Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
11:50pm - I ingest 20mg (or perhaps 21-22) of 2C-T-7. Nervous, I am, but anticipitory. It tastes almost exactly like 2C-T-2. Inspired by all the positive reports on Erowid as well as on Bluelight, I've decided to try this tonight. I actually have 30mg, but I definitely wanted to test a lower dosage for my first time; I can always find more later if I want. I definitely understand that I'll be up all night long. I may choose to insufflate 190mg or a little less of ketamine as it gets towards morning, but I really haven't decided yet. I guess I have a pretty long wait now before it starts. No going back now... I feel somewhat nervous, but overall I'm anticipating what is to come.
12:30 - Well, I tired of watching Letterman and Leno. Leno had funny guests tonight, actually, including a spotted chicken named Boo-boo, and a crazy actor from that new Sarah Jessica Parker movie, who couldn't stop writhing about and laughing hysterically the entire time. No effects whatsoever yet. I expected this, but it's a little weird to me as I'm definitely used to getting alerts by now. I think once I begin to feel the nausea, I'll go back in and lay down. Actually, I'd like to watch Craig Ferguson... which is in about 15 minutes.
1:02 - Perhaps tiny little alerts? Very smooth if so, but this could be placebo. I did eat at about 10 and got pretty full... oops! I attempted to absorb the 2C-T-7 sublingually, but I swallowed after a few minutes because the taste became unbearable. I think I'll go watch Craig Ferguson now for a bit.
1:07 - Damn Letterman is still on. On second though though, I definitely am experiencing the first alerts. It's very pleasant though, not a hint of nausea. Just a warm, tingling energy running through my body, originating from my solar plexus. Also, my typing ability, speed, accuracy, and rhythm have seemingly increased.
1:58 - I don't think I've ever been this happy and ecstatic coming up on a psychedelic before! Or at least not in a long time. There's strong suggestion of movement in my peripheral vision at all times, and some colors are randomly seeming much richer and brighter. Craig Ferguson... listen, you guys should all watch this guy. He's fucking awesome. And, today he just came right out and said it - he takes drugs before the show. Oh, we suspected. But it's true! And shit, David Arquette is on there now and he's feelin' silly for sure... he looks the kind of nervous you only get when you're tripping balls in front of a bunch of people. Damn, this show is awesome! And to get back to my developing experience, I smoked a vaporizer hit of cannabis at about 1:30, which was nice, with my girlfriend. She seems to be asleep again, and I'm about to continue to watch Mr. Ferguson and his zany crew. Oh right... at this point I feel as if I've taken some MDMA, but the energy radiating from my solar plexus is definitely edgy in that psychedelic way - it's not nearly so peaceful as that.
2:08 - Getting some yawns. Unlike with almost any other psychedelic, my body temperature feels great, maybe even a little hot, and I'm sitting around in short sleeves and boxers, with no socks. Usually, especially coming up, I'm wrapped in two blankets and a sweatshirt, shivering. Stretching feels very good and necessary now, big, full-body back-arching stretches. Ahhhhh. Shadows in the room have begun to melt and flow, so I know it's coming. I just realized I was scratching my wrist, and I must have scratched too hard because I left a bleeding welt. Shit! My nails aren't even sharp! So far, I've experienced absolutely no nausea and extremely little body discomfort in general. In fact, I'd have to say that I've found this come-up even more pleasant than DOC's. Of course, there's more to come. Back to Craig.
2:19 - Some gastric pressure. This is not causing me any personal distress, but it's there and building. I may have to seriously fart soon.
2:27 - I'm amazed by how little my ordinary mental faculties are not inhibited by this! Even my social ability hasn't suffered, and usually I get amazingly antisocial while tripping. Talking to a sober person would present absolutely no problem for me right now, methinks. There went that fart... I just feel like talking up a storm! This has literally never happened to me before on a psychedelic other than (the sub-psychedelic) MDMA. At this point visuals have not progressed any further, except actually I've been noticing some light color bleeding. However, the body high has definitely become more intense, so the edgy, fluttery stomach sensation is making me squirm occasionally. But the waves through the body are awesome.
