Misc 18, had binge drink 4 months ago, not felt normal since

[mattdelm]

Hi everyone,

I have been reading posts on this forum for a while and decided I would create an account and post my story. My memory is bad at the moment and I feel very confused about what has happened to me these past 4 months. I will try my best to explain everything since the beginning.

Anyway, 4 months ago (Friday the 13th July), I was perfectly normal and have not been the same since, I went to my best friends house for a BBQ and some alcohol. I am 18 years old and this was my 5th time drinking alcohol.

So I arrived at his house early evening, everything going brilliant, in perfect mental and physical health. There was about 10 of us there, all very good friends, just 2 guys I didn't know. I started of with 1 beer, then had some meat, then about 9pm I started having some Vodka shots. I was drunk but really having a good time with my friends. Then around midnight, I then had some Tequila and this is when I turned into someone else. So after 1 beer, vodka shots and tequila I turned very violent. I don't know what got into me, I've never turned violent on alcohol. So I started screaming at 1 of my friends, well I wouldn't call him a friend, but someone that I knew. Basically I was screaming at him saying you stole my GF of me and I'm gonna kill you/stab you. I then tried to swing for him several times but was so drunk I just kept falling onto the ground. I then turned around to one of the guys there that I hadn't met before and said to him, I want you to kill him now. I kept repeatedly saying this to him. My friend got all this in photos and video, couldn't believe it when I watched it back.

So anyway, this guy that I hadn't met before then decided to rugby tackle me, I was that drunk I didn't feel any pain, then I don't remember anything, apart from waking up about 6 hours later on the sofa.

The following day, I felt very sick, I spent the whole day with my head over the toilet vomiting. In the evening I felt well enough to ride my scooter home, I no longer felt the need to vomit, just very hungover. So I got back to my house very hungover.

Then the Saturday and Sunday I felt terrible in everyway. Now I can't remember a lot so I'll try my best, so 1 month after this BBQ, I didn't sleep at all for 1 month, maybe 2 hours each night and was having extreme panic attacks daily for roughly 1 month, these were the first panic attacks I have had in my life, and they lasted about 2 hours at a time. I would just be sat down thinking about nothing, or just trying to relax in front of the TV and my heart would suddenly start racing very fast, and I would have to walk around my village for 2 hours to calm it down. I even went to A&E about 5 times.

So after about 1 month after the BBQ, the non stop panic attacks calmed down, but then depersonalization kicked in. I felt very very strange. I felt like I was in a dream, everything seemed unfamiliar and unreal, nothing felt the same. The depersonalization has lasted about 3 months and still is continuing. Also I have constant eye floaters, like trails falling down and strange shapes, I have never noticed these before the BBQ, my vision also seems hazy and not as sharp.

When I look into the mirror I feel as though I have changed, something has changed, I have also noticed my eyes are no longer the same color, they have gone from brown to green.

Also a few days ago I had a headache which lasted roughly 1 month, In all my life I have never experienced such pain in my head, unbelievable pain, nothing would relieve the pain, I tried paracetamol, Ibuprofen and even some stronger stuff that my friend uses for migraines.

The head pain seems to off died down now. I have also had terrible stomach pain but that seems to be going. After the 1 month panic attack, my heart seems to beat a lot more, like I will lay down on my bed, and all I can feel is my heart beating, I will walk up the stairs and my heart will be beating like I have just ran a marathon. I used to run up the stairs and my heart wouldn't be racing.

I also feel that my memory has been affected. Like I will suddenly ask myself, are these the parents I have lived with all my life, are these my parents, but if you ask me any question about my life or a past event, I can answer you no problem so my memory is still there but I just feel it isn't. I think my long term memory is fine, but my short term memory is terrible. I can't remember stuff that happened a few hours ago or what I ate a few hours ago. I can't remember what happened yesterday. My memory is no longer saving anything since the BBQ. And I feel that past events have been erased from my memory but I don't know.

Also when I see my friends, they will be chatting to each other, and I can't relate to them, I have to constantly ask them to repeat and even then I can't remember what they just said.

I'm just trying to live my life like before, but I can't, it no longer feels the same. My head feels messed up, I can't think straight, writing this is a massive task.

Also, during these past 4 months since the BBQ, I went to the psychiatric unit for 2 weeks, my mum took me in, all I did was cry everyday, I kept saying to the nurses, my head hurts so much, I don't know whats happening to me.

The doctors put me on one drug, god knows what it was, put when it kicked in all I could do was breve out of my mouth, my nose was total blocked, impossible to breve out of my nose. It was literally like someone was squeezing my nose for about 12 hours, very very scary. I said to the nurses and they just said you're having a panic attack, what a load of rubbish, they kept me on that for about 4 nights. Thank god they stopped it.

