I'm lost.
Lost withen myself
Lost in a barren dark forest.
All the trees look the same.
Dark,twisted and worn bare
Go find yourself, they say
escape the midnight forest.
But I don't know the way
Describe the skies you can see above the trees, sounds or shapes you see in the forest, hopes of where you want to be, or what you're running from. Describe a creek nearby... elaboarate on who `they' are... there's a lot of way to go with this poem. I think it's a great read so far; good imagary, and I, at least, can identify with it. Of course, I've been `lost in a barren dark forest' for years (though I think `the barren dark forest' rather than `a barren dark forest' would sound better; I'm not sure why).
standing on a mountain top
snowy and cold, all alone
I scream out loud,my name
echoing back, a haunting refrain.
Who am I? Why am I here?
gone are those I hold dear.
Am I gone as well?
Someone please answer me!
Who am I? Why am I here?
Okay, now I'm noticing what I like about these poems, why I identify with these poems, and why you're stuck.
What I like about these poems is that they are places where I've often ventured in my poetry -- mountain tops and dark forests are images that often come up. along with a variety of others. And they are spiritual, self-quest kind of places. Meaning that dark forests and mountain tops re the kind of places you'd imagine one going when they are on a spiritual journey and are asking for `visions' from the spirits or gods or whatever. I believe that people of all ages weren't communicating with dead ancestors and gods at all, I believe that they were communicating with deeper aspects of themselves.
And that's what I do a lot in my poetry: communicate with that other part of myself. And it seems that's what you're trying to do here, only for some reason that other part isn't answering. For instance, both poems basically end in a question, the kind of question I've asked myself before in poems: Why am I here? Who am I? Where do I go from here?
And I think the object of finishing such poems is to take it one verse at a time: four lines, five lines, whatever. Write out two verses askign a question, doing so very consciously, and then just write stream-of-conscousness. Write down whatever comes to mind; release all inhibitions and just let your fingers type whatever you wish. If it's something too disturbing, you dont ever have to show it to anybody. Sometimes it's difficult at first to just `let go' and let your fingers do this without trying to control them, almost kind of scary, but then, two verses later, you can pick up control again and continue the conversation.
I think a lot of poetry is written in a very `weak boundary' state between the conscious and unconscious, and that's why a lot of dream imagery usually seeps through the cracks. The way I see it, there are four types of poetry.
1) Entirely conscious. You take it one line at a time, you know exactly what you're describing.
2) Entirely unconscious. You get out of meditation and just let your fingers run. Or, you wake up out of a dream and find yourself writing a poem.
3) Mingled. You're kind of in a twilight state of consciousness where you write a bit without conscious control, and a bit very consciously. But it can be all mingled and comes across merely as a description or a statement.
There's another way to write poetry, though.
4) Conversation. In that twlight state, instad of simply working with your unconscious in that way that you and the other half of you gets mingled together into statement or description, you can take turns with it -- give it it's space and give yourself your space within one poem. You get two verses, the other half gets two verses. Or you get one, the other gets one. Whatever. This is conversaton style.
Sometimes you've got to work yourself up into a different state of mind bfore doing this. Writing poetry, I'm assuming you already know what I'm talking about... you've just lip sinced to a song in the mirror, or you've been contemplating an issue that needs resolving, or you have feelings swirling in you you cannot define: just get lost in the emotions, focus on the feeling surrounding the situations or images you've opened up with in your poem, and let the imagination respond directly onto paper, without any conscious editing.
I suddenly realise that I'm babbling or maybe being preachy or something, so I'm going to shut up now. But, well, you asked for suggestions and I tend to like your poetry so I'd thought I'd offer what I could... hope I helped a bit.
