Ekstasis-//7
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2005
- Messages
- 665
Okay so it has come time again for me to do a couple of trip report posts. I've pretty much stayed away the last couple years. Sadly just been so busy or haven't really felt the need. I do miss keeping up with BL! The last year I have really not used psychedelics much at all (except for ketamine which I have been truly lucky to experiment with). A bit over a year ago I did have a number of new experiences with 4-HO-DiPT, 4-AcO-DMT & 5-MeO-MiPT unfortunately they turned out to be what I consider B grade substances (at least with me) and not worth dong a trip report for. So here is a report from my only experience with 4-HO-MiPT (fumarate) which was almost 2yrs ago now...
During this time I was living in a new country and was lucky to not be under such a strict drug analogues law any more, so I took the time to do a little research of my own into a few experimental psychedelics I had been interested in for some time. I had experiences with 7 of these compounds that were new to me. This was one of one of them.
Having originally experimented with miprocytl (4-Aco-MiPT) (you can find my trip report posted here on BL). I was pretty unimpressed with the intensity, the trip seemed to linger under the surface and so decided that I would not start with such a low dose with the 4-HO version. Also reading others feedback and considering it it the fumarate salt I had and not the HCL salt, I considered going for around 20mg. I know that Pihkal said
I will have to say again apologies for the time line as this experience happened some time ago. I think it was around 10 in the morning. I had previously only slept around 3 hours the day before and had just come home from work a couple of hours ago. For sure wasn't an ideal situation to be tripping on such little sleep. Somehow I thought that I would have enough time after the trip ended for some sleep before work.
I wasn't sure but maybe T+40mins or maybe T+1.5hrs I began to really feel it. I was sitting at my computer and I began to feel a bit weird. I was looking around my room and I got a bit paranoid. I was kinda antsy. I got the strange, uncomfortable, uneasy kind of afraid feeling I have had on mushrooms coming up before. Since I was travelling the bedspread and pillow I had had been given to me. I got really embarrassed. My room looked really good except for this damn pillow with pink flowers on it. I went searching on the net to buy a pillow case. I searched all around. The screen on my computer seemed to be all moving and ripping in waves like it was liquid. I still pushed on. I found it was kinda expensive to order a pillow case. I was not near any department stores and it really pissed me off. I went and lay down on my bed to relax. I went into a head spin/head fuck about money. About if I could afford to spend cash on such trivial things. About how long my money needed to last me and not knowing how much I would need to earn and save. I went a little crazy and decided fuck it. I don't need a pillow. It wasn't worth the embarrassment. So I threw the pillow in the closet out of sight.
I lay down on my bed now sometime in the late afternoon. I looked, staring at the irregular concrete ceiling above me. I saw one shape of the concrete look something like a 2D outline of a turtle. Hallucinating it then became mirrored and every irregular shape in the concrete ceiling above became a copy of the same 2D turtle then I think they all started rotating. It was much the same visuals effect I have had on mushrooms. Looking at my clock, I realised I had been very tired out with my job and had not gone to do any gym lately. I then went into deliberations and a big head fuck trying to plan out exactly how long I could lay down and sleep for before waking up eating, getting ready, going to the gym, having a shower and heading to work. I knew I was already very tired and would have even less sleep if I went to the gym but I didn't care I was annoyed, pissed off and feeling aggressive about it. I wanted to do gym anyway. It was the same insane time organising head fuck that has happened to me on mushrooms before and just should not take place. Time lines should be scrapped and there should be no schedule or plans that need to be done soon after a trip. At least IMHO. Eventually after much craziness spinning around in my brain I planned out all the times, got all my clothes and everything ready for gym and work, set my alarm and lay down to sleep for a around 2 hours.