Then when I left the unit they put me on benzos, anti anxiety meds, anti depressants, none of these helped at all, just made me tired and dopey. I took these meds for about 1 month then quit them cold turkey, strangely enough I felt a little bit better in someway, and my head pain calmed down by about 50%.

Anyway, here I am 4 months down the line after this BBQ, and I still don't feel the same me.

My symptoms now are:

Slight depersonalization but not quite as bad as before.
Slight head pain but bearable
Eye floaters when looking at PC screen or the sky but nowhere near as many
Eyes are still a different color
Very tired, physical tasks are not as easy as before
Slight stomach pain
Palpitations when not doing anything
Can't enjoy anything in life anymore, feel like there is no point staying alive like this.


Now I have had a blood test, Chest X-ray and CT scan which all came back normal.

Personally I think it is alcohol (drug/substance) induced anxiety/depression. I also thought it could of been post concussion syndrome but not sure, from the rugby tackle whilst very drunk.

Now before the Friday the 13th of July I felt amazing, never experienced any of this in my life, I had a job, enjoyed life, was very motivated, was looking forward to things, was going to get my driving license and car.

But it seems like I have just been detached from reality for 4 months. Everyday I still wake up feeling weird, I just want it all to end now, it's getting ridiculous. Every minute seems unbearable in some strange way.

I have noticed, people have experienced this kind of thing after taking recreational drugs, I have never taken drugs in my life.

Also thought I'd mention my mum has bipolar. And the only thing I have had all my life is OCD but that has never bothered me, in fact I like it, it keeps me organized.

Has anyone else experienced this after alcohol, how long does it last, will my memory all slot back into place and I will feel back into reality? It has been 4 months now. I know the brain does take a few months to recover.

Also just remembered, 1 week ago, I tried 1 sip of vodka, and it made me very very ill for 2 days after, seem to have developed alcohol intolerance. I will definitely never be drinking alcohol again.

Thank you all for reading this, I really appreciate it.

 

[xxpurplehazexx]

I have never experienced anything like that from alcohol, but my tolerance is very low. I'll throw up after like 4 drinks. What you're going through sounds pretty scary. It doesn't seem like all that damage could have been done from just one night of binge drinking. The only possible explanation I can think of is that the alcohol completely screwed with your brain chemistry and made you depressed and forgetful. Since you have OCD and your mom is bipolar you are probably extra sensitive to mind altering substances. Maybe just give it some more time? I hope someone comes up with a better explanation/has more experience with alcohol.

 

[tokenname]

geez.

all your symptoms are consistent with depression & anxiety.
irregular heartbeat, lack of sleep, depersonalization, short term
memory loss..
alot of those symptoms can actually come about from
long term insomnia also.
i dunno how you're sleeping now..
but it's obvious you have some guilt & shameful feelings
after the bbq..and if you've internalized them..instead
of dealing with them..
they can lead to these sorts of problems quite easily.
have you been to the dr. to make sure that guy tackling
you didn't do any permanent damage?
that's always a possibility.
but my guess would still be anxiety.
ocd is already a form of anxiety..
you're already sensitive and having to deal
with the shock and guilt stemming from your
behavior probably has just intensified it.
learn your lesson: tequila is nothing but trouble.
and remember we all do dumb things when we're younger.
if this is as bad as it gets..you'll be fine.
apologize to whomever deserves it..
learn from it..and let it go.

 

[deficiT]

You possibly just feel guilty about what you did at the bbq. Just growing up. And it sounds like alcohol doesn't sit well with you so you should avoid it. pontifex is right there's no way you got brain damage or anything from a night of heavy drinking and hit to the head. Just try and relax buddy, and if things get worse I would talk to a doctor about it.

 

[RegisteredStoneeer]

Man. Even for your 5th time, mixing lots of shots of vodka and tequila is a lot for anyone. I've had blackouts where I've been told I said terrible depressing things like you were saying(related to death,etc) I also had panic attacks when I was under 18. These were different times of my life. Maybe your just searching for some reason and this was recent, or maybe you do feel bad about the drinking. I say live healthy and stick to weed if your going to do drugs.

 

[Renz Envy]

What they said.

Even though your W/Ds have cleared, the psychological effects of panic attacks can change a person. I became less social and more reclusive for months after panic attacks.

 

[cj]

I had a similar experience one new years eve from far too much tequila on top of being depressed. Night ended with me sticking my head in a ceiling fan repeatedly

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

Did any of your friends tell you if you bumped your head at any point durring your drunken night?

