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100mg methadone daily. How much heroin to breakthrough for fatal OD?

EveryStar

EveryStar

Bluelighter
Joined
May 23, 2007
Messages
922
I used to shoot dope every day 3-10 times a day for the past year, got on MMT 3 months ago, I'm at 100mg daily right now. I've shot up to a half gram of tar at once with barely any high because of my tolerance.
Hypothetically, how much heroin would I need to breakthrough my dose, enough to kill myself for sure? The worst thing would be a failed attempt and getting committed (for the 4th time).
 
I've read your posts over the years and we are pretty similar. Especially since our DOC is IV coke/dope and crack..I'm on suboxone now clean from dope for about 5 months..been slipping into depression recently and started smoking rock again. Idk why you feel like killing yourself but for me I just get so fed up with my depression and anxiety disorder that I feel like suicide is the only solution...Would you care to explain why you feel like doing this?
 
Same here. Blew close to half a grand this week hitting the rocks. It's getting out of control. Every time, when I'm pushing the screen back and forth and I'm telling myself "Never again. This was the last time." Guess what, 12 hours later Mr. Crackman is at my doorstep again.

And I don't even know why I'm doing this. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder many times over the years and it's just been getting worse and worse. Even worse than before I started taking my meds. Right now I'm on clonazepam, temazepam and Abilify daily. I don't take the Abilify. It doesn't seem to help. I just feel so hopeless. I'm about to be a junior in college and I have so much to live for, I really don't want to die, but sometimes it feels like it's the only way out. Finally, I'd be at peace. I just don't want to feel anymore. I really don't. Fuck I'm tearing up just writing this post.

And same. I'm just so fed up, so sick of being depressed, of waking up each day and feeling like I have nothing to live for, I just feel like suicide would take all my problems away. I really don't want to die, but I want the relief that suicide would provide me with.
 
Maybe you should go back to your Dr and switch up your meds til you find a combo that works. If your Dr is a douche, find another one. The right Dr will provide the meds you need and will actually care about how your doing. I'm hearing that hypnosis can also help, fvck man it's worth a try. I was waking up feeling the same way you do, it sucks for sure. It took three different Drs but I found one that is actually helping me. Good luck
 
I've tried everything. Hypnosis did not work. The fucker hypnosis doc piece of shit had this plan all along to get a court order to send me to treatment, to get me off my doctor-prescribed meds! I blew up on him the last time I saw him (he decided to come to my house for the session because I was too tired to drive to his office and called in to cancel the appointment but he came anyway). And at the end of the session instead of ending it as usual with "When I count to 5, you will wake up blah blah blah happy refreshed etc" bullshit, instead he went "So you have 3 choices, and 3 choices only: 1. Your parents get a court order to send you a drug treatment facility. 2. Prison. 3. Death."

At that very instant I took off the eyeshade, got off my couch and yelled at him at the top of my lungs "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FUCKING UGLY MOTHERFUCKER. I KNEW YOU WERE PUTTING UP THAT PIECE OF SHIT FRIENDLY ACT OF YOURS ALL ALONG JUST TO WORK YOUR PLAN THIS WHOLE TIME. GET OUT OF MY LIFE YOU SON OF A BITCH. JUST GET THE FUCK OUT." And he was like "I just want you to be healthy blah blah blah" and I go "WHAT THE FUCK I just smoke cigarettes and take my methadone and benzos scripted by my doc." Basically it escalated till he left, but he left me red hot furious, I was about to fucking throw a glass straight to his face and shatter his nose.
 
If you don't want to keep on living while taking drugs, and you don't want to take your own life, the obvious solution would be to stop using drugs? :\
 
It's not just the drugs, although they do mark a pronounced effect on my depression.

You know how Jay-Z says "Got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"? Yeah, I wish I could say the same thing about myself.
 
Hey Everystar - I am trying to private you but your box is full - can you delete some stuff and holler at me?
 
