Cyanoide
Bluelighter
I wasn't really sure initially whether to write about this trip or not. Mainly because it has been so difficult to process and digest it, due to the extreme intensity of the trip. It's hard to write about things one really cannot comprehend oneself. But I'll give a try. Since my memories of the trip are not complete it is impossible to write a chronologic and fully coherent report. So instead of writing a fully chronological trip report, I will try to write about some special moments I remember.
If you need background information of me, read my introduction post in the new members section. It tells most you would need to know. The only thing I will say is that I consider myself quite experienced with psychedelics.
I was at my brothers house, alone, as he was abroad and I was watching his dogs. My initial intention was to only trip on 25C-NBOMe. I had blotters that supposedly were 550 µg. I had decided to go for buccal administration, as there have been so many reports of sublingual administration being poor.
I put the blotter on my upper gum and held it there for 25 minutes without swallowing saliva. The first effects were noticed after about 30 minutes, with a stimulated feeling not too different from the come up on LSD. I have never really liked psychedelics that take a long time to take effect. I feel a bit nervous waiting for the effects, and the stimulation adds some anxiety. After 1 hour the stimulation increased, with dilated pupils and some mild jaw clenching. However, I had an extremely clear headspace and did not feel trippy at all. Some light OEV's started to appear, but everything felt very underwhelming. After 2 hours I decided to take another blotter, also buccally. Basically it only added stimulation and the OEV's were starting to get a bit more intense. However I still felt i wasn't really tripping that hard, like I was waiting for something that just didn't happen.
After 1,5 hours had passed since I took the second blotter I decided something must be added to get a real trip. I had waited for this day for many weeks and did not want to get disappointed. There were indeed more blotters, but the stimulation wasn't pleasant. It reminded me in the first place why I've never really been a fan of phenethylamines but instead of tryptamines. Hence, the logical choice would be a tryptamine. Out of my stack I picked my favourite RC tryptamine, 4-HO-DPT. At this point I felt like I would want to experience ego dissolution, and 4-HO-DPT is, of all the 4-substituted tryptamines I've tried, the best "ego killer". So I snorted my usual dose, 50 mg. BOOM. It's unbeliavable how fast and hard it hits. Every time. There's no come up, no waiting, it takes a minute and you're thrown into a wonderful and magical world. The first 2-3 minutes I always just sit down in awe, because of the sheer speed and intensity it hits. Hard to speak or think the first minutes, I would actually compare it intensity-wise to smoking 5-MeO-DMT or 5-MeO-Dalt. Not effect-wise, but the same feeling of being "skyrocketed". After the initial rush is over it's easier to start "adjusting" yourself to the trip mode.
4-HO-DPT is a wonderful chemical. It's euphoric and blissful but also more introspective and plain weird than other 4-substituted tryptamines. Also it's ego dissolving properties are quite strong. At this point I went out in the garden and smoked cigarrettes and drank a beer. My mood was very joyful, and I felt strongly connected to everything I saw. Especially trees and flowers. I thought about many things in my life and made some realizations about things I miss, some things that I normally may suppress. They feel easy to handle on this compound, there is no fear in thinking about and handling different things in my life. Everything was extremely colourful, the visuals were very beautiful. The OEV's are the best thing with 4-HO-DPT. When I closed my eyes I saw different geometric patterns, everything from small "balls" morphing into one another to pyramids, rectangles and boxes. CEV's have a more darkish tone than, say, 4-AcO-DMT. It's not as colourful as some other tryptamines, like having a green/grey filter versus the ultra colourful neon visuals of e.g. 4-AcO-DMT. There were also some visual disturbances like if I was watching a flower and then turned my eyes to something else the flower would follow my vision for a few seconds just to disappear. There was some nausea, as 4-HO-DPT has a body load that makes my stomach swell like a balloon and gives my some discomfort in the stomach. Still nothing that ruins the trip.