I lay down on my bed to rest and sleep. It didn't take long to realise that my heart was still going too fast to sleep. After laying on my bed for quite some time I became very anxious and tired and really didn't feel good at all. I just wanted to sleep and relax. I decided to scrap plans for going to the gym. I would just sleep instead. More time passed. I relaxed a little and became more sleepy but could not sleep. Maybe a pillow would have helped but probably not much. I got ready and went to work.
I do not remember taking any caffeine although I may have just before work I usually kept a supply on me as it was a night job. All I knew is I felt incredibly anxious much worse than any experience with methamphetamine I'd had before. It was a speedy after effect from the drug (4-HO-MiPT). I was kept awake but it took so much energy to even attempt to relax and try to feel okay for a second. I felt so sour and twisted. All night I worked in the hotel. I felt like a mess. I knew I had hardly slept the last two days and my mind was not thinking clearly. I felt so sketchy and on edge. I felt like I was so separated from feeling peaceful and okay. Every time I breathed in it was painful, emotionally. As the night dragged on I did not know how I would get back to feeling normal again. Even the idea of sleep did not seem like it would be enough to fix how bad I was feeling. I felt like I was in hell. The night seemed incredibly long also. I had to go to the bathroom all the time. Not sure if it was because of the drug, lack of sleep or the strong anxiety. I did try often to take a moment just to try and chill out and relax. It was really difficult. I felt like I was separated from what is good in the world.
At sometime during the night I had a hotel guest ring me up saying that she had changed rooms (this usually happens if the guest makes a noise complaint about a room next to them and the guest is then upgraded to a bigger room for free). She said that she thought she couldn't find her book and might have left her old room. I knew that I had better give extra nice service for the guest as they had already moved rooms and didn't want them to get pissed off any more than they might already be. I offered to come straight up to her room, walk her over to the old room and open it for her while she had a look for her book. She said this wasn't what she wanted, she wanted me to go and have a look. This wasn't a good idea. What if the book was there and I couldn't find it? What if the book wasn't there at all? I was feeling like an absolute anxious sketch bag and really didn't need the hassle of this. I tried to tell her that it would be a much better idea if I opened the door for her as she would have a better idea where to look and know if it wasn't there. She then went to telling me she couldn't come over to the old room as she was in her night gown. She now said she knew where the book was and she told me where to look. Seemed a little odd as I'm sure she made out earlier that she wasn't sure where she had lost her book. So anyway I said 'ok' hung up and went to the room. I figured that I would probably have to be searching all over for it and it might not be there. Great. When I did check the room it was right where she said it would be. If I remember right it was under the pillow or in a drawer. I remember it was face up and positioned so I could see the title. It looked almost a little like it was positioned there on purpose so you could see the title from where you would be standing beside the bed. It was called something like "Practising the Presence of God". I had the feeling like this was a setup. I know all too well that quite a few Christian types are not too reserved or polite about expressing their religious views to others who are not asking to hear them or are not interested. I walked over to the new room where the lady called me from. I knocked on the door and a lady in a nightgown answered, I gave her the book and she gave me a tip. I told her is wasn't necessary but she insisted I take the money. As I walked away I couldn't help thinking it was a bit odd. Especially since I pretty much never got tipped from guests and not for just delivering a book.
After work I went home. Still feeling really, really anxious, sketched and a bit afraid as I couldn't relax enough to sleep. I decided to do a spring clean. I had a number of psychedelics that I wasn't going to use and knew I wouldn't want to introduce them to a friend. Psychedelics that I felt had were not really user friendly in terms of the beneficial experience or side effects I'd had. Things like terrible nausea, a forgetful, smashed psychedelic type buzz but no real insights, Or have a very painful sketchy comedown ect. And also from the amazing positive psychedelic experiences I'd had I knew there were better (more beneficial and user friendly) compounds available. So I decided to throw some of these out.
I finally laid down to get some sleep. Worn out, still sketched and anxious. 1 hour later I woke up to find myself gasping for air, terrified. I am almost certain I must have stopped breathing in my sleep (this has never happened to me before). I begin to remember having a dream. The last thing in my dream was that I was very terrified and I died.
