blogs has been inactive lately
The household of a schizophrenic parent is a warzone, and anyone born into such bad circumstances is caught in enemy fire without shelter or the protection of a supporting army. Like mentally disabled war veterans, the survivors of such parents are likely to come out mentally broken from shell shock that can manifest as PTSD, panic attacks, or crippling anxiety.
Among the symptoms of schizophrenia are visual and auditory hallucinations, delusions, disorganized thinking and speech, lack of emotions (flat affect), unchanging facial expression, speaks in a monotone, social isolation, and inability to care for oneself including extreme neglect of hygiene. Schizophrenia occurs in around 1 percent of the population, and it often starts in the twenties.
When she was still a teenager, my mother met a drunkard who promised to earn a million dollars and spend it on her. He would buy her “dream house” and give her a fairy tale life. That fact that he wore his uniform when he trolled for girls at the college near his military base must have helped make him look like he had his life together. She was swept off her feet by his act. She dropped out of college which her father had been paying for, and she married him. She had completed only one year but was close to flunking out. Although she didn’t graduate with a traditional degree like a BS, BA, BFA, etc, she got the letters that her brothers criticised her for: MRS.
My father took her to an isolated logging town on the coast of Washington state. He deposited her in a house he rented there. He was soon discharged from the military, worked at a mill for a little for a while but soon lost the job. Instead of doing anything productive (jobs were plentiful at the time), he went to the local taverns to drink all day. Left alone in this way, my mother settled into endless days of eating doughnuts, drinking A&W root beer, and dozing in a reclining chair in front of a big color television, an expensive appliance then. For company, she had fifteen cats
Within a few years, she was pregnant, and I was born. My mother didn’t talk much and went for days without saying a single word, but in childhood, my mother still spoke to me sometimes. Some of it was bizarre. Maybe she didn’t think I could remember.
My memory since 18 months of age is almost continuous except for one really big lapse at the age of two when I was kicked in the head by a neighbor’s horse.
Sometimes, she described the ongoing visits by “ghosts” while she was home alone since before I was born. The visitations happened any time of day when she was home alone and fully awake in the house. I suspect it might be one reason she never turned off the TV. They were her New Age spirit guides, and their visits were as real and solid as those of the Jehovah’s Witness missionaries that were constantly giving her piles of Watchtower religious tracts. Thee ghosts and disembodied voices told her important things about her past life as Cleopatra (what she told me) and gave her personal information about her spiritual gurus Shirley McClain and Ruth Montgomery. She truly believed all of this.
After I left home, I realized that she probably had a mental illness, but my mother never saw a psychiatrist or got a diagnosis. I hadn’t thought of what it might be until my new girlfriend asked about her. Not only did she hallucinate, but she had many of the main positive and negative symptoms of schizophrenia. Her symptoms were extreme, and maybe because of them, she did not function in life. She never even took care of herself, never bathing, washing, or changing her clothes. Before I cut off contact with her, I had gently suggested she see a counselor or doctor but she reacted like a rabid dog. Without a diagnosis, I never found out if she truly suffered from an untreated mental illness like schizophrenia or she was simply a nasty and lazy person.
Being familiar with my mother’s sick and twisted personality, I realized that she was probably a schizophrenic. I will never know for sure what was wrong with her.
Inheritance of schizophrenia is not Mendelian, and there is no single binary gene allele that causes it. Instead, heredity is complicated and involves the interaction of a number of genes as well as possible epigenetic factors. Children of one schizophrenic parent have around a 17 percent chance of getting it. More often, instead of becoming schizophrenic, the children of a schizophrenic inherit only some of the genes. Whether from that partial heredity or from exposure to the toxic environment the parent created, other mental illnesses are common in children including depression, autism, Asperger’s syndrome, anxiety disorder, PTSD, bipolar disorder, chemical dependency, low self-esteem, and suicidal tendency. If both parents are schizophrenic, the odds of being schizophrenic go up to 50 percent.