As 4-HO-DPT is a substance that goes in waves, I at moments felt "normal" just to be swirled away into the trip again. 50 mg has been a standard dose for me for many times and now I decided I wanted to see what a higher dose would do. I snorted another 50 mg. The intensity blew me away. I got so euphoric I started to hug myself and almost cried, just saying "thank you, thank you" (like saying thank you to the substance for giving me the experience). At this point some quite strong ego dissolution appeared, objects started morphing into another, music became controllable, it was possible to speed up or slow down music. My sense of time was completely gone. The clocks were going backwards, or the pendulums would start spinning extremely fast forward. I tried to watch the clocks but was not able to get a sense of time. The euphoria was intense, but the nausea was also getting more bad. At one point, when I rose from the chair to go out for a smoke, I walked out of myself. Obviously it was my ego dissolving, and the ability to experience the world (and, most importantly myself) like an outside observer was turned on. I felt connected to a higher power, a power that however I really couldn't apprehend.
4-HO-DPT has a quite special effect of moving in waves, giving moments of clarity and then kicking hard again. In a moment of clarity I though about adding methoxetamine to the trip. The reasons: I love both substances and thought they would go together perfectly. MXE would also increase the ego dissolving effects, as I wanted to experience the world outside of my physical being and ego. It's impossible to remember how much the first dose of MXE was, but I estimate it to be about 40 mg (insufflated). The effects of MXE were clearly noticed, as everything became more dreamlike. The euphoria was immense. Still I thought I really wanted to go into the rabbit hole and took another dose, which probably also was about 40 mg. When it kicked in, I was swept into a dreamy, sedated state where I just sat, or rather lied in a few chairs and had surrounded myself with pillows. It was hard to speak or move, but it was extremely enjoyable and started to get increasingly mystical. It felt like I (I use the term "I" here although my ego was completely gone) was almost "there", in another universe, so I took another 20 mg of MXE. And that's when it became so extreme it is unfathomable what I experienced.
Since the trip was so intense I still find it hard to explain what I experienced. I only know that for approx. 2 hours I lost all control of myself while still being in control of myself. It sounds contradictory, but that's how it was. At times I was aware who I was, where I was and what I had taken. At other times I was in another world, or simultaneously in many worlds. This is actually the experience I most want to write about, but putting what I experienced into words seems almost futile.
First I was almost incapacitated, just lying on the chairs with waves of overwhelming euphoria rushing over me. I could not speak, nor do I think I would have apprehended words. I was in the "M-hole", while simultaneously being on 25C-NBOMe and 4-HO-DPT. At this point MXE had the upper grip though, since the visuals of the psychedelics were pretty much suppressed. At times I realised who I was and what I had taken, at other moments I was in another world, another universe, another cosmos. I was sitting in a room, staring at a lamp which has a quite special form, it reminds me a bit of an insect. The lamp was transformed into a spaceship and I encountered alien beings, but these beings were loving beings. They released millions of watts of energy into me, I was filled with love so immense it was impossible to interpret it. At some point I managed to visit the toilet, only to found myself sitting on the top of a skyscraper, looking down on the bathroom floor that seemed miles away.
There were moments I bursted into uncontrollable laughter, because I wasn't able to process what I saw. At one point I became a mirror of myself, and looked at myself "backwards" and "upside down". This is impossible to explain, because even then I remember I thought it is not possible for a human being to experience that. At this point the trip had such a strong grip of me there were moments I did not know what reality is anymore. I stared at my computer screen, but suddenly there were 7 (or 8, or more) screens in front of me. Another thing which happened frequently was that I became the object I looked at. My iPod dock was me. I was it. Even though I had no idea what the iPod even was. I had the capacity to shut my eyes and visit places I've visited before, e.g. mountains and other beautiful places. There were parallell universes also with open eyes. I remember one point where the left half of me was in one world and the right side in the other. There was no way to know which was reality, or was either of them reality. I can also recall moments when I took the personality of another person; e.g. at one point I remember feeling I was a woman (I'm male, like really) and also being a transsexual.
I had two especially powerful experiences. One was dying and being reborn again. This happened several times. Witnessing your own death and "incarnation" is extremely powerful. The other was seeing my own brain. This happened with my eyes closed. My whole brain was displayed, all neurons, every synapse, every electric signal. It was like seeing myself being constructed and deconstructed from a single atom to a human being. Basically I could "see" myself thinking. Or rather, see thoughts.