2:32 - Well, I asked about DON reports on bluelight, and evidently my request was listened to, because now two DON reports are sticky-ed up there on Trip Reports. Nice! Strangely I don't feel like music at this point. I'm just feeling nice being me.
2:41 - Okay, so I had to purge. Just not in the way I had expected. Let's just say the toilet and I had a run-in. However, during that time, my pupils went from normal to huge. I thought it was just in my head, but I felt that shift. The bathroom floor tiles appeared in a state of constant rising, ever higher but never actually leaving the confines of their defined borders. Is there a storm coming?
2:54 - Colors on the wall from the lamp, and the lamp itself, are starting to morph in rather dramatic fashion if I stare for a moment. I'm thinking about taking another hit of cannabis or two pretty shortly. I feel I'm approaching the "launching pad", so to speak. Typically, I provide the ignition fuel with cannabis to propel myself into a peak. It's been working great!
3:09 - I can't believe my lack of physical inebriation. I feel so free! Something seems to be emerging in my mind, though. I'm hoping the hit I'm about to take will blast it off. I'd hate to wish I'd taken the other 10 I have but it's really too late now. But I must remember, there's a long, long way to go. At this point I'm thinking that ketamine in the future of this night might not be what I'll want... I'd like to see this state of mind unfold from start to end without being interrupted. It's not often I let myself do that, usually interjecting some kratom in there on the later parts of the plateau, if nothing else.
3:17 - You know, I realize that I really haven't experienced any paranoia whatsoever so far. That is fucking awesome! I always get paranoid for a while. That vaporized hit tasted mighty fine. It's nice to get magic closet gnomes to make it for you... tastes more fulfilling that way. After one more hit in a moment, I'll be putting on the headphones and listening to my most recent 5-CD trip playlist. I used it lasy weekend, but I really feel this mindstate to be totally and fundamentally different from the 2C-I mindspace, so I'd love to get some comparison.
3:33 - Two hits and Pink Floyd's "Cluster One" are really bringing out the visuals.
You know, it occurs to me that this is probably the cleanest, most functional, and clarifying psychedelic state I've been to. In a utilitarian sense anyway... I'm not getting any sense of a spiritual connection, except to myself. Something like mushrooms are still more profound in that awe-inspiring sense. Also, I literally feel hungry, like my hunger system is working normally (which it usually doesn't)
"Something very Pure" by Mystical Sun is a truly amazing song for those of you who haven't heard it.
I'm less connected to music than I would have expected. With 2C-T-2 (I know it's silly to compare relatives, but), I always feel the music so deeply that I become the music. It is the center of the experience. Whereas in this space, like that of DOC, it's more of a background force, cool, and appreciated, but certainly not the focus. Indeed, I'm finding that the focus of this state is to just focus on whatever you want. That's the beauty of it.
3:44 - I'm getting minor objects flying all over my peripheral vision, and when I look at something for more than a moment, it begins to waver around, in a truly bizarre, kind of disjointed manner.
It feels like the pressure in my head has been focused in the back, and specifically, the upper back. Something about that pressure feels slightly wrong. Other than this spot, this chemical so far seems, to me, to be amazingly gentle on the body and mind. I had very, very little nausea, and I ate a full meal 2 hours before it.
Holy shit... I remember my K-hole! I DID succeed! This report describes exactly my experience, minus the spiritual stuff in the second half. What a fucking strange drug, ketamine! I feel like combining this and that would not be at all healthy... something about that strange feeling pressure in my upper back head and the ketamine feeling of your consciousness all gathering up there... it just wouldn't fit. There are some claims of a good synergy, but I'm not sure I could bring myself to do it. But in any case, the potential to would be hours from now.
3:56 - At this dosage, the visual effects are subtle, but amazing, and appreciated. For example, I was just reading a block of text, and it appeared to be waving like a flag.
