16 months on pods - Tapering completely in 4 weeks (log)

[Bojangles69]

Hey guys I've been physically addicted to pods for 16 months. My avg dose is anywhere between 70-85gms a day (around 10-12 jumbo pods).

I started cutting down yesterday, and cut in half, having 6 pods (my scale broke last week but I have a new one coming so I will be estimating weight by eye - which should be within 10gms of the actual dose). I am also loggin in msword EVERY SINGLE THING I do throughout the day, how I feel, and I may be submitting my more personal journal as time goes by.

I am a night user, not day, and I'm actually realizing this is a huge benefit because I tend to go through the entire day withdrawning, and than reup at night and go to bed which is rather dumb, but I'm thinking it may work to my benefit because I'm switching to morning doses, and at least I'll sustain throughout the day on lower doses.

No matter what I am dropping 1 pod a day till I get down to 3. I know its gonna be rough but I made up my mind. I ALREADY basically withdraw it seems no matter what dose I take, so if I'm gonna be withdrawing anyway, I just don't care at this point. I'm sick and tired of pods. They have done nothing positive for me (well they *may have helped me graduate college I can't lie lol). But I haven't had a job in 2 years, all I do is workout and smoke cigarettes and hang out in my studio most of the day. I did finish up school this spring semester which ended 10 days ago, so I guess I did at least accomplish something.

I'm not thinking, planning, I'm just doing. Having a journal really is the best because I'm focused on the taper 24 hours a day which I think is important. You NEED to know you're making lifestyle changes and a journal is very refreshing.
Today I guess is day 2, I need to be off by June 16th completely, but I'm hoping 2-3 weeks to actually get off, and another week or 2 to stablize. I have subs, I will be ordering Kratom, and possibly tram, but most likely just kratom.

Wish me luck guys there won't be no relapses and I want to see if I can break some records here. Once I get down to 10gms I'll be dropping 1.5 gms a day, so I wanna see if I can get down to 10gms in 1 week. I will be loggin in here everyday so I ask the mods don't lock this thread. Thanks!

 

[sid3]

I'd say stay away from the trams. That's a whole other problem, esp. when they can be ordered and are delivered to your front door. The wds are just as bad if not worse than from opiates and it doesn't take very long use of them before you will experience wds. I don't know anything about the kratom so I can say anything about that. Minimal sub could be really helpful though. You sound very determined which is key. Having a hard time myself getting back on subs smoothly, your post just reminded me how much better I've done in the past keeping a journal. My only advice would be to keep the positive mindset you've got, I've learned that every kick gets harder than the last. Good luck.

 

[Bojangles69]

Yeh you are right about the trams. I actually ordered 200 a couple months back to save for my taper but wound up using them all. But I didn't use them everyday, which is what appealed to me because anything else I'm bound to abuse.

As for today, I woke up with hot flashes and goose bumps. Had a very hard time getting out of bed and recall waking up in the middle of the night sweating (this actually seems to happen even when I'm on higher doses so I don't attribute it to dropping the dose).

I drank about 20-25 gms worth this morning, I'm allowed 35 because I'm trying to stablize there for another day or 2, but I would have had to brew more tea and didn't want to.

Right now its 9pm, the hot flashes didn't even go away from the little I had this morning, so right now they're pretty consistent (and always just on my back for some reason). Have had a case of goosebumps and shivers too, but this is still an avg day for me regardless of the lowered dose.

Right now Im just bored as all fvck, shaking my leg, contemplating sleep but its hard to get comfortable. I know pretty soon I may be beggn for some kratom, so I'm gonna order that tonight, but I'm afraid I may get a bunk supplier (as I know this use to be an issue with kratom years ago when I dabbled in it). If anyone knows a decent supplier feel free to pm me.

The thing thats making me feel strong right now is everytime I've got a new batch of pods I've basically relapsed and upped my dose, but my new batch came yesterday and I decided to start this taper, which really came as a suprise to myself. I've planned tapers so many times before and messed up because of a delivery, so I feel pretty good in that respect.

