Basically I've been with my girlfriend for nearly a year and I've never trusted anyone this much, but when I'm with her my mind seems to runaway and I end up thinking of stories in my head, over and over I think until it drives me mad. E.g is she cheating, is she safe! Why do I do this and am I the only one??????
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
100% trust for my girl but my mind totures me!
- Thread starter high_fly
- Start date
RobotRipping
Bluelighter
are you worried you're going to lose her? try to live in the moment and appreciate what you have now instead of focusing on the probabilities of the future. Most people experience these things because they are insecure themselves. Build up some self-confidence and it should help, not only yourself but in also keeping your relationship. Being overprotective, controlling and insecure are things that will tear a relationship apart.
I think of these situations in my head. I never voice them I'd look such a tool. She's never never gave me reason to doubt her. Maybe its just me and I over think. How is self confidence built ???
RobotRipping
Bluelighter
^challenge yourself; try new activities. Meet new people, improve your social skills. Try exercise to improve your physical self. Set some goals and accomplish them. You can increase self-confidence by testing your self, when you realize you can do more than you thought, self-confidence is gained. So think of something challenging or complex, then go through with the challenge, if you fail, keep trying and when you finally reach your goal, you will feel better. Do this a bunch of times in different ways and you'll be well on your way.
rincewindrocks
Bluelighter
fact is, if you are having these thoughts, you dont trust her. Sorry, but thats the way it is. A better approach than "i trust her, but my brain makes up situations" would be to approach it as "i dont trust her". now that you've admitted that, you can get to the root of the mistrust. Amigirl has alot of good questions to ask yourself. Even if you come to the honest and complete conclusion that everything is in your head, you need to figure out why, because there is something going on not necessarily something shes doing, want to make that clear, but it might be, and you need to figure that out). The only way this would come out of clear air is if you were paranoid schizophrenic. However, what may be going on might be subtle.
for instance (and im just throwing things out there, might or might hit the nail, so if i dont, keep thinking) you might worry because she doesn't tell you where shes going or what shes doing. she might talk to much to other guys...or not enough! like shes hiding something. Or turn it around. You might be thinking about cheating on her, and projecting that feeling so as to justify your own thoughts. Again, if none of this is right, just keep searching.
Whatever the reason, you then need to figure out what to do about it. Remember, trust is earned and learned. Has she earned it? Have you learned it? Or are you just pretending because that is "whats expected"
sorry if this comes out harsh. im in a bit of a foul mood atm, but i mean everything i say with the best intentions....just dont have the inclination to dress it up with niceties right now
for instance (and im just throwing things out there, might or might hit the nail, so if i dont, keep thinking) you might worry because she doesn't tell you where shes going or what shes doing. she might talk to much to other guys...or not enough! like shes hiding something. Or turn it around. You might be thinking about cheating on her, and projecting that feeling so as to justify your own thoughts. Again, if none of this is right, just keep searching.
Whatever the reason, you then need to figure out what to do about it. Remember, trust is earned and learned. Has she earned it? Have you learned it? Or are you just pretending because that is "whats expected"
sorry if this comes out harsh. im in a bit of a foul mood atm, but i mean everything i say with the best intentions....just dont have the inclination to dress it up with niceties right now
tricomb
Bluelight Crew
^I was kinda thinking along those same lines, it doesn't sound like your trust is really 100%..... The thing is, why aren't ya?
JD55
Bluelighter
Yeah if you trusted her 100% that leaves no room for doubt. Which this post is full of actually..one thing I've learned to trust is my gut. What are you not telling us??
blackmamba411
Greenlighter
OK, there is something else, besides all the typical answers. Do you use any script drugs or street drugs? I ask because the only time I used to think those thoughts of my AMAZING BF, who I also trust 100%,I would get jealous, accuse him of cheating, need to look in his phone and computer, crazy shit I was doing.
You may want to do a quick check of your health, pick up NAC from GNC or off the net. Take 600mg's. for a week. (up to 3 times a day) You just may think differently after. I know that NAC may not seem related to your problem, but I'm only saying it cuz it is what worked for me....Like it made me "see reality" again. It turns out I was hypoglycemic, low blood sugar... brain glucose and this can cause psychosis, making me think very irrationally. NAC saved my sanity. (and relationship)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypoglycemia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acetylcysteine
(this is an excerpt from the NAC -N-Acetlylcysteine wiki page.
