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3 weeks after first shroom trip...still don't feel like myself

Louis CK

Louis CK

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Sep 10, 2011
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I'm a huge softy when it comes to psychs, only tried shrooms and salvia a couple times, because I already have a dissociative personality and psychs magnify this to a scary level

First time doing shrooms (4 grams) was about 3 weeks ago, and I don't know..I still don't feel like myself. At my peak, I looked in the mirror and honestly couldn't recognize my own face. When I looked at my hands, it felt like I was controlling some sort of robot and that my body wasn't actually me. Then came the standard "everything is one" realization along with a genuine sense of gratuity.

I haven't been able to feel pity or sadness or boredom these last few weeks. I'm pretty much emotionless, but at the same time, I'm happier than I've ever been. Everytime I sit down to eat or go to bed, I can't help but be unusually grateful for these necessities.


Basically, it feels as if I've matured by about 20 years and I'm sort of waiting for this mentality to go away :\
 
4g for a first trip is a pretty decent if not slightly too high dose, especially with your "sensibility".

Regarding the mirror thing: I guess this is the easiest part. It's a hallucinogenic, it produces a different perception, that's totally normal!

For the rest: I think you have to stop trying to become the person you were before the trip again. (sorry my sentence structure is a bit off).
There is not really any "going back" in life and that's especially true for profound experiences like the ones on relatively high doses of psychedelics.
I gather from what you write, that you somehow know that this trip made you "better", more mature whatever. But of course such a sudden change in personality is frightening.

I think you have to identify the good parts of this new conciousness and try to integrate them in your life. For the rest, give yourself some time. Trips can be pretty heavy ;)
 
Louis CK said:
I haven't been able to feel pity or sadness or boredom these last few weeks. I'm pretty much emotionless, but at the same time, I'm happier than I've ever been. Everytime I sit down to eat or go to bed, I can't help but be unusually grateful for these necessities.
Click to expand...

Those are positive changes. Nobody needs pity (I know I don't regardless), sadness is focusing on things that make me unhappy and continue to zoom in on it over and over (again not needed) and not being bored shows a zest for life. I am sort of making this funny with some truth attached to it. :D It doesn't sound emotionless to me, just more focused on more important things for now.

You are the same you, just more expanded. You are the sum total of all experiences, not different from before but more experienced. It seems soon enough you'll feel pity, bored or sad and wonder why the afterglow is gone. It's bound to happen as that is life. Like garchi said, try and not to focus on going backwards to a less experienced you. If someone comes up to you with a sad story you'll be more uplifting being your happy self rather than dispensing pity. That's what uplifting is.

Oh and, milk that happiness for all it's worth. It's your birthright! Further!
 
I echo all of what has been said above.

You're definitely not meant to feel like "yourself" after a profoundly insightful psychedelic trip! The very nature of insight itself is the dissolution of the painfully false constructs of "self" that you were previously lost inside. Of course, insight fades after a trip if we do not practice the mindfulness needed to keep it in our awareness. Due to being surrounded in an environment of absurd cultural habits, it is almost inevitable that we fall back in to the matrix of delusion to a certain degree, so we have to keep it alive.

There are ways we can prevent ourselves from falling back:

Cultivate compassion for the planetary animal mother (Gaia).

Practice meditation and mindfulness.

Continue utilizing psychedelics/enthoegens with loving intention.

Change our everyday "setting" (the environment we surround ourselves in).

Psychedelics in and of themselves do not automatically produce a permanent enlightened state where you can take a certificate home and hang it on your wall to say you're enlightened. Neither do techniques of meditation or any method used to reach a more awakened state. Psychedelics and meditation are not the goal, but they are indeed the means. It's a like two-step dance: two steps forwards, one step backwards. We have to keep going forwards and we will become increasingly happy.

By the way, meditation does not necesarily mean sitting in the lotus position chanting "om". :) Meditation is mindfulness, the opposite of dreaming. Even when we are awake, we are still dreaming most of the time. We spend a great deal of time dreaming in the phantasmagoric realms of past and future, living out imaginary scenarios in our heads and mostly ignoring the moment that we actually exist in. Meditation is bare recognition of this dream state, and becoming lucid in the dream. When we dream at night, we are normally slaves to our dream. Yet when we become lucid within the dream, we become sovereign over our own destiny.

Enjoy your afterglow! %) <3
 
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I have came to the exact same insights, although I was under the influence of LSD at the time. The realization that 'we are not the sum total of our bodies' is a cosmic understanding I hold very dear in my heart. Further, I also saw how mechanical/cumbersome our physical bodies are by comparison to our limitless spirit. For me this was a very comforting insight I think about almost daily.

It is so interesting to see the same threads pop up in other's journeys.

Peace & Love
 
Look up Depersonalisation and Derealization. I've experienced this once after a particularly strong experience with weed, but it can happen with other drugs - or with no chemicals involved at all!

Thankfully it usually passes fairly quickly, so try not to worry. It took around 2 weeks for mine to disappear :)
 
Sounds like you should stay away from psychs bro. If your not ready to change yourself you shouldn't be taking this shit. Especially if you don't like your previous self you can come to some disturbing realizations about yourself and become a completely different person after a strong experience. And I would say for your first trip you should start with half an 1/8 then go from there. I bet what you are experiencing will pass in time if you want it to
 
Sounds to me like you came out of the trip better than you went in, the mushroom is a great teacher, hopefully you can integrate it's lessons.

Dont be concerned about losing pity, no one needs that.

Have a great xmas
 
Thanks, it's comforting to know people have experienced the same things.
The "afterglow" is sort of fading out and I'm feeling a transition back to my regular, childish state of mind =D

The realizations I had are, of course, permanent but I think they've kind of acted as valuable learning tools.

Definitely want to shroom again sometime in the near future, but perhaps at a lower dose :)
 
Probably a silly question, but just because I can't resist asking: are you the real Louis C.K.? :D
 
Sounds like your mind is asking you to change your life for the better. Are you happy?
 
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