2 Days Ago My Life Fell Apart

[tk_shwk]

I am 47 years old, almost 48. I have a great family - a wonderful wife with 2 amazing kids an 11-year old girl and an 7-year old boy. I have a good job, I travel. All is pretty good, well except for the fact that almost 3 years ago, I started taking a poison known as tramadol. It was such a convoluted path to taking it that I really don't want to go into that. No one including my wife knew I was taking this. I was getting it on line from India.

These days, my wife and I have been arguing a lot and we had a big one on Sunday morning. All hell broke loose in our home and I felt as if I had no choice but to say the words to my wife of 15 years...I am an addict.

Not only am I an addict but my habit has escalated within the past 3 months where I sometimes take 2000 (that's right 3 zeros) per day. It is completely out of control.

My wife has not left. She is needing to process all that has happened. She went to San Francisco on a planned work trip on Monday and I have been juggling my job (not very well) and kid duties. My wife comes back tomorrow.

In the past two days, I have called many detox and treatment facilities. If I don't get help and get to the other side, it is guaranteed that I will lose my family. If I do what I need to do, there is a chance (probably a small one) that I won't lose my family.

Because I am wanting to get started and at least get this crap out of my system, I am scheduled to go in to a medically monitored detox on Thursday. I am completely and totally freaked out especially with the very high doses. If I can get through the detox, I will then move to the next level - treatment. There are essentially 3 options - small, medium and large (my terms). Small is to clear detox and get set up with a very good outpatient program. Medium is to go into a very highly intensive 10-day program and large is the full 28-day inpatient. The large is least desirable as I truly do not want to be away from my kids for that long (although my wife might be okay with that!). Once I get to the other side, I will assess and see how I am doing and then go to one of these treatment plans.

For those who have been through this, does this sound like it has a chance to work? I cannot lose this battle, I simply cannot or I will lose my family. Thanks to all of you for any insight.

 

[tk_shwk]

And by 2000, I mean milligrams

 

[GetMeBackToNormal]

Your children.

 

[cj]

Tramadol withdraw can be gnarly due to it's SNRI activity but its not like your kicking 200mg of methadone. The detox won't be bad horrible the fight will come when you go back home and real life starts happening again.

 

[herbavore]

Hey tk, as awful as everything feels right now it must be a relief to have it out in the open and to be taking steps to deal with it. Shame and secrecy are such powerful weapons in addiction. Congratulations on your decision to face it and to fight for yourself and your family. If your wife has no education about addiction it would be very helpful if you chose a program that includes family education. You are going to be going through a lot and her support is important (as is your support for her feelings). If I were in your position I would try to choose a program that addressed emotional health in a holistic way. Getting off an addictive substance is hard but staying off when there are underlying reasons for wanting to be numbed etc can just set you up for relapse after detox.

I hope that you can feel strong and good about yourself while you confront all this. It's easy to feel weak and out of control but try to step outside yourself and view yourself as you would a good friend going through something similar. You would encourage him rather than shame him. You would try to bolster his hope rather than undermine it. Make sure you have this same compassion for yourself when the negative chatter starts in your head.

Feel free to PM me anytime.

 

[tk_shwk]

Thanks, Get Back to Normal but I am not sure I understand your comment, "Your Children."

 

[P.o.T.u.S]

Deep down if u really WANT to quit u will be fine..that is the basis of all successful recoveries is that the person wanted to quit his/her DOC and was not forced to by family/friends/court

 

[d1ahp]

Stay strong and do this for yourself first and foremost. Take your wife and your children out of the equation, and sooner or later you'd be presented with the fact that you need to stop. Recommended maximum daily dose of Tramadol is 400mg, because anything above that and you're risking a seizure. I'm surprised you haven't had a seizure yet, honestly, as 2000mg of Tramadol is ridiculous. It isn't unheard of for people to have seizures at 600-1000mg doses. Though Tramadol is a very weak opiate, it has very strong SNRI capabilities. I'd encourage you to go through the 28 day program as Tramadol withdrawals are drawn out and it takes about 2 weeks to get through the grunt of it. It is exactly because of its SNRI action that it takes so long to withdraw. If your wife loves, she'll be there for you. I hate to say this, but if she doesn't love you, this might be a good excuse for her to leave you. Either way, for her to want you back, you'll have to be clean. You know what you need to do, you can do this IF you want to do this.