The dream started something like this. I was in a travel tourist mini-bus. We stopped maybe a few places. It was dry dirt and sand areas of rock. It was out in the desert somewhere in Australia. I would go out alone and I was looking for the Aboriginal ancestors. I wanted help to be in contact with the great spirit or God. The desert looked well... deserted and it looked like it was a long time since any Aboriginal ancestors where there. I would even call out to the land for this old spiritual connection to what is good that now seemed to be extinct. I was alone. Next the dream changed. I was a young aboriginal man wearing not much just some red cloths and a spear in hand. I was an ancient Aboriginal ancestor like from many eras many gone by who had now appeared in this new world. The future world. The world we are in now. I felt this incredible feeling. Such a strong, uncomfortable, painful and overwhelming feeling. It was connected with this noise also. It was like all the awful industrial noises of a modern city but x1000. It was unbearable, loud and painful. I (the aboriginal ancestor) could see many people around me. (I believe I was in the middle of a busy city) I asked all the people around me to help me but they only yelled to me in a language I did not understand. Their voices were loud and angry sounding. There were people all around me yelling. Something like Jibbidah, Mullawadigiah.. Mudaabarh. I couldn't understand anything they were saying. I just wanted them to help me. I was in so much pain. They showed no love. The loud noise became that unbearable in my head I began yelling out to God to please make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. I was in absolute agony and deathly panic and this was my last cry for help. Then it all stopped. Relief. The pain was gone. I was gone. Extinguished from this world.
Then I woke up. I Gasped for breath and realised I must have stopped breathing. I was in a panic and could not handle the anxiety and fear any loner. I took some some alprozolam. After another 20-40mins I began to feel warm, peaceful, relaxed and heavy headed. I finally got some good sleep.
That afternoon and following day led to some changes. I made some pretty challenging decisions and decided it was time to change a few things in my life. It was for sure an ego shattering experience. I felt like I had to lay some things to rest to move on. This was right around the time of Samhein (or Halloween), which is the beginning of winter and symbolically represented death. I could not help but think there maybe some significance in the timing of my experience.
substancecode_4homipt
explevel_firsttime
During this time I was living in a new country and was lucky to not be under such a strict drug analogues law any more, so I took the time to do a little research of my own into a few experimental psychedelics I had been interested in for some time. I had experiences with 7 of these compounds that were new to me. This was one of one of them.
Having originally experimented with miprocytl (4-Aco-MiPT) (you can find my trip report posted here on BL). I was pretty unimpressed with the intensity, the trip seemed to linger under the surface and so decided that I would not start with such a low dose with the 4-HO version. Also reading others feedback and considering it it the fumarate salt I had and not the HCL salt, I considered going for around 20mg. I know that Pihkal said
but I figured what the hell I didn't want a half reached trip as I had with the 4-AcO version and decided to go for a full trip. So I weighed out 20mg and ate it. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.
I will have to say again apologies for the time line as this experience happened some time ago. I think it was around 10 in the morning. I had previously only slept around 3 hours the day before and had just come home from work a couple of hours ago. For sure wasn't an ideal situation to be tripping on such little sleep. Somehow I thought that I would have enough time after the trip ended for some sleep before work.
I wasn't sure but maybe T+40mins or maybe T+1.5hrs I began to really feel it. I was sitting at my computer and I began to feel a bit weird. I was looking around my room and I got a bit paranoid. I was kinda antsy. I got the strange, uncomfortable, uneasy kind of afraid feeling I have had on mushrooms coming up before. Since I was travelling the bedspread and pillow I had had been given to me. I got really embarrassed. My room looked really good except for this damn pillow with pink flowers on it. I went searching on the net to buy a pillow case. I searched all around. The screen on my computer seemed to be all moving and ripping in waves like it was liquid. I still pushed on. I found it was kinda expensive to order a pillow case. I was not near any department stores and it really pissed me off. I went and lay down on my bed to relax. I went into a head spin/head fuck about money. About if I could afford to spend cash on such trivial things. About how long my money needed to last me and not knowing how much I would need to earn and save. I went a little crazy and decided fuck it. I don't need a pillow. It wasn't worth the embarrassment. So I threw the pillow in the closet out of sight.