I wasn't afraid. Some of the experiences were so weird the thought of being "crazy" or in a psychosis crossed my mind, but they didn't bother me. Since reality didn't exist anymore, there was no sane mind to lose. The only thing that was a bit unpleasant was finding myself in a new room or doing something and having no memory or idea of how and why I got there and what I was supposed to do. My short term memory was flickering, and not only did I often forget how I got to a certain place, but also forgot how to use tools, like e.g. using my iPod. I just stared at it without having an idea what to do with it.
When the MXE slowly started to wear off, classical psychedelic effects started to become noticable and quite strong; CEV's, OEV's and fractals and an increased energy and appreciation of music. This was 10 hours after I had taken the first 25C-NBOMe blotter. The effects of the 25C-NBOMe now seemed stronger. This is speculation from my part, but I think the 25C-NBOMe actually did work better than I thought, but for some reason it took a very long time for the effects to develop (still, I waited 4 hours and wasn't satisfied), hence my decision to take 4-HO-DPT and MXE. Also, I don't think the most powerful experiences solely were the work of MXE, the other compunds surely played a part too. It is hard, however, to say how much influence they had when I peaked. Anyhow, at this point, returning to reality, I was started to get mentally quite drained, although the physical stimulation was strong. While I had lots of benzos and quetiapine (Seroquel) to put myself to sleep with, or rather knock myself out, I tried to enjoy the lasting trip but was unable to do it. So I took the decision to knock myself out. Slept for about 6 hours and was mentally quite drained the day after. Unable to really think about the trip. There was actually no afterglow or comedown, obviously not because I took a huge amount of benzo's (I have a high tolerance) and quetiapine, but not after wakening up either. I was just very tired.
In retrospective this was the most intense and mystical experience I have ever had. The whole trip has been hard to process, because I still remember things I even now find "impossible" for a human to experience. This is something I would never do again. Now I know what a complete out of body experience is like. On the other hand, it was something I do have had a fascination of experiencing; total, utter ego dissolution and leaving my physical body. The trip had everything though; fun, joy, bliss, introspectiveness, ego death, spirituality. My only regret is not having a trip watcher, mainly for losing all contact to reality when peaking on MXE. I most probably will combine MXE with psychedelics in the future, but in much more moderate doses. Maybe a small (20-30 mg) dose together with a moderate dose of 4-AcO-DMT. Those kinds of trips would be easier to digest mentally, and you would not be left with a quite chaotic myriad of thoughts and memories that are hard to puzzle together.
If you need background information of me, read my introduction post in the new members section. It tells most you would need to know. The only thing I will say is that I consider myself quite experienced with psychedelics.
I was at my brothers house, alone, as he was abroad and I was watching his dogs. My initial intention was to only trip on 25C-NBOMe. I had blotters that supposedly were 550 µg. I had decided to go for buccal administration, as there have been so many reports of sublingual administration being poor.
I put the blotter on my upper gum and held it there for 25 minutes without swallowing saliva. The first effects were noticed after about 30 minutes, with a stimulated feeling not too different from the come up on LSD. I have never really liked psychedelics that take a long time to take effect. I feel a bit nervous waiting for the effects, and the stimulation adds some anxiety. After 1 hour the stimulation increased, with dilated pupils and some mild jaw clenching. However, I had an extremely clear headspace and did not feel trippy at all. Some light OEV's started to appear, but everything felt very underwhelming. After 2 hours I decided to take another blotter, also buccally. Basically it only added stimulation and the OEV's were starting to get a bit more intense. However I still felt i wasn't really tripping that hard, like I was waiting for something that just didn't happen.
After 1,5 hours had passed since I took the second blotter I decided something must be added to get a real trip. I had waited for this day for many weeks and did not want to get disappointed. There were indeed more blotters, but the stimulation wasn't pleasant. It reminded me in the first place why I've never really been a fan of phenethylamines but instead of tryptamines. Hence, the logical choice would be a tryptamine. Out of my stack I picked my favourite RC tryptamine, 4-HO-DPT. At this point I felt like I would want to experience ego dissolution, and 4-HO-DPT is, of all the 4-substituted tryptamines I've tried, the best "ego killer". So I snorted my usual dose, 50 mg. BOOM. It's unbeliavable how fast and hard it hits. Every time. There's no come up, no waiting, it takes a minute and you're thrown into a wonderful and magical world. The first 2-3 minutes I always just sit down in awe, because of the sheer speed and intensity it hits. Hard to speak or think the first minutes, I would actually compare it intensity-wise to smoking 5-MeO-DMT or 5-MeO-Dalt. Not effect-wise, but the same feeling of being "skyrocketed". After the initial rush is over it's easier to start "adjusting" yourself to the trip mode.
