15th Issue Heroin Discussion v. Be the Death of Me

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HighonLife said:
Tommy: glad you are in a more stable situation man, so does this mean you'll be seein the shrink?


Scags: hey man its gotta be good to know that you dont look like a complete junkie n could pass as a non druggie, i mean im sure it sucks to get denied whilst copping but atleast its not all bad

you're a shooter tho arent you? couldnt you show em tracks? or offer to do some in front of them? i really dont know how things go like that open air n i imagine people prob get turned down fairly often for not fitting the sterotype of a H user but as most on BL know you dont have to be some down n out homeless zombie to be a heroin user

were you wearing aviators and a mustache? ;)
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I already started seeing a different shrink and a psychologist so they can't argue there.
 
^ They just upped the valium dosage. I have the option of taking some bipolar meds since it's very moderate but I probably won't be taking them.
 
Mr.Scagnattie said:
All good.

How's things, bra'?

I've been lazy as hell today.. partly because my morning shot hit me a lot harder than I thought it would, hah.
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ive been alright lately, went on a lil methadone bender cuz it was just such a bargain but i started worrying bout gettin physically dependent again so i cut it off, was gonna taper down but decided to just stop CT, it was only 3 weeks but thats not a road im wantin to go back down, today was day 4 n i hadnt really noticed any symptoms beyond increased anxiety until i went to fill out a job application today, my hand was so shaky that my handwritting ended up lookin like complete shit so i took a tiny amount, i mean i never got up to a very high dose, but in 3 weeks i went from 10mg to 35mg or so n so im done with that, i dont wanna go back to bein physically dependent and especially dont wanna be physically dependent on methadone

but all is well for me, things have been goin good, lookin for a second job so i can start saving some more money. and hopefully go n get a place on my own eventually.

been doin a little blow tonight cuz its incredibly good, like the stuff i was pickin up was really good but i was tired of using it then dude said he had something even better n it was, i stayed up wednesday night rippin lines with a few friends n then i ended up pickin up a g today to do at work by myself. its rough cuz its hard to be completely sober but im doin what i can, but life is good man, been talkin to a few new girls letely, nothin serious but just gettin back out there, had some family in town n that really picked me up, tho when they left n i woke up n the house was empty it was noticably depressing

but all in all things are good, school is goin well, work is good, bout to start workin more. just need to keep things in check drugs wise n all will be well

Tommyboy said:
I already started seeing a different shrink and a psychologist so they can't argue there.
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thats good, you like the new people?

Tommyboy said:
^ They just upped the valium dosage. I have the option of taking some bipolar meds since it's very moderate but I probably won't be taking them.
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yea i would skip the bipolar meds too n just take the valium but thats just me, glad to hear you're doin better man
 
shimazu said:
damn dude have you thought about subs or done or anything?

you could do subs and coke for a canadian speedball
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I don't think I'd do well on a maintenance program, and despite all my bitching/thinking I know I'm gonna walk away from the stuff eventually... just not today, got some decent tar and blow, living the dream 8(
 
dirtydank said:
I don't think I'd do well on a maintenance program, and despite all my bitching/thinking I know I'm gonna walk away from the stuff eventually... just not today, got some decent tar and blow, living the dream 8(
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Have you ever been on Maintinace before? It may not work for everyone but without trying you will never know.
 
so my girlfriend and i lost an old friend yesterday (known the girl since highschool) to an overdose. i knew it was inevitable for her but my girlfriend is really shook up about it. looks like im going to be doing far less dope and coke since all she is comfortable with are benzos and weed now. she doesnt care what drugs i do but still, i havent done dope in awhile (picked up once in the past 2 weeks) and should get out while i can, especially since i have a reliable methadone (and to a lesser extent, suboxone) connect.

but i bought a quarter of bud and .5 of some coke last night. i ended up with a quarter of grapefruit kush, 1.5 gs of fishscale, and a couple methadone lol. i just found the .5 (it was bagged seperate and i got wrecked last night so i forgot about it) so im just blowing lines, smoking j's, and ignoring my dope dealers phone calls
 
jeebis said:
so my girlfriend and i lost an old friend yesterday (known the girl since highschool) to an overdose. i knew it was inevitable for her but my girlfriend is really shook up about it. looks like im going to be doing far less dope and coke since all she is comfortable with are benzos and weed now. she doesnt care what drugs i do but still, i havent done dope in awhile (picked up once in the past 2 weeks) and should get out while i can, especially since i have a reliable methadone (and to a lesser extent, suboxone) connect.

but i bought a quarter of bud and .5 of some coke last night. i ended up with a quarter of grapefruit kush, 1.5 gs of fishscale, and a couple methadone lol. i just found the .5 (it was bagged seperate and i got wrecked last night so i forgot about it) so im just blowing lines, smoking j's, and ignoring my dope dealers phone calls
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Give you and your girl credit. I've had tons of friends die, almost died myself, and it never made me put the dope down.
 
wiggi said:
Those calls from dealers never really quit.
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What you mean Wig? Your old dudes hitting you up still after being clean trying to get you to get back in the saddle?

I hear that. Whenever I get clean, I get dealers calling for a long time afterwards, offering me free shit to try and get me strung out again, etc. Fucked up but from their perspective, it's all business and when we get clean, they lose money.
 
Yea, it's just frustrating more than anything. I mean I still buy benzos so I don't wanna burn all my bridges, but I don't want to be called about fucking opiates.
 
^^ damn thats wicked

you been off everything besides methadone for >2yrs, yea?

i changed my number when i quit heroin but i still gave it out to using buddies who i still considered friends, i only really get calls from one dude but even then he is using asking not sellin, tho he has on occasion been lookin to sell

i doubt id still be off heroin if those people still had my number
 
^ Nah, I've been off everything including bupe/methadone for a year now. I was on bupe for a year before that followed by 6 months of bupe. So I guess it's been 2.5 years of me being "clean." But I don't count the bupe/methadone as a part of of my sobriety.
 
wiggi said:
Yea, it's just frustrating more than anything. I mean I still buy benzos so I don't wanna burn all my bridges, but I don't want to be called about fucking opiates.
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You need to put the hammer down and let them know what time it is. Just say, "Hey I'm still down for the benzos and I appreciate the hook up, but I'm done with the opiates so take my name out of your head when it comes to that shit." Or something like that... hah.
 
Dealers will call you around here if they haven't heard from you to "check in". They know that if they plant the seed they'll be more likely to sell something. Especially if the person you deal with uses they now how easy it can be if someone is trying to stay clean or take a break.
 
Johnny blue said:
Dealers will call you around here if they haven't heard from you to "check in". They know that if they plant the seed they'll be more likely to sell something. Especially if the person you deal with uses they now how easy it can be if someone is trying to stay clean or take a break.
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fact. my dope dealer does that all the time. it pisses me off.

but i feel like an asshole. my girlfriend had a super shitty day and was craving coke or opiates. all my guy had were DIRT cheap . i got a dozen op20's for less than 80 bucks because they're op's....so we went to the mall and sniffed 3 (2 for me, 1 for her). i really dont like oxy that much lol. in retrospect, i was an idiot for doing >160mg a day.

but she wanted to do it and said it was either that or dope, so atleast i...uhh...helped?
 
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so in October last year (2012) I was getting pretty fuggin bored with a monotony - work, bills, weather, same shit, different day blah blah blah....
So I figured fuck it lets do a shot of some good dope..... so here we sit 6ish months later and I have been on the nod/sick train more times than I can count already and really asking myself a big WTF

So hopefully soon I'll use this 4mg of sub I have and get rid of this party time for another 1/2 decade until I become bored again....
What you guys think?
 
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