" There are relationships, processes and plots at different levels of varying complexity. At higher levels of existence dramas unfold with apocalyptic proportions. I go with it, finding comfort with the familiar emotions of survival and purpose. In some scenarios, the fate of the universe hinges on the direction that my consciousness is now heading. "
This happened also during my ketamine excursion! I remember feeling as if it were tremendously important that I slide down this way (or you know, whichever way it was), or all would be lost. Perhaps that on that basic of a level of my mind, such processes are occurring, but ordinarily that place is "masked" so to speak, from my consciousness. You must realize that I'm thinking of this from a computer science standpoint, in case that helps. The fact that I was in there alarmed the shit out of that place, and it had to make sure I went where I was supposed to go in that brief microsecond or whatever, or else who knows what sort of deep, deep basic control function could have been screwed. Shit! Ketamine kinda has me freaked out, now that I can actually remember more of what happened! What if you were able to alter some process in there, and something snapped? Or if, faced with the unbeing, you literally die as a soul. Then again, I felt that that was happening to me on my last 2C-E trip, and that has proven to in fact not have been what happened. As far as I can tell, I'm still alive.
This report is fucking beautiful:
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=2731
Although I must say, the back of the head pressure has increased, along with some upper back tension. Neither is a big deal, but neither is something I enjoy, either.
4:44 - Just put on Shulman's "In Search of a Meaningful Moment". Things haven't progressed at all, really, except my reading ketamine reports and reminding myself of all sorts of crazy details I had forgotten/repressed. I really feel like I'm able to really clarify that state while in this state. I wonder if I should attempt it tonight? I've never been all the way through to the field of consciousness level... I was merely lost for eternity in the fractal tunnels, but I never emerged. But that state frightens me. I mean, I've definitely been to places before myself where I truly felt that if I didn't do the right thing, I'd be lost forever, never to return to this reality, this particular slice of where I'm dimensionally located. To think about it is one thing.. but to experience it in such a real way, it is undeniable. Such unthinkable power we have within us.
So for those of you who'd like to know where my current train of thought originated from, it's this:
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=11455
^I encountered nothingness as well in my 2C-E journey. Except that it was terrifying beyond belief, without the ketamine to eliminate the base emotions.
This is a good one too:
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=6460
Jesus, I've been so obsessed with ketamine the last few times I've tripped! But what a profound fucking thing.
5:08 -
Oh, wow! I found the motherload:
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/ketamine/references/other/1997_kent_resproject_1.shtml
Funny how my trip is totally centered on ketamine and not 2C-T-7. But I think, at least at the dosage level I'm at, that is the beauty of this drug. It's so malleable and workable. This, however, differs dramatically from some of the higher-dose experiences I have read of, and in fact, many 20mg reports like this one end up being far more complex than this one. I mean, I'm at a really nice +2, and I'm actually enjoying this immensely. It's very wonderful. But I definitely want to experience this again at a higher dosage to see what it's really about. One thing is for sure though.. I feel so amazingly aware of everything that's going on than I usually am under the effects of a psychedelic. Like my mind is left crystal-clear. That is MUCH appreciated.
I'm still debating on whether or not I'll do the rest of my ketamine later tonight. Fear is all that keeps me from it. But a fear which is, I think, warranted, based on both my own limited experience and what I'm reading.
6:00 - I think I'm going to administer ~190mg of ketamine nasally now. Much courage this takes.
IN THE MORNING
10:29 -
Well, despite the fact that I had more than just moments of thinking I was forever banished to a consciousness without a body, I sure am glad I had that experience last night. The whole thing is a little more vague, though, than my last adventure, but somehow more powerful and direct. I really need to try hard to remember all of what happened. I just remember it was more of the same from last time, except with an additional element of universal importance thrown in there... there was a definite detached feeling of urgency in trying to emerge from the hole once I was past the peak, which was a long and drawn out process. I started to wake up at 7, and the whole room would come together with a loud carrier-wave noise... for some reason the only time this would happen, either one of the cats would also freak out and do some impressive frantic leap onto a windowsill or out of the room, or Leslie would turn over or something. Very odd timing with this, and I'm pretty sure I did the same thing more than once a few times. Namely, I remember getting up to pee and barely being able to walk twice, both when it was 7:2-something, with the exact same set of circumstances leading up to the event each time. So strange to find myself back in my body! Although right now I have a pretty serious headache, now that I'm up I can operate better. I just made a little kratom extract tea (yes, I realize I just withdrew... but I did originally use it as a medicine for things such as this), and took a few ibuprofen. With those and some water, I think it'll pass. The 2C-T-7 has left no remnant other than a headache though I definitely think it colored the ketamine experience.
