum had rang earlier, that I bought some groceries with the money she had left us but it was so hard to speak properly. The movie was still going, I had paused it for a bit coz it was hard enough trying to focus on what he was saying and my attempt to reply but I put it back on, worried it will shift his focus to my state.
In my mind I was thinking I had to get out of there and retreat to my bedroom so he doesn’t catch on how fucked up I was. Thankfully I knew given his own state he mightn't realise. I said I was going to watch the remainder of the DVD upstairs, if that’s ok (coz he had said he’d watch some of it with me), and turned it off. Normal television was on for a bit and my brother asked me to look in the TV Guide to confirm it was Predator on and I remember starting at the open Guide having trouble determining such, or even reading the writing. When I went to go retrieve the disc out of the DVD player I lurched forward and staggered across the loungeroom, I tried so hard to keep it together and was so worried my brother would see what I was like. I said goodnight and hurried towards the stairs, he was still talking while I was trying to make my way up them.
I’m my room I fell onto my bed in relief. I felt so scrambled in my brain. I put the DVD on again and lied on my bed. I remember thinking (and had jotted down) "am I tripping?? I must be…’" around 11pm. The moive had gotten confusing- it was all seeming familiar what I was watching, and may have been, but I couldn’t decide or remember. I didn’t know where to resume the disk or where I was even resuming it from. I still felt “big” and that my limbs, plus other things in the room, were coming apart and moving away from each other. Not unpleasant or horrible though.
When I would lift my head or upper body from the bed it was that wave of “gawd I’m really drunk!” unsteady feeling I was still getting. I was still moving around in funny jerky footsteps with my arms out. I looked starey and zonked/snapped when I caugh a glimpse of myself on the mirror (got a whole wall of mirrored robes in my room).
The DVD finished (or may of finished hehe) and I was feeling tired- the whole experience did felt taxing on my brain- mental (and I guess physical) strain. I remember thinking at one point "this can’t be good for my brain". I contemplated sleeping, but I was still tripping and wanted to keep doing that in a way so thought I’d listen to some music. I went on the net and felt like talking to someone, but also didn’t- I was really gone. Went on mIRC (haven’t in years!) and chatted to some random for a bit. It was had to type though- I was mainly doing it one letter at a time as to type better was requiring more effort which I cbf investing. I tried listening to the music via my headphones plugged into the speaker but one of the ear buds didn’t having music coming out of it- it was broken (which I discovered yesterday when going for a jog with my mp3 player, but only remembered then).
I was really unhappy and angry that both ear buds didn’t have music coming out of them, as I kept typing so to the random haha. I really wanted to have the music in my ears whilst lying down, for I was enjoying listening to it (trance & hard trance). Tried having the music come out softly through the speakers (brother’s room is next door, think he was still up), and also watched the visualizations/patterns on Media Player for a little while in the vain hope I might see something trippy come about. Nothing did though, I guess the trip wasn’t going to go that far for me. Disappointed, and feeling pretty tired, I decided I’d go to sleep. I looked at the time on my phone while lying in bed and it was only 1:50pm!! Oh, I just realised now that is 6hrs after taking the medicine, and 6 hrs is a long time, but it seemed even longer. I guess because it had all been quite full-on for me. I nodded off easily, bed was so comfy.
I woke this morning at 10:35am (so 8.5hrs+ sleep) and felt fine/good. This wasn’t a huge surprise for me as I’ve always been one to recover well from things- don’t get hanovers or come-downs, never get headaches etc. Movements, speech, mindset etc all back to normal. Had breakfast, pottered around, keep my fluids up etc. I still have a heady feeling slightly reminiscent of last night which was a little more prominent an hour ago, but I think it's generally all over for me.
To review the whole incident….well I’m glad I did it I guess. Very glad the dosage ended up being… I guess pretty ideal. Wouldn’t have wanted it (and the outcome) less- for I was still always in control and never scared/in fear, but for it to have been higher and subsequently more full-on for a first time would possibly be OTT.
