It is truly insane how much opiates kill your senses. Colors are so much more... colorful. I can't describe it. I'm sitting in my backyard right now, which is huge and has a bunch of different plants and flowers and such, and the colors are so vibrant and overwhelming that it's almost hard to look at... but in a good way. It's like, devastatingly beautiful.
It's just too bad that feeling emotions again can't be as beautiful. Hah. I swear, if I were to see a psychologist right now I would be diagnosed with rapid-cycling bipolar disorder immediately. My emotions go from one extreme to the other all day. One minute I'm all like, "oh life is so beautiful and amazing and I have a great future ahead of me because I'm sober", and the next I'm like "oh woe is me, I will never be able to dig myself out of the mess I put myself in, I might as well go out and use since I hate my life anyways."
It's a bit hard to keep up with.
I'm still feeling some symptoms of withdrawal as well, but I'm accrediting that to the Subutex/Suboxone they had me on in detox and rehab. It's not unbearable, aside from the anxiety part. Just slight cold sweats and chills.
It does get a little bit better everyday though. I have a good, sober support system to lean on. I have tons of shit I can do that I was putting off while I was getting high. And of course, there's always finding a new job and going back to school, things that were impossible while on H.
But hey, it looks like I'm going to make it out alive this time...
It's just too bad that feeling emotions again can't be as beautiful. Hah. I swear, if I were to see a psychologist right now I would be diagnosed with rapid-cycling bipolar disorder immediately. My emotions go from one extreme to the other all day. One minute I'm all like, "oh life is so beautiful and amazing and I have a great future ahead of me because I'm sober", and the next I'm like "oh woe is me, I will never be able to dig myself out of the mess I put myself in, I might as well go out and use since I hate my life anyways."
It's a bit hard to keep up with.
I'm still feeling some symptoms of withdrawal as well, but I'm accrediting that to the Subutex/Suboxone they had me on in detox and rehab. It's not unbearable, aside from the anxiety part. Just slight cold sweats and chills.
It does get a little bit better everyday though. I have a good, sober support system to lean on. I have tons of shit I can do that I was putting off while I was getting high. And of course, there's always finding a new job and going back to school, things that were impossible while on H.
But hey, it looks like I'm going to make it out alive this time...