I think I may be pushing it with the drop I did, but I'm gonna see how I feel after I shower and shave right before bed. I have a feeling if I don't have the full dose I planned I may be in hell tommorow.
But fuck it, I don't really care.
I welcome withdrawals. I welcome the mental turmoil and depression. I'm ready for it, and I'm gonna kick it in the balls when it finally shows up.

Will be back tommorow to update!

 

[Fractals]

I'm sorry, but just what in the hell are pods?

 

[Bojangles69]

I'm sorry, but just what in the hell are pods?

Pods are basically the buds of the opium flower before they open. They contain all the morphine, codeine, and thebaine that regular opium does, just usually to a lesser degree if you make tea out of it.

Its very much addictive like heroin or any other opiate (after all heroin is made from opium), and the wds are about twice as long.

It is also legal to buy, but illegal to harvest. Problem is almost noone gets caught just because it IS legal to buy. I still would thoroughly suggest people stay away from it, as the wds will definetely have you suicidal and in serious pain.

 

[yoboy]

how much money worth of pods would you have to use to get a nod going???

and let's say your tolerance to opiates is decent (like if snorting 80mg of oxy is a "normal" Tuesday night and you'll be feeling nice, but not your not blown away completely)

 

[jake99]

hey buddy. So Subs werent workin great ? i am trying to wean off subs now . im thinkin maybe tram would help to take few days while sub gets out of my system ...............

 

[Bojangles69]

how much money worth of pods would you have to use to get a nod going???

and let's say your tolerance to opiates is decent (like if snorting 80mg of oxy is a "normal" Tuesday night and you'll be feeling nice, but not your not blown away completely)

I wanna try to keep this thread in the direction of recovery (for my own good lol) but if a "normal" night for you is 80mg of oxy you are a direct replica of a friend (well more a "person I know" who takes usually 80-100mg a night.

Based on HIS experience it took him about 60gms of pods before he was nodding. It cost on avg about $50 for say 400gms, so you gotta do the math. HOWEVER, pods are very different from batch to batch, as well as suppliers, and as well as people varying biologies. Which means theres a lot of room for error. You MAY catch a nod off 50gms, it could take you around 80gms, it really depends on the pods. But the pods I get I'd say around 60gms should do you in pretty good for a first use.

I'm also not sure what the rules say about prices (if we're allowed to talk about it but its not like its illegal to buy them) so I don't wanna go back & forth about this. If you need more help, theres a massive poppy thread in OD with tons of information.
But for my own benefit right now, I just don't wanna be nurturing newbies into the shithole of a life I created for myself, so I ask that you understand and we keep this thread recovery related. Thanks and g/luck!

 

[Bojangles69]

hey buddy. So Subs werent workin great ? i am trying to wean off subs now . im thinkin maybe tram would help to take few days while sub gets out of my system ...............

Haha just spoke to you on the phone about this so I won't reply here.

But get ready for what we spoke about, ttyl bro!

 

[unsettled]

I think getting your dose down to a once daily morning dose is step in the right direction. I use pods daily as well and can feel withdrawals set in after about 12 hours, I however have no desire to quit at the moment because they work better for my depression and anxiety issues than anything I've tried so far. But I can see that the time will come when I want off for good. I have quit them before (been using them on and off for the last 3 years, daily for the last year) and what worked best for me was suboxone.

Besides subs I'd just recommend the once daily dose in the morning, tapering, and don't be afraid to taper slow. It's a slow process. Also I find that alot of the negative effects can be eliminated by using small doses, like 1 to 2 extra large pods daily.

You sound very determined and have a good attitude and I think that is the most important thing when trying to quit. Best of luck to you, I know it's not easy, I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin after 24 hours without a dose.

 

[yoboy]

I wanna try to keep this thread in the direction of recovery (for my own good lol) but if a "normal" night for you is 80mg of oxy you are a direct replica of a friend (well more a "person I know" who takes usually 80-100mg a night.

Based on HIS experience it took him about 60gms of pods before he was nodding. It cost on avg about $50 for say 400gms, so you gotta do the math. HOWEVER, pods are very different from batch to batch, as well as suppliers, and as well as people varying biologies. Which means theres a lot of room for error. You MAY catch a nod off 50gms, it could take you around 80gms, it really depends on the pods. But the pods I get I'd say around 60gms should do you in pretty good for a first use.