I wouldn’t have called it fun-filled, but it was enjoyable in the way that it was new and different to me. I did think before sleeping that I would of maybe preferred to have done it with others, at least someone else (wish I was still friends with T n we were doing it together). But on the other hand I like time by myself and have enjoyed past solo, partial-self-discovery antics. It's been hard to think of describing words to use in the summary, to use in the whole report haha, and I’m sorry it’s so lengthy and wishy-washy. I should come back at a later time and fix it up I guess, but then again I’ll probably read it and be shameful of the quality of the report hehe (possibly regretful I even posted it).
Meant to be meeting up with the friend (....oh gawd like now- started writing all this hrs ago n came back to somewhat edit) I dropped off for work later on for an early dinner before we both have work at the same shopping centre. I don’t know whether to tell her of my night. I want to- I am by nature someone who likes (has to, maybe) share/tell others my thoughts, feelings and experiences but I’m worried she’ll think it’s bad and concerning. I know she doesn’t think much of my drug pursuits, but has said she doesn’t care if I do take them and occasionally indulges herself. The whole cough syrup thing has such a bad stigma attached to it. I often worry (too much) about what others think.
Anywayz if you’re still reading wow I’m impressed. Would I do it again? Hmm to be totally honest (n with myself) probably, but not for a looong time. It’s full on and taxing. Maybe (n others may say) I should stay away from it and find some decent dissociatives/phychs drugs like K or LSD. I wasn’t using DXM as a substitute for those and was aware before, especially now, that DXM is a powerful drug its its own mind and demands respect. The fact that it can be bought OTC doesn’t (and shouldn’t be viewed to) take away from that. I still question why I even did it but the things you do ey I'm crapping on. This is long enough. Tis my first report, hope you liked it 
First, about my background- I've been doing drugs for about 15 months, that of which mainly being pills, speed and ice (or meth you could say, some people don’t differentiate really). Never done any dissociativea/psychedelics, well up until last night, and I’ve always had a strong interest in them. Acid is at the top of my "to try" list I’d say (ketamine is up there too), haven’t yet had it as I have not come across it. The warped perception, change in what you see etc whilst on them intrigues and appeals to me, and always felt would be something I would enjoy experiencing rather than feel uncomfortable from. Alas I can only speculate as from what I’ve heard and read you can’t predict how you’d react to such drugs, or be guranteed a good trip as opposed to a bad one. I had once gotten visuals off some weird pills I had consumed and really enjoyed sitting there seeing them.
Anyways, I’m not sure how long ago it was that I first read about DXM, maybe nearly a year ago. That huge FAQ on Erowid. While it interested me I also thought it sounded absurd- getting high off cough syrup! But once in a while, I’d read more into it so I had more knowledge, looked on Erowid, Bluelight, Dextroverse etc.
Several months ago woulda been when the idea to actually try it myself came about. I had mentioned my idea to my best friend T (and partner in crime when it comes to drug-taking) while we were having a drunken D & M at a pub one night and was relieved to hear she was interested and would like to do it too. I hadn’t confessed it previously (sober) because it was worried about what her reaction would be.
Suprisingly, she said when she was young she actually used to drink cough medicine when it was around the house and her mother would always wonder how it kept running out. She must of occasionally enjoyed a mild 1st plateau without even realising. So we penciled it in (well in our heads) as something for us to do together these holidays- a time when we both had a few days (at last the next day) off work.
But this trip I had last night was alone (so why did I mention all that hehe). That friend and I …an incident happened, guess you’d say we had a falling out, and as much as I miss her I’m sticking to my guns and still not talking to her due to my beliefs of what a good friend does (and doesn’t) do to their mates.
So yeah….the fact that if I was to take DXM, it’d be alone, put me off. That and also the worry about how I’d handle it, even though I was pretty sure I’d be ok. I had recognised this time period as the ideal time to finally try it because I was on holidays (completed my uni dgree last yr) and wasn’t getting much work from my casual jobs either so I’d be able to set aside the time for it quite easily.