I vaguely recall others in there with me, who were communicating around me with each other but not necessarily to me. I had the impression they were discussing urgently my need to travel in certain ways, which I understood intuitively and made the proper adjustments. And it was very important for them that I correctly navigated the K-space. The carrier wave was huge this time, totally and utterly noticeable. Every time I'd briefly come back into focus, I'd hear early morning birds chirping, but as if it was always the exact same chirping, and sometimes on the way back it sounded like a single chirp in a feedback loop, just repeating itself on and on until I fully phased in. I was definitely experiencing time very uniquely and not strictly linearally. I also believge that my cats freaked out in exactly the same way as I came back multiple times... for one, I felt they could sense something crazy and bizarre was going on, and for another, my intersections with concensus reality were definitely sensable by them. Or it sure seemed that way. The craziest thing about ketamine is that when you're briefly coming back, it's like all the pieces of the puzzle are coming together at last, and it feels as if everything in the entire world has aligned for this, that somehow my own consciousness flanging in and out of "reality" has an effect on that very "reality". These two ketamine experiences have definitely forever altered the way I can feasibly view my own consciousness and the very nature of self. I should definitely not do this very often... every time I fear in some part of me that I won't be able to find the way back. The place you experience there is just as real as anything else, although inconceivably more conceptual and bizarre. This just blows my mind.
Conclusions from two days later:
Well, first and foremost, I've realized that ketamine is an immensely powerful tool the likes of which I have never seen or imagined. I feel that I need to learn how to navigate this space, as I've yet to get through the maze of tunnels and into the field of consciousness. Perhaps I need to try IM ingestion, though I'm a bit hesitant to for a variety of reasons. Mainly my terrible phobia of needles. Both times under the influence of ketamine now, I've just let myself go where I was naturally going, because I am unable to understand this maze of corridors it sends me to. But I think with effort, I could travel wherever I wanted to. But at the same time, I have a very real fear of getting lost forever, as those entities seemed to be urging me in a certain path because they were very afraid I'd screw "things" up. Whether those "things" were my own brain or reality in general, I certainly don't know. I've really been unable to remember any more of my ketamine experience than what I've written above. perhaps more will return with time. But one thing's for sure - I've got to get some more and continue my exploration at some point! I definitely want to reach the place where I can freely explore either my brain and body, or the universe.
As for the 2C-T-7, I was absolutely amazed at its clarity and general awesomeness! I was expecting a harsher but more rewarding drug than 2C-T-2. I got half of that right. It was definitely MUCH more rewarding. But it was also amazingly less toxic and harsh. In fact, the ONLY negative effect was the nasty headache I developed partway through. But the experience was great enough that I didn't care at all. With the low dose I took, I found the visuals to be pretty subdued, though I got a definite flavor for them and can see how they'd be mind-blowing at higher doses. However, I was extremely jovial on the come-up and during the entire experience, without a single moment of fear or discomfort. The come-up was quite pleasurable, really. Smoking a few hits of cannabis on top of it made for a great synergistic boost though it may have exacerbated the headache a bit. At no point did I experience any nausea. The single most unique and awesome feature of this drug, however, was the incredible feeling of clarity and freedom that I experienced in that headspace. I felt completely uninhibited by my usual psychedelic side effects, namely paranoia, fleeting fear, mental jumbling due to rapid and illogical thought patterns, and body side effects. With 2C-T-7, I felt free to do anything I wanted, easily. Reading was easy, thinking was easy, talking and socializing were easy, getting deep into concepts was easy, and digesting information and subjective effects from trip reports, for example, was easy. All in all, the only negative to speak of was that I would have enjoyed a little more music enhancement. it was there, but not as much as I'd have hoped. However, at higher dosages this may change. To wrap things up, I feel honored to have been given access to 2C-T-7, and I look forward to my next trial at 30-35mg, whenever that may be!
