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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

27 today. wasted my youth

njirem said:
ps. A little kickstart to all of this was a journey i made through Northern Africa in 2012. Seeing the milky way at night, while riding a camel in the darkness of the Sahara, seeing the lights of a tent-camp in the distance, wow...that feeling was like nothing i ever felt before, it made me realise that somehow and someway, something was there. You should concider doing something similair, go overseas to a completely different world/culture, to FEEL again. It will do you no harm.

And start running, in nature, that is always good.
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I think the power of being in nature and of traveling outside of your usual paradigm are both fantastic healers.
 
I love you. I really do. You've made it this far and I still can't see myself at 27. Take this love I give you and pay it forward that's all I can ask.
 
Hi OP, i have actually just made my life better recently but i also considered myself a fuckup. I also was bullied etc and went through a lot but I'm happy to have survived and have gotten strength deep within me. There is always hope but how you can change your life is always up to how you approach things and slowly get rid of things not helpibg your well-being. I hope things get better for you.
 
Things do get better, trust me. Each and every day I take the time to realize that I'm doing things right, and that things feel even a mite bit more clear.
 
I'll give a different perspective. I'm 27. I went to one of the best schools in the country, was a straight A student up until 15 years old. If I had kept my head down I could have probably made it to Cambridge or Oxford to study a science. But no.. I started smoking cannabis, felt like I had friends, and my academic life fell to pieces. Ended up getting into a top 10 uni anyway to study a science.. flunked that because I was still smoking and hadn't resolved any of my personal stuff. Spent 3 years working. Now I'm studying again, nothing nearly as financially rewarding as what I could have been doing.

I may have not suffered in the way some of you have. I had a relatively safe and secure childhood. But I had the opportunity to really make something of myself, and I threw it away because I wasn't confident enough to just keep my head down and be myself, to be nerdy. In hindsight I don't regret it, life happened that's all. But I'm 27 and still not fully established financially etc. I feel like I've wasted several years of my life though, and you can't get that time back.

There's an insane amount of pressure on young people to "be" something, to be a "success"..

But read and ask older people how they really are. People chase dreams because they were told to, turn 40, and realize they're still not happy even though they have made lots of money and done a lot.

Forget that nonsense. Make YOU a success. Achieve the internal stuff. Make it to one month clean.. 6 months.. a year.. 5 years. That is a real achievement. It might not reward you financially, others will not understand, but YOU have done something and proved your own inner strength, and changed your being through that process. THAT is real success, a change of being. Learn to draw, play music, just do stuff that you couldn't do before.. exercise your mind a bit.. again, that's real success.


Also don't be so hard on yourself. Life in the modern world is fucking confusing and painful for a lot of children and teenagers. Give yourself fucking credit mate, you made it through! Suicide just makes you another insignificant statistic that no one will remember. The best and most poetic middle finger you can ever give is to make yourself a success on the inside.

Also, relax a bit :)

 
That is such a great post =SS=. I agree with the ridiculous amount of pressure that is being heaped on your generation. A hospice nurse in Australia has just published another one of those lists of the top five things people regret in their last 12 weeks of life. #1 on the list for both genders was not being the person they wanted to be; instead being a person that they thought others wanted or needed them to be. For men, it was universal to say that they regretted working as much as they did and they wished that they had spent more time creating meaningful relationships. Why wait until you are 12 weeks or less from checking out?? Taking steps to create the life you want, to be at peace with yourself, both accepting who you are and having faith in your capacity to change, is easier once you give it the gravitas such action deserves. It helps when you can shift your perception about failures or mistakes. I have learned the most, been the most profoundly changed and ultimately achieved more because of my failures because they truly are the best teachers.
 
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