you missed the most important, desire to stop. if you don't and only you know that then all the other stuff is just noise because you'll be back to using in no time
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H&R Moderators: streaM Freak
15 8MG Suboxone - you think it's enough?
- Thread starter Jabberwocky
- Start date
you missed the most important, desire to stop. if you don't and only you know that then all the other stuff is just noise because you'll be back to using in no time
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Hiya BBT,
I know it was a few days since you wrote this thread - so I'm sorry it's taken me awhile to reply I'm' also aware that you and I had fallen out but that was awhile ago now and all is good. Personally, in my opinion, I don't think anyone can really tell you what's the best dosage of suboxone to go on. Only you and your doctor can really come to that agreement, with trial and error I'm afraid. Many people have different theories on suboxone and what is the adequate dose to take to block opiate-cravings, block withdrawal symptoms and so forth. I went on 8 mg and found that, that was not enough for me at the time. You may go on 8mg and find that it's too (not saying you will, just illustrating that dosing can vary depend the person). It also depends on other factors too such as the strength of the physiological and psychological pull of your addiction, how much substance you were taking and so forth.
You relapsed but don't worry or feel bad about that. What's important is that you learn from it. Like you said you are ready now, maybe you weren't ready last time? Maybe you tapered off the suboxone too soon? Only YOU can answer those questions for yourself.
You mention that you only have 15 suboxone. I'm interested as to why you are only willing to use those and not maybe see a doctor and go onto a new suboxone programme? Are you wishing to do a fast taper and be done? You don't have to answer those questions to me or anyone else if you don't want to. I just asked those questions to give you something to think about. I also noticed that you had an issue with me last time because I was on a weaker opiate to yourself. I hope that you realise now that addiction is addiction and that I was simply trying to help you - not to try and belittle you in any way. If not, let's just agree to differ and move on from it, ok?!
Wishing you all the best in your recovery.
Evey
EDIT; Mahi you bring out an extremely valid - and important point. And Welcome to Bluelight. I hope you're settling into Bluelight - and getting from the site, what you need. If you need or want anything from free to PM me anytime. Have you checked out New Members Introductions ?
EDITX2 Just read Owen's post. Very true. And as a fellow member of BL I would highly recommend you to read any links produced by Neversickanymore on addiction. Most of them are in this sub-forum so I won't link them.
EDITX3 Evey
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Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
here's an update:
havent used anything in 3 days now.. feel absolutely fine. the 15 bupe would have been more than enough; I still have 4 left. in fact, it only took about 4-6 bupe to actually kick. well, that an using the dope which originated it all. slowly tapered from a G+ habit to a half G habit (prob could have done it quicker but was the addict in me not wanting to).
once I hit a half G for a few days I went to 2MG bupe as needed. was taking anywhere from 2-4MG (as needed) and just going from there. some days were better than others and some days I even used. after a quick 4-5 day taper I ended up relapsing w/ a half G shot and that was last Thursday at 6AM and havent used a thing since.
I know it's 3 days and thats nothing.. but find a dope fiend who was once shitting their pants and tell them they would go 3 days w/ ZERO and feel GOOD.. probably wont happen! sure, it's still extremely early but I have come quite far from where I was a month ago!
let's hope this lasts. as GOOD as I am feeling there is still a part of me that say "USE, USE, USE". sad that I finally feel GOOD and havent donea single thing and my mind tells me to use to celebrate the sobriety.
havent used anything in 3 days now.. feel absolutely fine. the 15 bupe would have been more than enough; I still have 4 left. in fact, it only took about 4-6 bupe to actually kick. well, that an using the dope which originated it all. slowly tapered from a G+ habit to a half G habit (prob could have done it quicker but was the addict in me not wanting to).
once I hit a half G for a few days I went to 2MG bupe as needed. was taking anywhere from 2-4MG (as needed) and just going from there. some days were better than others and some days I even used. after a quick 4-5 day taper I ended up relapsing w/ a half G shot and that was last Thursday at 6AM and havent used a thing since.
I know it's 3 days and thats nothing.. but find a dope fiend who was once shitting their pants and tell them they would go 3 days w/ ZERO and feel GOOD.. probably wont happen! sure, it's still extremely early but I have come quite far from where I was a month ago!
let's hope this lasts. as GOOD as I am feeling there is still a part of me that say "USE, USE, USE". sad that I finally feel GOOD and havent donea single thing and my mind tells me to use to celebrate the sobriety.