substancecode_2CT7
substancecode_ketamine
_combo_
12:30 - Well, I tired of watching Letterman and Leno. Leno had funny guests tonight, actually, including a spotted chicken named Boo-boo, and a crazy actor from that new Sarah Jessica Parker movie, who couldn't stop writhing about and laughing hysterically the entire time. No effects whatsoever yet. I expected this, but it's a little weird to me as I'm definitely used to getting alerts by now. I think once I begin to feel the nausea, I'll go back in and lay down. Actually, I'd like to watch Craig Ferguson... which is in about 15 minutes.
1:02 - Perhaps tiny little alerts? Very smooth if so, but this could be placebo. I did eat at about 10 and got pretty full... oops! I attempted to absorb the 2C-T-7 sublingually, but I swallowed after a few minutes because the taste became unbearable. I think I'll go watch Craig Ferguson now for a bit.
1:07 - Damn Letterman is still on. On second though though, I definitely am experiencing the first alerts. It's very pleasant though, not a hint of nausea. Just a warm, tingling energy running through my body, originating from my solar plexus. Also, my typing ability, speed, accuracy, and rhythm have seemingly increased.
1:58 - I don't think I've ever been this happy and ecstatic coming up on a psychedelic before! Or at least not in a long time. There's strong suggestion of movement in my peripheral vision at all times, and some colors are randomly seeming much richer and brighter. Craig Ferguson... listen, you guys should all watch this guy. He's fucking awesome. And, today he just came right out and said it - he takes drugs before the show. Oh, we suspected. But it's true! And shit, David Arquette is on there now and he's feelin' silly for sure... he looks the kind of nervous you only get when you're tripping balls in front of a bunch of people. Damn, this show is awesome! And to get back to my developing experience, I smoked a vaporizer hit of cannabis at about 1:30, which was nice, with my girlfriend. She seems to be asleep again, and I'm about to continue to watch Mr. Ferguson and his zany crew. Oh right... at this point I feel as if I've taken some MDMA, but the energy radiating from my solar plexus is definitely edgy in that psychedelic way - it's not nearly so peaceful as that.
2:08 - Getting some yawns. Unlike with almost any other psychedelic, my body temperature feels great, maybe even a little hot, and I'm sitting around in short sleeves and boxers, with no socks. Usually, especially coming up, I'm wrapped in two blankets and a sweatshirt, shivering. Stretching feels very good and necessary now, big, full-body back-arching stretches. Ahhhhh. Shadows in the room have begun to melt and flow, so I know it's coming. I just realized I was scratching my wrist, and I must have scratched too hard because I left a bleeding welt. Shit! My nails aren't even sharp! So far, I've experienced absolutely no nausea and extremely little body discomfort in general. In fact, I'd have to say that I've found this come-up even more pleasant than DOC's. Of course, there's more to come. Back to Craig.
2:19 - Some gastric pressure. This is not causing me any personal distress, but it's there and building. I may have to seriously fart soon.
2:27 - I'm amazed by how little my ordinary mental faculties are not inhibited by this! Even my social ability hasn't suffered, and usually I get amazingly antisocial while tripping. Talking to a sober person would present absolutely no problem for me right now, methinks. There went that fart... I just feel like talking up a storm! This has literally never happened to me before on a psychedelic other than (the sub-psychedelic) MDMA. At this point visuals have not progressed any further, except actually I've been noticing some light color bleeding. However, the body high has definitely become more intense, so the edgy, fluttery stomach sensation is making me squirm occasionally. But the waves through the body are awesome.
2:32 - Well, I asked about DON reports on bluelight, and evidently my request was listened to, because now two DON reports are sticky-ed up there on Trip Reports. Nice! Strangely I don't feel like music at this point. I'm just feeling nice being me.
