2C-I - Experienced - Be the Buddha

[Listening]

I decided to insuffalate 15mg of 2c-i on Saturday at noon. It was a rainy day, I had the house to myself, and I felt like I could do with an experience of some sort. Because I avoid pain where I can (which is connected to the content of my last trip and partially to this one as well), I insuffalated the 15 mg slowly, over the course of about 40 minutes. My reward was next to no pain and a smooth ride up.

As effects began to escalate I vaporized a bit of weed to kick it up a notch. I should mention that I have issues with phenethelamines (and 2c-i particularly I think) with regard to body load. I've had quite a bit of body discomfort (including feeling like I have to shit continuously, and muscle tension) in previous experiences. I decided to attempt to be as mindful as possible during the come-up this time and try to experience any discomfort as fully as I could. Lo and behold, there was nearly no discomfort - though maybe this was because I didn't consume orally? In any case, as the effects climbed towards plateau, far from being uncomfortable, I was the most relaxed I had ever been on a psychedelic. I felt totally comfortable and content in every way. This feeling of comfort and contentment would continue as a theme throughout the trip.

As peak effects made themselves present, I decided to try to perform some mindfulness meditation. I had been wondering about meditation on psychedelics ever since my last 2c-i trip and I decided to perform a simple breath-focused mindfulness meditation to start. I hoped to attempt a long run at some point, but decided to set my timer for 5 minutes to give myself an easy first try. The experience was comical. I couldn't shut my mind up for one second. I was, however, extremely mindful about the fact that I couldn't be very mindful. I was kind to myself and found my misses hilarious. This went on and on as I made my best attempt to stay present. Finally, it seemed to me that at least ten minutes had passed by and I was wondering why my alarm wasn't going off. Ahh, "but that's not very mindful of me," I figured, "I'm wrong and it's just time dialation and so I should continue to be mindful." Well, I continued trying to be mindful, but my thinking/doing mind kept intruding, "umm, seriously dude, you didn't start that timer, it's been forever." After I was on the verge of explosion with laughter at the whole situation, I couldn't take anymore, opened my eyes, looked at the clock and saw that there were 5 seconds left to my 5 minutes.

I am the novice. I had never been so happy to be so very incapable. I think a lot of why I have fallen for mindfulness practice is that it is so incredibly difficult to do well, and to sustain in non-ideal situations (i.e. when it is called for most). I've already seen myself improve and grow in the short time since I've started dabbling, and it's so obvious that I'm a complete amateur, and so this gives me a great sense of hope that spending a long time (i.e. years and years) mastering such a thing could be a fruitful avenue for personal growth and satisfaction in life. It has felt that way so far at least.

Ok, the first attempt at meditation was a bust, but it was incredibly fun, so I decided to try again. 5 minutes on the timer... Go: This time I go in with guns blazing, which is of course the opposite approach from what's needed. I get slapped in the face by myself a few times, and get the message. I become aware of my breathing. Truly aware. The breaths seem to be causing me to get high. Each in-breath causes my brain to vibrate just a bit more. I begin to crack a smile. It's too intense to bear. In-breath: Ecstasy pumps up a notch, my smile widens. Out-breath: I am alive, I can feel this. In-breath: Give me what you've got universe. Out-breath: I am going to explode. Alarm sounds. Eyes open and the room is an explosion of movement; everything is wiggling. The universe is happy and beautiful. I can't help but be amazed at how good I feel. Have I ever felt this alive?

I listened to The Beatles (Rubber Soul). I was engulfed in the music and was loving it anew. In one of the songs, for some reason I quickly became fixated on one of the background guitars. I was present and aware and simply experiencing. I heard the guitar stand out over everything else and couldn't help be appreciate every little detail of the finger work. I sustained focus and attention on what I was hearing. It felt like I was closing in on the strings of the guitar and experiencing the emotion of the artist's performance directly. It was phenomenal and gave the music an entirely new dimension.

