30 days clean and why i got clean

[Dubberlife]

Thought I would share a little bit about my story and why I got clean. It all started about 3 years ago when I got kidney stones and needed pain meds (oxycodone) to help with pain, after taking my first pill I fell in love. I started telling the doctor the pain wouldn't subside and that I still needed them, that turned into "chronic pain" then put me on a pain management plan, 60 5mg pills for the month so 2 a day. I was doing good on that for about 6 months until that wasn't enough so I resorted to buying them from the streets, started with about 20mg a day for another couple months, then found another dealer that had 20 and 30mg. Within the last year I was taking 120mg per day and was buying 20-30 pills a week... thousands of dollars a month easily.
The reason I had so much money to spend was i had a good paying job and recently sold my house which had about $22,000 in equity. I spent every last penny of that on pills. Maybe a few things for myself here and there but at least 20k in pills. At the time I didn't see it being a problem, I thought my money my problem I'll spend it how I want. I also believe, in an addicts head we can justify spending it because we see the pills or whatever your drug of choice is as something you need to wake up, to shower, to work, to drive etc. I had no money left, owed 500+ dollars to several people and nobody knew a thing.
I just got done convincing my own mother I needed $300 dollars for a bill. She didn't hesitate to give it to me and i didn't hesitate to go to my drug dealer. That night we met up, everything seemed fine but then he asked for the money first and i let it walk. He never came back. I was broke, no pills, quarter tank of gas, hours away from home... I know everyone's rock bottom is different but that was mine, I needed to get clean. This drug was making me spend so much money and i couldn't do anything or enjoy life without thinking "Well if I go there I gotta make sure I have enough pills" family vacation, trip across town, literally anything. I was high for everything, funerals, my daughter's recitals. Everything I should have been sober and enjoying, I was high and in a blur.
Theirs a million reasons to be sober and finally after 35 days to be exact I have realized that. I try not to look back at all the money wasted and lies to everyone but I started paying people back, I started really seeing life for what it is. My relationship is 1000x better, I'm allot more naturally friendly and my sex drive is worse than a 12 y/o that just discovered puberty lol.
The way I got clean though was i told my girlfriend of 3 years everything. From what I spent on it, to what I would do to get it. All the lies I told her etc. She understood and said that she appreciated that I told her and that she will help me as long as I'm honest with her. So it started. 7 days of pure hell. I took kratom, which I highly recommend, for about 5 days then stopped that. Night's of restlessness, daily depression, cravings, anger, pain, hopelessness. I didn't think I could make it but when i felt I needed to use I would talk to my girlfriend i would remind myself that this will pass. I lived life happily without it before so why can't I again. Not until about 14 days in i started feeling some relief. Could sleep again, eat again, pain started fading and i started felling like I could wake up for work again. Start talking again, just start enjoying the small things. I know for some n/a meetings work but for me I felt that wasn't really my type of thing. I could write a book about my experience but this is a small section of it that may give you an insight to my life and knowing that their is a light at the end of all the pain.

 

[KraziKat]

Thanks For sharing your story. And great, amazing job on your recovery. Sounds a lot like someone I know, your oxy addiction story - me! Great job on kicking the kratom right away. Wish I'd done that.

You know, it's strange, in a way. I relate to what you're saying about being high on pills for everything, and it being a blur, but at the time, I didn't feel high, just normal, like this is what I do and who I am. But know that I'm off the pills for a month, I can see that it really sucked, and it's no way to live. And the money... so much, all gone.

Can't wait to really see that light one day. Well done, OP

 

[JerryBlast]

Thought I would share a little bit about my story and why I got clean. It all started about 3 years ago when I got kidney stones and needed pain meds (oxycodone) to help with pain, after taking my first pill I fell in love. I started telling the doctor the pain wouldn't subside and that I still needed them, that turned into "chronic pain" then put me on a pain management plan, 60 5mg pills for the month so 2 a day. I was doing good on that for about 6 months until that wasn't enough so I resorted to buying them from the streets, started with about 20mg a day for another couple months, then found another dealer that had 20 and 30mg. Within the last year I was taking 120mg per day and was buying 20-30 pills a week... thousands of dollars a month easily.
The reason I had so much money to spend was i had a good paying job and recently sold my house which had about $22,000 in equity. I spent every last penny of that on pills. Maybe a few things for myself here and there but at least 20k in pills. At the time I didn't see it being a problem, I thought my money my problem I'll spend it how I want. I also believe, in an addicts head we can justify spending it because we see the pills or whatever your drug of choice is as something you need to wake up, to shower, to work, to drive etc. I had no money left, owed 500+ dollars to several people and nobody knew a thing.
I just got done convincing my own mother I needed $300 dollars for a bill. She didn't hesitate to give it to me and i didn't hesitate to go to my drug dealer. That night we met up, everything seemed fine but then he asked for the money first and i let it walk. He never came back. I was broke, no pills, quarter tank of gas, hours away from home... I know everyone's rock bottom is different but that was mine, I needed to get clean. This drug was making me spend so much money and i couldn't do anything or enjoy life without thinking "Well if I go there I gotta make sure I have enough pills" family vacation, trip across town, literally anything. I was high for everything, funerals, my daughter's recitals. Everything I should have been sober and enjoying, I was high and in a blur.
Theirs a million reasons to be sober and finally after 35 days to be exact I have realized that. I try not to look back at all the money wasted and lies to everyone but I started paying people back, I started really seeing life for what it is. My relationship is 1000x better, I'm allot more naturally friendly and my sex drive is worse than a 12 y/o that just discovered puberty lol.
The way I got clean though was i told my girlfriend of 3 years everything. From what I spent on it, to what I would do to get it. All the lies I told her etc. She understood and said that she appreciated that I told her and that she will help me as long as I'm honest with her. So it started. 7 days of pure hell. I took kratom, which I highly recommend, for about 5 days then stopped that. Night's of restlessness, daily depression, cravings, anger, pain, hopelessness. I didn't think I could make it but when i felt I needed to use I would talk to my girlfriend i would remind myself that this will pass. I lived life happily without it before so why can't I again. Not until about 14 days in i started feeling some relief. Could sleep again, eat again, pain started fading and i started felling like I could wake up for work again. Start talking again, just start enjoying the small things. I know for some n/a meetings work but for me I felt that wasn't really my type of thing. I could write a book about my experience but this is a small section of it that may give you an insight to my life and knowing that their is a light at the end of all the pain.