2:41 - Okay, so I had to purge. Just not in the way I had expected. Let's just say the toilet and I had a run-in. However, during that time, my pupils went from normal to huge. I thought it was just in my head, but I felt that shift. The bathroom floor tiles appeared in a state of constant rising, ever higher but never actually leaving the confines of their defined borders. Is there a storm coming?
2:54 - Colors on the wall from the lamp, and the lamp itself, are starting to morph in rather dramatic fashion if I stare for a moment. I'm thinking about taking another hit of cannabis or two pretty shortly. I feel I'm approaching the "launching pad", so to speak. Typically, I provide the ignition fuel with cannabis to propel myself into a peak. It's been working great!
3:09 - I can't believe my lack of physical inebriation. I feel so free! Something seems to be emerging in my mind, though. I'm hoping the hit I'm about to take will blast it off. I'd hate to wish I'd taken the other 10 I have but it's really too late now. But I must remember, there's a long, long way to go. At this point I'm thinking that ketamine in the future of this night might not be what I'll want... I'd like to see this state of mind unfold from start to end without being interrupted. It's not often I let myself do that, usually interjecting some kratom in there on the later parts of the plateau, if nothing else.
3:17 - You know, I realize that I really haven't experienced any paranoia whatsoever so far. That is fucking awesome! I always get paranoid for a while. That vaporized hit tasted mighty fine. It's nice to get magic closet gnomes to make it for you... tastes more fulfilling that way. After one more hit in a moment, I'll be putting on the headphones and listening to my most recent 5-CD trip playlist. I used it lasy weekend, but I really feel this mindstate to be totally and fundamentally different from the 2C-I mindspace, so I'd love to get some comparison.
3:33 - Two hits and Pink Floyd's "Cluster One" are really bringing out the visuals.
You know, it occurs to me that this is probably the cleanest, most functional, and clarifying psychedelic state I've been to. In a utilitarian sense anyway... I'm not getting any sense of a spiritual connection, except to myself. Something like mushrooms are still more profound in that awe-inspiring sense. Also, I literally feel hungry, like my hunger system is working normally (which it usually doesn't)
"Something very Pure" by Mystical Sun is a truly amazing song for those of you who haven't heard it.
I'm less connected to music than I would have expected. With 2C-T-2 (I know it's silly to compare relatives, but), I always feel the music so deeply that I become the music. It is the center of the experience. Whereas in this space, like that of DOC, it's more of a background force, cool, and appreciated, but certainly not the focus. Indeed, I'm finding that the focus of this state is to just focus on whatever you want. That's the beauty of it.
3:44 - I'm getting minor objects flying all over my peripheral vision, and when I look at something for more than a moment, it begins to waver around, in a truly bizarre, kind of disjointed manner.
It feels like the pressure in my head has been focused in the back, and specifically, the upper back. Something about that pressure feels slightly wrong. Other than this spot, this chemical so far seems, to me, to be amazingly gentle on the body and mind. I had very, very little nausea, and I ate a full meal 2 hours before it.
Holy shit... I remember my K-hole! I DID succeed! This report describes exactly my experience, minus the spiritual stuff in the second half. What a fucking strange drug, ketamine! I feel like combining this and that would not be at all healthy... something about that strange feeling pressure in my upper back head and the ketamine feeling of your consciousness all gathering up there... it just wouldn't fit. There are some claims of a good synergy, but I'm not sure I could bring myself to do it. But in any case, the potential to would be hours from now.
3:56 - At this dosage, the visual effects are subtle, but amazing, and appreciated. For example, I was just reading a block of text, and it appeared to be waving like a flag.