A few weeks ago the parentals went away for the weekend (unfortunately still live with them, and my brother) and leading up to this I toyed with the idea of doing it then but I still had strong reservations and pussy'd out. Plus I worried about my brother being around, though he usually uses time when our folks are absent to go round to his mates and toke/drink on there. I ended up just drinking and finishing the pot my interstate friend had long left behind (even though I dislike pot) that night, just for something to do.
Fast-forward to earlier this week- my folks said they were going away for 3 days during the long weekend. And it was turning out that I would not be working the weekend (though I did take a 3hr shift for someone for Saturday/tonight coz I knew I was having a quiet weekend). So the idea to try it then was very much in my mind.
When it was indeed confirmed I’d be having a quiet weekend and not going out (for I didn’t have much cash, all my mates had other plans, and I’d had a massive weekend the one before anyway) I sort of decided to do it. Second half of this week I read up a lot more about DXM, read (both good and bad) trip reports and also about the Agent Lemon extraction method. Initiallty I decided I’d do this extraction- to make an already rather unsafe/risky venture a tad more safe. But then I decided against it- more effort required, would have had to buy the necessary reagents/utensils and I was worried if my brother caught me cooking it up on the stove- what was I to say I was doing? I get quite paranoid about my family being onto me, even though they never am because they have no idea I do drugs. It’s only been in the last year I’ve even drank in front of them and the mere fact I “occasionally” drink displeases them a fair bit.
I decided I’d just drink the cough syrup regardless of the many stories saying it’s disgusting, and the strong chance I’d be nauseous as a result. I felt I had a strong stomach and that there was a good chance I wouldn’t feel sick, plus tasting it wasn’t going to really bother me. I never minded much the taste of pills when I (often) chewed them, or the taste of the drip from whizz.
So I bought a bottle of Robitussin DX from the chemist yesterday afternoon, was really nervous about doing so- I even went to the unnecessary trouble of writing its name down on a piece of paper and showing it to the chemist girl saying it’s what my mum had last time and wanted again. But still hadn’t fully decided if I was going to consume it that night or the next (tonight). If that night I’d have to work the next day, but only for 3hrs and at night which I could struggle through if necessary. But if taken Saturday night it’d be after work/9pm and too late- I’d probably want to go to bed by the time if fully came on. And I’d have to face my parents sometime the next day when they arrived back from their trip away.
The other (big) appeal of having it that night was that when I got home from work at 4pm- my brother wasn’t home and I knew it was likely he’d stay at his mates till very late. If he was there I would just stay in my room but I’d much prefer having the whole house to myself.
So I decided I’d have it that night- but I’d also said to a friend I’d drive her to work at 7:30pm (as she doesn’t have a car, public transport had finished due to it being Australia Day, and coz I’m a good friend
). We’d talked about me picking her up after work too, but that was going to be late and if so thwart my plans to have something (whether it be a quiet drink, or the DXM). Thankfully when driving her to work she said she’d find a lift home, that she’d be ok and would not call on me to come get her. I’d deliberately eaten a little for dinner before I went to get her at 7:15pm so that once I got back I’d take the medicine. I must admit right up until taking it, I wasn’t sure if I was going to go through with it- I was worried I might be in that 1% that has that enzyme deficiency (or whatever it is-can't fully recall or find that bit I had read atm
), or that I’d trip bad etc etc. But I pushed those thoughts into the back of my mind and calculated the dose for me to take. Initially I had decided on 300mg DXM after seing it as a common first-time dose in the tirp reports, but then I changed it to 360mg- which was at about 4.8mg/kg for me and should get me to second plateau (even though in theory I should really only try for a mild 1st plateau for my first time). On one hand I thought 360mg was too much and foolish, but on the other hand I knew my personal capacity and limitations and felt I’d be ok with that amount. I’ve always been one to have a natural high tolerance to things, (I think coz I used to be super fit, however now I’d only be considered just a bit fitter than the average person, and also coz I’m a big [=tall, strong/athletic] girl). But I was also fully aware that such couldn't be applied to a drug (and class of drugs) I’ve never done! It was crazy and I still had ambivalent feelings towards the dose, but I had decided on it.