Psychiatry
Acetylcysteine has been shown to reduce the symptoms of both schizophrenia[24] and bipolar disorder[25] in two placebo controlled trials conducted at Melbourne University. It is thought to act via modulation of NMDA glutamate receptors or by increasing glutathione. Pilot data suggests potential efficacy in autism, cocaine craving, smoking, and obsessive symptoms.[medical citation needed] Replicatory trials in bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and depression are under way.
And yes it makes me not smoke too, I don't crave and when I smoke they are not enjoyable.
Just another angle.
You may want to do a quick check of your health, pick up NAC from GNC or off the net. Take 600mg's. for a week. (up to 3 times a day) You just may think differently after. I know that NAC may not seem related to your problem, but I'm only saying it cuz it is what worked for me....Like it made me "see reality" again. It turns out I was hypoglycemic, low blood sugar... brain glucose and this can cause psychosis, making me think very irrationally. NAC saved my sanity. (and relationship)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypoglycemia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acetylcysteine
(this is an excerpt from the NAC -N-Acetlylcysteine wiki page.
Psychiatry
Acetylcysteine has been shown to reduce the symptoms of both schizophrenia[24] and bipolar disorder[25] in two placebo controlled trials conducted at Melbourne University. It is thought to act via modulation of NMDA glutamate receptors or by increasing glutathione. Pilot data suggests potential efficacy in autism, cocaine craving, smoking, and obsessive symptoms.[medical citation needed] Replicatory trials in bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and depression are under way.
And yes it makes me not smoke too, I don't crave and when I smoke they are not enjoyable.
Just another angle.
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Tude
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2011
- Messages
- 11,204
What do you mean by "little things?" If you trusted her, I don't think your mind would torture you :/
PriestTheyCalledHim
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2005
- Messages
- 14,714
high_fly just wondering have you had experiences with people in the past that did break your trust, or who did lie to you? Either friends or people who you were dating or in a relationship with? If so I can see why you would have trouble trusting someone. Also do you take any illegal drugs?
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rangrz
Bluelighter
You don't trust her 100% if you doubt her. To make that claim is absurd.
Use some rigor with your thoughts. You have zero empirical evidence of her cheating. You can explain what she is doing when she is out with a vast number of alternative hypothesis. Many of which are equally or more probable. As such, trying to conclude anything without an empirical evidence -which also needs to be rigorously analysed and must be convincing... that is, it must not be readily explained by any other realistic hypothesis. - is fallacious and sloppy thinking.
Just keep that in mind and when you get those thoughts, formulate some hypothesis and think about how many other scenarios could be happening, and then consider if yours has even a molecule of merit or credibility. If not, why consider it?
Use some rigor with your thoughts. You have zero empirical evidence of her cheating. You can explain what she is doing when she is out with a vast number of alternative hypothesis. Many of which are equally or more probable. As such, trying to conclude anything without an empirical evidence -which also needs to be rigorously analysed and must be convincing... that is, it must not be readily explained by any other realistic hypothesis. - is fallacious and sloppy thinking.
Just keep that in mind and when you get those thoughts, formulate some hypothesis and think about how many other scenarios could be happening, and then consider if yours has even a molecule of merit or credibility. If not, why consider it?
rangrz
Bluelighter
So fucking what? As I said the number of hypothesis that could fill in the blanks is staggering. Why run with cheating over any other possible explanation?
i.e. if you ask me by what mechanism does the electromag, weak, and strong forces of the standard model become unified, seeing as no empirical evidence exists and no theory is generally accepted, I'd answer " I have no fucking idea, I don't even know if it happens." rather pull a claim involving a 4th quark color charge out of my ass with no real evidence.
You see what I am saying? If you have no meaningful evidence, don't jump to arbitrary conclusions. Your evidence as presented does not imply she is cheating.
i.e. if you ask me by what mechanism does the electromag, weak, and strong forces of the standard model become unified, seeing as no empirical evidence exists and no theory is generally accepted, I'd answer " I have no fucking idea, I don't even know if it happens." rather pull a claim involving a 4th quark color charge out of my ass with no real evidence.
You see what I am saying? If you have no meaningful evidence, don't jump to arbitrary conclusions. Your evidence as presented does not imply she is cheating.
hyroller
Bluelighter
Having just been released from a one-year sentence with a paranoid freakazoid, I think it is perfectly plausible that you're the one committing the mis-deeds and that you are, in fact, projecting this guilt (in the form of suspicion) back on to your better half.
You may also be prone to a naturally negative pattern of thought. That doesn't mean she's doing anything untoward 8)
You may also be prone to a naturally negative pattern of thought. That doesn't mean she's doing anything untoward 8)