You need a license to drive a car, but anybody can have a child. My generation sterilizes themselves willingly with procedures like vasectomies or subdermal anti-conception implants. That’s still only a small demographic compared to the whole world and doesn’t make much difference in the issues of overpopulation. The human race is on the road to breeding itself into environmental collapse and resource exhaustion.
Even if you don’t believe in overpopulation and the risks associated with it, being born to incompetent or abusive parents has a strong chance of ruining the future for those unlucky children.
Since early childhood, I wanted "ghosts” to visit me too, but no matter how hard I tried to find one or see one of the many that my mother said was with us, I never properly saw one. Despite that, I didn’t give up. By the age of 12, I had read dozens of books on the subject and had learned meditation practices and occult summonings all with the intention of inducing the experience. Instead of seeing a “ghost,” mental images flashed into my mind. The images were ordinary, stable, and photorealistic. In being stable, they were fully formed images on the inside of my eyelids. Sometimes they formed outside in areas of solid color like dark pools of water, dark walls, or shadowy places like caves. The images persisted for minutes at a time.
Many of them were scenes, people, and things I had seen earlier during the previous days, but these were not interesting. In a few months something about them changed. They were things and people I would see within the next few days but that I did not remember ever having seen before.
Around the same age of 12, I started gettign weekly migraines. My parents didn’t believe in migraines, so of course, I was never taken to a doctor to get treated. One side effect of of migraines is the migraine Aura. The aura is a form of visual disturbance. First, my vision is filled with sparkles that look like specks of mica flashing in the water in the sunlight. Second, every thing is surrounded by a halo that looks like the halos that surround Saints in medieval paintings. Third, there are other strange shapes made of phosphenes that look like what people see under the influence of mescaline, ayahuasca, or mushrooms. Sometimes the effects is so intense it reminds me of an Alex? Grey
psychedelic painting.
That is when I began to sketch and describe them in notebooks. It inspired me to want to learn to draw. I wanted to prove I had seen something unusual. It would have been good evidence if I could record what I saw. I didn’t know how to draw, so despite my best efforts of drawing a portrait of an image I saw floating in a shadow or in a dream, my sketches were not close to the images I remembered.
The household of a schizophrenic parent is a warzone, and anyone born into such bad circumstances is caught in enemy fire without shelter or the protection of a supporting army. Like mentally disabled war veterans, the survivors of such parents are likely to come out mentally broken from shell shock that can manifest as PTSD, panic attacks, or crippling anxiety.
Among the symptoms of schizophrenia are visual and auditory hallucinations, delusions, disorganized thinking and speech, lack of emotions (flat affect), unchanging facial expression, speaks in a monotone, social isolation, and inability to care for oneself including extreme neglect of hygiene. Schizophrenia occurs in around 1 percent of the population, and it often starts in the twenties.
When she was still a teenager, my mother met a drunkard who promised to earn a million dollars and spend it on her. He would buy her “dream house” and give her a fairy tale life. That fact that he wore his uniform when he trolled for girls at the college near his military base must have helped make him look like he had his life together. She was swept off her feet by his act. She dropped out of college which her father had been paying for, and she married him. She had completed only one year but was close to flunking out. Although she didn’t graduate with a traditional degree like a BS, BA, BFA, etc, she got the letters that her brothers criticised her for: MRS.
My father took her to an isolated logging town on the coast of Washington state. He deposited her in a house he rented there. He was soon discharged from the military, worked at a mill for a little for a while but soon lost the job. Instead of doing anything productive (jobs were plentiful at the time), he went to the local taverns to drink all day. Left alone in this way, my mother settled into endless days of eating doughnuts, drinking A&W root beer, and dozing in a reclining chair in front of a big color television, an expensive appliance then. For company, she had fifteen cats
Within a few years, she was pregnant, and I was born. My mother didn’t talk much and went for days without saying a single word, but in childhood, my mother still spoke to me sometimes. Some of it was bizarre. Maybe she didn’t think I could remember.
My memory since 18 months of age is almost continuous except for one really big lapse at the age of two when I was kicked in the head by a neighbor’s horse.
