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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

30 years old , have i messed up whole life with drugs

like after 10 days and being sick first 4 then takin a little sub 2 days then skippin a day then a tiny piece today i dont know if its stress or what but my whole body hurts real bad , and anxiety bad still . i think its not knowing how im gonna get a job or afford to stay where im living is makin me scared and feelin so guilty for lettin my fam down again, and losin lot of friends sux .
 
^ You've got to do this for yourself and not for your family.

Honestly, I agreed with some of the stuff that was removed. You can't ask a question and then get mad when you don't like the answers. We've been telling you what you want to here for a while now, and look how that worked out. I think that some of those somewhat harsh replies could actually help you more than the posts that just tell you what you want to hear, which you typically seem to ignore. It's not being mean, it's called tough love.
 
Blanch said:
As long as there is air in your lungs it's never to late to turn things around. You've put yourself behind the 8ball but it's certainly not impossible to still accomplish great things, seriously people have come back form much worse.
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this is soooo true....speaking from straight up experience!!! When we think we have it bad...theres someone else who has it much worse...Good luck 2 you jake99
 
The average life expectancy for an American Male is 75.6 years. Your "whole life" will last longer than you can conceive. It's not sensible to think that a few years screwing up are going to ruin the next 45 years of your life.

It only takes a few days to change everything about your situation, and you likely have over 16 000 left.
 
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just know you're not alone buddy...i'm in a similar situation but only 20 and am having a rough depression episode tonight. age doesnt matter it is just a number and were both still young and we can do this. i've managed to hide my drug addiction from my family for 4 years and it makes me feel that much more guilty and pathetic. i've stayed on bupe for a few months straight now but am still using the goddamn needle and doing coke and speed on a semi regular basis. the only reason im able to do that is because im hooked on benzos which i get on the street along with my bupe. I need to get a job too im blessed that my parents provide me with money and a place to live because my mother left the house to me and my older brother when i was 16 and she moved in with her then fiance, now husband, but i feel like i take it so much for granted (which i do) and it hurts, yet i continue to make the wrong decisions. I honestly believe not working or doing shit besides getting high makes us that much more depressed.

sorry about the sob story not trying to jack your thread or anything just want you to know someone else is here down in a hole and you arent alone. we can get through this shit it just takes work and dedication, and i know how difficult it is to get to that place, that peace of mind we try so hard to achieve i have yet to get there..

peace and love, take care jake and everyone who is struggling
 
I am not sure what to say ... It is crazy how hard it is to get a job especially when you have a record. Do you guys think it is stupid to worry about diet or quitting smoking when you are trying to first get sober ? I always try to do too much at once then get fed up and say f it and relapse
 
I know your situation is completely different but I really like the approach this poster is going about gaining sobriety and shaping up his life. Perhaps this will help you categorize and set rules and boundaries so you can try to quit and feel healthy and accomplished, but also not over step what you are mentally and physically capable of and burn out too quick on it.

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/622467-The-Merry-but-not-Merry-Month-of-May

Perhaps select small changes (nothing too major to overwhelm you) in other things you would like to improve as well (smoking, eating better/dieting) in addition to your routine of staying off drugs. I know from my experience when I decided to better myself I too wanted to better it in many ways, not just cutting out the drugs. So I can definitely identify with how you are feeling.

Learning from others successes is what helps me the most in bettering myself.
 
Yo Jake wusup bro I haven't posted in a while I caught a charge n got mandated to a 12 month inpatient program I've bin clean for 4 months now not even a advil I hate it here but it is wut it is keep ur head up Jake u can do it u just gotta focus
 
^ And that's one of the reasons why you relapse. Stop sitting around missing everyone, it's not helping your situation any.
 
Had a similar situation blew 130 thousand in 6mo. Did give my 10% tithings to my church even got to pick how they spent it.updated the music department.anyway after w blew that money I thought we had destroyed our only chance at a good life.I was 18.I thought that's it I ruined my whole life.its never that.then at 25 I got into beauty school and got kicked out for being on methadone! I again thought ok that's it I've ruined my life there is no way back.s so I used that as an excuse to duck up for several more years' now I'm 30 and looking to get back in school.my consoler at the methadone clinic used until he was 35 got clean went to school and made something of himself. Its never ever to late.some one told me a great quote here it is"if you think you can do it your right, if you think you can't do it your right."
 
Jake, have you ever thought about going back to school? That is what I've done after getting clean [actually no, i detoxed off a 8 yr sub habit my first semester back, fun let me tell you] helped me a lot to remain kinda busy [even though i put everything off to the last possible second, like i am doing right now]. It is to easy for me to get caught up in my head when I am not doing much.

Vermont has some nice schools, I went to UVM for a bit real fucking nice up there.
 
An unconventional opinion: I say let yourself enjoy the cigarettes and rough foods for now. This way you will feel some release for the animalistic tendencies.
 
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