• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

TDS 3 Day Relapse ruined it all

T

thedawn

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 12, 2013
Messages
528
so yeah,I had been clean from opiates and crack for 4 years.
I snuck some herb here and there but that's all.
I got back with my wife but more importantly my son,13.
I love my son and hurting him makes me suicidal.

A week ago I had a 3 day relapse on Black Tar and crack.
First my wife noticed my fingers (crack pipe burnt).
Then a day after she noticed the aluminum foil was almost empty (I smoke tar).
Then it was over. She just knew. She didn't yell, she just told me to get out and do not see my son.

I'm so depressed I can barely write. 3 Days!! My whole life I had built so carefully over for now.
I'm thinking "I might as well continue now" but wont. I have some herb and thats medical.

So if you think about relapsing after a while, please think carefully.
Do you have kids.
I'm crying.
 
That's definitely not the best moment of your life now, I know. Trust me, I've been there!
But since you got there make the best of the situation. Relapsing is part of our problem - it come with the package - it can happen to anyone of us - anytime. For no particular reason. We need to be always sort of treating the issue. That's why people go to meetings, come in here, etc.

Don't let this moment define your life or who you are/or can be, get over this asap and move on! ;)
You know you have it in you because you have done it before, so just do it. You'll be able to deal with all of these problems later when you are okay!

Good luck!
 
Erikmen said:
That's definitely not the best moment of your life now, I know. Trust me, I've been there!
But since you got there make the best of the situation. Relapsing is part of our problem - it come with the package - it can happen to anyone of us - anytime. For no particular reason. We need to be always sort of treating the issue. That's why people go to meetings, come in here, etc.

Don't let this moment define your life or who you are/or can be, get over this asap and move on! ;)
You know you have it in you because you have done it before, so just do it. You'll be able to deal with all of these problems later when you are okay!

Good luck!
Click to expand...

Thanks for the positivity, man, as you can tell I'm kinda freaking out here. I will make it right.
 
You will! You want this right?
Try to remember the good things that happened to you when you were sober. For me the freedom was the best. Pretty often we have our craving moments but with time you learn how to cope with it. My 'thing' was quite simple, try to beat it for one hour at a time. It didn't take long for me to realize the craving itself does not last that often. You build your own strategies, have I relapsed before? Yes, plenty. But now I prefer to think I'm more prepared.

So back to you now, how do feel about giving it a try? You would be in a win win situation. As the old saying goes, there are no problems that don't worse with drugs or alcohol, something like that. So I'm pretty sure that if you have done it before, and you have, it means you have that strength in you, and that's all it takes. Life is full of problems and you can get by much better without crack or dope.

Keep posting, it helps to share. :)
I wish you the very best!
 
I'm sorry to hear that you relapsed. Can you get sober again? You were sober for 4 years. Treat this as a learning experience that you can't use drugs, including herb, and get sober again, go to meetings or do whatever you have to so you get and stay sober. Good luck.
 
I know right now it may seem that everything is ruined, but that is simply not true. Do not let this humiliate you. This is how addiction works sometimes and I only hope that your wife can have empathy in time.

What do you think triggered you to pick up again after so long? This is really the key. Was it loneliness? Boredom? Lack of meaning in your life? These are the human needs we have to each individually come to terms with. For myself--when any of these goes unmet, I turn to food--sugar in particular. Even though I know that sugar is no substitute for what I really want, my addictive brain tells me it is ALL I want or need. So, having accepted that I am usually pretty powerless to argue with my addicted brain in the heat of the moment, the key is to satisfy these underlying needs so that I am not vulnerable to a substance for substitution. Does that make sense?

As far as your son goes, remember this: a child loves and needs a father. You have a whole lifetime (protect it!) to allow the relationship with your son to develop. It is not a crime to struggle, to feel weak, to stumble or fall. Showing our kids that life is often like this but that we stand back up and push forward is one of the best lessons you can model. So do not waste this opportunity to show him (and yourself) that you grow stronger by admitting weakness when it happens. Many people get stuck defining themselves by their weakest moments. This is completely unfair, not to mention self-defeating.
 
herbavore said:
I know right now it may seem that everything is ruined, but that is simply not true. Do not let this humiliate you. This is how addiction works sometimes and I only hope that your wife can have empathy in time.

