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24 hours in...

B

Benwise

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 27, 2013
Messages
107
Location
Jamaica, mon.
That's all I can make it. I'm driving to pick up now and the longest I've gone is 2 days on high dose lope when my guys weren't responding to me. With all the hope in the world last night I'm caving this quickly and its really hurting me mentally...I feel like I can't do this.

How do I withdrawal when it's so easy to get fronted however much I want exactly when I need it..I threw away all my rigs...but one..

Have an appointment with a sub Dr Sometime in the next week or so...but I don't wanna be on subs because I'll never get off.

I'm so afraid and feel like I've officially failed at life. I am not good. I jaye my existence. I've only told one person I even relapsed and I've been using for...8 months now? Maybe even longer. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and I just want to stop all of this, it's so psinful and stressful and I'm not even living..just being a filthy junkie..
 
I am so with you, its crazy hard to see your self worth with a fogged mind. Im on day 5, and who knows if i will relapse (again). You're not a "filthy junkie," you're just fighting a battle, and its not easy.
 
jason.quittin said:
I am so with you, its crazy hard to see your self worth with a fogged mind. Im on day 5, and who knows if i will relapse (again). You're not a "filthy junkie," you're just fighting a battle, and its not easy.
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It's so damn hard. I don't even use to get high anymore, just so I'm not sick. I might give subs a try and taper down with those so I'm not doing street drugs anymore. I just don't even know how to take the first step towards quitting. This isn't even life, it's awful.
 
Agree with the subs. All they allowed me to do was chip knowing I'd be safe from withdrawals. Nothing changed. Money still spent. Probably more money actually trying to overpower the bupe. It's very sad and you despise yourself everyday until you have those few hours of salvation but still im sorry you are going through this because in going through the EXACT same thing and know how misrrable it is. My condolences just know you are not alone
 
Benwise said:
That's all I can make it. I'm driving to pick up now and the longest I've gone is 2 days on high dose lope when my guys weren't responding to me. With all the hope in the world last night I'm caving this quickly and its really hurting me mentally...I feel like I can't do this.

How do I withdrawal when it's so easy to get fronted however much I want exactly when I need it..I threw away all my rigs...but one..

Have an appointment with a sub Dr Sometime in the next week or so...but I don't wanna be on subs because I'll never get off.

I'm so afraid and feel like I've officially failed at life. I am not good. I jaye my existence. I've only told one person I even relapsed and I've been using for...8 months now? Maybe even longer. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and I just want to stop all of this, it's so psinful and stressful and I'm not even living..just being a filthy junkie..
Click to expand...


ben,get that stigma out of your head ,addiction is a disease.sounds like your going to need help. try to wein down to stay comfortable or use other drugs to take the edge off.what r u using? google detox kit.you are not a filthy junkie. the battle with your brain is tough.
 
Withdrawals are awful. I only made it because my doctor prescribed supportive meds to help me get through the first two weeks, and my husband worked from home so he could help me...and make sure I didn't go hunting for pills. I know I wouldn't have been able to do it otherwise. For me, the trick was to arrange as many things in my life to keep me from the drug. When you're ready to try again, ask for help...lose that last rig...lose the phone numbers. And use the great people here on Bluelight. I must have spent 8 hours a day on this site for the first week of my withdrawal. It helped to talk to people who understood. Sending you strength and compassion....
 
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