Congratulations on getting clean! I know what you mean about the cost on pills! I was paying $5-$7 each for Oxy 15's instant release. I had a bad habit with Oxy when I didn't have Heroin. I was taking between 60-120mg in a sitting every way you could take it just about. I drew the line when I was pushing towards IV'ing heroin because I had spent over $5,000 of my savings which dwindled me down to nothing practically between buying the 15 pills at $5-$7each and the half gram of H at $140/g every day. Unless it was by the point then your payin' $250 a gram! It's amazing what you can push yourself to do for drugs...

I am two weeks clean now and proud of it. Working and saving money my wife is there for me and helping me stay sober. It's a rough task but it's worth it.

 

[KraziKat]

Congrats to you both, Jerry and Dubber. I hesitate to even post here how much I spent, in fear that my wife could one day find it somehow.

 

[d3athadone]

Hey bro be super careful! Your very green and that could either work for you or against you in this situation. 30 days is amazing good work! Just don't underestimate the power of addiction to get you at moment of weakness. Relapse is a very real thing. I hope you never do bro.

 

[vr6freak]

Hey there. . This is My first post here since registering last year. . I was about to post a damn near identical story except mine goes back 13 years. . I have lost My business , My wonderfull Girlfriend , a car collection and pleanty of jobs as well as close friends. . I also needed pills to do anything.. I eneded up taking a job in Alaska in the boonies so as not to have any connections and thanks to the distractions and focusing on getting some money saved to to get out of this shit hole (Sorry Alaskins ) and back to getting My life back, I powered through the withdrawls. .Im on roughly 30 days as well and finally startiing to feel pretty good.. The Restles leg /spikes of electric shocks up My spine while trying to get some rest was what has always caused Me to relapse in the past but this time I have made it past seemingly all the physical junk. . I know when I get home , avoiding My old rutine is going to be tough but it feels so great to be clean and starting to feel good.(and not spending $$$$$ on pills) . Ill post up My full story but stay strong Man and keep us posted. .
VR

 

[KraziKat]

Hey there. . This is My first post here since registering last year. . I was about to post a damn near identical story except mine goes back 13 years. . I have lost My business , My wonderfull Girlfriend , a car collection and pleanty of jobs as well as close friends. . I also needed pills to do anything.. I eneded up taking a job in Alaska in the boonies so as not to have any connections and thanks to the distractions and focusing on getting some money saved to to get out of this shit hole (Sorry Alaskins ) and back to getting My life back, I powered through the withdrawls. .Im on roughly 30 days as well and finally startiing to feel pretty good.. The Restles leg /spikes of electric shocks up My spine while trying to get some rest was what has always caused Me to relapse in the past but this time I have made it past seemingly all the physical junk. . I know when I get home , avoiding My old rutine is going to be tough but it feels so great to be clean and starting to feel good.(and not spending $$$$$ on pills) . Ill post up My full story but stay strong Man and keep us posted. .
VR

Way to go, VR6! Any words of advice detailing further how you did it? Your attitude sounds great. Any OTC meds or supplements or things like that that were particularly helpful? I'm nearing almost two months with no pills, but I have since traded the habit into a 2-3x a day kratom dosing habit (prob 7g per dose I'd guess). Beats 180 mg a day oxy habit, right? $100+ a day for sure. Think I'll throw up now.

 

[vr6freak]

Way to go, VR6! Any words of advice detailing further how you did it? Your attitude sounds great. Any OTC meds or supplements or things like that that were particularly helpful? I'm nearing almost two months with no pills, but I have since traded the habit into a 2-3x a day kratom dosing habit (prob 7g per dose I'd guess). Beats 180 mg a day oxy habit, right? $100+ a day for sure. Think I'll throw up now.

Well , I had some signs of My liver having trouble (13 years of pills/acedemediphin/booze) So I have been taking Milk Thistle , B6/B12 and a multi vitamn. I tried Kratom but it gave Me bad headaches .and I did hit the bar the first week but realized alcohaul has also been making Me feel shitty aswell. . . Im fortunate to have a freak matabilism so I think thats is helping a bit..(Arm pits still oddly sweating all the time :/ ) No car here so Im forced to walk a few miles every day and out of the isolation I have set Myself up with , I joined a gym and have been easing into working out after the 2nd week and I know altho Im not pushing it at all , I can tell its helping for sure. . Realize this is only My 2nd time in 13 years making it this far and the last time, a few monthes ago I was still feeling so sick at week 5 I gave in. . Because of being completly broke now , I was forced to taper this time for a few weeks before jumping and I was sick every mornig making Me think I was never going to start this process. . All I can really say Man is getting away from My daily routine /connections was what saved Me. I know not everyone can just up and leave there jobs , homes , loved ones but I had already lost all that anyway :/ Anyone reading this , Im only 30 days into this and I know I may be overly optomistic at this point but it feels soo good to feel as good as I am at this point. . Its the first day its sunny and not raining here so Im going for a walk and hit the gym for a very light workout. .