12 steppers - amends

[Lolie]

I've been thinking about the whole idea of making amends a lot lately and I'm interested in what experiences people have had with that process.

I'm especially interested in how you decided which people would be harmed by an attempt to make amends and how you arrived at that conclusion.

 

[calmAnimal]

you talk to your network and sponsor.

i was told you shouldnt make amends to make your self feel better if it might possibly make some one feel worse. remember its a harm reduction program


have you worked 1-8 w/ a sponsor before? they are in order for a reason, you need to do work on yourself before you go around trying to make amends to people you harmed during your using.

 

[AfterGlow]

The key word is "amends". It doesn't mean the same thing as apologize. You don't just say I'm sorry and that's it. You admit to your past behaviors that were wrong and you amend the circumstances by making it right. You make up for past injustices and you make a commitment to do the right thing from now on. It's a way of demonstrating that you're no longer the same irresponsible person.

 

[Lolie]

you talk to your network and sponsor.

i was told you shouldnt make amends to make your self feel better if it might possibly make some one feel worse. remember its a harm reduction program


have you worked 1-8 w/ a sponsor before? they are in order for a reason, you need to do work on yourself before you go around trying to make amends to people you harmed during your using.

I'm looking at using the concept in the context of harm I've done to people during the manic phases of my bipolar disorder so I'll be talking it through with my psychiatrist.

I'm well aware that there's a huge gap between "willingness" and the actual doing, but as I review the list I'm painfully aware that there are many instances in which any attempt to make amends could cause serious disruption to the current life of another.

 

[Legerity]

During my AA times I made a whopping total of 1 amends. To be honest it felt so contrived and unnecessary that I didn't want to ever do it again.

There are many ways of making things "right", not all of which involve making an explicit statement about something you did in the past.

I don't know your particular circumstances, but I would say that if ever you encounter somebody from your past and feel a genuine desire to speak about it, then go ahead and say what you want to say. Don't let the fact that you didn't follow the steps stop you And you know what, do you it for your OWN peace of mind too, because that is just as important as theirs.

 

[calmAnimal]

legerity, thats right you dont have to go around saying sorry to everyone you hurt. a good way to start making amends is not repeating the same mistakes.

ie for me, ive been maing amends to my family since the day i got clean. im not constantly bitching about what they tell me to do, i argue less with them, i dont have them worrying about where i am at all hours of the night, they are starting to rely on me to take care of things. this is how i am making amends at the moment. nothing formal, i have apologized but in a very basic way.

they dont really know the half of what ive done. but when i get to this step i will, and i will have a much better knowledge of myself and what the best way to express my feelings.