Dubberlife
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 15, 2017
- Messages
- 1
Thought I would share a little bit about my story and why I got clean. It all started about 3 years ago when I got kidney stones and needed pain meds (oxycodone) to help with pain, after taking my first pill I fell in love. I started telling the doctor the pain wouldn't subside and that I still needed them, that turned into "chronic pain" then put me on a pain management plan, 60 5mg pills for the month so 2 a day. I was doing good on that for about 6 months until that wasn't enough so I resorted to buying them from the streets, started with about 20mg a day for another couple months, then found another dealer that had 20 and 30mg. Within the last year I was taking 120mg per day and was buying 20-30 pills a week... thousands of dollars a month easily.
The reason I had so much money to spend was i had a good paying job and recently sold my house which had about $22,000 in equity. I spent every last penny of that on pills. Maybe a few things for myself here and there but at least 20k in pills. At the time I didn't see it being a problem, I thought my money my problem I'll spend it how I want. I also believe, in an addicts head we can justify spending it because we see the pills or whatever your drug of choice is as something you need to wake up, to shower, to work, to drive etc. I had no money left, owed 500+ dollars to several people and nobody knew a thing.
I just got done convincing my own mother I needed $300 dollars for a bill. She didn't hesitate to give it to me and i didn't hesitate to go to my drug dealer. That night we met up, everything seemed fine but then he asked for the money first and i let it walk. He never came back. I was broke, no pills, quarter tank of gas, hours away from home... I know everyone's rock bottom is different but that was mine, I needed to get clean. This drug was making me spend so much money and i couldn't do anything or enjoy life without thinking "Well if I go there I gotta make sure I have enough pills" family vacation, trip across town, literally anything. I was high for everything, funerals, my daughter's recitals. Everything I should have been sober and enjoying, I was high and in a blur.
Theirs a million reasons to be sober and finally after 35 days to be exact I have realized that. I try not to look back at all the money wasted and lies to everyone but I started paying people back, I started really seeing life for what it is. My relationship is 1000x better, I'm allot more naturally friendly and my sex drive is worse than a 12 y/o that just discovered puberty lol.
The way I got clean though was i told my girlfriend of 3 years everything. From what I spent on it, to what I would do to get it. All the lies I told her etc. She understood and said that she appreciated that I told her and that she will help me as long as I'm honest with her. So it started. 7 days of pure hell. I took kratom, which I highly recommend, for about 5 days then stopped that. Night's of restlessness, daily depression, cravings, anger, pain, hopelessness. I didn't think I could make it but when i felt I needed to use I would talk to my girlfriend i would remind myself that this will pass. I lived life happily without it before so why can't I again. Not until about 14 days in i started feeling some relief. Could sleep again, eat again, pain started fading and i started felling like I could wake up for work again. Start talking again, just start enjoying the small things. I know for some n/a meetings work but for me I felt that wasn't really my type of thing. I could write a book about my experience but this is a small section of it that may give you an insight to my life and knowing that their is a light at the end of all the pain.
The reason I had so much money to spend was i had a good paying job and recently sold my house which had about $22,000 in equity. I spent every last penny of that on pills. Maybe a few things for myself here and there but at least 20k in pills. At the time I didn't see it being a problem, I thought my money my problem I'll spend it how I want. I also believe, in an addicts head we can justify spending it because we see the pills or whatever your drug of choice is as something you need to wake up, to shower, to work, to drive etc. I had no money left, owed 500+ dollars to several people and nobody knew a thing.
I just got done convincing my own mother I needed $300 dollars for a bill. She didn't hesitate to give it to me and i didn't hesitate to go to my drug dealer. That night we met up, everything seemed fine but then he asked for the money first and i let it walk. He never came back. I was broke, no pills, quarter tank of gas, hours away from home... I know everyone's rock bottom is different but that was mine, I needed to get clean. This drug was making me spend so much money and i couldn't do anything or enjoy life without thinking "Well if I go there I gotta make sure I have enough pills" family vacation, trip across town, literally anything. I was high for everything, funerals, my daughter's recitals. Everything I should have been sober and enjoying, I was high and in a blur.
Theirs a million reasons to be sober and finally after 35 days to be exact I have realized that. I try not to look back at all the money wasted and lies to everyone but I started paying people back, I started really seeing life for what it is. My relationship is 1000x better, I'm allot more naturally friendly and my sex drive is worse than a 12 y/o that just discovered puberty lol.
The way I got clean though was i told my girlfriend of 3 years everything. From what I spent on it, to what I would do to get it. All the lies I told her etc. She understood and said that she appreciated that I told her and that she will help me as long as I'm honest with her. So it started. 7 days of pure hell. I took kratom, which I highly recommend, for about 5 days then stopped that. Night's of restlessness, daily depression, cravings, anger, pain, hopelessness. I didn't think I could make it but when i felt I needed to use I would talk to my girlfriend i would remind myself that this will pass. I lived life happily without it before so why can't I again. Not until about 14 days in i started feeling some relief. Could sleep again, eat again, pain started fading and i started felling like I could wake up for work again. Start talking again, just start enjoying the small things. I know for some n/a meetings work but for me I felt that wasn't really my type of thing. I could write a book about my experience but this is a small section of it that may give you an insight to my life and knowing that their is a light at the end of all the pain.