I was initially pissed off about getting busted and being forced to be clean, but then again even in jail I knew I had a choice. It was the first time I had the opportunity to do both meth and heroin, but I didn't see the point as I had already physically kicked. Why put myself through that again? The women in my tank 39 others were witness to the fact I didn't sleep 5 days. I came in with a 500mg a day barbiturate and 300mg codeine habit. Once the worst was over I think it was still another month before I could physically sit sit for more than a minute at a time, let alone read.
Life has thrown me a few curve balls and while I'm happy to be out, it's an adjustment dealing with the demands of being on the outside. That sounds strange coming from someone only locked up 90 days, the longest I ever served at once. Sigh. I've dicked around with drugs far too long as addiction leaves me living day to day chasing the next fix or whatever to stay well. It sucks all my time and left me broke and living in my car. I spent my 49th birthday in jail.
I know this is no way to live. Mom wasn't going to let me stay more than one night, but I've pretty much followed the rules and by mid December I will be in a recovery home for 90 days as ordered by the court. So I'm grateful for the good things, but its been a real test as the migraines have come back and I don't have any access to the Rx non narcotic drugs that helped me. I do have a shit load of fun pills that are my Rx, and amazingly enough I've not yet said fuck it and ditch the pain after 2 days, but only because I'm sure it's my mind fucking with me. I just want this shit to be over.
Life has thrown me a few curve balls and while I'm happy to be out, it's an adjustment dealing with the demands of being on the outside. That sounds strange coming from someone only locked up 90 days, the longest I ever served at once. Sigh. I've dicked around with drugs far too long as addiction leaves me living day to day chasing the next fix or whatever to stay well. It sucks all my time and left me broke and living in my car. I spent my 49th birthday in jail.
I know this is no way to live. Mom wasn't going to let me stay more than one night, but I've pretty much followed the rules and by mid December I will be in a recovery home for 90 days as ordered by the court. So I'm grateful for the good things, but its been a real test as the migraines have come back and I don't have any access to the Rx non narcotic drugs that helped me. I do have a shit load of fun pills that are my Rx, and amazingly enough I've not yet said fuck it and ditch the pain after 2 days, but only because I'm sure it's my mind fucking with me. I just want this shit to be over.