" There are relationships, processes and plots at different levels of varying complexity. At higher levels of existence dramas unfold with apocalyptic proportions. I go with it, finding comfort with the familiar emotions of survival and purpose. In some scenarios, the fate of the universe hinges on the direction that my consciousness is now heading. "
This happened also during my ketamine excursion! I remember feeling as if it were tremendously important that I slide down this way (or you know, whichever way it was), or all would be lost. Perhaps that on that basic of a level of my mind, such processes are occurring, but ordinarily that place is "masked" so to speak, from my consciousness. You must realize that I'm thinking of this from a computer science standpoint, in case that helps. The fact that I was in there alarmed the shit out of that place, and it had to make sure I went where I was supposed to go in that brief microsecond or whatever, or else who knows what sort of deep, deep basic control function could have been screwed. Shit! Ketamine kinda has me freaked out, now that I can actually remember more of what happened! What if you were able to alter some process in there, and something snapped? Or if, faced with the unbeing, you literally die as a soul. Then again, I felt that that was happening to me on my last 2C-E trip, and that has proven to in fact not have been what happened. As far as I can tell, I'm still alive.
This report is fucking beautiful:
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=2731
Although I must say, the back of the head pressure has increased, along with some upper back tension. Neither is a big deal, but neither is something I enjoy, either.
4:44 - Just put on Shulman's "In Search of a Meaningful Moment". Things haven't progressed at all, really, except my reading ketamine reports and reminding myself of all sorts of crazy details I had forgotten/repressed. I really feel like I'm able to really clarify that state while in this state. I wonder if I should attempt it tonight? I've never been all the way through to the field of consciousness level... I was merely lost for eternity in the fractal tunnels, but I never emerged. But that state frightens me. I mean, I've definitely been to places before myself where I truly felt that if I didn't do the right thing, I'd be lost forever, never to return to this reality, this particular slice of where I'm dimensionally located. To think about it is one thing.. but to experience it in such a real way, it is undeniable. Such unthinkable power we have within us.
So for those of you who'd like to know where my current train of thought originated from, it's this:
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=11455
^I encountered nothingness as well in my 2C-E journey. Except that it was terrifying beyond belief, without the ketamine to eliminate the base emotions.
This is a good one too:
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=6460
Jesus, I've been so obsessed with ketamine the last few times I've tripped! But what a profound fucking thing.
5:08 -
Oh, wow! I found the motherload:
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/ketamine/references/other/1997_kent_resproject_1.shtml
Funny how my trip is totally centered on ketamine and not 2C-T-7. But I think, at least at the dosage level I'm at, that is the beauty of this drug. It's so malleable and workable. This, however, differs dramatically from some of the higher-dose experiences I have read of, and in fact, many 20mg reports like this one end up being far more complex than this one. I mean, I'm at a really nice +2, and I'm actually enjoying this immensely. It's very wonderful. But I definitely want to experience this again at a higher dosage to see what it's really about. One thing is for sure though.. I feel so amazingly aware of everything that's going on than I usually am under the effects of a psychedelic. Like my mind is left crystal-clear. That is MUCH appreciated.
I'm still debating on whether or not I'll do the rest of my ketamine later tonight. Fear is all that keeps me from it. But a fear which is, I think, warranted, based on both my own limited experience and what I'm reading.
6:00 - I think I'm going to administer ~190mg of ketamine nasally now. Much courage this takes.
IN THE MORNING
10:29 -
Well, despite the fact that I had more than just moments of thinking I was forever banished to a consciousness without a body, I sure am glad I had that experience last night. The whole thing is a little more vague, though, than my last adventure, but somehow more powerful and direct. I really need to try hard to remember all of what happened. I just remember it was more of the same from last time, except with an additional element of universal importance thrown in there... there was a definite detached feeling of urgency in trying to emerge from the hole once I was past the peak, which was a long and drawn out process. I started to wake up at 7, and the whole room would come together with a loud carrier-wave noise... for some reason the only time this would happen, either one of the cats would also freak out and do some impressive frantic leap onto a windowsill or out of the room, or Leslie would turn over or something. Very odd timing with this, and I'm pretty sure I did the same thing more than once a few times. Namely, I remember getting up to pee and barely being able to walk twice, both when it was 7:2-something, with the exact same set of circumstances leading up to the event each time. So strange to find myself back in my body! Although right now I have a pretty serious headache, now that I'm up I can operate better. I just made a little kratom extract tea (yes, I realize I just withdrew... but I did originally use it as a medicine for things such as this), and took a few ibuprofen. With those and some water, I think it'll pass. The 2C-T-7 has left no remnant other than a headache though I definitely think it colored the ketamine experience.
