for those of you who are eagerly awaiting the next phase of my life saga, here it is.
3 Belgian Waffles and a Broken Heart
4.20.02
Washing strawberries in the sink,
trying to ignore the way my legs are shaking nervously...
the setup was as follows:
one of those neat wooden bed trays, 3 warm belgian waffles, a couple scoops of french vanilla ice cream, a pound of sliced strawberries, a single daisy, lying across the tray. and a can of whipped cream in my hand.
picture perfect.
the whipped cream can shakes a little in my hand as i top off my masterpiece
(no guy has ever liked a dinner i made them... it never came out quite right. always good for a laugh though)
what will he find wrong with this??
carry the tray to the sleeping boy in my bed
opens his eyes
is that what pure surprise looks like?
a smile
and he tells me no one has ever brought him breakfast in bed before.
come to think of it,
no one ever gave him flowers before either
(and i smile at the vision of the daisies i stuffed in his mailbox the other day)
"thank you."
my heart flutters.
he checks his watch,
and i sigh.
i know he has places to be.
he looks at me
and says "fuck it"
and pulls the blanket over both of us
and wraps his arms around me.
a feeling in the pit of my stomach...
happiness.
another perfect night with you boy
my favorite part was sitting in the living room with you,
you on the recliner
me on the couch
and conversation about the way things were years ago...
all the girls that broke your heart
and all the guys that broke mine.
justin never wanted to talk...
never listened.
me and you... we talked
and it was... nice.
and now here we are,
11 hours, 23 minutes, and 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's later...
and i listen to you talk about Florida
and how you cant wait to go back.
you talk about the beach
and about the ... everything.
and me and belgian waffles and daisies slip back into the background.
we dont belong in florida with you
and it saddens me.
because no matter how good we get
no matter how much we need each other
no matter how good it feels to put everything off and just lay here like this..
it doesnt change our fate.
if i fell in love with you tomorrow,
you'd still be gone.
"Why are you so nice to me?"
i drift out of my thoughts long enough to answer you...
"Because you let me."
And i close my eyes,
wanting this moment never to end.
i found fulfillment this morning
knowing i touched your heart... just a little.
but all the daisies in the world
couldnt have shook the feeling of utter despair,
that no matter what i do for you,
i'll never ever know what you think of me.
you'll never let me into that part of your heart,
where there is trust.
where its ok to say what you feel.
we might have the best 6 upcoming months of our lives ahead of us,
and i might never, ever know.
the more i fall for you,
the more i feel you letting go.
and i thank you for it.
but i'm also crushed by it.
you and me have been down this road before...
we know all too well where it leads.
you said to me last night,
"I dont belong here. I never did."
And i felt so bad for you,
Because i know its probably true.
But i dont think Florida is your answer.
Fate made you leave behind one great summer you had there,
for a reason...
and if you go back,
you might not find that again.
and you will be leaving behind something so good.
but i would never tell you that.
who will leave you daisies in florida?
you wont let me glimpse your feelings...
well let me give you a glimpse at mine.
are you sitting down?
it's quite simple.
but it's a tear-jerker.
i was never anyone's reason to stay.
even with a ring on my finger
and a promise of forever...
i couldn't be my own fiance's reason to stay
in the same city with me.
there was always the glamour of that "other place"
and now he's there
and its not so great, is it?
i was never anyone's reason to be a better person
i always got to the guy after he'd given his whole world
and all the little things
to all the wrong girls
i got to them when they just didnt give a shit anymore
i never got flowers.
no one ever cooked me dinner.
i never got a birthday card.
but i guess they are all trivial things...
i was accustomed to getting bigger and better things...
a broken engagement, broken dishes, a broken heart.
i dont mind being the one who does everything for you...
i dont mind cooking you dinner
or buying you flowers
or sending you cards...
what i mind is that its all for nothing.
and that i'll do it anyway.
well, enjoy your 3 perfect belgian waffles
and your perfect morning
it doesnt get any better than this, danny.
not here,
not in florida.
this is all i have to offer,
i wish it could be enough.
i wish i could be someone's reason to stay for once...
i'm so tired of having to say goodbye.