I'm also not sure what the rules say about prices (if we're allowed to talk about it but its not like its illegal to buy them) so I don't wanna go back & forth about this. If you need more help, theres a massive poppy thread in OD with tons of information.
But for my own benefit right now, I just don't wanna be nurturing newbies into the shithole of a life I created for myself, so I ask that you understand and we keep this thread recovery related. Thanks and g/luck!

thanks for the info

 

[JayJohnson]

Hey Bojangles, just wanted to say good luck and you can do it! I wish I could give you specifics on what to do, but where you are at only you can really say how much you can reduce your dose daily. I would definitely say switch to dosing in the morning - save the worst of the WD for at night when you will hopefully be sleeping. During the day you would still like to be able to function normally. For me, I was able to cut my daily dose in half and feel OK, and then slowly cut down by a couple grams a day. Holding at a dose for a day or two if you feel WD through the day.

Anyways, it CAN be done if you stay honest with yourself and if you really want it! I'll be thinking about you man!

(Clear out your private message box, it's full!)

 

[Bojangles69]

Thanks Jay! & everyone else who posted.

I just cleared out my pm box buddy so feel free to try again.

I woke up today, day 3, with very consistent shivers going right up my back. The slightest bit of wind seems to create this weird shiver/twitch where I have to shake my head because it goes right up my spine and up to the base of my neck, very weird.

I'm down surprisingly low and my body can feel it. Just literally drank 15gms worth, I was suppose to drink 25 but I'm waiting to see how the 15 settles first, if it covers the shivers and goosebumps I may save the other 10 for tonight because last night was rough.

I *may continue splitting my dose like this just till I can supplement Kratom at night, taking most of my dose in the morning, and than a very tiny amount at night just for the hot flashes which were terrible last night.

My mind is still in a very strong spot. I basically hate how I'm feeling, but if this is all poppies got they better try harder to make me relapse. =] I do feel a bit cocky, but I think I need to be this way. Because honestly I've never been cocky in the past, have usually been scared, and that has always caused me to relapse.
But I keep telling myself this whole thing really is a head game. Even when you feel like you need to jump out of your skin, and shoot yourself in the head, it REALLY all starts in your head. And thats the one place I'm trying to stay the strongest.

It feels like the shivers are going away but the hot flashes are still really out of control, I'm gonna go lift some weights now and go for a run. Not really brimming with energy but I usually am pretty dedicated to exercising, so lets see how well I can maintain that through the taper (I have a feeling my energy is going to plummit at some point but we'll see). And Jay I'm gonna put that order in for the kratom today so if you can pm me who you used that would be great I'd geniunely appreciate it.

Ok off to work out, will prob post again later in the day! Thanks all for your support its really helping me stay positive.

 

[TippyCup4Life]

Good plan. You are right that night dosage will help- I switched to night on my taper when my sleep had issues, worked like a charm. Sleep is the big problem, so your plan works well for that. You will see that mild wd in the morning mostly go away when you get up and moving, take a shower.
In my opinion, cutting a pod a day is WAY TOO DRASTIC. Maybe till you get to4-5 but then the lower you go give yourself 3 day steps if at all possible, when you are down to 1 and a half, then make the steps even longer.
Take all your pods, bundle them and number them in days with tape, use half's and quarters at the last week or two.
The basic principle is the lower you go, the longer your steps, in my experience. It gets a bit gritty at 2, but you will notice more of those "bad" positive effects when you get down there- which is almost rewarding. Take it real easy at the end, cut pods in halfs, quarters, or grind em all up and make piles with very small size reduction., use benadryl/sominex/tylenol PM(added pain relief) to help sleep.
You should start exercising regularly to help develop a way to generate your own endorphin rush while you drop the pod rush. This will help you feel good about yourself, what you are doing is hard but rewarding, you are respecting your body and that feels good.
Good luck, it can be done, with style even!
Take it easy at the end, make a plan for action when you feel restless or bored.