What do you think triggered you to pick up again after so long? This is really the key. Was it loneliness? Boredom? Lack of meaning in your life? These are the human needs we have to each individually come to terms with. For myself--when any of these goes unmet, I turn to food--sugar in particular. Even though I know that sugar is no substitute for what I really want, my addictive brain tells me it is ALL I want or need. So, having accepted that I am usually pretty powerless to argue with my addicted brain in the heat of the moment, the key is to satisfy these underlying needs so that I am not vulnerable to a substance for substitution. Does that make sense?

As far as your son goes, remember this: a child loves and needs a father. You have a whole lifetime (protect it!) to allow the relationship with your son to develop. It is not a crime to struggle, to feel weak, to stumble or fall. Showing our kids that life is often like this but that we stand back up and push forward is one of the best lessons you can model. So do not waste this opportunity to show him (and yourself) that you grow stronger by admitting weakness when it happens. Many people get stuck defining themselves by their weakest moments. This is completely unfair, not to mention self-defeating.
Click to expand...

The trigger was definitely lack of meaning in life. I just quit my job, was sitting home all day,suddenly I was like "I'm just a loser ,fuck it"and went to the TL.
That easy.
Now, my wife is talking to me and she will end up forgiving if i start hanging with positive (AA) people and go to therapy.
It's a relief.
It WILL work again.
just not right away.
 
Hey the dawn, i work with a lot of guys that are trying to be back in their kids lives. you relapsed, now its time to get back into the program again. I hardly doubt your wife and kid hate you for that,they need to understand that you are sick, you suffer from an illness.

try getting your family involved with 'Alanon' it will give your family time to heal, and slowly they will see that you arn't a bad person, you are a sick person trying to get better.
 
Unfortunately my wife has had it and is filing for divorce!
I love her, we've been together 15 years, but this last relapse confirmed to her what a creep I am.

I will get to see my son though , he's with me right now. And thats the most important.
But the feelings of guilt , I've been a terrible husband, I have completely failed.
If I could do it all over again..... I miss her.
It makes the cravings worse too. Cuz now I won't be kept in check like I was.
I will stay strong for my son and never hurt a woman again. I made her bitter and resentful. It's my fault. I destroyed the person I love.
 
I've relapsed before and the reaction was pretty much the same. Give her some time, others can't fully understand what that means to us. It can be quite a disappointing experience and it takes time to get things in place again. We become more vulnerable, people judge and all of our emotions are intensified.

You haven't really failed. This is part of the process, and each time it happens we learn something new and we move on after a while. I'm sober now for more than 2 and 1/2 years but I have relapsed many times before. It's difficult to our most beloved ones to understand how that makes us feel. My wife has once aked if I had a gun pointed at my head. Not literally - but I was about to burst. They don't get it because they don't have this problem/condition.

Listen, I've been there. Cravings comes and goes, if you stop to think about it the craving itself does not take too long. So focus on the present time. Go back to live one day at a time, half day at at time. You'll get over this. My point is that right now in this moment we tend to see everything falling apart.

Don't put yourself down like this. You haven't destroyed anyone, she's just confused, sad or angry. All of these things together can makes one feel pretty miserable but you must go on with your life and you'll see that things will be okay again. And if they don't you'll be stronger and you'll adapt and adjust - that's what we do. Be your best friend right now. Stay strong for your son, they don't judge us that much and at the end you are his father, you'll always be important to him.
 
You are not a "creep" and even though your struggles contributed to pain in her life you are not responsible for her bitterness. That is her choice. Hopefully, with time she will regain her compassion. It may not mean that she wants to stay married, but there is no reason to harbor bitterness towards you. I am glad that you can be with your son. He needs you and you can even use this as motivation in your own healing. What if someday (heaven forbid) your son finds himself caught up in an addiction? Would you want him to hate himself or berate himself? No. So you can model to him the difference between remorse and shame. Remorse says, "I screwed up and I feel mortified by it." Shame on the other hand says, "I am a complete failure. I am defined by my weakest moments." One is a way forward and the other is a way to guarantee you stay stuck.
 