I lay down on my bed now sometime in the late afternoon. I looked, staring at the irregular concrete ceiling above me. I saw one shape of the concrete look something like a 2D outline of a turtle. Hallucinating it then became mirrored and every irregular shape in the concrete ceiling above became a copy of the same 2D turtle then I think they all started rotating. It was much the same visuals effect I have had on mushrooms. Looking at my clock, I realised I had been very tired out with my job and had not gone to do any gym lately. I then went into deliberations and a big head fuck trying to plan out exactly how long I could lay down and sleep for before waking up eating, getting ready, going to the gym, having a shower and heading to work. I knew I was already very tired and would have even less sleep if I went to the gym but I didn't care I was annoyed, pissed off and feeling aggressive about it. I wanted to do gym anyway. It was the same insane time organising head fuck that has happened to me on mushrooms before and just should not take place. Time lines should be scrapped and there should be no schedule or plans that need to be done soon after a trip. At least IMHO. Eventually after much craziness spinning around in my brain I planned out all the times, got all my clothes and everything ready for gym and work, set my alarm and lay down to sleep for a around 2 hours.
I lay down on my bed to rest and sleep. It didn't take long to realise that my heart was still going too fast to sleep. After laying on my bed for quite some time I became very anxious and tired and really didn't feel good at all. I just wanted to sleep and relax. I decided to scrap plans for going to the gym. I would just sleep instead. More time passed. I relaxed a little and became more sleepy but could not sleep. Maybe a pillow would have helped but probably not much. I got ready and went to work.
I do not remember taking any caffeine although I may have just before work I usually kept a supply on me as it was a night job. All I knew is I felt incredibly anxious much worse than any experience with methamphetamine I'd had before. It was a speedy after effect from the drug (4-HO-MiPT). I was kept awake but it took so much energy to even attempt to relax and try to feel okay for a second. I felt so sour and twisted. All night I worked in the hotel. I felt like a mess. I knew I had hardly slept the last two days and my mind was not thinking clearly. I felt so sketchy and on edge. I felt like I was so separated from feeling peaceful and okay. Every time I breathed in it was painful, emotionally. As the night dragged on I did not know how I would get back to feeling normal again. Even the idea of sleep did not seem like it would be enough to fix how bad I was feeling. I felt like I was in hell. The night seemed incredibly long also. I had to go to the bathroom all the time. Not sure if it was because of the drug, lack of sleep or the strong anxiety. I did try often to take a moment just to try and chill out and relax. It was really difficult. I felt like I was separated from what is good in the world.
At sometime during the night I had a hotel guest ring me up saying that she had changed rooms (this usually happens if the guest makes a noise complaint about a room next to them and the guest is then upgraded to a bigger room for free). She said that she thought she couldn't find her book and might have left her old room. I knew that I had better give extra nice service for the guest as they had already moved rooms and didn't want them to get pissed off any more than they might already be. I offered to come straight up to her room, walk her over to the old room and open it for her while she had a look for her book. She said this wasn't what she wanted, she wanted me to go and have a look. This wasn't a good idea. What if the book was there and I couldn't find it? What if the book wasn't there at all? I was feeling like an absolute anxious sketch bag and really didn't need the hassle of this. I tried to tell her that it would be a much better idea if I opened the door for her as she would have a better idea where to look and know if it wasn't there. She then went to telling me she couldn't come over to the old room as she was in her night gown. She now said she knew where the book was and she told me where to look. Seemed a little odd as I'm sure she made out earlier that she wasn't sure where she had lost her book. So anyway I said 'ok' hung up and went to the room. I figured that I would probably have to be searching all over for it and it might not be there. Great. When I did check the room it was right where she said it would be. If I remember right it was under the pillow or in a drawer. I remember it was face up and positioned so I could see the title. It looked almost a little like it was positioned there on purpose so you could see the title from where you would be standing beside the bed. It was called something like "Practising the Presence of God". I had the feeling like this was a setup. I know all too well that quite a few Christian types are not too reserved or polite about expressing their religious views to others who are not asking to hear them or are not interested. I walked over to the new room where the lady called me from. I knocked on the door and a lady in a nightgown answered, I gave her the book and she gave me a tip. I told her is wasn't necessary but she insisted I take the money. As I walked away I couldn't help thinking it was a bit odd. Especially since I pretty much never got tipped from guests and not for just delivering a book.