I took the cough syrup in three 40ml (120mg DMX HBr /shot) medicine measuring cup shots at 7:50pm, and it didn’t taste all that bad. Of course it wasn’t pleasant but in my opinion didn’t substantiate all those terrible reports (but maybe the US version is worse or something). It seemed like such a small amount, it was hard to believe the mind-altering potential it had, but I knew from my readings that it did indeed have such potential. Following consumption, already had predicted it was unlikely this stuff was going to make me feel sick- it was also such a small amount volume-wise, but also knew I couldn’t realistically speculate.
Tidied up the kitchen, brought in the washing and took our dogs for a walk to kill some of the hour+ time expected until come-on. While walking, all my concerns started creeping back- "what if I had a really bad reaction? No one is home to help me! …Worst case scenario I could ring up T and she come help me out…" but I forced them away and focused on staying positive. For I was in good spirits, it was a beautiful night to be out walking, I felt good, and revelled in the fact that I had the house to myself (and rarity) and was excited about what was in store. I felt ever-so-slightly a bit heady and my stomach had this feeling- like something was sititng in the bottom of it, but I still didn’t think I’d be sick. I could still taste a hint of the syrup, its numbness, on my lips, and in my mouth.
Once I got back I chucked on the DVD I had been watching the day before- Shameless Series 1 that’s on SBS, and got comfortable on the lounge in the downstairs loungeroom. I had watched the second episode at my mates before she let me borrow it, then 1st and 2nd eps with my brother the day before, then caught some of eps 4 & 5 I think when I got home from work last night and he was watching it again (all this then mixed up what was happening/the timeline in the show a little for me, as it’s an outrageous series it is- and this was set to really confuse me later on in the night….).
Watched episode 3, or nearly all of it, then had to get up to go to the bathroom coz of all the water I downed (~ 9:10pm, T+ just over an hr). Once I got up- wow! It was like I was really drunk! My balance and coordination was really affected- I staggered to the bathroom . The whole feeling mimicked a drunken valium haze I had experienced several weeks before (first time on valium – only 4 x2mg tabs but with a fair amount of this potent homemade wine given by our neighbours. It had done the job
). But it also felt like an ecstasy come-on. It was weird and intriguing. Sat back down watch a bit more of the DVD, I was still following it ok but I was noticing how I was feeling more then. My head/brain periphery felt sort of like pins-and-needles and I had this feeling from the back on my neck going up into it. I had maybe a few minutes of “the roboitch” on the side of my head but it quickly subsided- I just felt so odd all over. My legs (which were propped up on a cushion on the coffee table) felt all heavy and like they were continually sinking but they weren’t moving. Mild waves of…this feeling, and partial numbness went throughout my body.