4-HO-DPT is a wonderful chemical. It's euphoric and blissful but also more introspective and plain weird than other 4-substituted tryptamines. Also it's ego dissolving properties are quite strong. At this point I went out in the garden and smoked cigarrettes and drank a beer. My mood was very joyful, and I felt strongly connected to everything I saw. Especially trees and flowers. I thought about many things in my life and made some realizations about things I miss, some things that I normally may suppress. They feel easy to handle on this compound, there is no fear in thinking about and handling different things in my life. Everything was extremely colourful, the visuals were very beautiful. The OEV's are the best thing with 4-HO-DPT. When I closed my eyes I saw different geometric patterns, everything from small "balls" morphing into one another to pyramids, rectangles and boxes. CEV's have a more darkish tone than, say, 4-AcO-DMT. It's not as colourful as some other tryptamines, like having a green/grey filter versus the ultra colourful neon visuals of e.g. 4-AcO-DMT. There were also some visual disturbances like if I was watching a flower and then turned my eyes to something else the flower would follow my vision for a few seconds just to disappear. There was some nausea, as 4-HO-DPT has a body load that makes my stomach swell like a balloon and gives my some discomfort in the stomach. Still nothing that ruins the trip.
As 4-HO-DPT is a substance that goes in waves, I at moments felt "normal" just to be swirled away into the trip again. 50 mg has been a standard dose for me for many times and now I decided I wanted to see what a higher dose would do. I snorted another 50 mg. The intensity blew me away. I got so euphoric I started to hug myself and almost cried, just saying "thank you, thank you" (like saying thank you to the substance for giving me the experience). At this point some quite strong ego dissolution appeared, objects started morphing into another, music became controllable, it was possible to speed up or slow down music. My sense of time was completely gone. The clocks were going backwards, or the pendulums would start spinning extremely fast forward. I tried to watch the clocks but was not able to get a sense of time. The euphoria was intense, but the nausea was also getting more bad. At one point, when I rose from the chair to go out for a smoke, I walked out of myself. Obviously it was my ego dissolving, and the ability to experience the world (and, most importantly myself) like an outside observer was turned on. I felt connected to a higher power, a power that however I really couldn't apprehend.
4-HO-DPT has a quite special effect of moving in waves, giving moments of clarity and then kicking hard again. In a moment of clarity I though about adding methoxetamine to the trip. The reasons: I love both substances and thought they would go together perfectly. MXE would also increase the ego dissolving effects, as I wanted to experience the world outside of my physical being and ego. It's impossible to remember how much the first dose of MXE was, but I estimate it to be about 40 mg (insufflated). The effects of MXE were clearly noticed, as everything became more dreamlike. The euphoria was immense. Still I thought I really wanted to go into the rabbit hole and took another dose, which probably also was about 40 mg. When it kicked in, I was swept into a dreamy, sedated state where I just sat, or rather lied in a few chairs and had surrounded myself with pillows. It was hard to speak or move, but it was extremely enjoyable and started to get increasingly mystical. It felt like I (I use the term "I" here although my ego was completely gone) was almost "there", in another universe, so I took another 20 mg of MXE. And that's when it became so extreme it is unfathomable what I experienced.
Since the trip was so intense I still find it hard to explain what I experienced. I only know that for approx. 2 hours I lost all control of myself while still being in control of myself. It sounds contradictory, but that's how it was. At times I was aware who I was, where I was and what I had taken. At other times I was in another world, or simultaneously in many worlds. This is actually the experience I most want to write about, but putting what I experienced into words seems almost futile.