For about a 1 or 2 hour span during the trip, I tried reading the wikipedia page for Mindfulness (Buddhism). The characters from non-Latin scripts really exploded out of the page, giving the whole thing an other-worldly and spiritual mystique that was hard to ignore (even though I do not believe in the supernatural). I'm not sure how hard I tried to read (it wasn't a particularly concerted effort admittedly), but needless to say that I got through about 3 paragraphs in ~2 hours. They were good paragraphs though. Eventually I realized that reading about mindfulness wasn't exactly the most productive way of exploring mindfulness under the influence of psychedelic drugs. I decided to make another attempt at meditation.

Here I was at peace with myself and the world, and confident in my ability to be aware and to experience the moment fully. I closed my eyes and almost immediately caught the sound of a bird chirping in the distance, outside the closed window. The breath. The bird. My seating position was bold and alert. I saw the bird chirping. My breath is strong and infuses energy into me. The bird is chirping to the energy I'm generating with my breath. I am on a high cliff. I see the Buddha proud and strong, breathing energy and life. I am the Buddha. The bird is chirping with me. The bird is chirping for me. I am energy and life. I am on a high cliff, basking in the bright light, a clear blue sky above me, I am alive, I am a warrior, I breath in happiness and life, I breath out anger and uncertainty. More energy with every breath. The universe is vibrating. The bird is singing for me and with me and because of me. I am alive. I am ecstatic. The alarm sounds. My eyes open and I want to take on the world. I want to be the best person that I can be.

BTW, what immediately came to mind after the above happened, was the scene from The Darjeeling Limited where they finally do the ritual with the feathers properly. The music in that scene nicely maps the feeling of what I experienced: instrument after instrument joins in and it all just climaxes and sustains as the characters finally connect with each other and with themselves and accomplish their goal. It felt very much like that. I was buzzing and alive in resonance with the song the fabric of the universe; the song of loving, growing consciousness.

The character of this trip was unlike the character of my previous 2c-i trip (visually and in many other ways as well). And this, despite the fact that both were very mindful experiences that left me feeling quite alive giving me a sense of what to aim for with mindful practice in everyday life. This was an amazing and healing experience, and was one of the most consistently fun/ecstatic/comfortable/happy trip I've had. I'm incredibly excited to bring mindful practice to a good tryptamine and see what that is like. 4-ho-mipt or 4-aco-dmt? And/or DMT? So many chemicals, so little time. It can wait though. I'm not unaware that the real growth comes from practice in the real-world and that is where I intend to put my focus.

 

[omicamushroom]

Sounds like a delightful experience. Mindfulness is a very wonderful form of meditation, and for me, is one such reason why I use psychedelics. When introducing a psychedelic to my body, I find the energy in my body and mind to stay aware. The psychedelic usually facilitates the motions I express to it, so mindfulness can become very engrossing on a psychedelic. Your first attempt had me intrigued. It was an experience i can relate to. I enjoyed the fact that you were humored by the experience. I am glad your multiple attempts paid off. Sounds wonderful. It makes me want to use 2c-I again... I think I'm gonna focus on 2c-t-2 for a little while though.

I have had times where it has been extremely hard to bring myself to the mindful state. In a recent experience with DOM I recall laying down an trying to listen to music, but i could not bring myself to do it. I was unable to bring my awareness to the music. I kept thinking I had to piss, then I would get up to go to the bathroom and I would not be able to. I would come back and put on the headphones and immediately feel that sensation again. It was very strange, and somewhat annoying. This was 10 hours into the experience. The first 10 hours involved many social interactions usually with only 1 other person for about an hour or so each. I kept getting wrapped up into situations because i had my phone on. It was very exciting and i felt obligated to be part of all the situations presented to me. It was beautiful out also. When i got home anxiety struck. For about 4 hours I lost my mind and was not to be mindful. I was waiting for something to happen. I was exhausted maybe, but still very stimulated. I was thinking too much about the future. I then made a call and had some friends pick me up and we had a fire. I sang campfire songs and was very open with my vocal ability which I only recently have started to feel more expressive with. My awareness was revitalized in the social situation.

Sorry I drifted off into my own experience. The point is sometimes when I am in my home I get very anxious. I like being outside when I practice mindfulness especially in combination with psychedelics. I love going to the woods and laying down and letting the whole world take hold of me. I love the awareness i get when I run through the woods dodging in and out of branches . I love walking and feeling each part of my body interact with the world, watching sensations arise. I would like to practice it at home more often... and become more comfortable with my place.