 

[TippyCup4Life]

Oh yeah, kratom is excellent, especially if you wait till you drop off.
It's also as addictive as tramadol I hear though that has not been my experience.
Don't try and use both is my advice with that, wait to drop off completely before you kratom.
I look forward to following your progress.

 

[Bojangles69]

Thanks Tippy but I just want to reiterate I didn't switch to night to taper, I switched from night to day to taper. The reason I did this is I'm a night user, and by the time I wake up in the morning, wds are usually settling in, as they progress throughout the day and just make it harder.

Switching to morning allows my dose to keep me functioning through the day, as I'd rather keep any wds for night time. So far its working better than I could have ever expected. And that bagging idea is a really great idea, I'm going to do it tommorow don't know why I didn't even think about it.

As of today:
Woke up earlier than usual lol, 11:30am. Which is way earlier than the last few days where I've just wanted to stay in bed all day. Its a battle up untill the point I take my morning dose, which requires me getting out of bed and sitting up right long enough to drink it all. Which apparently isn't as easy as I expected, but once I get it in my stomach within 2 hours I feel ready to get my day started. (obviously my days have been starting late)

This is the end of day 3, I started at around 70-85gms a day, usually around 10-12 pods, and took only 25gms this morning. Its 11pm and I'm allowed 10 more grams still, although I may save it for the morning because I feel great right now. Just extremely tired, which I like because I'm usually up right now drinking my tea and all stimulated.

I lifted today for an hour than ran 3 miles, that really added a glow to my whole day that I can't explain.
I actually honestly felt good today. Which is weird, because dropping to 25gms from 70 in 3 days I thought I'd be crying which I'm not. I know poppies are like that because small doses usually still have enough morphine to hold you over from larger doses. Tommorow I'm allowed 4 pods, and than the following day I wanna shoot for 3.

I know the poster above me says 1 pod a day is too much or too drastic, but thats only till I get too 3 pods. Once I get there, I will prob start doing half pods everyday. Honestly, all I know is I'm pushing this as quick as I can possibly bear, and if I can bear this my bodies telling me I can bare 3 in 2 more days. I do think if I drop to 2 pods after 3, I will hit wds though. I'm just expecting that to be my sensitive point, I don't know why, its more instinctual now with how long I've been using them.

Also I said this before, but taking morning doses alone has made my life better WHILE TAPERING than when I use to take double the dose at night. Its really crazy that I'm this low, and actually feeling 10xs better during the day. Because of this I felt like I had energy to work out, as I'm not use to reuppn in the mornings.

So far I have to say things are going pretty damn good. I can't lie. I'm allowed 10 more gms right now and don't even feel like I need it. I'm allowed 4 pods tommorow and I already took that amount today (when I was suppose to be closer to 5), which means 4 pods tommorow is going to be as easy as today, because I'm already down to tommorows dose 1 day early. So I get to stay here for tommorow, than go down to 3 the day after tommorow.

I got my order in for the kratom.
And tippy I hate to disagree, Kratom is NO WHERE near as addictive as tram. I took kratom for 2 years straight and never had a single withdrawal, I belive kratom withdrawal is a myth, as I've abused that plant so many times and never once felt a sign of any wd going on.

With tramadol, you can take that crap for 2 weeks, stop, and feel sick that soon. I've tried both of them a handful of times, and this has always been how my body reacted. Even when I read about people "getting hooked" on kratom today I personally don't understand it. I consider myself VERY sensitive to withdrawals and just never had any kind of experience like that with kratom.

So I'm starting the kratom as soon as it comes. Tommorow marks day 4, and thats huge. I said at one point I just wanna get to day 5 or 6, but it feels good just getting through 3 days. I remember just starting this and thinking the first few days were going to feel like 10 years, and the first few days have breezed by.