The reason I ask is because I have suffered multiple concussions in my life and a lot of your symptoms (headaches, vision problems, memory recall, and many of the others) were things I expereinced after most of my concussions.

If you can go to another GP and get a second opinion and see if they can tell you if you suffered a concussion or not. You may require another CT scan to check for any damage/bleeding.

All that said, if you did have a concussion and there isn't any bleeding or swelling there isn't much they will do for you besides telling you to ride it out and maybe give you some meds for the headaches.

Sounds to me like you might have a case of PCS (as I do), which should clear up given enough time. You can go on over to the old wikipedia and read up on it if you'd like: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-concussion_syndrome

If it is indeed a concussion/pcs i assure you things will get better with time.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

Sorry for double posting but I am on my phone and it will not load the edit post page.

After re-reading your post I am 99% sure you've suffered a pretty major concussion. I am no doctor but I have gone through four major concussions in the last 11 years and like you I had many symptoms that you listed.

If you need to talk to someone privately please PM me, as I said I have had to suffer through this multiple times in the past.

The most important things for you to do now are:

1. get a second opinion from another doctor
2. Eat healthy and live healthy.
3. Get at least 6 to 9 hours of sleep a night.
4. Avoid any rec. drugs for at least a few more months.
5. Avoid risky activities that might lead to another concussion.

As I said in my last post your symptoms willimprove and hopefully go away in a few months. However, I won't lie to you, some things (like the headaches) might be with you for life espesscially if you end up suffering more concussions.

Please go get a second opinion and PM me if you need someone to talk to. I know exactly what your going through and I know it isn't any fun.

Best of luck man.

 

[Phat5o]

^ i was thinking the same thing. might've hit your head there. I broke my skull in 2 places in a car accident when i was 16 and was experiencing similar symptoms for a couple months (actually for the better part of a year at least). it was a little crazy because i didn't notice them until i was able to walk again 2 months after and smoked some weed. i had a couple months there that were pretty scary for me. but it all went back to normal. stay away from drugs, exercise and eat good, that's really the best advice i could give you. even if this isn't caused by a head injury i still think, even though it may not seem like it now, this will go away. good thing you stopped the benzos too.... they would've probably ended up being counterproductive to what you're going thru.
good luck

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

Yea Phat5o the more I read (and re-read) the OPs post the more I thought "major concussion".

I personally suffered my first one riding 4 wheelers (ATVs) with my father, we were racing and I ended up catching a tree with my rear tire in a power slide running about 50mph, never been the same person since. I added three more on top of that one (two of those within a year or so) which made my problems that much worse. After my third concussion I slurred my speech for a good two months afterwards and still sometimes have trouble finding the right word to say mid-sentence (the "on the tip of my tongue" problem).

Like the OP I also still suffer from headaches long after my injuries and at this point in my life I've accepted that I will have to suffer with them until I die. They don't occur as often as they did years ago but they still pop up every now and again. I also have problems with insomnia that are probably going to persist until I'm an old man, but again, it isn't as much of an issue as it was in the months directly following my concussions.

I don't want to scare the OP but at the same time I don't want to say something like: "In time all of these things will go away". They might, and for most people they do, but some of us just seem to have life long PCS for some reason.

Also note OP that even if your CT scan came back normal that in no way means the problems you're having now aren't related to your head injury. Every CT scan I've ever had following a concussion turned up normal even when I was blacked out. Matter of fact first time I had a CT scan I came to inside of the damn machine and freaked out. It took a male nurse and a cop to restrain me until my father was called back there (I calmed down upon seeing him, was 13 at the time).

You need to go get a second opinion, I can not stress that enough. When you go to the GP you need to be clear that you think you might have suffered a concussion or they might think you're suffering from something totally unrelated.

BTW the big red flag for me in your post is the fact that you say you can no longer tolerate alcohol. This is common for people suffering from PCS (happened to me, went away with time).

If you need someone to talk to my PM inbox is always open, or if you'd prefer just reply here and I'll make a note to check in on this thread as much as I can. Please please please go get a second opinion though! I'm not trying to scare you because I know your worried but at the same time I must stress that this is very important and you need to have this treated sooner rather than later.

You have something going for you though, you're young and your brain is still growing and developing. There is a very good chance you'll fully recover given enough time and rest. Just try not to stress out about it so much and don't worry about the social problems it has brought on, like the physical symptoms this should clear up in time. Last but not least you need to be upfront with your parents about some of these symptoms and feelings you're having. The better support network you have around you the sooner you'll be able to recover from this. I'd also give your teachers a heads up since I'm sure this will be effecting your grades and if you don't give them a heads up they'll assume you're lazy (happened to me).

