Okay I'm still awake so let me try while I can.
I did roughly 140mg from 9:45pm to 11:45pm. At first I felt slightly buzzed, then a mild euphoria, then my body felt tingly as if I'd done some opiates, without the itch. Amazing. I was liking this already. I started to lose my attention span and time became nothing for me, I love my poor girlfriend for putting up with me asking the same questions 20 times thanks to my attention span.
As I said my perception of time became meaningless. I kept "editing" time as if I were editing a movie. Seeing things from multi angles and able to choose how I liked it best. Things were a blur for a while and it was best described as a pleasurable confusion. As time progressed things got heavy. Some things happened around the house that gave me some bad anxiety. I felt it building up in my stomach. I looked at my girlfriend and thought I was going to be very angry, but instead I felt the most at ease as I ever have, even comparable to acid. I looked at her and said, "you know what? watch me walk out of my anxiety." I then pushed the anxiety down like I was stepping out of a pair of pants and instantly felt better. I felt the anxiety in my hands and I sent it on it's way.
At that point things were still heavy, I was really emotional, but it wasn't bad. My girlfriend thought of it as a bad shrooms trip, but I tried describing it as a religious experience. I was crying my eyes out at some vivid memories I had, some VERY vivid memories of my recently deceased friend Joe. I was able to talk with him and I felt at ease with death, despite the night before having a huge panic attack while driving hoome about death. I then went through my whole life in a time line and was able to pick memories and put them in little baskets and I could zoom in on them if I chose to. I organized everything and talked about everything with my girlfriend. I described everything, from my childhood to my worries. I cried my eyes out to her, but it never felt too intense, while at the same time being the most intense thing ever.
I was able to feel my friends energies. I described them to my girlfriend and told her that despite me finding a lot of comfort in her, that I really wish I had had one of my male friends to just sit there with and feel their energy. It was very intense and my mind and body just felt everything I've ever experienced vividly and I felt everyone I'd ever known. I felt my dad, my mom, and all the evil energies in my life and I put a field around them so they couldn't come in my zone.
I just let go of myself. I was able to step away from my worries and look at them as a, "Whatever, I'll make it through this." I felt very important as well. I felt greatness inside of me. I got such a fucking surge of confidence that told me I will leave a mark on this world.
There's more I can't remember. My head is a mess now it's 6 hours since I first dosed and I now have a mild headache but the effects are almost subsided, at least open eyed. I'm nowhere near baseline, but I feel like I can sleep soon.
One thing that really bothered me while on MXE though was smells. I didn't like the smell of anything that was strong in any way. From plain flavored bubble gum to nail polish, god the fucking nail polish...This was probably one of the most important nights I've experienced. I've made peace with a lot of things and I've, hopefully, learned to step out of my worries and let them the fuck go. Send them packing. I now know I need to continue writing my book. Everything is just...good.
Sorry for the mess.