The BEST part, its 11pm and I feel like I can go to sleep. I'm usually up till 3-4am, and I think I'm gonna pass out now, and try to wake up around 8am tommorow. I'll take my morning dose, work out, than go do a painting job I had planned for tommorow.
I also had a comment from my mom today which was weird, she said "you look like you lost a lot of weight", I said "no, definitely not" than I looked in the mirror and noticed my face looked lean and dried out, but a nice look.
I guess pods really do bloat you but I've just been so use to it this last almost year and a half. Thats just another thing that made me happy, Im already looking a little better =]

Ok guys THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I'm going to SLAUGHTER this addiction, 3 days in, lets keep this going.

nite!

 

[Bojangles69]

Ok day 4

Just doing one post today. I slept pretty horribly last night, didn't get to bed till 4am. Woke up this morning again with hot flashes, but I also had this hazey just out of it feeling going on.

Alarm went off at 10:00am, I COULD NOT get out of bed. Laid there with my eyes open till 12. Tried to sit up and got dizzy, reached under my bed for my morning dose (I usually make it the day before and let it sit in a bottle under my bed for morning so its ready) and started drinking it as quick as I could.
Took about a half hour to get the whole dose down, still wasn't feeling that hot. The dose today was actually smaller than yesterday, as I didn't have time to make up more, or to even make up tommorow mornings dose. So it was a bit under 4 pods, prob closer to 3 tbo.

My scale came today so I can finally just bag out all my doses, and I have a ton of kratom coming in another couple of days. I worked out again today and ran about 3 miles. I SWEAT LIKE A PIG when I run, I mean every square inch of my body was literally dripping I couldn't believe how much I sweat today.

Moodwise it was the total opposite of yesterday. For some reason I just had a great day yesterday, was extremely happy for no reason, but today was very quiet and unexciting. Wasn't really happy about a whole lot, not depressed either, just more like "I wanna get this day over".

I'll be able to name gm doses now everyday so people can follow me more accurately. I was originally shooting for 3 pods tommorow, but now that I have a scale I'll be refering to gms, and I'm trying to go 5gms less than today. So I'll start exact measurements tommorow. I know I'm down really damn low so thats all that matters.

Everything else is going good. Not really tempted to relapse. Not really having any cravings. I more or less just wanna get this over. I figure because I have so much kratom coming I may be able to drop faster than originally planned, but it is a day by day feat so we'll take it as it comes.

Day 4 is over, I'm tired as shit so gonna try to go to bed, but its only 10pm and as late as I got up today I prob won't fall asleep. I don't really care either way though lol. Still trying to be strong, but overall today just felt more numb than anything.

nite all! take care and thanks for all the support

 

[Bojangles69]

Day 5!

Ok wow today started bad.
I first woke up feeling these hot waves going up and down my back, and had realized my brother had off today. Not only didn't I make todays dose yesterday, I couldn't make todays dose today because he was here.
Naturally the wds were more intense than ever, a few hours passed by and I start sweating like a pig. I felt like I was in legit wds, and by some miracle of chance he decides to go out and get a bite with his gf.
I take out the blender, blend 3 pods, weight it out, its 35gms. I think "perfect, I'm not going any lower like I originally planned because I'm far too sick". Let the blended pods sit for an hour, then start drinking it.
The tea is scolding hot, but I don't care. I down it taking my mouth away to catch an occasional breath.
OMG DO I START SWEATING! Whats going on! I feel like wds are getting worse!

Than I realized it was just the hot tea I drank, as it was taking time for the alkaloids to absorb, so I was still in wds with the tea in my stomach, and the heat from the liquid had triggered my whole body to perspire like crazy.
It made me feel like I was in worth wds than before drinking the tea.

Luckily within like 20mins I just feel this wave of calm come over me, stop sweating, hot flashes go away almost completely. The dose felt like just the right amount, just enough to make me comfortable again.

And than my day began.. around 12:00 noon.

Right now its 10:30pm, and it feels like the hot flashes are starting to come back as I write this. This has actually become very typical now.
Around 10pm hot flashes start, than around 12 midnight I'm ALWAYS getting stomach pains now. I NEVER EVER had stomach issues on pods (I've heard other people complain however) and its like all a sudden everyday at midnight I feel like I've got poop, but I never can. My stomach start pinching and it lasts still I fall asleep.