Head injuries are the un-seen disability and I'm here to tell you there are millions of us walking around leading productive and happy lives. Some of us (like me) will never fully recover but that's no reason for us not to go on and live full and healthy lives. Life has thrown you a curve ball here, but you're just going to have to step up to the plate and smack that fucker out of the park. You'll get through this man...just try to stay positive .

Again, PM box is always open and best of luck to you.

 

[BiggDirty01]

OP, you need to get yourself to a neurologist. From your description, it sounds like you've had some pretty major trauma and some of your description had me thinking about all the old football players who keep dying from concussion-induced brain trauma.

I would also suggest you not consume alcohol until the issue is resolved. I know the feelings you have may make you desire to self medicate, I would advise against even smoking pot. If anxiety/depression are as persistent as you suggest, seeking treatment from a Psychiatrist may also be called for.

But please, please get yourself to a neurologist. A family doctor/GP/Internist is not qualified to determine any significant brain injury.

 

[6apbhmm]

I think the very same as people here, that one binge drinking just revealed some deep psychical problems in you, I'm not defending alcohol, but I've never ever heard of a single alcohol binge causing anything even remotely as bad as this.

Long term alcoholism leads to terrible things both for body and mind, but a single heavy drinking session should only lead to a bad hangover, lasting for 1-4 days and thats it.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

OP, you need to get yourself to a neurologist. From your description, it sounds like you've had some pretty major trauma and some of your description had me thinking about all the old football players who keep dying from concussion-induced brain trauma.

I would also suggest you not consume alcohol until the issue is resolved. I know the feelings you have may make you desire to self medicate, I would advise against even smoking pot. If anxiety/depression are as persistent as you suggest, seeking treatment from a Psychiatrist may also be called for.

But please, please get yourself to a neurologist. A family doctor/GP/Internist is not qualified to determine any significant brain injury.

I agree with you as well but figured he'd have to get a referral to neurologist through his GP. Although I just noticed the OP isn't from the states so I have no idea how the medical system/insurance works over there.

He does need to go though, and soon. The faster a problem like this is found the faster he'll recover from it.

I'm not trying to be insulting to anyone that doesn't think this is a concussion, and as I said I'm not a doctor but I seriously doubt this has anything to do with just having too much to drink four months ago. The OP is obviously suffering from some type of head injury in my opinion and he needs to go to the doctor ASAP just to make sure everything is going okay with his recovery.

 

[pbuilder]

Sounds like you need a drink OP...

And it really just sounds like you are completely over-thinking. Ignore anything that feels off, just go about your daily routines. You are looking for things that seem weird, and then focusing on them which just make it way worse. It is mostly in your mind, you think something is wrong with you, so you end up throwing yourself into anxiety and panic attacks, you fixate on your "depersonalization", which just makes it seem so much worse. Ignore everything, and you will soon realize that it was mostly in your head.

I don't know, I've read more of this thread now and I agree you should see a doc, but I think that most of these posts are just gonna scare you more and make everything worse, because you will have all these ideas of major things that could be wrong with you now, and it likely is nothing major at all...

 

[Captain.Heroin]

You should definitely never use alcohol or gabaergic drugs ever again.

 

[mattdelm]

Thanks everyone for your replies, especially HeadphonesandLSD. The reason I thought this was Post concussion syndrome is because the only thing that was different this time drinking alcohol to any other time is that I bashed my head.

Now when that guy rugby tackled me, I can't remember anything afterwards, but according to my friends I got back up and was walking about all over the place.

I have just looked at the video again on my friends phone, and have seen this guy on my back slamming me again into the ground. So I could of hit my head 2 times that evening.

When I mentioned PCS to the doctors/psychiatrists, they said they would of seen traces in the CT scan, well I know thats rubbish, concussions are unseen injuries.

Also PCS could explain the unbearable headaches I had and the memory loss. I am seeing my doctor again on the 12th of December but I will be refusing any anti depressants / anxiety meds, last time they only made things worse, especially the head pain.

I do think things are getting better, like the head pain has been gone quite a long time now, I don't even notice it anymore. Also the palpitations seem to be slowing down, like they don't last as long and I can lay in bed and watch TV without feeling my body shaking with them.

And the funny thing is, the main symptoms didn't kick in till 2 days after the BBQ, which is common with PCS.

It feels as if between the 13th July and today is just blank, my memory hasn't saved anything in this time.

I guess the only thing I can really do is just continue to live life like before and hopefully with time things will improve.

Thank you all for your replies.