Things I’ve felt around this time-hard to say exactly when such occurred, and difficult to verbalize. I had actually scribbled down things on a notepad during the whole thing so I had more of an idea of the occurance and order of events afterwards. I had noted at 9:40pm (T+ 1hr 50mins) I got up again from the couch to go to the bathroom/get more water and once again was flabbergasted I felt like this and hadn't drank any alcohol. My movements were very jerky/choppy, almost mechanical. I was walking like a demented dinosaur or robot (I guess this is the “robowalk” which I’ve heard mentioned but not read a description of as yet). It was really hard effort to make it to the bathroom, but I did also manage to go upstrairs to get some more gum. The stairs were very hard to navigate. My neck still felt weird. When sitting again (or maybe earlier when sitting) I felt like my limbs were trying to detatch- move away from my body, but of course they weren’t moving. I was lifting my arms and legs to confirm them were still there. I licked my lips again and again- they felt bigger than what was there. My whole body kept feeling a lot bigger than what was all really there. I was aware of their true size, but at the same time I felt like a big robot or Transformer or something. For example like my arm had invisible extra mass around it that I knew wasn’t there but could also feel and sort of envision at the same time if you know what I mean. I will point out now though that I didn’t have any (OE or CE) visuals during the whole trip, much to my disappointment. I really wanted visuals
I had jotted down for 9:50 (T+ 2hrs) that I felt drunk and stoned. The movie was getting a bit harder to follow and comprehend (I think also coz I was starting to view bits I’d seen privously- however it was very difficult for me to try and confirm this in my mind)- even at times I felt like I was actually apart of it, standing in the same room as the characters. And that I really related to them. I felt pretty spaced out, but it wasn’t unpleasant- all of it thus far wasn’t. It was all new and interesting, enjoyable.
Looking back this must of happened at 10:30pm but I’m not sure: The dogs barked and I thought I saw a shadow outside the front window near the front door but I also wasn’t sure if I had just imagined it. I got up and opened the front door, had a peek out and saw a figure leaning up againt the car. Still wasn’t sure of if what I saw was real when then it spoke- it was my brother!! His mate had dropped him off. I said how he had surprised me and inside my head I was starting to panic about him seeing me in this state (he doesn’t know I do drugs either, and he never can).
He came in and sat down on the couch at a right angle to me (it’s an L-shaped couch). He had a drink in his hand and was visibly very stoned and drunk. He was mumbling about his time there, saying he’s gone overboard and that I can’t tell mum etc etc (he’s meant to be trying to quit the pot. Pffft…..) I was having trouble getting my words out- I was really scat and I remember sitting there staring at him and how my perception of how far he was positioned away from me kept changing. It was like how in movies they zoom in on all the surroundings around the person being focused on, but the person is stationary (sorry I am describing everything very poorly, I usually write things pretty well). One second he seemed so far away from me, and then the other I’d realise he’s close. It was really trippy. I mentioned how mum had rang earlier, that I bought some groceries with the money she had left us but it was so hard to speak properly. The movie was still going, I had paused it for a bit coz it was hard enough trying to focus on what he was saying and my attempt to reply but I put it back on, worried it will shift his focus to my state.
In my mind I was thinking I had to get out of there and retreat to my bedroom so he doesn’t catch on how fucked up I was. Thankfully I knew given his own state he mightn't realise. I said I was going to watch the remainder of the DVD upstairs, if that’s ok (coz he had said he’d watch some of it with me), and turned it off. Normal television was on for a bit and my brother asked me to look in the TV Guide to confirm it was Predator on and I remember starting at the open Guide having trouble determining such, or even reading the writing. When I went to go retrieve the disc out of the DVD player I lurched forward and staggered across the loungeroom, I tried so hard to keep it together and was so worried my brother would see what I was like. I said goodnight and hurried towards the stairs, he was still talking while I was trying to make my way up them.
I’m my room I fell onto my bed in relief. I felt so scrambled in my brain. I put the DVD on again and lied on my bed. I remember thinking (and had jotted down) "am I tripping?? I must be…’" around 11pm. The moive had gotten confusing- it was all seeming familiar what I was watching, and may have been, but I couldn’t decide or remember. I didn’t know where to resume the disk or where I was even resuming it from. I still felt “big” and that my limbs, plus other things in the room, were coming apart and moving away from each other. Not unpleasant or horrible though.
When I would lift my head or upper body from the bed it was that wave of “gawd I’m really drunk!” unsteady feeling I was still getting. I was still moving around in funny jerky footsteps with my arms out. I looked starey and zonked/snapped when I caugh a glimpse of myself on the mirror (got a whole wall of mirrored robes in my room).