Erikmen said:
I've relapsed before and the reaction was pretty much the same. Give her some time, others can't fully understand what that means to us. It can be quite a disappointing experience and it takes time to get things in place again. We become more vulnerable, people judge and all of our emotions are intensified.

You haven't really failed. This is part of the process, and each time it happens we learn something new and we move on after a while. I'm sober now for more than 2 and 1/2 years but I have relapsed many times before. It's difficult to our most beloved ones to understand how that makes us feel. My wife has once aked if I had a gun pointed at my head. Not literally - but I was about to burst. They don't get it because they don't have this problem/condition.

Listen, I've been there. Cravings comes and goes, if you stop to think about it the craving itself does not take too long. So focus on the present time. Go back to live one day at a time, half day at at time. You'll get over this. My point is that right now in this moment we tend to see everything falling apart.

Don't put yourself down like this. You haven't destroyed anyone, she's just confused, sad or angry. All of these things together can makes one feel pretty miserable but you must go on with your life and you'll see that things will be okay again. And if they don't you'll be stronger and you'll adapt and adjust - that's what we do. Be your best friend right now. Stay strong for your son, they don't judge us that much and at the end you are his father, you'll always be important to him.
Click to expand...

Thank you, Erikmen, thanks for the support. It is important to me to not feel all alone in this. I know I can't change the past and my son loves me unconditionally. I just feel such intense guilt when it comes to my wife.
I wake up with high anxiety and think of her right away. But my son is a blessing and right now the reason I stay clean. I know I have to do it for myself but not at the moment. Again, thanks for the kind words.
 
Thanks herby. The negative self-talk is whats killing me. But you're right, I can choose to use this situation to model for my son the behavior I think is appropriate.
I will only love him. And I will stay strong for him. It feels like nobody knows how much I love my son.
 
He knows. There will always be moments of reflection and we can feel the love. It can be numbed but it can't be shut.
 
Don't be one of those mindless people who drank too much NA kool aid, where there is a definite "full relapse mode" I wouldn't call smoking weed a relapse. Yeah its unhealthy but not a relapse. This thinking turns a small blunder into a full on shooting speedballs binge.

If you fuck up once, make it just that. Don't make it a "relapse"

Good luck. The only thing to do now is heal and improve. Maybe that'll being your family back, maybe it won't. But it will bring your life back.
 
dawn, relapse is an expected part of recovery. The fact you had 4 years under your belt says something about the fact that you want to remain sober. I was 6 months clean, I was happy, motivated, etc. I started dabbling again snorting heroin. I could see myself starting to spiral down again into full blown relapse. So I did something about it. I got the Vivitrol shot. If opiates are your main problem (or drink), show your wife you are serious by getting the shot. It wont fix the crack, and I personally have very little experience with crack (if you wana get tweeked do some god damn clear or addy, personal thought, not a recommendation), but its atleast a token to your loved ones that you are serious. The shot saved my life.

Wish you the best man,
 
RedRum OG said:
Don't be one of those mindless people who drank too much NA kool aid, where there is a definite "full relapse mode" I wouldn't call smoking weed a relapse. Yeah its unhealthy but not a relapse. This thinking turns a small blunder into a full on shooting speedballs binge.

If you fuck up once, make it just that. Don't make it a "relapse"

Good luck. The only thing to do now is heal and improve. Maybe that'll being your family back, maybe it won't. But it will bring your life back.
Click to expand...

Thanks, man. If I'm staying clean I get my son as normal and that was unexpected. I have him mostly 5 days a week, so that is a big deal.
I'm with him right now so peace out and thanks for replying.
 
ExInMil, thanks for sharing your story. Yeah, opiates is main problem. I hate drinking. And it's because I was on suboxone I picked up the crack since dope didn't work.
Will consider the shot, can't hurt.
Now back making lunch for my son and I. Peace out/
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top