After work I went home. Still feeling really, really anxious, sketched and a bit afraid as I couldn't relax enough to sleep. I decided to do a spring clean. I had a number of psychedelics that I wasn't going to use and knew I wouldn't want to introduce them to a friend. Psychedelics that I felt had were not really user friendly in terms of the beneficial experience or side effects I'd had. Things like terrible nausea, a forgetful, smashed psychedelic type buzz but no real insights, Or have a very painful sketchy comedown ect. And also from the amazing positive psychedelic experiences I'd had I knew there were better (more beneficial and user friendly) compounds available. So I decided to throw some of these out.
I finally laid down to get some sleep. Worn out, still sketched and anxious. 1 hour later I woke up to find myself gasping for air, terrified. I am almost certain I must have stopped breathing in my sleep (this has never happened to me before). I begin to remember having a dream. The last thing in my dream was that I was very terrified and I died.
The dream started something like this. I was in a travel tourist mini-bus. We stopped maybe a few places. It was dry dirt and sand areas of rock. It was out in the desert somewhere in Australia. I would go out alone and I was looking for the Aboriginal ancestors. I wanted help to be in contact with the great spirit or God. The desert looked well... deserted and it looked like it was a long time since any Aboriginal ancestors where there. I would even call out to the land for this old spiritual connection to what is good that now seemed to be extinct. I was alone. Next the dream changed. I was a young aboriginal man wearing not much just some red cloths and a spear in hand. I was an ancient Aboriginal ancestor like from many eras many gone by who had now appeared in this new world. The future world. The world we are in now. I felt this incredible feeling. Such a strong, uncomfortable, painful and overwhelming feeling. It was connected with this noise also. It was like all the awful industrial noises of a modern city but x1000. It was unbearable, loud and painful. I (the aboriginal ancestor) could see many people around me. (I believe I was in the middle of a busy city) I asked all the people around me to help me but they only yelled to me in a language I did not understand. Their voices were loud and angry sounding. There were people all around me yelling. Something like Jibbidah, Mullawadigiah.. Mudaabarh. I couldn't understand anything they were saying. I just wanted them to help me. I was in so much pain. They showed no love. The loud noise became that unbearable in my head I began yelling out to God to please make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. I was in absolute agony and deathly panic and this was my last cry for help. Then it all stopped. Relief. The pain was gone. I was gone. Extinguished from this world.
Then I woke up. I Gasped for breath and realised I must have stopped breathing. I was in a panic and could not handle the anxiety and fear any loner. I took some some alprozolam. After another 20-40mins I began to feel warm, peaceful, relaxed and heavy headed. I finally got some good sleep.
That afternoon and following day led to some changes. I made some pretty challenging decisions and decided it was time to change a few things in my life. It was for sure an ego shattering experience. I felt like I had to lay some things to rest to move on. This was right around the time of Samhein (or Halloween), which is the beginning of winter and symbolically represented death. I could not help but think there maybe some significance in the timing of my experience.
substancecode_4homipt
explevel_firsttime
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