W/e the case, its not as bad as it sounds, just a bit annoying.

I've been reading older logs on this site and other sites, and I'm getting sick and tired of people using the word "PAWS". Its starting to really piss me off. I never had to deal with PAWs my first time off pods, and now I'm wondering if its because I immediately went on lexapro when I was withdrawing.
But it just seems like people are so damn negative when they are about to taper or get off pods. I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT PAWs, or what kind of emotional pain I can expect 2 months from now.
I didn't have to deal with that crap the first time, and I'm NOT dealing with it this time. Its the same thing like when a dr prescribes you a new medicine, and you go research all the bad shit about it, than take it and experience all that negative shit.

YOU TRICKED YOURSELF into that trap. I believe if you're expecting some kind of negative change to happen, you're gonna start acting a certain way just because you're THINKING ABOUT IT.
I'm not bitching about anything. I'm not dealing with PAWs, I'm not even dealing with wds. I'm SMOOTHLY TRANSITIONING off pods with the assistance of kratom. I'm using every ounce of energy I have to excercise will power and strength so I don't have to make this a painful process. But I'm getting so sick of reading other peoples negativity on this board and other places.

Don't tell me what the hell I should expect. Just because you had a rough time doesn't mean shit to me. I'm sorry but trying to stay positive on this site is near impossible if you actually read some of the threads around here. Thats why I've decided to stop searching, reading about other people getting off opiate (except JJ lol) because so many people on here are terribly pesemistic.

I'm NOT like that. I'm a happy person, and I plan on making it through this taper with a smile on my face, like I've said once before.

I bagged tommorows dose, its 30gms even. Today was 35 and yesterday was about the same. But I'm definetely ready to drop again. Even though today started off terribly, and even with the minor hot flashes right now, I feel about 95% normal. So tommorow we're going down to 30gms.

I'll judge by how tommorows dose holds over later in the day as to whether I'm gonna drop to 25gms the next day. I'm also reading its good to hold kratom off as long as possible, because if you start to early I can delay some of the more intense wds for when you actually get off the kratom. People are saying the key is to get low on the pods first, THEN start using kratom for assistance.
I'm not sure if Im low enough yet, but the kratom should be here tommorow or the following day. And I hope I'm not delaying any wds if I start when it comes (if anyone is still reading this log I can really use some second opinions on this theory).
Maybe I should hold off on the kratom till I get down to 1 pod, not sure.

Well DAY 5 IS OVER!!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!! haha.
I guess I'm in a pretty good mood today. 5 days in, not really phased at all from the drops I've been doing. Still for the most part feeling invincible, and like this addiction stands no chance against something called a "made up mind".
Seriously, once you make up your mind that you're DOING something, its virtually impossible to stop you from doin it. I genuinely 100% feel that way about this.

I mean jesus christ I took 3 pods today! That is AWESOME. How can I NOT be happy? All this time freaking myself out, not thinking I had the will power. Its not hard at all. Once you realize that pods have caused you to feel more hopelessness than happiness it really makes it easy to take on a process like this.
My ENTIRE opiate addiction I ALWAYS felt hopeless.

Hopeless about my future, my self control, my life, my choices. Now for once I finally feel the littlest bit of control, the littlest bit of stability, and its such a novel exciting feeling. Just to think, stability is a novelty in my life now haha.... wow.

take care everyone! nighty night.

 

[QuasiStoned]

I'm about to quit the pods too, I have to be off them by the 2nd of june. I'm reading your log with great interest.

I will be spending some time tapering and then I requested off from work for a 4 day detox starting sunday May 30th and ending the 2nd of June. During that time I'm going to try and just power through using a benzo and be done with the shit, hopefully for good. We've talked before about how much of a lazy fucker pods make you and I can relate to feeling hopeless throughout the addiction. I've been at it for almost 2 years myself and it's really changed me as a person for the worst.

Congrats on making the decision to quit. I'm being somewhat forced into quitting by family members who now know what PPT is and how well hooked I am. I know it's for the better though so I'm not really fighting it.

