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25f need help signed up just for help

prostate cancer. advanced. He died at 59. Now im taking drugs ive never taken before, in a crazy state of mind and i dont know what is safe or not. I even googled the overdose limit for clonazepam. what is happening to me
 
needhelp011791 said:
hi everyone, i found this site because it was the only one that answered questions I need. rest were drug calling

im a 25 year old female. I come from a wealthy family, and graduated university. My father passed away two months ago and it has been really awful for me. I never took any drugs except for mdma while during my party days during school, weed in high school.

Im in severe depression, anxiety and panic attack since my father died. Just so you know, he left us an inheritance of over $12 million dollars so financially we are okay. but the trauma of my father dying is not doing well with me.

I got from my doctor ativan to begin with, didnt help so im taking clonazepam. 1mg morning 1mg night. plus seraquel to help sleep. None of these medications are working at all, and im sitting here now two bottles of wine, 5mg of the clonazepam and 2mg of ativan eaten(I had 7/14 perscribed saved). I dont know what to do anymore. IF I drink more wine will I die? Do I take any more of the ativan or clonzipam?
Im sorry if this is first world problem but my dad meant everything and I Dont want to live anymore at all
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first: i am very sorry for your loss. i know exactly how you feel, my father passed away last year.

in my opinion you shouldn't drink more wine or take more rcs, but perhaps an objective person to talk about that everything? A Psychotherapist? Additionaly I would suggest a good Psychiatrist to provide you with the AD or whatever you need.

Hug you.

JJ
 
needhelp011791 said:
prostate cancer. advanced. He died at 59. Now im taking drugs ive never taken before, in a crazy state of mind and i dont know what is safe or not. I even googled the overdose limit for clonazepam. what is happening to me
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I take it from your age this is the first time you have experienced grief/loss. It's never easy and typically for 20-30 year olds it is a huge turning point in life. It's not just your first touch with death (i.e. a pet dying, or stepping on a bug) but it's your first touch with human mortality.

You are going through the grieving process.

The Kübler-Ross model explains there are five stages to grief:

denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance

It is not so much that you experience all five in distinct stages, but you go through combinations of these emotions, typically understanding/feeling them in these ways. The "denial" stage is kind of like a state of shock/disbelief where you are falling apart. Anger isn't something felt by everyone but can be anger at self for "not being there enough", and what not.

I take it you knew your dad had cancer, and you likely did spend time with him before his passing. Yet you seemingly are beating yourself up for still wanting to have a life of your own (which is psychologically healthy and he most likely wanted for you too).

Bargaining is when you think you can trade away grief (people will think they just need to say goodbye, or have one more word, or can stop feeling grief if they use drugs).

There is a point of realization that you have to accept the grief and it is overwhelmingly sad and depressing. Yes, they are gone, and they are not coming back, and to know this is devastating to the self. The mind can fracture facing this prematurely which is why the self goes through all of this.

Eventually you move onto acceptance and healthy grieving, such as making a memorial, visiting the grave site perhaps once a month or year, visiting family, and living with their memory in a way where you can still be happy you knew them and don't always cry thinking about them.
 
i wish i could tell my friends how im tkaing medication and in this state.. they would judge me because i grew up christian and went to christian schools i wish i can just vanish what is happening to me please just let me be normal again
 
my dad didnt tell us he had cancer. he just died. my mom told us nothing. that he was sick at home. we went to school. i was in another province. then i got told he died. this isnt fair. I never got to say goodbye or I loved him. is the seroquel safe to mix with the ativan/ liquor and the clonazepam? I just want to fall asleep, every second is so much pain now and I jus twant to drink more, eat more and end it
 
But tell Shady heah, how did your family feel when the lawyer read his testimony? Over 12$ mil -- I suggest you start a business -- you will get out of depression in no time. What you do now it's called rumination and as you probably know but you don't because you're a newbie -- you will go through cravings aka WD and WD it's hell, especially from benzos. Anyone will tell you this, be careful about what you choose to do.
 
needhelp011791 said:
i wish i could tell my friends how im tkaing medication and in this state.. they would judge me because i grew up christian and went to christian schools i wish i can just vanish what is happening to me please just let me be normal again
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Sadness, devastation, and grief are natural human emotions and reactions to a loss such as a family member.

It might take weeks, months, or the better part of a year or longer to "feel normal again" but you are alright, what you are going through is typical and normal. It just FEELS bizarre and weird, because you are in the first stage of grief where it is all shock and derealization. You are OK, and you will be OK.

Tell us about your dad - did he enjoy nature, what did he do for work? If you went to Christian schools I take it he went with you to church on Sundays? What was that like?
 
needhelp011791 said:
my dad didnt tell us he had cancer. he just died. my mom told us nothing. that he was sick at home. we went to school. i was in another province. then i got told he died. this isnt fair. I never got to say goodbye or I loved him. is the seroquel safe to mix with the ativan/ liquor and the clonazepam? I just want to fall asleep, every second is so much pain now and I jus twant to drink more, eat more and end it
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Was your dad a very proud / strong person? Sometimes men do not want to feel pitied or want sympathy in these types of situations.

I can't say it is fair, but it is typical. Men are very proud. If I had cancer I probably wouldn't tell my family. They would be 100 times more worried than me and it wouldn't be fair to them. Perhaps this is "unfair" of me, but I know it's what I would do.

You will still feel sad when you wake up. Try to take this time to talk about how you are feeling, and talk about some of the things from the past about your dad. It will help you get things out of your mind so that you don't have racing thoughts/panic.
 
If you really cannot sleep, take 50 mg Seroquel - you can go up until 150 mg - because it's normally an antipsychotic, but in lower doses a sleeping medication. I take it, too withour any problems.

JJ 💗 💗 💗 💗
 
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It should be noted that during one loss I was a bit manic and did not feel sad until at least 24-48 hours later and then I went through severe anger toward myself/others and was bewildered by it, then went through a terrible depression.
Any range of bizarre emotional reaction is possible to grief. It's truly terrible.

I probably should have moved this to TDS.
 
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