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
good job BostonBrownTown 
I had two weeks clean and used over this weekend. Well not CLEAN clean, I'm on methadone but a low dose (20 mg). The fucked part is my tolerance is so low it only takes me a tiny bit to feel good, so even tho I only bought a half a gram I have more than half of it left after using the last three days - that's how little its taking me to feel good.
Ive got the addict thinking going on too. Telling me "just finish this piece and thats it".
Can I ask why you're quitting? Sometimes remembering why you're doing it helps you not use. A big part of me not using is I dont want to keep going to see the guy I like fucked up. I went sober once and it was amazing. I want that again.
I had two weeks clean and used over this weekend. Well not CLEAN clean, I'm on methadone but a low dose (20 mg). The fucked part is my tolerance is so low it only takes me a tiny bit to feel good, so even tho I only bought a half a gram I have more than half of it left after using the last three days - that's how little its taking me to feel good.
Ive got the addict thinking going on too. Telling me "just finish this piece and thats it".
Can I ask why you're quitting? Sometimes remembering why you're doing it helps you not use. A big part of me not using is I dont want to keep going to see the guy I like fucked up. I went sober once and it was amazing. I want that again.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
why am I quitting? well, I have OD'd multiple times now -- I am a serious shooter! was picked up/dropped off by parents to the emergency room unconscious more than once; I am 31 and will be 32 soon enough and my last OD came at 30.
also spending $100+ a day easy; many times falling far, far behind bills (had to file bankruptcy) rent, eating, sleeping, working.. just daily life! I was behind, far behind. my day was based on the consumption of dope. I was never a small dose shooter; whatever you would give me/I would buy is what I would do. toward the end I had to taper down and try my best to come as close to nothing as possible but that stopped at a half G.
realize dude you are truly blessed to be doing the amount you are and still "feel it". a half gram over 3 days? what the fuck! legit, blows my mind that could actually hold someone over.
I truly believe/feel I had enough of living that dope life style. between depression, track marks, nods, ODs, money, and more.. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I said this all before while using bupe and relapsed, so we'll see how long I go again. I am just hoping the best here.
also spending $100+ a day easy; many times falling far, far behind bills (had to file bankruptcy) rent, eating, sleeping, working.. just daily life! I was behind, far behind. my day was based on the consumption of dope. I was never a small dose shooter; whatever you would give me/I would buy is what I would do. toward the end I had to taper down and try my best to come as close to nothing as possible but that stopped at a half G.
realize dude you are truly blessed to be doing the amount you are and still "feel it". a half gram over 3 days? what the fuck! legit, blows my mind that could actually hold someone over.
I truly believe/feel I had enough of living that dope life style. between depression, track marks, nods, ODs, money, and more.. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I said this all before while using bupe and relapsed, so we'll see how long I go again. I am just hoping the best here.
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
I have to remember though, its not going to last. I worked hard for this low tolerance - two weeks of feeling like crap - and a few more days of use and I know it's going to go up. So as cool as it is to take a few snorts and feel high - its not what I want to be doing. I think I need to put my methadone dose back up a bit, maybe to 26 or so. Going to do that tomorrow, so today's the last day of using for me. I need to admit that I went to 20 too fast. Trying to be tough and ride it out is all well and good, but I was so tired of being anxious and down, that I used. So I need to go back up a little, and stabilize, and then go down a little slower.
I used to shoot, but I was never an all you can shoot person. I was really careful with my recklessness, lol. I did speedballs a lot, but I only ever did 1&1s (one heroin one coke - they came sold like that). Once in a while I'd put one and a half cokes, but thats it. Meanwhile my friend was doing 4&4s. She went out on me twice.
Anyway. I've done enough drugs in my life. I want to do something else, you know? I want the normal life, my own apartment, a regular job.... the whole square life, lol. Sure, heroin feels good, but like you said, it takes over your life really fast.