First I was almost incapacitated, just lying on the chairs with waves of overwhelming euphoria rushing over me. I could not speak, nor do I think I would have apprehended words. I was in the "M-hole", while simultaneously being on 25C-NBOMe and 4-HO-DPT. At this point MXE had the upper grip though, since the visuals of the psychedelics were pretty much suppressed. At times I realised who I was and what I had taken, at other moments I was in another world, another universe, another cosmos. I was sitting in a room, staring at a lamp which has a quite special form, it reminds me a bit of an insect. The lamp was transformed into a spaceship and I encountered alien beings, but these beings were loving beings. They released millions of watts of energy into me, I was filled with love so immense it was impossible to interpret it. At some point I managed to visit the toilet, only to found myself sitting on the top of a skyscraper, looking down on the bathroom floor that seemed miles away.
There were moments I bursted into uncontrollable laughter, because I wasn't able to process what I saw. At one point I became a mirror of myself, and looked at myself "backwards" and "upside down". This is impossible to explain, because even then I remember I thought it is not possible for a human being to experience that. At this point the trip had such a strong grip of me there were moments I did not know what reality is anymore. I stared at my computer screen, but suddenly there were 7 (or 8, or more) screens in front of me. Another thing which happened frequently was that I became the object I looked at. My iPod dock was me. I was it. Even though I had no idea what the iPod even was. I had the capacity to shut my eyes and visit places I've visited before, e.g. mountains and other beautiful places. There were parallell universes also with open eyes. I remember one point where the left half of me was in one world and the right side in the other. There was no way to know which was reality, or was either of them reality. I can also recall moments when I took the personality of another person; e.g. at one point I remember feeling I was a woman (I'm male, like really) and also being a transsexual.
I had two especially powerful experiences. One was dying and being reborn again. This happened several times. Witnessing your own death and "incarnation" is extremely powerful. The other was seeing my own brain. This happened with my eyes closed. My whole brain was displayed, all neurons, every synapse, every electric signal. It was like seeing myself being constructed and deconstructed from a single atom to a human being. Basically I could "see" myself thinking. Or rather, see thoughts.
I wasn't afraid. Some of the experiences were so weird the thought of being "crazy" or in a psychosis crossed my mind, but they didn't bother me. Since reality didn't exist anymore, there was no sane mind to lose. The only thing that was a bit unpleasant was finding myself in a new room or doing something and having no memory or idea of how and why I got there and what I was supposed to do. My short term memory was flickering, and not only did I often forget how I got to a certain place, but also forgot how to use tools, like e.g. using my iPod. I just stared at it without having an idea what to do with it.
When the MXE slowly started to wear off, classical psychedelic effects started to become noticable and quite strong; CEV's, OEV's and fractals and an increased energy and appreciation of music. This was 10 hours after I had taken the first 25C-NBOMe blotter. The effects of the 25C-NBOMe now seemed stronger. This is speculation from my part, but I think the 25C-NBOMe actually did work better than I thought, but for some reason it took a very long time for the effects to develop (still, I waited 4 hours and wasn't satisfied), hence my decision to take 4-HO-DPT and MXE. Also, I don't think the most powerful experiences solely were the work of MXE, the other compunds surely played a part too. It is hard, however, to say how much influence they had when I peaked. Anyhow, at this point, returning to reality, I was started to get mentally quite drained, although the physical stimulation was strong. While I had lots of benzos and quetiapine (Seroquel) to put myself to sleep with, or rather knock myself out, I tried to enjoy the lasting trip but was unable to do it. So I took the decision to knock myself out. Slept for about 6 hours and was mentally quite drained the day after. Unable to really think about the trip. There was actually no afterglow or comedown, obviously not because I took a huge amount of benzo's (I have a high tolerance) and quetiapine, but not after wakening up either. I was just very tired.
In retrospective this was the most intense and mystical experience I have ever had. The whole trip has been hard to process, because I still remember things I even now find "impossible" for a human to experience. This is something I would never do again. Now I know what a complete out of body experience is like. On the other hand, it was something I do have had a fascination of experiencing; total, utter ego dissolution and leaving my physical body. The trip had everything though; fun, joy, bliss, introspectiveness, ego death, spirituality. My only regret is not having a trip watcher, mainly for losing all contact to reality when peaking on MXE. I most probably will combine MXE with psychedelics in the future, but in much more moderate doses. Maybe a small (20-30 mg) dose together with a moderate dose of 4-AcO-DMT. Those kinds of trips would be easier to digest mentally, and you would not be left with a quite chaotic myriad of thoughts and memories that are hard to puzzle together.
!
