,,,

[Starsha]

My blood on fire
I scream in pain
Down on the floor
Back again.

Each breath I take
Becomes more slow
Hoping and praying
As further down I go.

I pick myself up
From the cold hard floor
But quickly fall
Before I reach the door.

Down again
My ears start to ring
My sight soon fails me
What else can this bring?

My legs! Suddenly numb
I can’t move at all
Thoughts take over
I try to put up a wall.

But these thoughts
They’re not mine
Not in a normal state
So I push them away
And I wait and I wait.

Time passes slowly
But later I wake
Still on the floor
As I shiver and shake.

My body hates me
My mind even more
It’s a feat of accomplishment
As I climb from the floor.

I hold to the door knob
It’s my saving grace
But the pain takes hold
And I fall back in to place.

Back to the floor
Apparently it’s where I belong
My thoughts as painful
As the night ahead, long.

In the rays of the sun
I start to vomit up blood
No one to turn to
My body purges the drug.

A day and a half
I’ve been on this floor
But I feel a deep rising
For I can do this no more.

From somewhere inside
I find a strength from within
I know in my heart
That if I wait, I will win.

I look at the bath
A simple pleasure, so old…
Tonight it’s a cleansing for
Body, mind, spirit and soul.

The water fills up
As my senses return
Pain still there
My blood still burns.

But this bath it is special
As I wash away the old
And a new me emerges
More courageous, more bold.

I made it through
I survived pure hell
It can be done
So my story, I tell.

Be careful of fancies
That come in small forms
They can eat your soul
And leave you broken and torn.


Be as strong as you can
Of yourself, truly care
So you never experience
What I have just shared.

 

[(Wordy)]

I made it through
I survived pure hell
It can be done
So my story, I tell.

I find it inspiring that you've felt compelled to tell your story. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Starsha]

I find it inspiring that you've felt compelled to tell your story. Thanks for sharing.

thank you, seriously. i didn't think i was going to make it. i honestly felt like i was going to die.

hydrocodone is evil and sadly i am certain it will be the death of me, in some form or fashion... but just not right now.

~starsha

 

[colicolo]

awesome, every verse is great. its fantastic that the rhyming scheme helps carry this piece which already reigns high.
this line is familiar feeling of failure:

Back to the floor
Apparently it’s where I belong
My thoughts as painful
As the night ahead, long.

and this warning rings very true

Be careful of fancies
That come in small forms
They can eat your soul
And leave you broken and torn.

 

[Starsha]

Thank you for taking the time to read it and I am glad you understood and could relate, it's good to know we're not alone...

~starsha

awesome, every verse is great. its fantastic that the rhyming scheme helps carry this piece which already reigns high.
this line is familiar feeling of failure:

and this warning rings very true

 

[Amanita Mary]

mmm... every verse really is great. what a stunningly illustrated warning for all... i am curious as to what the evil drug was, but it is not my duty to pry... only to hail exclamations of positivity - this is an enigmatically beautiful reflection of your struggle!

 

[l0ckd0wn]

Wow, I know that opiate nothingness that can burn and itch for an eternity... Your brave to share, may your days be filled with something more comforting, and less Viks... Good luck, great poem/story/narration/account.

 

[Starsha]

hydrocodone... taking compunded 15/200 about 5 at a time about 5-6 times a day....

yeah, pretty intense.

thank you for your understanding and thank you for thinking my way of sharing was a good way to share.


~starsha

mmm... every verse really is great. what a stunningly illustrated warning for all... i am curious as to what the evil drug was, but it is not my duty to pry... only to hail exclamations of positivity - this is an enigmatically beautiful reflection of your struggle!

 

[Starsha]

yeah, compounded hydrocodone 15/200 5 of them at a time, sometimes up to 10 times a day.... it was hell, but, i'm on the downslide now...
keep your fingers crossed.
i do have 120 10/325's in the mail but they are going to be lock and keyed away and only given to me when i am in severe pain (which is daily) but we'll just have to keep me cut down until I can get workman's comp to approve my seeing a pain mgmt. specialist and get the meds I need to keep me form being in pain so that I can actually live my life rather than lay on my ass in bed on my days off.


thanks for the feedback

~starsha

Wow, I know that opiate nothingness that can burn and itch for an eternity... Your brave to share, may your days be filled with something more comforting, and less Viks... Good luck, great poem/story/narration/account.

 

[Amanita Mary]

Starsha, im so glad to hear that you're trying to make some change in your life... being high all the time is great, but eventually loses it's flair (in my opinion from own experiences) - i wish you all the best in this battle, and hope someday you come to your own realizations about how good a clear mind and bloodstream feels. it seems like you are on a good track thus far... keep writing!

 

[Starsha]

Starsha, im so glad to hear that you're trying to make some change in your life... being high all the time is great, but eventually loses it's flair (in my opinion from own experiences) - i wish you all the best in this battle, and hope someday you come to your own realizations about how good a clear mind and bloodstream feels. it seems like you are on a good track thus far... keep writing!

Thanks for the words of encouragement.... as i detoxed my immune system went to shit and so i sit here now with bronchitis, in so much pain, i can hardly get around, the doctor prescribed antibiotics and a cough suppressant/antihistamine with no pain medicine in it (at my request) but the pain i am having from the coughing and has lead to cause my back injury to be irritated and all the flu like pain that goes along with bronchitis is really taking its toll and if only i had a few hydros to get through this i'd feel alot better, but, i am trying desperately not to call and ask for them...

thanks for reading and understanding and the support

~starsha

 

[Amanita Mary]

oh my goodness i just (sort of) recovered from bronchitis, and a severe upper respiratory infection... had been coughing so bad for months that my back gained 2 inch knots all the way down... similar horrid pain that you described... sipped robutussin every two hours for weeks and nothing helped. i have no health insurance so no meds for a while... and self-medicating didn't help the healing process. i have faith! it goes away, just takes a while to get strong after being fragile for so long..