I really do believe there's a better life out there, and we can be just as happy and content sober as we were getting high all the time. You seem like a smart guy, I'm sure you can do it. You just need to want it, and believe that there's a good life out there that's worth living even without dope.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
if you've yet to see the other stuff (car, apartment, etc) then you sure do need to quit the dope. I had those things and then some, but lost a lot of it many times due to my recklessness. flipped a car over and totaled it about 2 years ago; picked up a DUI, lost a job, and man other problems to come from that. that was due ot me going out and blacking out due to excessive drinking to add to my dope/xanny combo from earlier in the day. just another smart thing that a junkie like myself does and thinks nothing about. car was flipped and completely TOTALED; I was flipped over in a Wendy's parking lot. that was then, tho.. this is now! things have gotten much better and I hope to keep them that way. we'll see, tho.
like you said, kid.. it's all about WANTING it. I dont believe that it cant be done, cuz it can.. and I've done it before! it's about WANTING it to be done and realizing that YOU ARE THE ONE IN CONTROL! enough of the Dr's, ex-junkies, etc.. and what they say/did/do.. do it yourself and make it happen! I used every excuse and then some, but the reality is I didnt want it to be done. I finally feel that I WANT IT and NEED IT to happen, and its happening as we speak. no more looking for an excuse as to why, or as to what.. I just had enough!
best of luck to you, dude. you have a lower tolerance, so do your best and stick to what/where you are. kicking a 20MG done habit can be done as well, but if you feel you need the done to keep you in place, then by all means stick w/ it. do whatever it takes to keep you away from the dope. I would have stayed w/ bupe but fucked up w/ my Dr. too many times and finally took it into my own hands to get this all done. we'll see how things play out; I am honest about my using which is always a good thing. not only to this board but to anyone/everyone I come in contact w/.
like you said, kid.. it's all about WANTING it. I dont believe that it cant be done, cuz it can.. and I've done it before! it's about WANTING it to be done and realizing that YOU ARE THE ONE IN CONTROL! enough of the Dr's, ex-junkies, etc.. and what they say/did/do.. do it yourself and make it happen! I used every excuse and then some, but the reality is I didnt want it to be done. I finally feel that I WANT IT and NEED IT to happen, and its happening as we speak. no more looking for an excuse as to why, or as to what.. I just had enough!
best of luck to you, dude. you have a lower tolerance, so do your best and stick to what/where you are. kicking a 20MG done habit can be done as well, but if you feel you need the done to keep you in place, then by all means stick w/ it. do whatever it takes to keep you away from the dope. I would have stayed w/ bupe but fucked up w/ my Dr. too many times and finally took it into my own hands to get this all done. we'll see how things play out; I am honest about my using which is always a good thing. not only to this board but to anyone/everyone I come in contact w/.
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
I have a car; I have an apartment but it's shared with a roomate who I hate living with. I work but only part time at a shitty job. I want an actual real job where I make enough to support myself so I can live alone and so I can actually start getting somewhere in life. I'm a pretty high functioning addict in a lot of ways, but life-wise I'm just treading water, and it sucks. I want to make progress. And I really want to move out of the city - just to the burbs, like Vallejo or something - 45 mins from the city.
I want it, 100000% percent. I just have been having a hard time with the anxiety that comes with withdrawal.
Shit - I feel like we're hijacking this thread. Sorry OP.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
if you dont mind me asking.. how do you have a apt, car and a habit.. but ONLY a part-time job? ill never understand peeps in other parts of the country/world. I Feel I have a good job, and make good cash. I live solo and drive a new car, so maybe thats where my money goes, aside from the killer habit.. but how do you have all the same but PART-TIME gig? do you make minimum wage, too? are you making moves on top of the job? I hear about some addicts and how they use and I wonder HOW!?!?
BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
Well my rent is pretty cheap, so that helps. I've know the guy I'm living with for a long time so I get a break on rent, and he's a mechanic which means I get a break if I need anything for my car. That's part of the reason I haven't moved even though I don't like it here- there are perks. When I say part time I mean 25-30 hours a week - I work from home. I do have a little bit of side income which helps with buying drugs. I make it work, but I don't have much left over for like, going out or buying new clothes or living a normal life - til I got on methadone it all went on dope. If something happened and I needed to come up with a few grand, for car repair or just whatever, I'd be screwed right now, and I don't like that. Oh and my car is far from new, it's a 97 Honda Civic, lol. I had a jeep but I sold it cos it was more trouble than it was worth... I miss it though.