The DVD finished (or may of finished hehe) and I was feeling tired- the whole experience did felt taxing on my brain- mental (and I guess physical) strain. I remember thinking at one point "this can’t be good for my brain". I contemplated sleeping, but I was still tripping and wanted to keep doing that in a way so thought I’d listen to some music. I went on the net and felt like talking to someone, but also didn’t- I was really gone. Went on mIRC (haven’t in years!) and chatted to some random for a bit. It was had to type though- I was mainly doing it one letter at a time as to type better was requiring more effort which I cbf investing. I tried listening to the music via my headphones plugged into the speaker but one of the ear buds didn’t having music coming out of it- it was broken (which I discovered yesterday when going for a jog with my mp3 player, but only remembered then).
I was really unhappy and angry that both ear buds didn’t have music coming out of them, as I kept typing so to the random haha. I really wanted to have the music in my ears whilst lying down, for I was enjoying listening to it (trance & hard trance). Tried having the music come out softly through the speakers (brother’s room is next door, think he was still up), and also watched the visualizations/patterns on Media Player for a little while in the vain hope I might see something trippy come about. Nothing did though, I guess the trip wasn’t going to go that far for me. Disappointed, and feeling pretty tired, I decided I’d go to sleep. I looked at the time on my phone while lying in bed and it was only 1:50pm!! Oh, I just realised now that is 6hrs after taking the medicine, and 6 hrs is a long time, but it seemed even longer. I guess because it had all been quite full-on for me. I nodded off easily, bed was so comfy.
I woke this morning at 10:35am (so 8.5hrs+ sleep) and felt fine/good. This wasn’t a huge surprise for me as I’ve always been one to recover well from things- don’t get hanovers or come-downs, never get headaches etc. Movements, speech, mindset etc all back to normal. Had breakfast, pottered around, keep my fluids up etc. I still have a heady feeling slightly reminiscent of last night which was a little more prominent an hour ago, but I think it's generally all over for me.
To review the whole incident….well I’m glad I did it I guess. Very glad the dosage ended up being… I guess pretty ideal. Wouldn’t have wanted it (and the outcome) less- for I was still always in control and never scared/in fear, but for it to have been higher and subsequently more full-on for a first time would possibly be OTT.
I wouldn’t have called it fun-filled, but it was enjoyable in the way that it was new and different to me. I did think before sleeping that I would of maybe preferred to have done it with others, at least someone else (wish I was still friends with T n we were doing it together). But on the other hand I like time by myself and have enjoyed past solo, partial-self-discovery antics. It's been hard to think of describing words to use in the summary, to use in the whole report haha, and I’m sorry it’s so lengthy and wishy-washy. I should come back at a later time and fix it up I guess, but then again I’ll probably read it and be shameful of the quality of the report hehe (possibly regretful I even posted it).
Meant to be meeting up with the friend (....oh gawd like now- started writing all this hrs ago n came back to somewhat edit) I dropped off for work later on for an early dinner before we both have work at the same shopping centre. I don’t know whether to tell her of my night. I want to- I am by nature someone who likes (has to, maybe
) share/tell others my thoughts, feelings and experiences but I’m worried she’ll think it’s bad and concerning. I know she doesn’t think much of my drug pursuits, but has said she doesn’t care if I do take them and occasionally indulges herself. The whole cough syrup thing has such a bad stigma attached to it. I often worry (too much) about what others think. Anywayz if you’re still reading wow I’m impressed. Would I do it again? Hmm to be totally honest (n with myself) probably, but not for a looong time. It’s full on and taxing. Maybe (n others may say) I should stay away from it and find some decent dissociatives/phychs drugs like K or LSD. I wasn’t using DXM as a substitute for those and was aware before, especially now, that DXM is a powerful drug its its own mind and demands respect. The fact that it can be bought OTC doesn’t (and shouldn’t be viewed to) take away from that. I still question why I even did it but the things you do ey
I'm crapping on. This is long enough. Tis my first report, hope you liked it
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DXM has naysayers, but it really has a place in my heart. Just remember, all things in moderation...