During my 4 day vacation I will be using phenazepam to keep my anxiety and ataxia at bay and to feel relatively unphased by the goosebumps that prickle up and down my body. Phenazepam isn't my top choice benzo, but it's the only one I can get (and have experience with) so I intend to use that as a tool to try and get through the withdrawal when drop off.

Cold turkey withdrawals honestly scare me, but having a benzo to fall back on has me much less concerned with the withdrawals.

 

[Bojangles69]

Hey Quasi good to see yah again!

The thing with pods is how my body metabolizes opium tea so quickly now. I'll admit back in the day when a dose use to hold me for an easy 36 hours it was somewhat fun, but now its got to the point where if I don't dose twice a day, I'm feeling like pure shit for the second half of everyday I'm on pods.
It has obliterated my sleep cycle, I've put on 30lbs since I started I think just from the amount of sugar I've ingested with the pods. I have no real emotion anymore. I mean I feel and I'm not numb to the world, but I just don't give a shit about things normal people do anymore.

Like:
Going to catch a movie.
Playing golf.
Going to work.
Laughing, joking, playing pranks on people.
Working out.
Calling friends or having social ties
Having sex or a gf (I have basically been asexual since starting pods. No matter how hot a girl I see now I have no urge, no temptation to lust, no NOTHING at all. Can't even recall the last time I wanted to masturbate lol, its SAD)


Pods slowly replaced every single thing that use to give me enjoyment in life. Even though cognitively I don't feel like a robot, behavoirally I lived my life like one. I know I could stay on the pods, and try to sneak them on my vacation but this is the FIRST time I've ever left the country in my life. I have never been so excited for something in my life. I just graduated college and don't give a shit, I'm not the least bit proud or happy about it. That reward center is long gone. But for *some reason, this vacation is the only thing I've ever really looked forward to while on pods. That & a combination of everything else I mentioned has caused that 'shift' inside of me.

Regardless, I think the MOST important thing you can do is be optimistic. Don't have a single negative expectation. Don't read other peoples failures and visualize the process as being harder than it really is. Don't get caught in the trap of pessimism. Being as optimistic and positive as I have has made these first 5 days a breeze. As long as I was hoping this day wouldn't come, as much as I thought I couldn't do it, it really is so simple.

All you need to do is lower your dose a bit everyday untill your off. It sounds like you're doing a rather steep taper, with an early date of Jun 2. But I still think you can make it a very tolerable process with that amount of time. If you need kratom get kratom. If you need to smoke a bit of pot to get to sleep (what I've been doing since I started) smoke a bit of pot. This may seem very weird to hear, and I've heard if before myself and though people were full of shit. But I've been so proud and just happy these last few days that its devouring my cravings before they even surface.
I wasn't this hopeful or optimistic 5 days ago, and it just shocks me that I've actually seen an increase in my overall wellbeing since starting when I thought I'd be miserable everyday. Its very simple and painless, it doesn't even require you to think. All you need to do is act. People say relapses start in the head, I say eff that a relapse starts when you get high. Just don't get high, its not like your prob getting high anymore anyway, which just makes quitting that much easier.

Stay positive, stay focused, and if you have a question about anything just ask. I will be keeping an eye on you. =]

ttyl! -Bo

I'm about to quit the pods too, I have to be off them by the 2nd of june. I'm reading your log with great interest.

I will be spending some time tapering and then I requested off from work for a 4 day detox starting sunday May 30th and ending the 2nd of June. During that time I'm going to try and just power through using a benzo and be done with the shit, hopefully for good. We've talked before about how much of a lazy fucker pods make you and I can relate to feeling hopeless throughout the addiction. I've been at it for almost 2 years myself and it's really changed me as a person for the worst.

Congrats on making the decision to quit. I'm being somewhat forced into quitting by family members who now know what PPT is and how well hooked I am. I know it's for the better though so I'm not really fighting it.

During my 4 day vacation I will be using phenazepam to keep my anxiety and ataxia at bay and to feel relatively unphased by the goosebumps that prickle up and down my body. Phenazepam isn't my top choice benzo, but it's the only one I can get (and have experience with) so I intend to use that as a tool to try and get through the withdrawal when drop off.