3 Belgian Waffles and a Broken Heart
4.20.02
Washing strawberries in the sink,
trying to ignore the way my legs are shaking nervously...
the setup was as follows:
one of those neat wooden bed trays, 3 warm belgian waffles, a couple scoops of french vanilla ice cream, a pound of sliced strawberries, a single daisy, lying across the tray. and a can of whipped cream in my hand.
picture perfect.
the whipped cream can shakes a little in my hand as i top off my masterpiece
(no guy has ever liked a dinner i made them... it never came out quite right. always good for a laugh though)
what will he find wrong with this??
carry the tray to the sleeping boy in my bed
opens his eyes
is that what pure surprise looks like?
a smile
and he tells me no one has ever brought him breakfast in bed before.
come to think of it,
no one ever gave him flowers before either
(and i smile at the vision of the daisies i stuffed in his mailbox the other day)
"thank you."
my heart flutters.
he checks his watch,
and i sigh.
i know he has places to be.
he looks at me
and says "fuck it"
and pulls the blanket over both of us
and wraps his arms around me.
a feeling in the pit of my stomach...
happiness.
another perfect night with you boy
my favorite part was sitting in the living room with you,
you on the recliner
me on the couch
and conversation about the way things were years ago...
all the girls that broke your heart
and all the guys that broke mine.
justin never wanted to talk...
never listened.
me and you... we talked
and it was... nice.
and now here we are,
11 hours, 23 minutes, and 2 pints of Ben & Jerry's later...
and i listen to you talk about Florida
and how you cant wait to go back.
you talk about the beach
and about the ... everything.
and me and belgian waffles and daisies slip back into the background.
we dont belong in florida with you
and it saddens me.
because no matter how good we get
no matter how much we need each other
no matter how good it feels to put everything off and just lay here like this..
it doesnt change our fate.
if i fell in love with you tomorrow,
you'd still be gone.
"Why are you so nice to me?"
i drift out of my thoughts long enough to answer you...
"Because you let me."
And i close my eyes,
wanting this moment never to end.
i found fulfillment this morning
knowing i touched your heart... just a little.
but all the daisies in the world
couldnt have shook the feeling of utter despair,
that no matter what i do for you,
i'll never ever know what you think of me.
you'll never let me into that part of your heart,
where there is trust.
where its ok to say what you feel.
we might have the best 6 upcoming months of our lives ahead of us,
and i might never, ever know.
the more i fall for you,
the more i feel you letting go.
and i thank you for it.
but i'm also crushed by it.
you and me have been down this road before...
we know all too well where it leads.
you said to me last night,
"I dont belong here. I never did."
And i felt so bad for you,
Because i know its probably true.
But i dont think Florida is your answer.
Fate made you leave behind one great summer you had there,
for a reason...
and if you go back,
you might not find that again.
and you will be leaving behind something so good.
but i would never tell you that.
who will leave you daisies in florida?
you wont let me glimpse your feelings...
well let me give you a glimpse at mine.
are you sitting down?
it's quite simple.
but it's a tear-jerker.
i was never anyone's reason to stay.
even with a ring on my finger
and a promise of forever...
i couldn't be my own fiance's reason to stay
in the same city with me.
there was always the glamour of that "other place"
and now he's there
and its not so great, is it?
i was never anyone's reason to be a better person
i always got to the guy after he'd given his whole world
and all the little things
to all the wrong girls
i got to them when they just didnt give a shit anymore
i never got flowers.
no one ever cooked me dinner.
i never got a birthday card.
but i guess they are all trivial things...
i was accustomed to getting bigger and better things...
a broken engagement, broken dishes, a broken heart.
i dont mind being the one who does everything for you...
i dont mind cooking you dinner
or buying you flowers
or sending you cards...
what i mind is that its all for nothing.
and that i'll do it anyway.
well, enjoy your 3 perfect belgian waffles
and your perfect morning
it doesnt get any better than this, danny.
not here,
not in florida.
this is all i have to offer,
i wish it could be enough.
i wish i could be someone's reason to stay for once...
i'm so tired of having to say goodbye.