Reading this was wonderful... It makes me want to continue to go further into mindfulness. This reading has given me interest to explore new methods in myself.

Thanks for having such a great experience... and thanks for sharing... may you have many more awesome experiences.

 

[Listening]

Thanks for the detailed reply omicamushroom. Some comments:

Sounds like a delightful experience. Mindfulness is a very wonderful form of meditation, and for me, is one such reason why I use psychedelics. When introducing a psychedelic to my body, I find the energy in my body and mind to stay aware. The psychedelic usually facilitates the motions I express to it, so mindfulness can become very engrossing on a psychedelic. Your first attempt had me intrigued. It was an experience i can relate to. I enjoyed the fact that you were humored by the experience.

Being amused by your own limitations seems pretty critical to successful mindfulness. Or, at least, for myself it was integral. My first day of successful mindfulness (applied from when I woke up until when I fell asleep), had me smiling every few minutes as I caught myself thinking about the past, rehearsing the future, impression-managing, or otherwise planning and attempting control over future situations. It was funny to me mostly because I was amazed at how pervasive these types of thoughts were to me (I previously had no idea, despite being a very introspective person) and because I finally saw clearly how they connected to my anxiety issues.

If you are too serious about your own limitations, it is just an indication that your ego is getting in your way. This was (and continues to be) the case for me. All these things need to be worked on simultaneously for consistent progress to be had. If you want to be the master, you must first be the novice, and you must know and accept it.

I have had times where it has been extremely hard to bring myself to the mindful state. In a recent experience with DOM I recall laying down an trying to listen to music, but i could not bring myself to do it. I was unable to bring my awareness to the music. I kept thinking I had to piss, then I would get up to go to the bathroom and I would not be able to. I would come back and put on the headphones and immediately feel that sensation again. It was very strange, and somewhat annoying. This was 10 hours into the experience. The first 10 hours involved many social interactions usually with only 1 other person for about an hour or so each. I kept getting wrapped up into situations because i had my phone on. It was very exciting and i felt obligated to be part of all the situations presented to me. It was beautiful out also. When i got home anxiety struck. For about 4 hours I lost my mind and was not to be mindful. I was waiting for something to happen.

I can relate to much of what you're talking about. Actually at some point in the above trip I briefly slipped into a similar pattern of indecisiveness. I kept delaying listening to music (mostly because I was enjoying relaxing/thinking) and then I started thinking about how I tend to limit my exciting experiences in life. Why? Because I have a (false) intuitive idea that I will make something less special by experiencing it too much or in the wrong way or at the wrong moment, etc (this isn't quite right but I can't articulate it properly at the moment; will try to elaborate if you're interested). Anyway, this ties in very closely to issues of knowing what I want to do (be it for short or long term gain), vs. thinking that I should want to do something. It's a subtle difference that isn't always visible consciously, but I think it leads to many of these weird loops of non-mindfulness. (Hmm, maybe this doesn't relate to what you're talking about.)

How often do you practice mindfulness meditation? As you may know, mindfulness is a skill that you get better at with practice (lots and lots of practice, as I'm finding out). I'm pretty sure that my experience during this trip was only this good because of my daily practice (15-30 minutes of meditation per day, as well as trying to apply mindfulness everywhere else I can throughout the day). I'm sure doing a little bit of it can be helpful, but I think the real payoff of mindfulness is when you're able to practice it in even the toughest situations (ex. while anxious, angry, tripping, etc). And, to practice during these tough situations, you need to be well practiced already.

The point is sometimes when I am in my home I get very anxious. I like being outside when I practice mindfulness especially in combination with psychedelics. I love going to the woods and laying down and letting the whole world take hold of me. I love the awareness i get when I run through the woods dodging in and out of branches . I love walking and feeling each part of my body interact with the world, watching sensations arise. I would like to practice it at home more often... and become more comfortable with my place.

This sounds awesome and now I want to do that as well. :D

Thanks so much for your feedback and for sharing your own experiences omicamushroom. Really interesting stuff. If you like, tell me about what type of anxiety you experience and why. If you read my last 2c-i trip report, you know that mindfulness has been critical for me in trying to conquer my anxiety and I'd love to help out if I can.