1. Marijuana (October 2011) ❤️
2. MDMA (August 2012) ...
3. Codeine (September 2012) ⭐️
4. Xanax (February 2013) 🌘
5. Ambien (March 2013) 💩
6. Valium (March 2013) 🌝
7. Cocaine (July 2013) 🎊
8. Vicodin (July 2013) 💀
9. Dxm (August 2013) ❤️
10. Ecstasy (October 2013) 🎊
11. Ativan (November 2013) 👎
12. LSD (December 2013) ✨
13. Norco (April 2014) 💀
What have I learned from that dark day. Or is it a light day. I don't even know. The day of the first toke of that green flower that the world views as a drug. But the world is right. The dopamine flow is something we have not felt since our last meal. Next comes empathy. Arrived in a tiny capsule is a couple hours of love. A type of love we cannot experience because of our own fear. A love without fear is an artificial one. The lovely ecstasy felt for hours has only showed me how empty this generation is. Our emotions are nothing as we throw them into a caldron of drugs and relationships in hopes of happiness. Pain is the end result. Along comes that yellow syrup. Grabs my stomach in a tight fist and squeezes pleasure out my brain. Detaches the brain from emotion. I am my generation. I feel nothing when I'm numbed and everything when I'm not. I don't even know who I am anymore. Why am I at the mercy of this chemical that's already in my brain. I want to feel normal and this tiny pink pill raised it's hand exclaiming that it is the answer. Needless to say it's already traveling down my throat and in a couple minutes I am who I truly feel I am. I have no anxiety. No fear. No emotion?? I'm a zombie again. I only really feel to sleep. Sleep is the best escape. This drug is the best escape. I need something to make me feel alive again. Fuck the stigma. Give me the heartbeat of a scared rabbit. It looks like what mum used to rub on my torso so that I can feel fresh n clean. It numbs my tongue tho. It's bitter. Wait but there's the smile. Here's the energy. I'm alive again. I can feel this... This... Demon?! I can't stop. The feeling kicks in and I forget all worries. What happens now is only on my mind. Will I do it again? Heck no! Dreaded emotional pain. Why this? Why that? I read so much of painkillers but where's the emotional painkiller?? Oh I've found it. It's in a white pill. It's a big one. Gulp. Here it is. A smile I can't even erase from my face. I wanna hug anything. Here's what I've been looking for. This pain free narcotic haze has truly showed me a life of no worries and struggle. Sadly that's no life. That's fantasy. But I want to re-create the destroyed relationships I live amongst. Next stop is in your cough n cold remedy. This showed me more than you can imagine in 5hours. Appreciation of all things unappreciated. Finally I'm happy. Or am I? I can't be. This isn't real. This happiness is once again, artificial. Man this is sad. I'm trying to feel and become better but it's only dragging me down. Why is this a surprise to me? Maybe it's part of my journey. Thanks square piece of paper! For showing me a world of justification! But it's not all in bad faith. Of course I've grown.
I am strong. I am weak. I am happy. I am sad. The cycle never stops. I regret nothing. I have GROWN.
2. MDMA (August 2012) ...
3. Codeine (September 2012) ⭐️
4. Xanax (February 2013) 🌘
5. Ambien (March 2013) 💩
6. Valium (March 2013) 🌝
7. Cocaine (July 2013) 🎊
8. Vicodin (July 2013) 💀
9. Dxm (August 2013) ❤️
10. Ecstasy (October 2013) 🎊
11. Ativan (November 2013) 👎
12. LSD (December 2013) ✨
13. Norco (April 2014) 💀
What have I learned from that dark day. Or is it a light day. I don't even know. The day of the first toke of that green flower that the world views as a drug. But the world is right. The dopamine flow is something we have not felt since our last meal. Next comes empathy. Arrived in a tiny capsule is a couple hours of love. A type of love we cannot experience because of our own fear. A love without fear is an artificial one. The lovely ecstasy felt for hours has only showed me how empty this generation is. Our emotions are nothing as we throw them into a caldron of drugs and relationships in hopes of happiness. Pain is the end result. Along comes that yellow syrup. Grabs my stomach in a tight fist and squeezes pleasure out my brain. Detaches the brain from emotion. I am my generation. I feel nothing when I'm numbed and everything when I'm not. I don't even know who I am anymore. Why am I at the mercy of this chemical that's already in my brain. I want to feel normal and this tiny pink pill raised it's hand exclaiming that it is the answer. Needless to say it's already traveling down my throat and in a couple minutes I am who I truly feel I am. I have no anxiety. No fear. No emotion?? I'm a zombie again. I only really feel to sleep. Sleep is the best escape. This drug is the best escape. I need something to make me feel alive again. Fuck the stigma. Give me the heartbeat of a scared rabbit. It looks like what mum used to rub on my torso so that I can feel fresh n clean. It numbs my tongue tho. It's bitter. Wait but there's the smile. Here's the energy. I'm alive again. I can feel this... This... Demon?! I can't stop. The feeling kicks in and I forget all worries. What happens now is only on my mind. Will I do it again? Heck no! Dreaded emotional pain. Why this? Why that? I read so much of painkillers but where's the emotional painkiller?? Oh I've found it. It's in a white pill. It's a big one. Gulp. Here it is. A smile I can't even erase from my face. I wanna hug anything. Here's what I've been looking for. This pain free narcotic haze has truly showed me a life of no worries and struggle. Sadly that's no life. That's fantasy. But I want to re-create the destroyed relationships I live amongst. Next stop is in your cough n cold remedy. This showed me more than you can imagine in 5hours. Appreciation of all things unappreciated. Finally I'm happy. Or am I? I can't be. This isn't real. This happiness is once again, artificial. Man this is sad. I'm trying to feel and become better but it's only dragging me down. Why is this a surprise to me? Maybe it's part of my journey. Thanks square piece of paper! For showing me a world of justification! But it's not all in bad faith. Of course I've grown.
I am strong. I am weak. I am happy. I am sad. The cycle never stops. I regret nothing. I have GROWN.