Sometimes, she described the ongoing visits by “ghosts” while she was home alone since before I was born. The visitations happened any time of day when she was home alone and fully awake in the house. I suspect it might be one reason she never turned off the TV. They were her New Age spirit guides, and their visits were as real and solid as those of the Jehovah’s Witness missionaries that were constantly giving her piles of Watchtower religious tracts. Thee ghosts and disembodied voices told her important things about her past life as Cleopatra (what she told me) and gave her personal information about her spiritual gurus Shirley McClain and Ruth Montgomery. She truly believed all of this.
After I left home, I realized that she probably had a mental illness, but my mother never saw a psychiatrist or got a diagnosis. I hadn’t thought of what it might be until my new girlfriend asked about her. Not only did she hallucinate, but she had many of the main positive and negative symptoms of schizophrenia. Her symptoms were extreme, and maybe because of them, she did not function in life. She never even took care of herself, never bathing, washing, or changing her clothes. Before I cut off contact with her, I had gently suggested she see a counselor or doctor but she reacted like a rabid dog. Without a diagnosis, I never found out if she truly suffered from an untreated mental illness like schizophrenia or she was simply a nasty and lazy person.
Being familiar with my mother’s sick and twisted personality, I realized that she was probably a schizophrenic. I will never know for sure what was wrong with her.
Inheritance of schizophrenia is not Mendelian, and there is no single binary gene allele that causes it. Instead, heredity is complicated and involves the interaction of a number of genes as well as possible epigenetic factors. Children of one schizophrenic parent have around a 17 percent chance of getting it. More often, instead of becoming schizophrenic, the children of a schizophrenic inherit only some of the genes. Whether from that partial heredity or from exposure to the toxic environment the parent created, other mental illnesses are common in children including depression, autism, Asperger’s syndrome, anxiety disorder, PTSD, bipolar disorder, chemical dependency, low self-esteem, and suicidal tendency. If both parents are schizophrenic, the odds of being schizophrenic go up to 50 percent.
You need a license to drive a car, but anybody can have a child. My generation sterilizes themselves willingly with procedures like vasectomies or subdermal anti-conception implants. That’s still only a small demographic compared to the whole world and doesn’t make much difference in the issues of overpopulation. The human race is on the road to breeding itself into environmental collapse and resource exhaustion.
Even if you don’t believe in overpopulation and the risks associated with it, being born to incompetent or abusive parents has a strong chance of ruining the future for those unlucky children.
Since early childhood, I wanted "ghosts” to visit me too, but no matter how hard I tried to find one or see one of the many that my mother said was with us, I never properly saw one. Despite that, I didn’t give up. By the age of 12, I had read dozens of books on the subject and had learned meditation practices and occult summonings all with the intention of inducing the experience. Instead of seeing a “ghost,” mental images flashed into my mind. The images were ordinary, stable, and photorealistic. In being stable, they were fully formed images on the inside of my eyelids. Sometimes they formed outside in areas of solid color like dark pools of water, dark walls, or shadowy places like caves. The images persisted for minutes at a time.
Many of them were scenes, people, and things I had seen earlier during the previous days, but these were not interesting. In a few months something about them changed. They were things and people I would see within the next few days but that I did not remember ever having seen before.
Around the same age of 12, I started gettign weekly migraines. My parents didn’t believe in migraines, so of course, I was never taken to a doctor to get treated. One side effect of of migraines is the migraine Aura. The aura is a form of visual disturbance. First, my vision is filled with sparkles that look like specks of mica flashing in the water in the sunlight. Second, every thing is surrounded by a halo that looks like the halos that surround Saints in medieval paintings. Third, there are other strange shapes made of phosphenes that look like what people see under the influence of mescaline, ayahuasca, or mushrooms. Sometimes the effects is so intense it reminds me of an Alex? Grey
psychedelic painting.
That is when I began to sketch and describe them in notebooks. It inspired me to want to learn to draw. I wanted to prove I had seen something unusual. It would have been good evidence if I could record what I saw. I didn’t know how to draw, so despite my best efforts of drawing a portrait of an image I saw floating in a shadow or in a dream, my sketches were not close to the images I remembered.