Every calm down and think about stuff seriously for a bit bro, you don't want to die! PM me bro, I wanna talk, some people here care about you! Your interesting, smart, cool ect. Hollar at me.
 
i understand your feelings, but unfortunately we're in the business of saving lives here.

also, getting committed is the least of your worries with a failed attempt. a rather famous member here had a botched suicide attempt from overdose and spent the next 6 years with partial paralysis and a host of other problems, until he finally got it 'right', and we lost one of the greatest minds the site has ever known.
 
[Please do not post comments which may facilitate a person to successfully commit suicide - n3o]

But don't. We're still here, and we like company. Your day may get worse than mine, but your days will certainly get better unless this is an empty threat.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
^^ It was edited out because it is actually illegal to assist a person in committing suicide. We can't allow comments like that to be posted here at Bluelight.

EveryStar, what professional help have you sought out for your addiction and depression before? Has anything helped? We have so many hundreds of success stories of people who have gotten clean off opiates here on Bluelight, there's no reason why you can't be one of them as well. Us humans are capable of amazing things if we just try. But suicide is definitely not the way out of this.
What family/friends have you got around you? Do any of them know what you're going through?
 
Why did you get so angry at your hypnotherapist? Are you so proud that you'd kill yourself before letting other people help you? Please don't get angry reading this, noone's judging you or looking down on you for having a fucked up life, you are not unique in that way and there are ways people can help you. You say you spent 500 on rocks n the last week. Would you agree that living the drug lifestyle is not helping your mental health? Getting clean would be an intelligent decision that may improve your overall quality of life.It's hard to accept sobriety when in the midst of addiction. Give yourself a chance and start trying to make your life better. Your hypnotherapist was right, you have only 3 choices. 1. Work at improving your life (treatment would be a good first step). 2. Keep status quo (durg addiction which will most likely land you in prison) 3. Kill yourself. Currently you're moving from path 2 to path 3. I urge you to try to improve your life, if you do that and committ yourself to being open to other people and trying to have respect for your body and mind and soul then I guarentee you won't want to kill yourself as much as you do now.
 
Good to see you're still alive n kicking....


the fact that you are still alive means that you have another chance of giving crack up for good.

you can't feel the satisfaction of giving that shit up when you're dead.
 
just listen

I hope to god youre still here, on this shithole we call earth. I also know how you feel(i know sounds generic). I am adddicted to oxycontin and i cant feel normal without 2 80's a day. I have cut and burned and hit myself, i damned near got unvoluntary commited , but im like you, fuck the dumb shit. I am so here for you, i have wanted to kill myself for most of my life. I use drugs to cope, just like you and almost every motherfucker on this site, you already know. Dont do this please it sounds so fucking appealing after a binge(shit i cant get high off less than 5 80's) I know its comedown.

On top of all the fucking drug use, I have been diagnosed with major depression when i was 13, I know what its like to only see and think about the fucked up shit. Its so easy to get caught up in the dumb shit, and I aint posting this long ass post to give you no bullshit. I would not waste my time unless i cared, so please rethink this, thats all i ask, try to find a peaceful place and just do some hard thinking, examine the ways to not feel like shit all the time. I KNOW ITS HARD, but please rethink this, because there are people out there that care, and I would love to see you post for a long time here, because you are an intelligent person and PEOPLE DO CARE. its hard to realize when you are in that depressive fog, but if you can wipe that fog out of your way you might be able to see that people care. I care. period.<3
 
You don't want to do this. If you're successful, it's over with no second chance. If you try and don't succeed, the negative consequences are endless.

I've been on methadone most of my adult life and was switched to subs last year after slashing both wrists with a boxcutter. I was locked up for 29 days of hell and placed on effexor, mirtazapine, depacote, seroquel, and valium. These drugs... in addition to the switch to suboxone. I was a zombie/invalid. Thats what they do now days for suicides.

It took me 3 mos to get off all those drugs except subs. I hate that drug with a passion but can't handle the wd's. I wish I could go back to my life before the attempt. Nothing good comes from suicide or a failed attempt.
 
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