I vaguely recall others in there with me, who were communicating around me with each other but not necessarily to me. I had the impression they were discussing urgently my need to travel in certain ways, which I understood intuitively and made the proper adjustments. And it was very important for them that I correctly navigated the K-space. The carrier wave was huge this time, totally and utterly noticeable. Every time I'd briefly come back into focus, I'd hear early morning birds chirping, but as if it was always the exact same chirping, and sometimes on the way back it sounded like a single chirp in a feedback loop, just repeating itself on and on until I fully phased in. I was definitely experiencing time very uniquely and not strictly linearally. I also believge that my cats freaked out in exactly the same way as I came back multiple times... for one, I felt they could sense something crazy and bizarre was going on, and for another, my intersections with concensus reality were definitely sensable by them. Or it sure seemed that way. The craziest thing about ketamine is that when you're briefly coming back, it's like all the pieces of the puzzle are coming together at last, and it feels as if everything in the entire world has aligned for this, that somehow my own consciousness flanging in and out of "reality" has an effect on that very "reality". These two ketamine experiences have definitely forever altered the way I can feasibly view my own consciousness and the very nature of self. I should definitely not do this very often... every time I fear in some part of me that I won't be able to find the way back. The place you experience there is just as real as anything else, although inconceivably more conceptual and bizarre. This just blows my mind.
Conclusions from two days later:
Well, first and foremost, I've realized that ketamine is an immensely powerful tool the likes of which I have never seen or imagined. I feel that I need to learn how to navigate this space, as I've yet to get through the maze of tunnels and into the field of consciousness. Perhaps I need to try IM ingestion, though I'm a bit hesitant to for a variety of reasons. Mainly my terrible phobia of needles. Both times under the influence of ketamine now, I've just let myself go where I was naturally going, because I am unable to understand this maze of corridors it sends me to. But I think with effort, I could travel wherever I wanted to. But at the same time, I have a very real fear of getting lost forever, as those entities seemed to be urging me in a certain path because they were very afraid I'd screw "things" up. Whether those "things" were my own brain or reality in general, I certainly don't know. I've really been unable to remember any more of my ketamine experience than what I've written above. perhaps more will return with time. But one thing's for sure - I've got to get some more and continue my exploration at some point! I definitely want to reach the place where I can freely explore either my brain and body, or the universe.
As for the 2C-T-7, I was absolutely amazed at its clarity and general awesomeness! I was expecting a harsher but more rewarding drug than 2C-T-2. I got half of that right. It was definitely MUCH more rewarding. But it was also amazingly less toxic and harsh. In fact, the ONLY negative effect was the nasty headache I developed partway through. But the experience was great enough that I didn't care at all. With the low dose I took, I found the visuals to be pretty subdued, though I got a definite flavor for them and can see how they'd be mind-blowing at higher doses. However, I was extremely jovial on the come-up and during the entire experience, without a single moment of fear or discomfort. The come-up was quite pleasurable, really. Smoking a few hits of cannabis on top of it made for a great synergistic boost though it may have exacerbated the headache a bit. At no point did I experience any nausea. The single most unique and awesome feature of this drug, however, was the incredible feeling of clarity and freedom that I experienced in that headspace. I felt completely uninhibited by my usual psychedelic side effects, namely paranoia, fleeting fear, mental jumbling due to rapid and illogical thought patterns, and body side effects. With 2C-T-7, I felt free to do anything I wanted, easily. Reading was easy, thinking was easy, talking and socializing were easy, getting deep into concepts was easy, and digesting information and subjective effects from trip reports, for example, was easy. All in all, the only negative to speak of was that I would have enjoyed a little more music enhancement. it was there, but not as much as I'd have hoped. However, at higher dosages this may change. To wrap things up, I feel honored to have been given access to 2C-T-7, and I look forward to my next trial at 30-35mg, whenever that may be!
substancecode_2CT7
substancecode_ketamine
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